A Disabled Alpha’S Guide To Being Loved Chapter 37
byChapter 37: If you wear a mask for a long time, you won’t be able to take it off. Cheng Cheng doesn’t want to think about it…
Cheng Cheng didn’t want to think about it. He felt as if his head was exploding.
After returning to the room, he drank a glass of cold water stiffly and looked at the study. The closed door was like a barrier, separating the two worlds.
It was quiet, there was no sound of breathing at all, it was as if Wei Zhi didn’t exist.
Cheng Cheng clenched the empty water glass, his knuckles turning white.
It didn’t seem to be like this in the past. There would be the soft sound of turning books or the rhythm of keyboard tapping in the study, which was Wei Zhi’s vivid sense of existence.
Cheng Cheng walked to the door. If it was normal, he would push the door directly after knocking and go in. But now he didn’t know what to do. His raised hand slowly lowered before it even touched the door.
Confusion and grievance filled the entire chest.
He walked into the guest room in despair and threw himself on the bed.
He thought that no matter what, he couldn’t sleep with Wei Zhi in the same bed tonight.
If the hearts of two people have long been separated by thousands of miles, just because they are accustomed to cuddling together, then what is the meaning of being “together” like this?What he wants is never an empty shell of companionship, but a real and down-to-earth heart.
Wei Zhi held his breath in the room, listening to Cheng Cheng’s footsteps getting closer and farther away. He covered his stomach with one hand to suppress the desire to vomit, and cold sweat fell down his pale cheeks.
After confirming that Cheng Cheng was gone, he finally couldn’t help it and began to retching in a low voice, as if he wanted to vomit out all his internal organs.
It’s a pity that he didn’t eat anything during the day. At this time, his stomach was like a ball of cold cotton, and he could only spasm and spit out acidic water.
After a long time, the desire to retching finally subsided.
Wei Zhi let go of his hand, and the trash can was deformed by his grip.He picked up a tissue and wiped the corners of his mouth in exhaustion. His fingertips touched his face, which was as cold as a stone.
He rested his head on the neck pillow of his wheelchair, staring blankly at the chandelier on the ceiling, the halo of light blurring into a pale ball in his eyes.
He knew very well that that damn anorexia was back.
It started after meeting Li Haitian that day, or maybe he had never felt better, and the disgusting and greasy touch pried open his tightly sealed memories.
A closed emotional defense system is established again. When the body feels threatened, it will use the most extreme means to protect itself.Refuse to nourish and cut off food, like a plant that voluntarily withers, in order to avoid possible harm.
Wei Zhi felt as if he was split. One self was wailing silently in despair, shouting “it hurts so much” and “so scared”; the other self analyzed the symptoms with extreme calmness and closed his eyes in pain.
It took Wei Zhi a year to accept the fact that his legs were paralyzed and get back on his feet to start a business. However, he spent more than three years fighting anorexia and still could not cross the gap.
Anorexia will make him unable to eat and his body will become thinner day by day. Then the hospital will insert a nasogastric tube into him to force him to take in nutrients. Soon he will try his best to secretly pull out the nasogastric tube in the middle of the night to cut off any possibility of ingestion.
This is an extremely painful physical and psychological torture, as well as a slow and cruel self-destruction.
He tried to resist, forcing himself to swallow things in retaliation, but his body’s resistance was stronger than his reason, and he would spit out as much as he ate.At the end of the vomiting, even the spirit collapsed, just like the puddle of vomited, rancid liquid food, turning into a puddle of sour water that could not be lifted up.
Where are Cheng Cheng, Future…?Does he really have a future?These words that once made him feel “maybe something to look forward to” now became extremely distant.
Wei Zhi’s body was very tired, and his left leg suddenly began to twitch with terrible force. Even though the safety belt was fastened, he still kicked the wheelchair pedal again and again, making a muffled “bang bang” sound, which was weird and terrifying.
Wei Zhi propped up his exhausted upper body and pressed his calf with trembling hands. Veins popped out on his forehead, and his handsome face was distorted in pain.Cold sweat soaked through his shirt and clung to his back, biting the bone.
He gritted his teeth and refused to make a sound.You can’t let Cheng Cheng hear it, you absolutely can’t…
It was past one o’clock, and Cheng Cheng was tossing and turning, unable to fall asleep. He suffered from rare insomnia.There is no faint mint smell from Wei Zhi on the quilt, which is hard to get used to.
The quilt was light and my heart felt empty.
He thought of Wei Zhi’s pale face at night, and also remembered that he really hid a lot of things about himself, and couldn’t sleep at all.
What should we do!
Why didn’t Wei Zhi come and ask why he slept in the guest room?Did he discover something?
If Wei Zhi keeps refusing to explain to him, should he tell Wei Zhi directly?To question him?
Or do you do your own thing quietly, like a bird in a cage that doesn’t hear what’s going on outside the window, and let your feelings for Wei Zhi slowly fade away?
…Maybe, maybe Wei Zhi has his own reasons…maybe the adoption of that child has something to do with his past?!
I have cried and been sad, and I cannot continue to be such a coward!
Ask clearly, no matter what the answer is, ask clearly.
Cheng Cheng couldn’t sleep anymore. He jumped up and found that the light in the study came from under the door. Wei Zhi was not asleep yet. He walked quietly to the door of the study and knocked on the door.
“Brother Wei, are you still busy?”
Wei Zhi noticed it when Cheng Cheng approached. He closed the computer, rubbed his brows, took the most relaxed posture, and opened the door.
“Xiao Cheng, are you awake?”
Looking at Wei Zhi’s face, Cheng Cheng couldn’t say anything. Wei Zhi’s face was frighteningly white, with red bloodshot eyes, the narrow folds of his double eyelids were slightly swollen, and the ends of his eyes were a little red. He looked very haggard.
“Are you feeling uncomfortable?” Cheng Cheng quickly walked to him and held his hand. Sure enough, his hand was extremely cold, like holding a piece of ice.
Wei Zhi pulled out his hand and said in a hoarse voice: “No.”
Cheng Chengcai didn’t believe it. He was worried that Wei Zhi had a fever, so he put his hand directly on his forehead, which was also very cold.
Wei Zhi turned away, avoiding his touch, and said in a harder tone: “Did I say that?”
He was afraid that if Cheng Cheng came closer, he would smell the faint sour smell on his body, find the trash can he hid under the table, and see through all his disguises.
Cheng Cheng blurted out what he asked: “Then why are you so cold to me tonight? I invited you to watch the fireworks, but you didn’t go. Is it because I went hiking by myself and you were unhappy? But you must want me to experience it.”
The more he spoke, the more aggrieved he became, and his voice became slightly nasal.
Although it was uncomfortable to be alone, Wei Zhi didn’t want to admit that he couldn’t leave Cheng Cheng for a moment.
“No…I just felt sick to my stomach and vomited.”
“I vomited!” Cheng Cheng was shocked, “Is it okay? Do you want to go to the hospital now?”
Wei Zhi suppressed Cheng Cheng’s hand, which was about to jump up to hit 120 in the next second: “It’s just that the pasta at night was a bit greasy, and I’m not used to it. It’s fine now.”
“Really?” Cheng Cheng asked suspiciously.
He always felt something was wrong. If it was just a small thing like not being used to eating pasta, Wei Zhi would not hide it from him.
Wei Zhi covered his mouth and coughed twice: “Ahem, of course, you can sleep peacefully.”
How could Cheng Cheng feel relieved? Seeing the other party’s strong support, the grievance in his heart suddenly faded away. He didn’t want to hide in the guest room alone and sulk. The empty feeling was more uncomfortable than a quarrel.
“Let’s sleep together.”
“But I still have a job…”
Wei Zhi was interrupted by Cheng Cheng: “Stop, stop, stop, is there any work more important than your body? Staying up late is the worst thing for your body.”
“Then you…” Wei Zhi looked at Cheng Cheng tentatively.
In fact, Wei Zhi was ready to sleep half an hour ago, but when he found Cheng Cheng sleeping in the guest room, he gave up and continued working. With the warmth of being together every day in the past few days, Wei Zhi no longer wanted to sleep alone.
He could almost completely recall the warmth of sleeping with Cheng Cheng in his arms. Cheng Cheng was like a hot stove that warmed up his cold and stiff body little by little.
During this time, Cheng Cheng came to Pujiang. The food was much better, he gained a little weight, and his chest muscles became bigger. They were soft, pliable and elastic, and felt very comfortable when pressed against his cheek.
He still remembered Cheng Cheng’s breathing, which was even and steady, making him forget all the pain.
Cheng Cheng knew that Wei Zhi must have discovered that he was sleeping in the guest room, and his face turned a little red: “It wasn’t because of you that he was suddenly so cold at night. I was a little angry, so I slept in the guest room.”
Wei Zhi looked at him reproachfully, his voice low and hoarse: “I’m sorry…”
Cheng Cheng thought to himself that he should apologize to me. He didn’t know how much he had hidden from me.
“Go to sleep.”
Wei Zhi had already washed up and simply changed into a set of pajamas and pajamas. He held the armrests of the wheelchair with both hands, pushed hard, and moved to the bed.
He slowly moved from the edge of the bed to the middle position, looking hesitantly at the two separate quilts.
“Xiao Cheng, why don’t we sleep in the same bed today?” His voice contained a hint of imperceptible pleading.
He needed Cheng Cheng’s body temperature and the real sense of existence to be sure that he was not dreaming and to temporarily forget the intense discomfort.
Cheng Cheng had just moved the quilt from the guest bedroom over: “It’s easy for two people to grab the quilt. If you move slightly, you will bump into another person. You are not feeling well today. You can sleep more peacefully by yourself.”
How can you sleep peacefully when your whole body is cold?How can you sleep peacefully without warm embrace and strong arms?
Wei Zhi clutched a corner of the quilt, his original expectations were shattered, and he felt the uncomfortable feeling of retching again.
He suddenly covered his mouth, turned his head to the other side, and curled up in discomfort.
Cheng Cheng was still spreading the quilt, and immediately climbed over from the other side of the bed, hugged him from behind to support him, and gently rubbed his back: “What’s wrong? You want to vomit again? I’ll get the trash can!”
“Don’t go…” Wei Zhi grabbed Cheng Cheng’s hand and finally felt the familiar warmth, making his tense nerves finally relax a little.
He took Cheng Cheng’s arm and wrapped it around his waist. His voice was fragile: “I want to sleep with you… okay?”
Cheng Cheng looked at his pale face and decided to just sleep together. This way, he would be able to detect any movement in Wei Zhi immediately.
He folded up the quilt in the guest room and threw it aside, then lay down again and held Wei Zhi in his arms: “Go to sleep.”
Wei Zhi also returned to the embrace that made him addicted. He hugged Cheng Cheng tightly with his arms, buried his head in the crook of his neck, and breathed in the faint sweetness of grapes.
This was the first time he liked his alpha status. He could easily smell Cheng Cheng’s almost non-existent pheromones, which made him feel extremely at ease.
Cheng Cheng was a little itchy by Wei Zhi’s breath. As soon as he turned his head, he felt Wei Zhi pinch his arm dissatisfied.
He laughed, patted Wei Zhi’s back gently, and hummed a tuneless song like he was coaxing a child.
After a lot of tossing, Cheng Cheng was so tired that he fell asleep in a daze.
When he opened his eyes the next day, his first thought was that he hadn’t found out the reason for what he wanted to ask Wei Zhi last night!
Cheng Cheng moved his body, but Wei Zhi was still sleeping close to him, frowning, as if he was about to wake up.
As soon as Wei Zhi regained control of his brain, the first thing he felt was the familiar numbness of his legs, which were stiff and painful. Even though he had turned over on his own side at night, he still felt uncomfortable.
Cheng Cheng sat up from the bed and was in a daze for a while.
After coming back to his senses, he saw Wei Zhi turning over with difficulty. He immediately took out Wei Zhi’s legs in a familiar manner and gently massaged them.
Wei Zhi didn’t want him to do these things: “No, Xiaocheng, you get up first. I’ll go back today and let the nurse do it.”
“Don’t you feel uncomfortable sitting in a wheelchair with your legs stiff?” Cheng Cheng skillfully helped Wei Zhi relax the muscles in his calf.
Wei Zhi couldn’t refute, and he couldn’t break away from Cheng Cheng.
The two looked at each other in silence for a moment.
Cheng Cheng took a deep breath and asked, “Wei Zhi, what’s going on with adoption? Why did you find someone to marry in the first place?”
Wei Zhi’s whole body froze, he was instantly panicked, and his breathing was erratic.
Who told Cheng Cheng?How did he know about the adoption?
Could it be Jiang Lingfei?But she does not have permission to view the information of her marriage partner, unless it is someone several levels higher than her in the association.
Wei Zhi struggled to sit up and held Cheng Cheng’s wrist: “Xiao Cheng, listen to me, I didn’t hide it from you on purpose. Don’t be angry first, okay?” There was an imperceptible tremor in his voice.
Wei Zhi understood, maybe that was why Cheng Cheng slept in the guest room at first yesterday.
He was fine when he came back from hiking last night. He must have gone out to meet someone again in the evening.
Wei Zhi suppressed the huge tension and uneasiness in his heart and stared at Cheng Cheng: “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have hidden it from you… When the marriage recruitment was first announced, I really needed a legal partner to help me complete the adoption procedures…”
Cheng Cheng stopped what he was doing and looked at him steadily: “Then what? The things you did to me later, the gentle greetings and greetings, were you trying to trick me into falling in love with you, right?”
Originally, their relationship was just a contract, but later the behavior of deceiving one’s body and mind became too bad. If Wei Zhi gave him a positive answer, then he would reconsider their relationship.
Even now, I really… like him.
Wei Zhi held Cheng Cheng’s hand tightly as he was about to pull away, no, no…
Adrenaline was surging, the fragmented words were stuck in his throat, and he couldn’t swallow or spit them out. How should he explain…
Wei Zhi’s silence had given him the answer, and Cheng Cheng’s heart sank little by little, as if he had fallen into an ice cellar.
He took out his hand, put aside Wei Zhi, stood beside the bed and looked at him coldly: “Wei Zhi, I just want to ask you, do you love me or not?”
His voice was trembling, and the light in his eyes was extinguished little by little.
Cheng Cheng could accept that the two had a contractual relationship at the beginning, and could accept that Wei Zhi had secrets, but he could not accept that his feelings were deceived.
The relationship he wanted was pure and went both ways, not a well-planned scam. If Wei Zhi’s feelings for him were all fake, then his current heartbeat and joy would become a big joke.
Since he was sure of his feelings, he always thought that Wei Zhi also liked him, so he would do those things with him, and Wei Zhi would even wear women’s clothes to please him.
But now, Cheng Cheng was really unsure. He remembered Wei Zhi talking and laughing happily when he and Tu Yao had dinner that night.
If you wear the mask for a long time, you will not be able to take it off, or after you take off the mask, there will be a thicker layer of mask.
Cheng Cheng knew that his information was clear to Wei Zhi, but thinking about it carefully, Wei Zhi had never taken the initiative to mention his past, including his illness and experiences.
But if you like someone, wouldn’t you have a strong desire to talk to someone?
Wei Zhi clutched the sheets tightly, what to do, he really didn’t know what to do… He subconsciously weaved lies, trying to use them to make up for his actions.
However, Cheng Cheng asked him this question, “Do you love him or not?”
———————–
The author has something to say: Author: Xiaomao Xiaomao
Boss Wei: Haha, be careful about your Jinjiang number
Xiaocheng: Come here and tell me whether you love me or not.
Boss Wei (kneel down)
Banxia novel, a lot of fun