FCY Chapter 115

by Volare

Tattoo on Arm

“Zhu Zi, what were you asking me just now?” Cen Xi, his mind foggy, jumped tracks in a bizarre way. One second he was apologizing to Luo Yan, the next his mind was back on a question Zhu Zi had asked a long time ago.

Cen Xi looked at Zhu Zi hazily, “Were you asking me how I lost my memory?”

Cen Xi didn’t care if Zhu Zi paid attention to him or not. There was also a huge factor that he wanted to use this topic to vent his emotions.

Cen Xi pulled up his sleeve. On the surface, it looked perfectly fine. Cen Xi scratched at it, found an opening, and tore off a layer that looked like a sticker.

Zhu Zi watched Cen Xi’s actions in disbelief. Who would have thought that the layer of skin on Cen Xi’s surface was fake, and underneath was a huge tattoo? Zhu Zi looked closely, and the tattoo seemed a bit off, like it was covering something up.

Before Zhu Zi could take a closer look or think it through, Cen Xi grabbed Zhu Zi’s hand and made him touch his tattoo. He knew what it was. He looked at Cen Xi in shock. Hidden underneath were dense, self-inflicted knife wounds. The skin was pockmarked.

“You…”

Cen Xi mocked himself, “No need to be surprised. This is the reason. With my mental state back then, I could barely hold on until the competition was over. I really couldn’t take it anymore. I just wanted to hurt myself. So, as soon as the competition was over, I left without saying goodbye. I couldn’t let everyone see me like this. I couldn’t control my mind. I wanted my body to hurt, so I hid in my room and cut myself over and over again. Both my hands were bloody messes. My sister found me, otherwise I might have died from blood loss. Later, the psychologist suggested deleting that memory, or resolving the conflict with Yan Bao…”

“But I didn’t dare… So, I lost my memory.”

So his mental problems were this serious, but I didn’t pay attention to what Cen Yi said at the time. Zhu Zi looked at Cen Xi’s large tattoo, filled with self-blame. Goddamn… if only back then…

But there are no ifs…

Neither Zhu Zi (who knew), Liu Li (who knew), nor the other members of SY (who didn’t know) had ever seen Cen Xi’s breakdown. When Cen Xi wasn’t having an episode, he looked like a normal person, able to handle pressure, and wouldn’t get discouraged by failure. Today was the first time Zhu Zi had seen Cen Xi self-harming and knew how serious Cen Xi’s mental problems were.

This was also the first time Cen Xi had shown his wounds to someone other than his family.

After Cen Xi finished explaining, he began muttering about Luo Yan again, “Yan Bao doesn’t want me anymore. I’m sorry to Yan Bao, and I’m sorry to everyone. I don’t know how my mind went wrong back then…”

“Yeah, how could someone with such a big mental problem be worthy of Yan Bao.”

“Hahaha, I’m pretty laughable too. I even thought my mental state was pretty normal back then.”

After drinking tonight, Cen Xi seemed to have found a breakthrough, switching between self-mockery, self-blame, and longing for Luo Yan. Every time he wanted to hit himself, Zhu Zi stopped him.

Listening to Cen Xi’s words, Zhu Zi’s complaints about Cen Xi disappeared. Now he only felt sorry for his good brother.

Thinking carefully about what happened three years ago, Zhu Zi couldn’t say whose fault it was. Cen Xi? No one in SY knew he was having an episode, and almost died… But everyone didn’t know Cen Xi was sick… But I knew… That’s right, he also took a few days off from training at that time. I thought he was just having trouble adjusting to the environment…

After Cen Xi was tired and fell asleep, Zhu Zi took a few pictures of his hand, zooming in on the details. He probably wouldn’t show them to anyone else in the future.

Cen Xi was also a proud person. He wouldn’t easily show his wounds to others, nor would he easily tell others about his mental state. He didn’t want to be pitied because of it.

But Zhu Zi felt he had to do something. The conflict between Yan Yan and Cen Xi must be this.

Zhu Zi looked at the photos on his phone for a few minutes, lost in thought, and finally clicked “Send.”

The rest is up to them. This is all I can do.