MTMIO Chapter 45

Chapter 45: I Tried to Control Myself

Having lived for twenty-six years, Lu You had never heard anyone say such words to her, not even during a so-called romantic relationship.

It was difficult to describe the feeling at that moment.

It was like someone kneading her heart in front of her with sugar water, a mix of sourness and tenderness, permeated with a secret sweetness.

For a long time, Lu You didn’t speak, nor did she dare to move too much, afraid of truly ending Yue Yunxi’s rationality.

She just silently tightened her arms, tightly clutching the deer doll her childhood friend had given her.

It suddenly reminded her of a heart-to-heart talk with Bo Mingyan sometime after she started dating Tao Xin, discussing something that confused her.

She couldn’t distinguish the difference between that kind of emotion and the feeling of a close girlfriend.

Because of Lu Huai’an, she had rejected men since she was a child and only liked making friends with girls. And because she was sensitive, empathetic, and caring, she couldn’t help but be a little nicer to the girls around her, so she had very good relationships with her female friends.

Bo Mingyan told her that the difference was roughly the degree of emotion and the presence of sexual attraction.

For example, the two of them were clearly bent into paperclips, but when facing each other, they were straightened out, without even the slightest bit of crooked thought.

At that time, she just laughed and didn’t tell Bo Mingyan that she still couldn’t quite distinguish it, because her relationship with Tao Xin was just confirming their status.

But she agreed with Bo Mingyan’s theory.

Although there was the concept of platonic love in the world, she still firmly believed that rationality and sensibility, soul and body, were inseparable.

Even pursuing spiritual supremacy didn’t conflict with physical contact.

So, at the end of her last relationship, she often wondered what was the difference between a love that couldn’t even involve kissing and friendship?

Now, she could distinguish it all at once.

She clearly knew that she was sexually attracted to Yue Yunxi.

Feeling a little hot, Lu You turned over while holding the doll, stretching out one leg and pressing it against the quilt, exposing half of her body.

Yue Yunxi wasn’t asleep either. Hearing her movement, she tilted her head to look at her and turned to face her, saying, “Cover yourself with the quilt.”

“It’s hot.”

“It’s hot, but you’re still hugging the doll.”

“…” Lu You was speechless, pretending to be deaf, and after airing out for a while, she retracted her limbs back into the quilt.

She rested her chin on the doll’s head, like a small animal lacking a sense of security.

In the dimness, Yue Yunxi suddenly reached out her hand.

Lu You couldn’t help but tremble her eyelashes, as if she was frozen, unable to move.

She felt a small patch of gentle coolness on the skin of her eye corner, such a light force, like a cautious caress, or a gentle scratch.

Yue Yunxi’s palm hovered against her cheek, her index fingertip pressed against the corner of her eye, separating a strand of loose hair and slowly brushing it away.

“Still can’t sleep?”

“Who could sleep after hearing you say something like that?”

Feeling a little itchy, Lu You grabbed her wrist.

“I don’t think you could sleep even if I didn’t say anything, so I might as well say it to let you know more about me.”

Having said the word “understand”, Yue Yunxi curled her hand as if to break free, but the force was particularly light, so light that it became a subtle sign.

Even though the wrist she was holding was very cold, Lu You vaguely felt like she was being burned, and almost frantically let go.

Yue Yunxi’s hand hovered above her cheek for a while before slowly retracting it, “Afraid?”

“…It’s not that I’m afraid.” Lu You lifted the doll up a bit to cover half of her face, “It’s just… currently… I might still not be used to it.”

Yue Yunxi chuckled lightly and said softly, “Understood.”

Lu You belatedly realized that this sentence seemed to be saying in disguise that it would be okay after she got used to it.

Obviously, Yue Yunxi had already tasted this hidden meaning, which was why she let out that ear-catching airy laugh.

Lu You lifted up the doll, hiding her entire face.

Her exposed ear caught Yue Yunxi’s deep voice, which had a sandpaper-like texture, cast in the subtle atmosphere, rubbing out a more ambiguous spark.

“Those, the initiative is in your hands.”

“Those?”

Lu You moved the doll away and met Yue Yunxi’s gaze. The faint silver moonlight was refracted through the glass into those eyes, making them appear very bright.

Yue Yunxi didn’t answer her immediately.

In a moment of clarity, Lu You suddenly realized what “those” represented.

Her whole body felt like she had been poured with a large bottle of iced sparkling wine, her blood was cold, her brain was hot, and bubbles were jumping on her heart.

“Pretend I didn’t ask.” Lu You turned her back again, her voice low, with a bit of disadvantageous emptiness, “Going to sleep.”

“Sleep well… good night.”

Behind her, was Yue Yunxi’s slightly heavy breath, the last two words were even lower, as if afraid of disturbing her sudden sleepiness, almost inaudible.

That night’s sleep experience was a bit special.

At first, Lu You couldn’t sleep. Although her eyes were closed, her ears were keenly perked up.

She planned to wait until Yue Yunxi’s breathing became long and even, and then secretly grab her phone to pass the long night that had disturbed her mind.

Unexpectedly, she relaxed her breathing first and fell asleep.

As it turned out, experiencing too much during the day made it easy to sleep poorly at night. In her dream, Lu You felt like she had been stuffed into a kaleidoscope. The space around her rotated from exploding fireworks to snowy roses, making her dizzy.

She woke up suddenly, opened her eyes, and it was already dawn. The light and shadows on the wall in front of her were mottled. She stared at them for a long time, feeling like she couldn’t tell whether she had slept or not.

She even felt like everything since Yue Yunxi appeared in front of her yesterday was just a dream.

Wondering how the other person was sleeping, Lu You rolled over and lay flat, turning her head to look at that side, blinking her eyes.

Huh? Where was she?

The quilt was neatly pressed against the sheets, not to mention a person, there wasn’t even a shadow.

Noticing a strand of hair lying on the pillow, she reached out and picked it up to look at it. It was curved and curled, the kind of arc that she couldn’t even get with a perm. Only then did she confirm that it wasn’t a dream.

Subconsciously breathing a sigh of relief, Lu You lowered her hand and dangled it on the pillow, lying sprawled out for a while before doing a carp jump and sitting up, taking out her phone from under her pillow to check the time.

Just past eight thirty.

A WeChat message notification was suspended on the screen. She clicked it open.

It was a notification from the photography blogger she had met while watching the sunset during her trip: 【Photos have been sent to your email.】

Switching to her email, Lu You realized that Yue Yunxi had sent her the group photo taken with the college students on the mountaintop more than an hour ago.

Opening the photo and zooming in, she finally understood why Yue Yunxi had always said that the photo hadn’t been processed properly and had been delaying sending it to her.

Everyone in the photo was looking at the camera, except for Yue Yunxi, who was looking at her.

The glimpse captured by the camera was a deep affection that couldn’t be hidden.

Returning to WeChat, Lu You opened Yue Yunxi’s chat window, her gaze falling on the avatar on the left side, momentarily distracted.

She used to think that the avatar was fresh and beautiful, but now that she had seen the film, she had a different feeling.

In the breeze that brushed the heroine’s hair, under the ray of sunlight that illuminated the kiss, and even in the hazy green in the background, she could feel the light, sour, and sweet mood of unrequited love.

Absentmindedly pressing on the avatar, she entered the other person’s information page. Lu You noticed that Yue Yunxi had changed her nickname again.

From a completely black crescent moon symbol to a half-dark, half-bright first quarter moon.

Switching back to the chat window, Yue Yunxi just happened to send a photo——

A white cat was sleeping on a curved branch, sprawled out with its hind legs spread open in an uninhibited manner. The sunlight shining on the cat had been filtered through the green leaves, giving it a diluted gentleness.

“Are you in the courtyard?” Lu You asked in a voice message while getting out of bed.

Opening the window and looking out, there was no one in the courtyard, nor was there a big white cat on the pomegranate tree.

Looking down at her phone, Yue Yunxi replied: 【In the newly opened cafeteria of the homestay, are you awake?】

There was a promotional advertisement for the new cafeteria in the homestay lobby. Lu You had seen it when she checked in, but it hadn’t opened yet, and she hadn’t confirmed the opening time, so she hadn’t paid much attention to it.

“Just woke up, what’s the new cafeteria like?”

Lu You asked in a voice message while going to the bathroom to prepare to wash up.

During this time, Yue Yunxi sent two videos.

The first video was taken facing the ordering window, with more than a dozen windows, the breakfast varieties were numerous, making people dazzled.

In the second segment, the camera was diagonally facing the cat sleeping on the branch. The cat’s tail dangling under the branch swayed twice, as if pointing to the wide, long Qing River in front. The surface of the water rippled with awning boats, and she could vaguely see people sitting inside. There was food on the small table in the middle, and the banks of the river were lined with lush trees, green bricks and dark tiles, a scene like an ink painting.

Yue Yunxi asked her in a voice message: “Is there anything you want to eat? Should I buy it and bring it back, or should I buy it and wait for you to come over to eat on the boat?”

Lu You paused as she rubbed cream on her face, unsure if Yue Yunxi was doing it on purpose.

Sending such a video, whether it was the cat in the tree or eating morning tea in an awning boat, it completely stepped on her soft spot. How could she resist not going to see and experience it?

“I’m going over.” Lu You looked at the video again and chose a savory tofu pudding set, saying, “Wait for me a while.”

Yue Yunxi: “No rush, the boat hasn’t rocked back yet.”

Quickly putting on some light makeup, in order to save time, Lu You didn’t dwell on the outfit, and directly put on the suspender dress she wore when she came to Xicheng two days ago, and grabbed a thin cardigan to put on, sending a message to Yue Yunxi saying that she was leaving, and walking outside.

In the early autumn morning, the air was fresh but cold, seeping into the knitwear, and Lu You realized that today was much colder than the day she came.

But the weather was still good. The sunspots scattered in the shade of the trees trembled lightly with the wind, occasionally rippling on the unknown small flowers by the roadside, dyeing a layer of soft edges.

Lu You gathered the cardigan she put on and dismissed the idea of ​​going back to change clothes, walking lightly between the broken shadows and gilding.

The newly opened cafeteria was also a small courtyard, with a dozen or so people scattered around, either sitting at the tables and chairs in the courtyard for meals, or standing on the river bank waiting for the boat. Lu You noticed Yue Yunxi at a glance.

Jogging over, she was about to say hello when she suddenly felt an itch in her nose, and stopped two steps away to cover her mouth and nose with a tissue and sneeze.

Hearing the movement, Yue Yunxi turned around, and her gentle gaze looked her up and down, frowning slightly and asking, “Why are you wearing so little?”

“I was in a hurry to go out, so I just put something on.” Lu You sneezed twice more, “I’m going to throw out the trash.”

The trash can was leaning against the tree with the cat lying on it. When Lu You threw away the tissue, she looked up and saw the cat’s tail wagging.

“Didn’t you say there was no rush?” Yue Yunxi stopped standing beside her, “Just to see the cat?”

“I was afraid that you would be waiting here for too long and get bored.” Lu You said in a muffled voice, noticing that the gaze on her seemed to have a warmer temperature, and cleared her throat uncomfortably, “Also to see the cat… In fact, other people are not wearing much either, and it’s okay now, I’m a little hot from walking over.”

In order to make the latter sentence more credible, she raised her hand and fanned it beside her cheek.

As a result, there were two more sneezes.

Yue Yunxi sighed helplessly, completely dismantling the act: “Other people’s physiques are different from yours.”

The staff at the boarding point called the number with a horn, and Yue Yunxi looked down at the wooden sign in her hand.

Throwing away the tissue, Lu You hooked her head and glanced, “Is it us?”

“Yeah.”

The boat canopy was tall, with calligraphy gauze curtains hanging down. The interior was elegantly furnished, and the small table was set with exquisitely plated breakfast. Being in it, a sense of tranquility that abandoned the glitz and glamour permeated.

The boatman sat in the back on a rattan chair and slowly rowed the scull, the water rippling.

“Eat this, there’s pepper in it, it will warm you up.” Yue Yunxi pushed the steaming spicy soup in front of her, remembering to ask, “Which gym did you get a card for later?”

“I didn’t get one.” Lu You held the bowl to absorb the temperature, “I originally wanted to go to the female gym you recommended.”

“Why didn’t you go?”

Lu You glanced at her quickly, silently biting her spoon.

Because during that time, she was in a period of calm thinking, and she was afraid that she would accidentally run into her after going, which would be embarrassing.

Yue Yunxi quickly understood, without saying anything more, and without asking any further questions, she just asked her: “Do you want to go with me after returning to Nanquan?”

Now that there were no worries, Lu You replied readily: “Okay, do you go every day?”

Yue Yunxi replied: “I will definitely go on odd-numbered days, and it depends on my mood on even-numbered days.”

“Why on odd-numbered days?” Lu You asked.

“Because I’m in a bad mood on odd-numbered days.”

“Why are you in a bad mood?”

Yue Yunxi didn’t answer, and the corners of her pursed lips lifted slightly. Lu You curled her lips, knowing that she was laughing at her like a child, with a hundred thousand whys.

Then, she suddenly remembered Tao Xin’s habit, always choosing to post statuses on odd-numbered days.

For a while, almost every status was related to her.

“There’s no why.” Yue Yunxi lightly brushed it over, “Later, when we go, it will be based on your time.”

Lu You sullenly took two sips of sweet soy milk and said, “Then it’s still odd-numbered days.”

Yue Yunxi silently hooked her lips.

Lu You took two more sips of soy milk to hide her embarrassment, and added, “But it has to be after 5 pm, I have to practice the piano.”

Speak of the devil, the phone placed on the table suddenly vibrated, and the caller ID showed Zhong Shuyun’s name.

After Lu You answered the phone, she respectfully called out, “Teacher Zhong.”

“Hey, Yoyo. The Shanghai International Piano Competition this year will open the registration channel in mid-October, do you want to challenge it?”

Lu You was stunned for a moment, “I, can I?”

“Of course you can! You can try the amateur group. With your current level, as long as you practice diligently, participating in the amateur group competition is not a problem. However, I have less time in Nanquan during this time, so you can’t slack off.”

Lu You smiled and replied, “Okay, I will definitely practice the piano well.”

Zhong Shuyun exhorted a few more words, telling her that she could find her or Grandma Zhong if she had any questions.

After ending the call, Lu You’s eyes fell on her slightly upturned left little finger, the red mole that couldn’t be suppressed under the pinky ring.

Her upward-curving lips pursed, her teeth biting a small piece of soft flesh on her inner lip, her expression slightly solemn.

“What’s wrong?” Yue Yunxi asked with concern.

“Teacher Zhong said there is a piano competition in October and asked me to sign up.” Lu You smiled, “It feels like a long, long time since I participated in a competition.”

“Prepare well, you can do it.”

The firm and gentle tone had a calming effect.

Lu You raised her eyes.

Yue Yunxi, sitting across from her, propped her cheek with one hand, holding a porcelain spoon to stir the sugar at the bottom of the soy milk, revealing a bit of carelessness. On her tall, straight nose, a pair of beautiful eyes contained deepness, calmly staring at her.

At the moment their eyes met, Yue Yunxi curved her lips and smiled at her, “Relax, this is just a beginning. Later, Teacher Zhong will definitely let you participate in more competitions.”

Compared to the obscurity of last night, the gaze in the sunlight during the day seemed clearer. Lu You rarely looked at Yue Yunxi so closely and seriously.

In the past, what impressed Lu You the most about Yue Yunxi was her temperament, dignified, calm, and reserved, like an otherworldly immortal who didn’t know the world or care about others. Only by carefully observing did she realize that Yue Yunxi’s superior facial features were far more outstanding than her temperament, because she had the charm of a human being.

Lu You “ummed” and turned her head to look at the water shimmering with gold, “… I have a question I want to ask you.”

“Yeah?”

Hesitating for a moment, Lu You asked, “Teacher Zhong teaching me to practice the piano, is there your arrangement inside?”

“Yes.” Yue Yunxi admitted frankly.

Lu You couldn’s help but tighten her hand holding the bowl, “Why would you want Teacher Zhong to teach me?”

Not hearing an answer for a long time, Lu You turned her head slightly to look at her.

Their eyes met, Yue Yunxi was like a hunter waiting for prey to look back, gently giving a blow,

“Because I like you. So I hope you are happy, that you can regain your dreams, that you can stand in a bustling place, and be the moon that is surrounded and looked up to by the stars.”

Lu You’s eyelashes trembled twice.

It was difficult to sort out the mood at this moment, whether it was more moved, or whether she liked it was about to take the upper hand.

It was so strange, knowing that the subtlety in the atmosphere at this time was like ink spreading on wrinkled paper, but as if something different had started to happen, she still wanted to make that drop of ink thicker.

“You… you are already a very good moon, why would you like me?”

There was another silence, so silent that Lu You almost thought she wouldn’t get an answer when she heard Yue Yunxi let out a helpless sigh.

“I tried to control myself.”

It was you, time and time again, who ended my rationality.

The sunlight brushed against the dancing thin gauze, blowing into the boat, scattering ink and broken gold smeared in the haze, outlining a strand of blue silk across the corner of her eyes, the tail lifted slightly, painting clear eyes.

Her dazed face was reflected in her eyes.

Lu You didn’t dare to look anymore, her head lowered very low, her gaze falling on the water that was being pushed away by the bow of the boat.

Her wildly beating heart disturbed the floating clouds in the water.

As the boat approached the end, Yue Yunxi asked her softly, “Do you have any other questions?”

Lu You originally wanted to shake her head, but she caught a glimpse of the phone screen on the table lighting up. Grandma had Liu Yi send a WeChat voice message, asking her when she would be back today.

After replying to Liu Yi’s message, Lu You glanced at the cyan-green avatar in the list, and remembered to ask, “I saw you changed your WeChat nickname… The ratio of shadows and highlights in that moon symbol has changed, does it represent a change in mood?”

“How did you guess that?”

“It’s a bit obvious.”

“It’s not accurate enough, there’s another layer of meaning, guess what?”

She didn’t know why, but Lu You tasted a bit of teasing from this voice, so she didn’t want to follow her meaning to guess, and shook her head, “I can’t guess, what is it?”

Yue Yunxi chuckled, seeing through her mind, but didn’t expose it, and obediently gave the answer: “It also represents an emotional state, currently in a half-bright, half-dark state.”

What kind of emotion, and whose emotion, went without saying.

Lu You realized that Yue Yunxi was now putting all her unrequited love on the surface, and the straight-ball style communication was almost overwhelming her.

She had never felt so intuitively that this kind of emotion was really completely different from friendship.

It was like sitting on a pirate ship, the back-and-forth communication was all ambiguous teasing, and the surrounding was full of thrilling games.

It would make her heart skip a beat and make her heart itch.

She was completely no match, and even had a feeling that it wouldn’t be long before the moon in Yue Yunxi’s WeChat nickname would turn bright yellow.

The boat stopped at the shore, and the boatman shouted, “We’re here!”

Yue Yunxi got off the boat first, standing on the shore waiting for her.

“Then why don’t you change your avatar too? This… unrequited love has become obvious love.”

Lu You said as she walked out of the cabin, her feet stepping on the wooden board at the bow of the boat, feeling like she was stepping on a floating cloud, especially when she lifted one foot to step onto the shore, she almost couldn’t stand steady.

Subconsciously, she grabbed Yue Yunxi’s outstretched hand, the cool touch making her lose her mind.

When she came to her senses, she had already stepped onto the shore with the help of the other person’s strength.

The distance was pulled very close, so close that they were only a fist away, and she could even feel each other’s body temperature and breathing.

Yue Yunxi looked at her, the gaze in her light amber pupils was extremely deep, “Waiting for a matching profile picture to truly end it.”

Lu You subconsciously held her breath.

She didn’t know if it was because they were too close or because of this obvious statement, she didn’t answer, and didn’t know what to say. She didn’t want to refuse, but she couldn’t cope with the fast pace after agreeing.

Fortunately, Yue Yunxi quickly stepped back, but didn’t let go, holding her hand and walking towards the quadrangle, “If seeing that avatar makes you feel pressured, then help me find a new one to replace it, it doesn’t matter if it’s not a couple’s one.”

Lu You’s downcast gaze was fixed on their clasped hands, her fingertips curled once, then again, but in the end she didn’t do anything, just letting Yue Yunxi hold her.

In the wind brushing her face, there was the fragrance of Yue Yunxi’s hair, the fresh and moist osmanthus fragrance, the shampoo provided by the homestay.

The exact same scent as hers.

Lu You swallowed, “You’re so picky, you haven’t found a suitable one for so long.”

Yue Yunxi smiled and said, “I won’t be picky about the one you find.”

After a long while, Lu You moved her lips, overflowing with a “Oh”.

It was a very light sound, blending into the early autumn wind, and the moisture from the green tide made it a bit ambiguous.