DF Chapter 95

Chapter 95: Song Ji’an Didn’t Want to Be the One to Shatter It All

Chapter 95 Song Ji’an Didn’t Want to Be the One to Shatter It All

Song Ji’an finally had a free Saturday evening to go home.

After she and Sheng Jia each returned to their respective places, she actually didn’t have that much time to spend with Sheng Huaiying.

But she couldn’t forget the moment she met Sheng Huaiying. After leaving the Song family, she had nowhere to go and didn’t know where she should go.

She didn’t know how to face Sheng Huaiying, so she just wanted to secretly catch a glimpse of her biological mother from downstairs.

[Xiyanghong], who lived downstairs, saw her carrying a suitcase and looking distraught. She asked her what was wrong, thinking the young girl was looking for help.

Song Ji’an was silent for a long time, and finally softly asked, “Hello, does Sheng Huaiying live here?”

“Eh? Are you Huaiying’s daughter?” [Xiyanghong] curiously circled around her, and finally patted her on the shoulder, “She’s not home, she went to the supermarket to buy groceries. Would you like to come to my house and sit for a while?”

Following the direction of her finger, Song Ji’an saw a mahjong parlor, filled with the lively sounds of shuffling tiles.

Without giving Song Ji’an any time to prepare or decline, [Xiyanghong] quickly pulled her into the room.

Everyone didn’t even have time to look up at her. All around were the crisp sounds of mahjong tiles clacking together. Song Ji’an didn’t know whether to advance or retreat, and sat on a small stool on the side, until [Xiyanghong] handed her a glass of warm water.

The old lady sized her up thoughtfully. She didn’t explain why she said Song Ji’an was Sheng Huaiying’s daughter without any surprise.

This wasn’t the first time Song Ji’an had come to this [Old and Large Neighbourhood]. Back when she and Sheng Jia had worked together to send her uncles to prison, Song Ji’an had been to the building across the street.

But this was the first time she truly felt what the atmosphere of this [Old and Large Neighbourhood] was like.

“Huaiying told me everything,” [Xiyanghong]’s voice interrupted her memories, “that you and Sheng Jia were switched at birth? She said she didn’t know when you would come back, and didn’t know if you were willing to come back, but she’s been preparing for your return every day.”

“Really?” Song Ji’an was slightly stunned.

She thought… she thought Sheng Huaiying might not want to see her.

This was also why she didn’t dare to come.

“Of course,” [Xiyanghong] nodded, “you seem to have a much better temper than that cold Sheng Jia.”

But as soon as she finished speaking, another old lady in the card room shouted that her stomach hurt and she needed to go to the bathroom. The other old ladies at the table scolded her for wanting to leave after winning money, but they didn’t keep her there.

“[Xiyanghong], we’re missing one, what should we do?” someone asked.

“I’m not going on the table, I’ve lost nearly two thousand today, if I go on the table again, I won’t even have money to burn incense for the God of Wealth,” she said, and then moved her gaze to Song Ji’an, “Can you play mahjong?”

The topic jumped too much, and Song Ji’an didn’t react. She nodded, and then she was pushed onto the mahjong table.

“This is Huaiying’s new daughter, you guys let her win a bit, if she loses, Huaiying will pay,” [Xiyanghong] instructed.

“This? Is this okay?” Song Ji’an immediately panicked. She and Sheng Huaiying hadn’t even met a few times, how could she accept something like this?

The other old ladies at the table heard this and looked at her face, their eyes gleaming slightly, “This girl’s nose and eyes look quite like Huaiying’s, you can tell she’s her daughter at a glance.”

“It’s okay, it’s okay, before, when Huaiying wanted to run away, that girl Sheng Jia also replaced her to play mahjong,” they continued, “Kids who lose get charged a quarter of the price, we’re not playing for much, just one or two yuan.”

Song Ji’an was forced onto the mahjong table, and had no choice but to play against the old ladies. By the time Sheng Huaiying returned from the supermarket, she had already played four rounds on the table.

Of course, a young person like Song Ji’an was absolutely no match for the cunning old pros. After losing four rounds in a row, her desire to win was probably aroused. She didn’t even have the mind to think about those worries anymore. In the fifth round, under her precise calculations—she didn’t win, but at least she wasn’t the one calling “Pung” anymore.

Song Ji’an secretly breathed a sigh of relief. When she turned her head again, she didn’t know how long Sheng Huaiying had been standing behind her.

Sheng Huaiying had a gentle smile on her face, as if the person sitting in front of her wasn’t a daughter she hadn’t seen in eighteen years, but a child who had just returned home after a long trip.

“Ji’an, come home with me, okay?”

So Song Ji’an really obediently followed her home—back to the home filled with Sheng Huaiying and Sheng Jia’s memories.

Sheng Huaiying neatly made her a bowl of noodles. Song Ji’an sat at the dining table, uncharacteristically at a loss. In the end, she slowly picked up her chopsticks, and tears fell uncontrollably the moment she lowered her head.

It was an indescribable bitterness. She wiped away her tears in a fluster, and said in a low voice, “I’m sorry, I won’t bother you for long. I’ll make up the money I lost earlier to you later.”

In response to her was a light sigh. Sheng Huaiying rested her chin on her hand, carefully examining her face, “Why is it a bother? I’m your mother. Maybe it will take me a long time to accept the reality that my daughters were switched at birth and each returned home, but in any case, you are my child.”

“To be honest, I’ve walked many difficult roads with Sheng Jia in these eighteen years. I wasn’t a qualified mother before. If it weren’t for Sheng Jia, I would have lost all hope for life, so I love her very much and rely on her very much. Her leaving was a big blow to me,” she continued, “But Ji’an, you really look a lot like me. I had only seen you a few times before and hadn’t looked carefully, but now that I look closely, you look just like me when I was young. But you’re different, you’re more energetic than me, more capable than me. I think the kinship between mother and daughter, even if we haven’t met before, can be slowly cultivated, right?”

Blood ties and life experiences are both sources of kinship.

Song Ji’an’s hand holding the chopsticks paused slightly. Sheng Huaiying didn’t choose to say any polite words. She explained the reality between the two of them very directly—they were strangers, a mother and daughter with no feelings for each other.

Song Ji’an looked at the wall of photos in front of her. She knew that for Sheng Huaiying, Sheng Jia’s departure was also a deep pain. She nodded in response to Sheng Huaiying’s words.

But whether it was her or Sheng Huaiying, they both knew that there were unspeakable knots in their hearts. It wouldn’t be so easy to cultivate feelings, even if Sheng Huaiying greeted her with a smile every time, she would still sigh at Sheng Jia’s photos late at night.

Sheng Jia’s room was cleaned up for Song Ji’an, and all of Sheng Jia’s belongings that she hadn’t taken away were all neatly put away by Sheng Huaiying. Even that wooden table was moved by Sheng Huaiying into her own room. She personally made another one for Song Ji’an, a completely different color from Sheng Jia’s.

It wasn’t so simple for a pair of mother and daughter with completely different personalities to get along well. Until one day, Song Ji’an quietly heard Sheng Huaiying talking to Sheng Jia on the phone. It was a completely relaxed, occasionally even slightly reproachful familiar tone. That evening, Sheng Huaiying hummed a little tune and watched a variety show on the sofa, looking particularly happy.

That was a completely different look from when she faced Song Ji’an. Not that mature and gentle mother, nor a mother who was always carefully taking care of Song Ji’an’s emotions. She could laugh freely, talk about her life, and complain about the recent troubles she encountered.

Just like… just like she used to be with Song Ningqiu.

It was also on that day that Song Ji’an decided to move out of here temporarily.

Her own emotions were piling up too much, and Sheng Huaiying had to suppress her own nature in order to take care of her. She would greet Song Ji’an warmly every time she ate, leave her the key, and tell her where she would be going every day. On these ordinary things, Sheng Huaiying seemed to have unlimited motivation, but the whole home only had her voice, and Song Ji’an only responded with a word or two. She really wanted to be able to bring up new and interesting topics when Sheng Huaiying chatted with her, just like in the past, but her condition was a little too bad during that time. In the early stages, she was trying to give Sheng Huaiying the same emotions in return, but she was quickly stopped by the other party.

Probably because Song Ji’an’s forced smile was too obvious, even putting it away was a bit difficult. Sheng Huaiying later sighed and said to her seriously, “Ji’an, you don’t have to smile if you don’t want to, you don’t have to talk if you don’t want to, don’t force yourself to do these things.”

So Song Ji’an obediently listened and stopped forcing herself. She only became a quiet listener.

And every time Sheng Huaiying went out, the house became a bit eerily quiet.

Song Ji’an made a decision that caused her pain. She was probably too young, overestimating herself, unable to truly perfectly control the helplessness, anxiety, and depression in her heart. But she found that she wanted to see Sheng Huaiying smile, wanted to see Sheng Huaiying live happily, wanted to see Sheng Huaiying not have to be careful all the time, putting on a gentle mask in front of her, as if she was nothing but a gentle mother to compensate Song Ji’an.

She had clearly seen Sheng Huaiying’s lively side. She had seen Sheng Huaiying wearing a mink coat, arm in arm with Sheng Jia, the two of them walking on the street, laughing without any image, very happy; she had also heard about Sheng Huaiying’s usual appearance from the mouths of the old ladies like [Xiyanghong]. She would complain softly when she lost a game, and she would press the banknotes under the table mat with a beaming smile when she won. She was ordinary and common, but she lived with great enthusiasm.

Song Ji’an didn’t want to be the one to shatter it all, so she came back less and less often after college, and moved directly to the suburbs after graduation. She hoped that her departure could allow Sheng Huaiying to no longer have to worry about her, and could call Sheng Jia whenever she wanted.

Sheng Huaiying thought she was a bit stubborn. On the day Song Ji’an insisted on moving out after graduation, she rarely wasn’t that gentle look, but instead said with a bit of helplessness, “You little girl are just stubborn, what’s wrong with living with me? How are you going to take care of yourself after moving out? It’s okay to go to college, anyway, you can eat in the school cafeteria, but what about now? You can’t eat takeout every day, can you?”

This was the only harsh thing Sheng Huaiying had said to her in the entire five years, and it was also the happiest time for Song Ji’an in these five years.

She finally saw the kind of naturalness she had always wanted to see on Sheng Huaiying’s face. If she stayed by Sheng Huaiying’s side all the time, using such stagnant emotions to influence her, it would only deplete Sheng Huaiying’s spirit.

So she thought there was nothing wrong with what she was doing.

But every week, Sheng Huaiying didn’t forget to call her home for dinner. Song Ji’an was sometimes really busy and couldn’t find the time, and sometimes she was simply avoiding it. She found that she was actually a bit afraid of going home, but she still had to take a day out to go back at least once a month.

Coming back to her senses, Song Ji’an had already arrived at the door. She rubbed her face, putting away all the fatigue and sleepiness, and then knocked on the door.

The door opened quickly. It was Sheng Huaiying, wearing an apron, who opened it. The air conditioner inside was very cool, and the dishes on the table were steaming. Seeing that it was her, Sheng Huaiying quickly took the bag from her hand and hung it on the coat rack at the door, and then invited her in to sit down, even refusing her idea of going to the kitchen to help.

“You just sit there,” Sheng Huaiying said with a smile, “With me here, why would I need you to do these things?”

Song Ji’an sat in place, pursed her lips, but still couldn’t bring herself to let Sheng Huaiying do everything alone. She went to the side to get two glasses of water, and then silently served the rice.

The meal was eaten as usual. Sheng Huaiying subconsciously asked about Song Ji’an’s recent life, and Song Ji’an answered. Occasionally, Sheng Huaiying would share a bit about her recent life, and Song Ji’an would also play the role of a good listener.

Halfway through the meal, there was a sudden knock on the door. Sheng Huaiying muttered, “It’s probably the old ladies downstairs who smelled the aroma of the food and came up—”

But when she opened the door and saw the familiar figure outside, the words in her mouth turned into an exclamation, “Sheng Jia? Why are you here?”