The Remaining Warmth Of Fog Harbor Chapter 39
byMemories turn into sorrow
After the heart-wrenching request for peace was rejected, the apartment was completely reduced to a frozen prison.Lu Wanheng did not move out immediately, but used the cruelest method to bring the distance between the two to the extreme – under the same roof, they were strangers, and even the air was filled with cold depression.
There was only darkness left in Shen Zhiyi’s world. Lu Wanheng’s existence was once her only glimmer of light. Now this glimmer of light is extinguished, leaving only boundless coldness and deathly silence.She no longer took the initiative to speak, no longer tried to get close to him, and even deliberately avoided the possibility of meeting him.Every day, she would either huddle in the corner of the bedroom or sit on the sofa in the living room, with empty eyes and expressionless face, like a soulless sculpture.Her severe depression became more severe in such an atmosphere, auditory hallucinations and nightmares became more frequent, and the traces of self-mutilation became deeper and deeper. However, she could always carefully cover it up with long-sleeved clothes so that he would not see it at all.
Lu Wanheng was also living in torment.He leaves early and comes home late every day, trying to minimize the time he spends in the apartment.Every time he came home and saw Shen Zhiyi’s pale and haggard look, and the bottomless despair in her eyes, his heart hurt as if it was being cut by a knife.How he wanted to rush up and hug her, tell her all the truth, tell her how much he loved her and how much he cared about her.But he can’t. His father’s surveillance is everywhere, and every move around him may be reported to his father. If he is not careful, it will bring disaster to Shen Zhiyi.He could only pretend to be indifferent and keep distance from her in the most blunt way.
The two met in the apartment a handful of times, and every time they met, it was like a silent torture.He would deliberately avoid her gaze and walk straight past; she would immediately lower her head, her whole body stiff, as if she was frozen.There was no eye contact, no verbal communication, not even the slightest physical contact. The air was filled with thick embarrassment and coldness, which was suffocating.
Once, Shen Zhiyi fell seriously ill. His fever reached nearly 40 degrees Celsius. His whole body was hot and his consciousness was blurred.She struggled to stand up and look for medicine, but stumbled and fell to the ground.Lu Wanheng came back just in time and saw her lying on the ground with a red face and chapped lips. His heart skipped a beat and he felt intense distress.He subconsciously wanted to rush over and pick her up, but as soon as he took the step, he remembered his father’s threat and the responsibility on his shoulders.He stopped abruptly, suppressed the impulse in his heart, and said in an extremely cold tone: “Get up, the ground is cold.”
Shen Zhiyi was lying on the ground. When she heard his words, her heart felt like it was pierced by an ice pick.She raised her head and looked at him with tearful eyes, her eyes full of pain and confusion.She didn’t understand why the man who once took care of her tenderly and loved her had become so cold and heartless.She gritted her teeth and used her last bit of strength to struggle to get up. Without looking at him, she staggered back to the bedroom and closed the door.The moment the door closed, she could no longer hold on, collapsed to the ground, and cried bitterly. The cry was covered by the thick door panel, but it could not penetrate the thick ice wall and reach the bottom of Lu Wanheng’s heart.
Lu Wanheng, who was outside the door, heard the suppressed crying inside the door. His nails dug deeply into his palms, and blood seeped out from between his fingers.He leaned against the cold wall, his body shaking uncontrollably and tears falling silently.He knew that his indifference was destroying her bit by bit, but he had no choice but to use this method to force her to be completely disappointed with him, force her to leave this place of right and wrong as soon as possible, and stay away from the threat of her father.
Everything in the apartment remains the same, but things have changed.The sofa in the living room was once the place where they hugged and watched movies; the vase on the dining table was once filled with flowers he gave her; the wardrobe in the bedroom was still filled with his clothes; the photo on the desk still showed the two of them smiling sweetly.But now, these objects full of memories have become the most glaring pain, reminding them all the time how sweet they used to be and how painful they are now.
Shen Zhiyi would stare at that photo every day. In the photo, Lu Wanheng was holding her tenderly, with his eyes full of love.She would often reach out and gently touch his face in the photo, tears falling silently.She didn’t understand why two people who once loved each other so much ended up where they are today.Is it because of her origin?Or is it because of her illness?Or was their love just a dream destined to be broken from the beginning?
Lu Wanheng often sat alone on the sofa in the living room late at night, looking at the group photo, and fell into endless pain and self-blame.He thought of every bit of their acquaintance and love, her gentle smile, the paintings she drew for him, and the love words she said in his ear.Those memories that were as beautiful as fairy tales have now become a sharp knife in his heart. Every time he thinks about it, the pain becomes more severe.He wished he could turn back time and go back to the time when they first met. At that time, there was no opposition from the family, no threats from his father, no crises in the project, only pure love and happiness.
But time cannot be turned back, and the reality is still cruel.They were trapped in this frozen apartment, each suffering endless pain. Although they clearly loved each other, they could only hurt each other in the cruelest way.Days like this passed day by day, and the cold atmosphere became thicker and thicker, making people breathless.Shen Zhiyi’s mental state is getting worse and worse, and her body is getting weaker and weaker. She feels that she can’t hold on any longer. Lu Wanheng’s heart is also suffering. He is afraid that if this continues, Shen Zhiyi will completely collapse and even go to the point of no return.He knew that he couldn’t go on like this, and he had to make a break, a break that seemed cruel, but could protect her.
Lu Wanheng’s decision came quietly, but like a sharp blade, it completely cut off Shen Zhiyi’s last hope.
That morning, Shen Zhiyi woke up from a sleep full of nightmares with a splitting headache and body aches.She struggled to get up, walked out of the bedroom, and looked towards the living room out of habit, but did not see Lu Wanheng.In the past, even if he went out early, he would leave a trace, but today, the living room was empty and clean as if no one had ever lived in it.
Her heart sank suddenly, and an ominous premonition came to her.She quickly walked to his bedroom door, hesitated, and gently opened the door.The scene in the bedroom made her freeze in place for a moment – the clothes in the closet were gone, the files on the desk were gone, and even his commonly used water glasses and pens had disappeared without a trace.The entire bedroom was empty, leaving only a cold bed and the wallpaper they had put on the wall beside the bed.
Shen Zhiyi’s body was shaking uncontrollably. She staggered into the bedroom and searched around the room, hoping to find any trace of him, but in the end, there was nothing.Just when she was about to collapse, she saw a note on the desk, a neatly folded white note.
She reached out with a trembling hand, picked up the note, and slowly unfolded it.It was Lu Wanheng’s familiar handwriting, but it contained the coldest and most ruthless words: “Zhiyi, we all need to calm down for a while. I have moved to the company dormitory, so you don’t have to look for me or wait for me. Say goodbye to each other and be well.”
Just a few words, like sharp knives, pierced into Shen Zhiyi’s heart, completely shattering her last hope.She clutched the note tightly, her knuckles turned white, and the note was crumpled.Tears were like broken beads, pouring out of her eyes crazily, blurring her vision.She collapsed on the ground, hugging her knees, and cried bitterly. The cry was shrill and desperate, echoing in the empty bedroom, but she received no response.
“Calm down for a while… let’s say goodbye… stay well…” She repeated these words, her voice hoarse and broken, “Lu Wanheng, are you really so cruel? Do you really want to abandon me completely?”
She recalled the oath they had made, the firm tone in which he said “never separate” when he hugged her, and her courage to break with her father for her sake.The good things that she once believed in have now become naked lies, like a huge joke, mocking her innocence and stupidity.
Her severe depression broke out completely at this moment, and auditory hallucinations and hallucinations struck at the same time.She seemed to hear Lu Wanheng saying coldly in her ear: “I don’t love you anymore, please leave.” She seemed to see him with other women, smiling so happily and sweetly.These false images and sounds caused her to have a complete mental breakdown. She began to yell into the air, sometimes crying, sometimes giggling, as if she was crazy.
She got up, rushed into the living room, and slammed the photo of the two of them on the desk to the ground.The photo shattered and shards of glass were scattered everywhere, just like her broken heart, which could never be restored.She looked at the broken photos on the ground and the sweet smiles of the two people in the photos, and her heart was filled with endless hatred and despair.She hated Lu Wanheng’s ruthlessness, hated his betrayal, hated him for pushing her into this dark abyss; hated herself for being naive, hated her persistence, and hated herself for still having any illusions about him.
Her body became weaker and weaker, her vision went black, the auditory hallucinations in her ears became clearer and clearer, and her urge to self-mutilate became stronger and stronger.She staggered into the kitchen, picked up a fruit knife, and looked at the cold light on the blade, feeling a sense of relief in her heart.She thought that perhaps only death could completely free her from this endless pain and make her forget all the hurt.
Just as she was about to slit her wrist, her eyes fell on the kitchen window sill.There was a pot of succulents that she had cared for carefully. Although it had not been watered for a long time, it was still alive and growing new green leaves.Seeing this pot of succulent meat, Shen Zhiyi’s heart trembled suddenly.She thought of her past love for life, her persistence in painting, and the beauty that once supported her.Her hands trembled slightly, and the fruit knife fell to the ground, making a “clang” sound.
She slumped to the ground, tears welling up again.She doesn’t want to die, she still wants to live, and she still wants to wait until the day when the clouds clear and the fog clears.But Lu Wanheng’s note was like an insurmountable gap, completely destroying her last hope.She didn’t know how long she could hold on without his support and hope, and how long she could struggle in this dark abyss.
The apartment was still cold and dead, but from now on, she was the only one left in this cage, bearing all the pain and despair alone.Lu Wanheng’s departure was like a key, locking her last way out, and also made her fully understand that their love had really come to an end.
After Lu Wanheng left, Shen Zhiyi’s world came to a complete standstill.She locked herself in the apartment without eating, drinking, or sleeping, allowing herself to be swallowed up by despair and pain.It was not until a few days later that she received a call from the apartment management and was told that if she did not pay the property fees and rent, she would be forcibly evicted.Only then did she realize that she could no longer sink like this, she had to leave here, this city full of pain.
When she made the decision to leave, there was no wave in Shen Zhiyi’s heart, only a numb void.She packed a few simple clothes and prepared to leave Fog Harbor as soon as possible, go to a place where no one knew her, and start over, or spend the rest of her life alone.But when she walked to the door and was about to open the door and leave, her eyes couldn’t help but fall on the objects full of memories in the apartment, and her steps suddenly became heavy.
She slowly turned around and looked at the apartment that was once full of laughter and laughter, but now only remained cold and dead, feeling endless reluctance and entanglement in her heart.Every corner here holds memories of her and Lu Wanheng. Those sweet, warm, and happy moments play back in her mind repeatedly like a movie, making it impossible for her to let go.
She walked to the sofa in the living room and stroked the soft fabric on the sofa.In the past, they often cuddled up on this sofa, watching movies together, chatting together, and planning the future together.She seemed to still be able to feel his body temperature, hear his gentle words, and smell his faint fragrance.Tears fell silently, dripping onto the sofa and spreading a small water stain.
She walked to the dining table and looked at the vase on the dining table.In the past, Lu Wanheng would always buy flowers for her regularly and put them in this vase, filling the entire apartment with floral fragrance.She remembered his shyness when he gave her roses for the first time, his smile when he gave her sunflowers, and his tenderness when he gave her baby’s breath.Those flowers have long since withered, but those beautiful memories will remain in her heart forever.
She walked to the bedroom and opened the closet.There were several pieces of clothing inside that Lu Wanheng had not taken away. She picked up a white shirt he often wore and put it on her face, smelling the familiar scent of him.This smell, which was once her safest haven, has now become the most hurtful poison.She hugged her shirt, collapsed on the ground, and cried bitterly, as if she wanted to vent all her longing and reluctance through tears.
She recalled the day they met, when she was painting in the studio, and she drove by. She recalled their first art exhibition in the restaurant. She was so nervous that she accidentally knocked over the water glass; she recalled their ambiguity in the car, every detail of how they decorated the apartment together, the way she sweated when moving furniture, and how naive she was when she accidentally soiled her fingers while painting…
These memories were like a huge net, wrapping her tightly and making it impossible for her to breathe.She wanted to leave, to get rid of the entanglement of these memories, and to forget all the pain and hurt; but she couldn’t let go of the good things in the past, this place full of memories, and the person who once loved her deeply but now hurt her the most.
She began to wander aimlessly around the apartment, picking up an item and putting it down again, struggling over and over in agony.She picked up the first gift he gave her – a handmade wooden music box, wound it up, and melodious music started playing, which was their favorite song.Listening to the familiar melody, her tears welled up again, and her reluctance became stronger.
She walked to the corner of the studio, where her past drawings were stacked, including all the works in the “Late Night” series.She picked up a painting from the “Evening Thoughts” series, which showed a scene of her and Lu Wanheng embracing each other under the sunset. The colors were warm and soft, full of longing for the future.Looking at this painting, she remembered her past yearning for love, her love for life, and her persistence in painting.Those beautiful times seem like just yesterday, but yet they are so far away.
Her hands trembled slightly and the drawing fell to the ground.She knelt down, carefully picked up the drawing, and gently wiped the dust on it.She wanted to leave with these drawings, but she was afraid. She was afraid that seeing these drawings would remind her of those painful memories, and she was afraid that she would never be able to get out of this dark abyss.
She struggled in the apartment for a whole day, from early morning to late at night, still unable to make a final decision.The thought of leaving and the reluctance to stay were repeatedly pulled in her mind, making her miserable.She didn’t know how to choose, how to face this cruel reality and beautiful memories.
It was late at night, and the moonlight outside the window shone through the gaps in the curtains, falling on the broken photos on the ground, making it look particularly desolate.Shen Zhiyi slumped on the ground, hugging his knees and looking ahead blankly.She knew that she could not procrastinate like this any longer and had to make a decision as soon as possible.But every time she wanted to pick up her luggage and leave, those memories would come flooding back to her, drowning her.
In the end, she didn’t leave.She put the packed clothes back into the closet, rearranged the scattered drawings, and put the wooden music box back in its place.She knew that she wasn’t ready yet and couldn’t let go of these memories.Maybe she was still looking forward to the day when Lu Wanheng would come back to her and tell her all the truth, telling her that he had never given up on her; maybe she was just deceiving herself and using these memories to support herself in surviving.
The apartment was still cold and dead. Shen Zhiyi curled up on the sofa, hugging the white shirt, and fell asleep on the edge of memory and despair.She didn’t know how long this kind of life would last, and she didn’t know where her future would be.She only knows that as long as these memories are still there, she can’t really leave and start a new life.And these memories will eventually become the heaviest shackles in her life, making her live in the painful past forever and unable to extricate herself.
Banxia novel, a lot of fun