DF Chapter 85
by VolareThe Chapter 85, but they both knew that the other couldn’t do it.
Watching the sunset on the playground was probably something all the students at Jingjiang No. 1 High School loved, because all seemingly ordinary lives were gilded with a layer of gold in the heat of the scorching sun, as if they were burning their lives as fiercely as the sun every day.
But it was also something easily overlooked, because it happened every day. Perhaps they would be amazed by the magnificent scene at the moment they occasionally looked up, but few people would cherish it.
After that eye contact with Sheng Jia, Song Ji’an didn’t say anything more. She stared intently at the sun, which had already fallen by a small half, somewhat dazzling, causing her eyes to feel sore.
They were quietly waiting for the last sunset left in Jingjiang No. 1 High School.
Until the sun completely set, the playground returned to a dim darkness, and even the motion-sensing streetlights had not yet had time to light up.
In this darkness, Sheng Jia felt Song Ji’an’s breathing beside her, as calm as if this were a silent and desolate place.
She finally asked in a low voice, “So, you looked for me, what do you want to say?”
Hearing this, Song Ji’an looked down at her watch. It was now six fifty.
Her tone was calm, “Before I came, I wanted to ask you a question, but after seeing you, I suddenly felt that this question was meaningless.”
“Whether it’s meaningful or not, why not ask it,” Sheng Jia replied.
“You’re thinking that after I ask this question, we can completely break ties,” Song Ji’an said with some self-deprecation. She took a deep breath before saying, “Before I came here, I wanted to ask, am I completely being used by you? Is there actually a bit of real feeling, right? Otherwise, you wouldn’t feel so guilty.”
But now, there was no need for Sheng Jia to answer, because Song Ji’an already knew the answer, and the answer she knew was definitely different from the answer Sheng Jia was about to give her.
“No,” Sheng Jia said slowly, “Not even a little bit.”
Song Ji’an parted her lips and laughed silently.
As expected.
She still understood Sheng Jia well enough.
“Really?” she asked back.
“Yes, I only used you, there were no real feelings whatsoever. I was scheming against you from beginning to end. Anyone in your position being schemed against by me like that, I would feel guilty, because I still have a bit of basic conscience,” Sheng Jia affirmed expressionlessly, “So—”
“So, in my future life, any difficulties and setbacks, any disappointments and pain, I can blame it all on you without any regard for feelings or principles, right?” Song Ji’an interrupted her, saying the words she hadn’t finished, “You want to say that you took everything from me, so you’re willing to accept all the hatred generated in my heart, right?”
“But if you say that, how can I hate you unreasonably? Are you overestimating yourself, how can you bear all my hatred?”
Rational people cannot entrust their lives to hatred. Unfortunately, both Sheng Jia and Song Ji’an were such people.
Even if they both knew that their circumstances and the pain they suffered might have stemmed from each other, it wasn’t really either of them who had made a mistake. They hadn’t truly done anything wrong, so they couldn’t truly hate each other either.
This was the most unsolvable problem.
Song Ji’an would have preferred that Sheng Jia simply hated her, and Sheng Jia would have preferred that Song Ji’an simply resented her.
But they both knew that the other couldn’t do it.
In the days and nights of the year, in the tacit understanding that blended with each other, the affection wasn’t pure, and the hatred wasn’t pure either.
Humans are strange, brewing countless complex emotions, creating irreparable predicaments for themselves, yet lacking the ability to solve everything.
Those who lost everything were in pain, and those who gained everything weren’t happy either.
Song Ji’an looked up at the sky, something about to overflow in her sore eyes.
She just suddenly remembered the day she learned the truth, when the usually strong Song Ningqiu had even held her, sobbing and saying sorry over and over.
“Ji’an, I’m sorry, I’m really, really sorry,” Song Ningqiu said, “Sheng Jia has suffered too much in these eighteen years. I can’t give her any compensation, the only thing I can do is fulfill her wishes.”
Between Sheng Jia and Song Ji’an, this was the first time she had chosen Sheng Jia, because of guilt, she decided to give up Song Ji’an.
Song Ningqiu couldn’t let Sheng Jia suffer even a little bit of injustice anymore, even if it broke her heart, even if she had to forcibly tear apart her and Song Ji’an’s mother-daughter relationship with her own hands.
Song Ji’an nestled in her arms, feeling her soul drifting away. Her heart ached with every beat. She wanted to raise her hand to caress Song Ningqiu’s disheveled face, like she had when Song Yumei passed away, wiping away her tears and saying, “Mom, don’t cry,” but she didn’t even have the strength to do that.
At that moment, she seemed to understand many things.
She understood why Sheng Jia had approached her, she understood why Sheng Jia didn’t accept her confession, she understood that every time she got close to Sheng Jia, Sheng Jia actually loathed her so much.
But she still wanted an answer.
She could accept reality, she could accept her mother’s arrangement, and she was already filled with guilt towards Sheng Jia the moment she learned the truth.
She loved Song Ningqiu so much that she couldn’t bear to see her struggle and suffer.
She, who pursued fairness so much, couldn’t bear to see Sheng Jia suffer such injustice because of her.
But as if grasping at the last straw, she still couldn’t help but ask Sheng Jia.
Having met Sheng Jia here, that question had an answer. Sheng Jia’s answer, even if it was different from what she had imagined, was still confirming that answer.
Even when reaching a dead end, Sheng Jia still gently lifted her up, wanting to use such words to prevent her from getting stuck in a dead end in her future life, so that all her anguish would have an outlet.
“You underestimate me a little,” Song Ji’an blinked, and tears really fell, but her breathing was very calm, “A life wrapped in hatred is the most painful and useless life. Moreover, Mom, she let me take away many things, the industries I invested in, the villa in Fuyuan District, and the balance in the bank card, all left to me, enough for me to live a very wealthy life.”
The watch ticked to seven o’nine. Song Ji’an stood up and patted Sheng Jia on the shoulder, “Sheng Jia, I hope we won’t see each other again in the future.”
“This year, I’ve taken you home so many times, seen your departing back so many times, now it’s your turn to watch me leave.”
After saying that, she turned around and walked down without hesitation.
The moment she left, the motion-sensing streetlights in the school suddenly lit up, illuminating her path forward.
She no longer needed to restrain her collapsing emotions, letting the tears fall. She could cry freely, she could vent all the unwillingness and hatred in her heart after leaving, but after that, she was still Song Ji’an.
The proud, unrestrained Song Ji’an, not bound by pain.
The darkness was dispelled, the red plastic track and green lawn came into view. Sheng Jia sat in place, gazing at her back as she walked forward.
Still a straight spine, still a composed gait, she walked very steadily, as if trying hard to say that she had never been defeated. Then, she gradually turned into a small dot and completely disappeared from Sheng Jia’s sight.
Sheng Jia gripped the edge of the cement seat tightly. She lowered her eyes and found two drops of water where Song Ji’an had just been sitting. She subconsciously reached out to touch them, but her fingertips trembled when they touched the rough ground, as if burned by something, and she quickly withdrew her hand.
This was the last time the young Sheng Jia and Song Ji’an met. She concealed all her emotions and deeply watched her leave.
The lingering warmth in her heart wanted to wish her a smooth journey in her future life, but then she suddenly remembered that she wasn’t qualified to wish her that.
Anyone in this world could wish her a good future, only Sheng Jia didn’t have that right.
After an unknown amount of time, Sheng Jia’s phone rang in the quiet playground. She glanced at the caller ID and answered it, and the voice on the other end was unfamiliar.
“Miss Sheng Jia, Director Song sent me to pick you up.”
Sheng Jia seemed to have expected this and told her her location.
Soon a car arrived at the gate of Jingjiang No. 1 High School.
A woman got out of the passenger seat and respectfully nodded to Sheng Jia, “Hello, I’m Wei Pan, the life assistant Director Song hired for you. Tomorrow you have a banquet in Beijing-Tianjin, and Director Song specifically told us to pick you up.”
Sheng Jia nodded and got into the car.
Wei Pan took out a tablet from the front and handed it to her, saying with a smile, “Today is the day the Gaokao scores are released. Director Song received the call early this morning. She asked us to congratulate you, Jingjiang City’s top scorer with 712 points, maybe even the province’s top scorer.”
Sheng Jia wasn’t surprised by this. After the Gaokao, she had already roughly estimated her total score, but at this moment she opened her phone again. In the WeChat group, Xu Lijing, still unaware of what had happened, was sending Sheng Jia and Song Ji’an’s scores into the group.
Li Jing Li Jing, Super Hardworking: [Picture][Picture] Aren’t you guys treating us? One is the city’s top scorer, the other is the city’s second-highest scorer. Your homeroom Teacher Liu’s face is about to break from smiling, right? Our future plans can’t change, I’m waiting for you to become successful in this lifetime.
Song Ji’an’s name was closely behind Sheng Jia, 708 points.
Sheng Jia lowered her head and scanned the words Xu Lijing said again, and finally closed her phone in silence.
Wei Pan was in contact with Sheng Jia for the first time, and seeing that she didn’t seem too happy even after seeing her scores, she asked somewhat surprised, “You… are you not happy?”
Sheng Jia said, “No, let’s go.”
After saying that, she turned her head to look out the window, and those familiar street scenes gradually disappeared. This time, she might not be able to come back for a very long time.