The Remaining Warmth Of Fog Harbor Chapter 46

Sad and dissipated

Qingchuan is usually shrouded in thick fog in winter, but on this day, the sky was surprisingly clear.The sun penetrated the clouds and shone on the rocks on the seaside, refracting the dazzling light. Shen Zhiyi was sitting on the rocks, and his back was soaked with cold sweat.

There was a familiar tightening feeling in her heart, as if countless thin needles were densely piercing her heart muscle, accompanied by a dull pain that made it difficult for her to breathe.She subconsciously reached for the quick-acting Jiuxin pills in her pocket, took out the pill bottle with trembling fingertips, unscrewed the lid, poured out a few small white pills, and stuffed them into her mouth randomly.The bitterness of the pills spread on the tip of the tongue and slid down the throat, but it failed to immediately relieve the severe pain in the chest.She bent over, pressed her chest tightly with her hands, and rested her forehead on the cold rock. Her shoulders were shaking uncontrollably, and every breath was painful like tearing.

Such heart discomfort has gone from an occasional attack to a common occurrence today.After the doctor at the community hospital warned her that depression caused myocardial ischemia, she followed the doctor’s advice and bought Suxiao Jiuxin Pills, but she always remembered to forget to take them when the pain hit her.Sometimes it’s because she’s too involved in painting, sometimes she’s lost in memories when she’s in a daze, and more often than not, it’s the fatigue in her subconscious—the fatigue with life that makes her unable to even muster the energy to take medicine on time.

Her body had long been hollowed out by severe depression.Long-term insomnia has made the black spots under her eyes heavier and heavier, her face is as pale as paper, and her body is so thin that it seems like a gust of wind could blow her over.The once round cheeks were sunken, the cheekbones were bulging, and the lips were chapped all year round. Only when I picked up the paintbrush, a faint light would flash in those empty eyes.

After more than half an hour, the pain in my chest gradually eased.Shen Zhiyi straightened up, facing the dazzling sunlight, and looked at the sea in the distance.The sea under the clear sky is pure blue. The waves hit the rocks one after another, rolling up white foam, and then slowly receding, leaving behind a wet beach.This scene was so similar to the coast of Fog Harbor in her memory, yet so different.The sea in Wugang is always shrouded in thick fog, with a hazy tenderness, while the sea in Qingchuan looks particularly open on a sunny day, but also very lonely.

She took out the drawing paper and brush from the canvas bag, her fingertips still trembling from the pain.She wants to draw the final chapter of “The Remaining Warmth of Fogang”, a collection of illustrations she started creating after leaving Fogang, recording all the memories of her and Lu Wanheng from their acquaintance to separation, and today, she wants to bring this story to an end.

The drawing paper was spread on her knees, and she held the brush in her hands without dropping it.Countless scenes flashed through my mind: when they first met in Wugang Studio, Lu Wanheng clumsily praised her for her good painting; on a rainy day, the two held an umbrella together and walked on the wet street; in the apartment, Lu Wanheng hugged her from behind and said “never separate” in her ear; and finally, when Zhou Xi appeared with the engagement invitation, the dazzling red color and the “goodbye” note she left for Lu Wanheng.

These memories come flooding back, with sweetness and biting pain.Her heart began to ache again, she gritted her teeth, endured the discomfort, and wrote the first stroke.What she painted was the coast of Fog Harbor, which was just like in her memory, with soft sandy beaches, forested rocks, and vague shadows of ships in the distance.Only this time, the fog dissipated and the sun shone brightly, but the coast was empty. There were no figures walking side by side, no people waiting, only the beach washed by the waves, so clean that there was no trace of it.

Her strokes are slow and light, with an almost pious calmness.When I painted the “Late Night” series, the tones were warm and the lines were soft, full of longing for the future; in the “Remnant Warmth of Fog Harbor” I painted after leaving Fog Harbor, the tones gradually became calmer and the lines became a bit sharper; now in this final chapter, the tones are unusually light, with light blue sea, off-white beach, and gray rocks, no redundant colors, only an ultimate emptiness.

She painted extremely seriously, forgetting time, the pain in her heart, and everything around her.The sun gradually slanted westward, stretching her shadow very long and casting it on the painting paper, overlapping with the empty coast in the painting.The sea breeze blew her hair, carrying the salty breath, and brushed her pale cheeks, but she didn’t notice it, she just concentrated on describing the coast where no one was waiting.

At the end of the painting, she wrote four words in very light gray in the corner of the painting: “The fog has dispersed, and there is no return.”This is the title of the final chapter of “The Remaining Warmth of Fog Harbor”, and it is also her summary of this relationship and her life.The fog cleared and the sun came out, but the person waiting for her was no longer there; the person she had desperately wanted to get close to was no longer there; and she herself was about to reach the end of her life.

When I put down the brush, the sky was already dark.The pain in her chest came again, more severe than before. She hurriedly took out the quick-acting Jiuxin Pills, poured a few pills into her mouth, and this time, she took two more pills, as if this would help her survive a little longer.She folded the drawing paper carefully, put it into the canvas bag, stood up slowly, and staggered towards the beach house.

On the way, I met the landlord, Mrs. Chen. The lady boss looked at her pale face and said worriedly: “Zhiyi, why do you look so bad? Are you feeling uncomfortable again? Do you want me to accompany you to the hospital?”

Shen Zhiyi shook her head and forced out a weak smile: “It’s okay, Aunt Chen, I’m just a little tired, just take a rest.”

Old Mrs. Chen wanted to say something more, but looking at Shen Zhiyi’s determined eyes, she finally swallowed her words. She just sighed and said, “Then you go back and have a good rest. I’ll save dinner for you. Remember to heat it up and eat it.”

“Thank you Aunt Chen.” Shen Zhiyi thanked her in a low voice and quickened her pace.She didn’t want others to see her fragile appearance, and she didn’t want others to know that her life was coming to an end.

When she returned to the hut, she spread the drawing paper flat on the table and looked at the painting “The Fog Dispersed, No Return” carefully.The coast in the painting is deserted, and the sun is dazzling, but it makes people feel a biting chill.She thought of Lu Wanheng, and the woman who always smiled and said to her, “Zhiyi, I’ll wait for you.”If she had not chosen to leave when the fog lifted, would Lu Wanheng have really been waiting for her on the coast?If there was no opposition from the family, no secular prejudice, and no that ridiculous marriage, would they have lived the life they wanted?

But in this world, there are no ifs.

She took out the couple’s bookmark from the drawer. It was the only item related to Lu Wanheng that she took with her when she left Wugang.The wood of the bookmark has become warmer, and the “L” and “S” engraved on it are still clear.She gently rubbed the bookmark, and her tears fell silently, dripping on the drawing paper and spreading out a small water stain, like the wet waves on the coast.

She knew she didn’t have much time.The pain in the heart became more and more frequent and severe, and the Suxiao Jiuxin Pill gradually lost its effect.She was not afraid of death, but she was just a little regretful that she could not say goodbye to Lu Wanheng properly, regret that she could not take another look at the fog in Wugang, and regret that she could not fulfill their agreement.

But she was also relieved.Although this relationship was short-lived, it was profound enough for her to remember for a lifetime.The appearance of Lu Wanheng was like a beam of light, illuminating her gloomy life and making her feel unprecedented warmth and love.Even if the final outcome is separation and death, she is still grateful.

She put the drawing paper and bookmark together and gently smoothed the wrinkles on the drawing paper, with a calm determination in her eyes.”The Remaining Warmth of Fog Harbor” is over, and her life is coming to an end.Next, what she has to do is to sort out everything about herself and leave the last traces to the world and Lu Wanheng.

As the night gets darker, the seaside in Qingchuan is silent, with only the sound of waves hitting the rocks, monotonous and regular.Shen Zhiyi sat at the table in the small room. The dim and soft light of the desk lamp illuminated the paintings and miscellaneous items neatly placed on the table.There was still a dull pain in her chest, but it was much less severe than during the day. Perhaps it was the effect of the Suxiajiuxin Pill, or perhaps she was used to this kind of pain.

She took out a piece of plain white letter paper and a pen from the drawer, and the tip of the pen scratched the paper, making a slight “rustling” sound.She wanted to write a suicide note, a very short suicide note.She didn’t have much concern, and didn’t have much to say. She just wanted to explain clearly what happened behind her.

“After I left, all the drawings, bookmarks and personal belongings were given to Lu Wanheng. If she could not be found, the drawings would be donated to a charity organization that focuses on patients with depression, and the bookmarks would be buried with the ashes. There is no need to hold a funeral or notify relatives and friends, just scatter the ashes into the sea of Qingchuan or bury them at the beach. Shen Zhiyi’s masterpiece.”

It took her a long time to write just a few sentences.The pen tip paused several times due to the pain in my heart, and the handwriting was a little sloppy, but extremely firm.After she finished writing, she folded the letter paper, put it in an envelope, and wrote “Yours sincerely, Lu Wanheng” on the envelope.This was the first time she wrote Lu Wanheng’s name so straightforwardly, and it was also the last time.

Putting down the pen, she began to sort out her belongings.The cabin is not big, the furnishings are simple, and she doesn’t have many things, most of which are drawings and painting tools.She dragged out an old cardboard box from under the bed, which she had bought when she first arrived in Qingchuan, and had been used to store her drawings.She carefully took out all the illustrations of “The Remaining Warmth of Fog Harbor” and arranged them in chapter order.From the first painting – the first encounter in Wugang Studio to the last painting “The Fog Disperses, No Return”, there are a total of thirty-seven paintings, each of which records her memories with Lu Wanheng, and each of which embodies her hard work and emotions.

She put the arranged drawings into the cardboard box, took out the couple’s bookmark from the drawer, and placed it on top of the drawings.Next to the bookmark, she placed the wooden music box that Lu Wanheng once gave her. Although it was broken and could no longer make sound, she kept it.There was also a thick sketchbook, which was filled with pictures of Qingchuan’s landscapes and her thoughts about Lu Wanheng. She also put the sketchbook into the cardboard box.

Next are her personal belongings.Several pieces of washed white clothing were neatly folded; a set of commonly used painting tools, brushes, paints, and palettes were all wiped clean; there were also her ID card, bank card, and medical records from the community hospital.She sorted these things into categories and put them on the other side of the carton.There was not much money in her bank card, which she earned from selling paintings. She wrote down her condition and medication on the last page of her medical record, hoping that when Lu Wanheng saw it, she would understand the pain she had endured these days.

During the process of sorting it out, her heart hurt several times, and each time the pain made her sweat on her forehead and tremble all over.She had to stop again and again and take Suxiao Jiuxin Pills to calm down before continuing.Her movements were slow and gentle, as if she were handling a rare treasure.Every item carries her memories and records her life. She wants to organize them properly without leaving a trace of regret.

She remembered how she was when she first arrived in Qingchuan. At that time, she was disheartened and had lost all hope in life.It was painting, the landscape of Qingchuan, and Mrs. Chen’s care that made her feel the beauty of life again and gave her the courage to continue living.Although she was unable to overcome her depression and heart disease in the end, she was already very satisfied.She found peace and inner peace in Qingchuan, and completed the work she wanted to complete most.

After finishing everything, it was almost dawn.The cardboard boxes were stuffed to the brim and placed in the corner of the hut, looking extremely heavy.She placed the suicide note on the top of the carton, tied it up with a red rope, and tied it with a simple bow.The red rope was given to her when she bought painting materials, but she has never been willing to use it. Now, it is just used to tie up these things that have accompanied her throughout her life.

She walked to the window, opened the curtains, and looked at the gradually brightening sky outside the window.In the early morning in Qingchuan, the mist is shrouded, and the green mountains and sea in the distance are shrouded in haze, like an ink painting.Such a scene reminded her of the early morning in Wugang, and the days when she and Lu Wanheng watched the sunrise at the beach together.The sunshine at that time was so gentle, the waves were so calm at that time, and they were so happy at that time.

Tears fell again, this time, there was no sadness, just quiet relief.She knew that she would soon leave this world, leave Qingchuan, leave these beautiful memories, and leave the person she loved deeply but could never see again.

She returned to the bed, lay down, and closed her eyes.The pain in my chest continued, but it was no longer unbearable.She thought of the final chapter of “The Remaining Warmth of Fog Harbor” and the empty coast after the fog lifted.Perhaps, death is also a kind of relief for her, another form of “fog dispersing”.

However, she still couldn’t wait for Lu Wanheng, and she couldn’t wait for the “someone is waiting” ending.

She took out the Suxiao Jiuxin Pills from under the pillow, poured out a few pills, and put them into her mouth. This time, she did not drink water and allowed the pills to slowly melt on the tip of her tongue. The bitter taste spread, with a hint of sweetness.She thought that maybe in this way, she could feel a hint of the warmth that Lu Wanheng once brought her in her last moments.

The sky outside the window is getting brighter and brighter, the fog gradually dissipates, and the sunlight penetrates the clouds and shines on the floor of the hut, forming mottled light and shadow.Shen Zhiyi was lying on the bed, his breathing gradually becoming weak and steady.There was a faint smile on her face, as if she was having a beautiful dream. In the dream, the fog in Fog Harbor had not lifted, and Lu Wanheng was still waiting for her on the coast. They watched the sunrise and sunset together, and walked to the end of time together.

In the drawer of the cabin, there were cardboard boxes she had sorted, including the suicide note written to Lu Wanheng, their couple’s bookmarks and all their drawings.These things will become her last traces left to this world, and will also become Lu Wanheng’s most precious thoughts for the rest of her life.

At this moment, Lu Wanheng was still posting a missing person notice in a city thousands of miles away, looking for the person she thought was still alive and waiting for her.She didn’t know that the person she longed for had left this world forever in the early morning in Qingchuan, carrying with him the thought of her.

The wind in Fog Harbor is still blowing, and the sea in Qingchuan is still surging, but the “remaining warmth of Fog Harbor” that belongs to them has been gradually dusted with Shen Zhiyi’s departure this morning, leaving only endless regrets and eternal longings, flowing quietly in the long river of time.

Banxia novel, a lot of fun