MTMIO Chapter 44

Chapter 44: You Are the End of My Reason

The awkward atmosphere was like a delayed intoxication suddenly hitting, making Lu You very uneasy, a bit at a loss.

She only knew that in the short term, she couldn’t be in the same space as Yue Yunxi, she needed to take a break.

“I’m leaving.” Lu You abruptly stood up from the camping chair, took two steps, and then suddenly stopped, turning the pinky ring on her finger, she said, “Can you come back later, okay?”

Yue Yunxi looked at her gently for a few seconds, then slightly raised her chin towards the main house diagonally opposite and said, “I’ll sit for a while, then go over there to wash up. By the time I get back, you should be done washing.”

Extremely considerate, as if she had the ability to see everything clearly.

Lu You rubbed the back of her burning ears, vaguely replied, and then hurried downstairs.

As she went down, her heart soared.

The chirping of mole crickets, coming from somewhere unknown, one after another, accompanied the heartbeat with a high-pitched rhythm, disrupting the silent night.

Lu You’s thoughts were still lingering in the time of that song just now.

In fact, Yue Yunxi had never been purely gentle. From the moment she discovered her feelings, she had already begun to show her sharpness.

After that, even if she still treated her like a frog in warm water, she would definitely cover the pot tightly.

But, back then, she and Tao Xin talked, came out of the closet together, both of their parents knew… would it be too crazy for them to develop into lovers?

Coming down from the layers of stairs, Lu You slowed down, gradually calmed down, and couldn’t help but feel uneasy about it.

She herself didn’t care, Lu Huai’an wasn’t important, and Grandma would understand her.

But what about Yue Yunxi?

Tao Xin would probably go crazy if she knew, would Auntie Yue understand them? What would Uncle Tao think?

Doesn’t Yue Yunxi… worry about these things at all?

She uncontrollably recalled the words Yue Yunxi said when she asked her to make a decision, empathizing with Yue Yunxi’s full of apprehension on the way to Xicheng and in the process of finding her at the hospital.

Perhaps Yue Yunxi wasn’t not worried, but she was more afraid of having regrets in the present than the unpredictability of the future.

It was today’s sudden accident that made Yue Yunxi impulsively break the deadlock.

What about herself, was she agreeing out of obedience to her heart, or only after being emotionally stirred?

A glance out of the corner of her eye, the sprawling branches of the pomegranate tree beside her extended to her front. Looking sideways, a moon hung in the gaps between the branches and leaves. The silver moonlight brushed against the green leaves and shone on the small pomegranate, and she could still vaguely see the color that marked the ripeness of the fruit.

Lu You reached out, her fingertips touching the pomegranate’s full curve, gently pushing it.

The pomegranate fruit began to sway, and the calyx that had burst open at its base was faintly visible in the hazy moonlight, as if being caressed by the moonlight.

Suddenly, a soft cough came from above.

Lu You looked up at the sound.

The string of lights hanging in the sky was still on, and the orange light coated the person with a layer of enchanting makeup. The evening breeze ruffled her long hair, curved and curled, like seaweed that could ripple.

The hand resting on the half-height fence held a plastic cup, with a little more than half a cup of wine left inside, catching a wisp of moonlight, the water shimmering in the cup.

At a distance, she couldn’t see Yue Yunxi’s expression clearly, but the eyes that looked at her were particularly bright, so much so that she could feel, with unparalleled clarity, the warm gaze falling into her eyes.

Her heart skipped a beat.

Lu You turned her hot face away.

The moon, which had been teasing the calyx with its clear light, had quietly hidden in the clouds at some point.

She thought, even if time could go back a few minutes, she would still make the same choice.

Blame it only on the overly seductive moonlight.

ˉ

The door of the east wing was gently closed with a “creak—,” and Lu You’s figure gradually disappeared behind the door.

The light illuminated a small room, seeping out from the curtains and the cracks in the door, flowing straight to the pomegranate tree in the yard.

The early autumn evening breeze brushed past the branches, the shadows of the trees swaying, and so the light and dark on the ground were oscillating.

Yue Yunxi picked up the cup and, with the lingering fear after calming down, drank the wine in the cup in one gulp.

After sitting for too long, the bubbles had long disappeared. It was like a pure fruit drink, with a sweetness that could intoxicate.

Taking out her phone from her pocket, Yue Yunxi opened WeChat, clicked into her information page, and her gaze fell on the profile picture.

She still remembered watching April Story for the first time, on the day she realized her feelings.

When she first watched it, she didn’t have much secret love resonance, but it evoked many memories about Lu You.

For example, seeing the heroine moving, she remembered when she first moved to Nanquan, unfamiliar with the place and unaccustomed to everything. On the second day of school, she was stopped outside the school gate by the teacher and not allowed to enter.

Until a little girl with two pigtails tied with deer hair ties passed by, unlike others who glanced at her and obediently entered the school gate, she not only craned her neck to listen, but also got closer and closer.

Finally, probably unable to listen anymore, she put her hands on her hips and said to the teacher, “Don’t you know there’s such a thing as naturally curly hair? Is it wrong that the hair is obedient and curls nicely? You’re a bad teacher, you don’t have common sense, and you don’t respect us, I’m going to complain to the principal!”

She thought Lu You was just talking, but unexpectedly, at the flag-raising ceremony on Monday, the principal really made the teacher apologize in public.

After that, everyone’s attention didn’t fall on her, because Lu You advertised everywhere that the sofa chair in the principal’s office was very comfortable, the principal grandma was very nice, and even gave her Wahaha to drink.

She could talk to Principal Grandma anytime she was unhappy.

She always remembered this, remembered Lu You, but the little girl had probably helped too many people, and didn’t recognize her when they met again.

Maybe if she mentioned it, Lu You would remember, but the young man’s mind was too sensitive, only knowing to sulk alone about being forgotten.

For example, because of the scene of borrowing an umbrella, she remembered the deer head umbrella Lu You stuffed into her hand that day.

Then her thoughts diverged, and she remembered many things scattered around.

There was the time when she was fourteen, Lu You asked Tao Xin to say sorry to her, carefully protecting her self-esteem and investing in her to fix her phone.

There was the time when she was fifteen, Yue Shao hesitated to let her give up the cello, Lu You brought the money she had saved and said to Yue Shao, don’t let anyone give up what they like.

She knew that Lu You didn’t do this for her, but at that moment, the moonlight did shine on her.

There was the time when she was seventeen, before going abroad, Yue Shao had something to do, Tao Xin overslept, Uncle Tao was on a business trip, only Lu You got up early to see her off, gave her a peace charm and said to her, “A little deer sends peace, I wish you a safe journey.”

There was the first week abroad, receiving more concerned and detailed care from Lu You than from Yue Shao, asking her if she was used to it, and if there was anything she needed.

Although she was sending things to her childhood friend and thought of her along the way, it was different for her.

There was the time when she was twenty, when everyone only noticed her glamour when she returned to China, only Lu You walked up to her and asked her if it was very hard abroad.

There was the time when she was twenty-two, when she was visited by Lu You, who went to see her childhood friend and received a whole bag of hot pot seasoning, Lao Gan Ma, and snacks.

There was the time when she was twenty-four, attending Tao Xin’s birthday party, Tao Xin egged on her friends to toast her, she didn’t want to drink, which in other people’s eyes was not giving face, only Lu You respected her unwillingness, noticed her discomfort, and blocked everyone for her.

…

Too many, too many, things she remembered, things she didn’t remember… countless details took root and sprouted in her heart in various forms.

If life is a vast and lonely canyon, then Lu You, to her, is the moon in the sky, the wind in the canyon, and the river in the valley.

At twenty-four, Yue Yunxi was not surprised to realize that she liked Lu You.

She was the desire that stepped on the moonlight and fell into her dream.

It was the fantasy that she carefully and cautiously didn’t dare to overstep, fearing that if she broke it, she wouldn’t be able to put it back together.

Knowing that Lu You also liked girls, what was the degree of shock, regret, and pain in her heart on the day she learned that she was with Tao Xin?

It had been so long that she couldn’t remember it very clearly.

But she clearly remembered that after that, whenever she dreamed of Lu You, she was almost unbearable after waking up.

But all those regrets added up didn’t amount to as much as she had thought about the worst-case scenario this afternoon.

She determined that someone who had experienced light and warmth could never go back to the cold darkness, and could never just be friends.

And also hearing from Yue Shao that Tao Xin hadn’t let go of Lu You yet.

She admitted that she was anxious.

Anxious to think that instead of waiting to die, she might as well go all out and gamble once.

Gambling that her not disliking meant that she could like her.

Gambling that her hesitation and repeated additions and subtractions could be balanced by all her investment.

Fortunately, she won the bet.

Winning a glimpse of the hidden moon looking back.

ˉ

After washing up, Lu You leaned against the vanity table in a large T-shirt, blowing her hair in the direction of the door.

Her hair was almost dry, but she didn’t see Yue Yunxi come back.

She opened the door and looked towards the main house, the lights were on inside, Yue Yunxi had really gone over there to wash up.

Was she still not done washing? Or… belatedly realized she didn’t bring her pajamas and was struggling in the bathroom.

After hesitating for a moment, Lu You took out a T-shirt from her luggage bag, draped it over her arm, and walked towards the main house.

The shower room in the main house was much more reserved, with water-patterned frosted glass doors, only able to vaguely see a hazy figure, like smudged patches of color in an oil painting.

The sound of rushing water came from inside.

Lu You knocked on the door, raised her voice and said, “I brought you a T-shirt for pajamas, I’ll leave it outside.”

Before she finished speaking, the sound of water stopped, and the glass door was suddenly pulled open from the inside, and Lu You subconsciously turned her head to look over.

An arm extended horizontally in front of her, like a tender lotus root, wet with water, looking crisp and fresh.

She wondered if it would still have the sweetness of summer if she took a bite.

“Give it to me.” Yue Yunxi took the clothes from her hand, knowingly asking, “Yours?”

Out of the corner of her eye, she could vaguely catch a glimpse of the damp seaweed entangled with large patches of white, barely covering the undulating curves.

Lu You quickly turned her body away, said “Mm” and said, “I’m going back.”

“Not waiting for me to go together?”

Yue Yunxi’s voice was too soft, making her leaving at this moment seem very unkind.

Lu You had no choice but to stop standing in place with her back to the shower room.

Before long, Yue Yunxi’s voice came from behind her: “Okay.”

Just as she was about to leave, she heard Yue Yunxi hesitate and say, “There’s a question…”

Lu You turned her face and asked, “What?”

Afraid that her bag would be too heavy, she only brought two more short sleeves for pajamas and didn’t bring pajama pants. Usually when she wore this dress, even without pants, it was still a casual style.

But now, Yue Yunxi was wearing her clothes, the hem only drooping to her thighs, but it had a kind of pure and seductive style, with the seductive part accounting for an even larger proportion.

Lu You quickly turned her head back.

Yue Yunxi’s voice, containing shyness, fell softly, “Is my figure not good?”

The heat emanating from the shower room seemed to be on the back of her ear, making it scalding.

The alcohol hadn’t been completely metabolized, as if she was about to get drunk again.

Lu You cleared her throat and said pretending to be calm, “…No, it’s pretty good.”

It should be very good, she had been exercising for a long time, and not excessively, the thin muscle lines were absurdly beautiful.

As she closed the door, Yue Yunxi glanced at her sideways, and jokingly said, “Then why do you always look at me… as if you’re afraid of getting a stye?”

Amused by “getting a stye,” the nerve that Lu You had unconsciously tightened to the point of making her uncomfortable relaxed a little, and she blurted out, “That’s because…”

Halfway through, she suddenly stopped.

All the way silent to the door of the east wing, Lu You almost thought that this topic was over, but when she was questioned, she realized that Yue Yunxi was just giving her time to think.

“Because of what?”

Lu You paused in the action of pushing the door open, seemingly calm, but in fact said in one breath, “…You’re within the scope of my sexual orientation.”

After speaking, she went straight into the house, not daring to look at what Yue Yunxi’s reaction was at all.

“Is that so? Then I’m relieved.”

But the other person’s breathy voice was no less tormenting than her expression, lingering and caressing her eardrums.

Lu You had already climbed into bed at this moment, unintentionally pressing on the left antler of the little deer doll, she quickly raised her hand, smoothed her ears in passing, and asked without understanding, “Relieved about what?”

“Relieved that I have… attractiveness to you.”

There was a pause in the middle, only one syllable short, but it was precisely the pause there, leaving a subtle blank space.

Lu You almost automatically filled in a word.

Sexual attraction.

Lu You “Mm”ed once.

After a moment of silence, she “Mm”ed again.

And so the ambiguity that was rubbed out in the tug-of-war, lightly slipped into Yue Yunxi’s heart, scratching her heart until she couldn’t help but tremble.

After that, Lu You got into the quilt, hugged the little deer doll and closed her eyes to brew sleepiness. Yue Yunxi turned off the lights, and in the rustling movement, lay down beside her.

The quiet atmosphere flowed in the slightly cool air of the early autumn night.

The agitation in some part of her body was like experiencing a summer.

After an unknown amount of time, Lu You opened her eyes.

She couldn’t sleep at all, her mind was very chaotic, the miserable scene after the explosion, the beautiful scenes in the movie, the heartbeat game she experienced on the terrace, intersecting, overlapping, misplacing…

After a while, she turned over, and through the thin night, with a little faint silver moonlight, crashed into the soft gaze opposite her.

“Can’t sleep?” Yue Yunxi said in a breathy voice, “If the doll doesn’t give you enough security, you can sleep hugging me.”

Lu You’s fingertips slowly brushed over the doll’s fluff.

After a moment, she leaned closer to Yue Yunxi, her half-lowered eyelashes trembled slightly, and then she raised them again.

Meeting those eyes that were beautiful even at night, Lu You couldn’t help but ask, “How long have you used that profile picture?”

“…Six years.”

She had already guessed it, but her heart still uncontrollably shook. Lu You’s eyes flickered, and she asked with a parched throat, “You’ve also maintained your liking for me for six years?”

Yue Yunxi said, “No.”

Lu You was half-believing and half-doubting, “Really?”

Yue Yunxi “Mm”ed, her voice carrying a bit of a light smile, “Disappointed?”

“Of course not.” Lu You immediately denied.

It wasn’t disappointment, it was more like panic. Six years of secret love was too heavy, just thinking about it would make her feel suffocated, she was very afraid of disappointing the other person.

“I haven’t liked you for that long, don’t feel pressured.”

“…Oh.”

She had been seen through again.

“I just thought that picture had a good atmosphere, and I haven’t seen a more exciting profile picture to replace it.”

“Oh…”

“Don’t always say oh.”

“Oh.”

As soon as she finished speaking, Lu You’s slightly pouting mouth touched soft, cool fingertips, and then, she widened her eyes slightly, watching Yue Yunxi pinch her upper and lower lips with her fingertips.

“I told you not to say oh.” Yue Yunxi let go of her hand.

Still a gentle tone, but with a bit of a smile, wrapped in a trace of imperceptible danger, stirred together, like discipline from an elder.

Lu You narrowed her eyes and asked disobediently, “So what if I say oh?”

Even in the dim night, she could see clearly. Yue Yunxi’s gaze fell on her lips.

Warm breath suddenly approached, Lu You’s heart skipped a beat, and her breathing suddenly stagnated.

At the moment when they were about to touch, she tilted her head back and suddenly turned her back.

Her heart was pounding.

Behind her, Yue Yunxi’s smiling voice caressed her ears.

“I thought you weren’t afraid.”

Lu You pouted and said, “Then I thought you wouldn’t either.”

After a brief silence, Yue Yunxi asked, “Which kind of wouldn’t?”

Lu You: “…”

If the doll had consciousness, it would probably be hugged unconscious by her.

“Wouldn’t in the sense of reason and restraint.”

Yue Yunxi smiled, ambiguously.

“You overestimate me too much, and underestimate yourself too much.”

Lu You didn’t say anything, knowing that the night was the best cover for shyness, she still couldn’t help but bury her burning face behind the doll.

After a while, she caught a light sigh, and in the sigh was a low murmur, like sharing a secret pressed in her heart with her.

“You are the end of my reason.”