FBF chapter 4 part 3

I hesitated for a moment and buried my face a little deeper so he couldn’t see it. I had forgotten that there was someone who cared about these things. I felt awkward yet embarrassed. I hesitated briefly, but my desire not to lie to that one person won. I bit my lip and said as calmly as I could,

“I was caught butting in without knowing my place.”

“By whom?”

“…….”

“Is it Lee Jihoon?”

I was surprised that Jihoon’s name came out so quickly. I unconsciously raised my eyes in surprise. It was only then I realized that my reaction had conveyed my affirmation by itself. Fortunately, my grandfather had already been wearing an expression that suggested he had figured it out before I even spoke.

Feeling like everything was already out in the open, I confessed.

“I did something that I deserved to get hit for. I brought up the story of the deceased aunt.”

“…….”

“My father is worried, so I overstepped by advising him not to do that.”

My grandfather didn’t ask more questions. Instead, he quickly left to somewhere.

He returned three hours later, accompanied by Jihoon. As Jihoon awkwardly stepped into the yard, my grandfather issued a firm order.

“What are you doing? Come in.”

Jihoon looked visibly uncomfortable. However, it seemed he could not ignore my grandfather’s command, reluctantly slipping off his shoes. The moment our eyes met as I awkwardly stood up from studying on the porch, he bit his lip and hurriedly lowered his head. The glimpse of his face was a mess. His cheeks were swollen, and there were bruises beginning to emerge, clearly indicating he had been beaten.

“Sit down.”

Jihoon followed my grandfather’s order and sat down. This time, my grandfather ordered me, standing at the end of the porch.

“You, go inside.”

Not bothering to ask for a reason, I entered the room. The walls of the house were thin, and as long as the two of them talked in the living room, I would somehow be able to eavesdrop. Noticing the slightly ajar door, I realized my grandfather didn’t feel the need to exclude me any further. I leaned back against the wall beside the door. Before long, my grandfather’s voice rang out.

“Do you really want to smoke that badly?”

“…….”

“Here it is. Go ahead and smoke.”

“…Grandpa.”

“Hurry.”

Following the rustling of a bag, something was tossed atop the small table. I shifted my gaze to the gap in the door. Through the narrow space, I could see the small table where I had previously laid open my book. The moment I saw the object my grandfather threw onto it, I had to doubt my eyes.

“…….”

No matter how much he looked angry, to offer a cigarette to a teenager? I thought my grandfather couldn’t possibly be serious. Surely, he was just trying to intimidate him.

However, my grandfather actually reached for the pack of cigarettes on the table. He lit one and took a puff, then held it out directly to Jihoon. When Jihoon didn’t take it, my grandfather brought it closer, almost intending to shove it in Jihoon’s mouth. The moment Jihoon hesitated and turned his head slightly, my grandfather reprimanded him sternly.

“If it’s a cigarette you can’t smoke in front of adults, then you shouldn’t have started in the first place.”

That was a clear provocation. Jihoon’s eyes, which had been downward, rose. It was the rebellious expression I had seen often on the playground, getting scolded by a homeroom teacher. With no one willing to back down, tension filled the air. I breathed quietly, barely strong enough for the two of them to hear. I couldn’t begin to predict how this situation would unfold.

“I don’t smoke this.”

My grandfather’s authoritarian attitude seemed to ignite the rebellious sparks inside Jihoon. My grandfather responded, unfazed.

“Then smoke yours.”

Jihoon did indeed take the lighter from my grandfather, pulled a crumpled pack of cigarettes from his pocket, and lit one up. I had often seen people smoking on the street, but I had never imagined I would witness Jihoon and my grandfather smoking together.

Although I could accept Jihoon doing this, seeing my grandfather smoke was a first for me. While I never expected my grandfather to have never smoked in his life, I also never thought I would see him chain-smoking in such a manner. It was an unbelievably surreal scene. I stared at them in a daze, unable to believe what I was witnessing.

My grandfather continued to smoke four or five cigarettes in a row. Each time Jihoon’s cigarette grew shorter, my grandfather would callously remark. Was that all he had? The regretful expression Jihoon wore as he smoked seemed to provoke him into grabbing the lighter my grandfather had thrown and lighting another cigarette. It was a conflict whose purpose I could not discern. Heavy smoke began to waft into the living room, thickening as the two continued their relentless smoking. The smoke drifting through the crack of the door made my nose tingle. Just as I could no longer hold back and let out a cough, Jihoon spat the cigarette out onto the table. It was his fifth.

“…Damn it.”

Jihoon’s curse reached me clearly beyond the door. He continued to cough for a while, but slowly the sound faded to silence. Only then did my grandfather finally extinguish his cigarette in the ashtray in front of him. In the still smoky living room, he began to speak while sitting up straight.

“I gave you your name.”

It was an unexpected opening. As I held my breath, Jihoon buried his head down. It was as if he was already anticipating what he would soon hear.

“Your mother chased after me day and night, begging me for it. She wanted the best name in the world for you.”

“…….”

“I could see that you looked like you were going to be something special, kicking around like that even before you were born. If you were going to be something great, you needed a really cool and beautiful name.”

At that, Jihoon flinched. My grandfather continued to speak as if he couldn’t see Jihoon’s distress.

“Even when she was doing that, if I was smoking, she didn’t come near me. Even when you were small, when others wanted to pet your head because you were so cute, your mother insisted they wash their hands first.”

“…….”

“She didn’t want it to have a bad impact on you.”

“…….”

“That’s how your mother raised you. Not so you could live like this.”

The weighty discipline continued to poke at Jihoon’s vulnerabilities. Jihoon kept his head lowered, with silent tears trickling down from beneath him. I felt I could no longer look at Jihoon and turned my head away. It felt just like yesterday morning. As if I were watching something I shouldn’t see. Even though I wasn’t peeking through the gap in the door as before, I could still sense it. I understood that a person’s tears, who had lost someone, became sharper the quieter they were. Through the thin wall, I could feel Jihoon’s pain vividly, like I could reach out and touch it.

It was a long while before Jihoon finally spoke.

“So what? Mom is gone from this world now.”

“…….”

“She left me here all alone!”

His voice trembled as he continued speaking.

“My mom lied. She said she’d wait for me until I came back from training… said she’d be fine until then and call me if anything happened.”

“…….”

“She didn’t even let me say goodbye, saying it wasn’t necessary… insisting she was okay… I thought it was a training I had to go to, listening only to my coach, even if I said I didn’t need to go she didn’t believe me and just pushed me.”

“…….”

“My mom left first. Mom… Mom lied. So I won’t listen to her anymore. No need to live properly, and I don’t need to obey Dad… I’ll just… just live like this. Because anyway, Mom can’t say anything now….”

My grandfather remained silent. He could respond to such childish words, but it seemed he first wanted to give himself a moment to calm down. He opened his mouth before too long. After Jihoon’s sobs had subsided a little.

“When you say that…”

“…….”

“What do you think your mother was feeling? And what about your father watching from the side….”

My grandfather’s voice seemed to carry a hint of pain as he sighed deeply, the heaviness of it implying that even he couldn’t completely digest what was happening.

Despite having prepared himself to speak, Jihoon suddenly burst into tears like a child, unable to hide anything any longer. The feelings he had been carrying for over three months poured forth.

“Mom….”

“…….”

“Mom keeps disappearing, Grandpa….”

In that moment, Jihoon finally looked every bit like a sixteen-year-old boy. A boy who had lost his mother far too early. His words, devoid of any embellishment, struck deeply in my heart. It felt like a line of pain that was drawn inside me.

“Even if I go into the bedroom… Even if I bury my face in mom’s clothes, I can’t smell her anymore.”

“…….”

“But Dad is trying to erase mom’s traces. He won’t talk about her, and he keeps throwing away her things. That really annoys me… because he’s the same. He wants to die because she’s gone. I don’t think I can live, and I can’t get used to a world without mom… I don’t know how I’m supposed to live from now on….”

Jihoon cried for a long time. I imagined the floor beneath his knees had grown wet from his tears. After some time, my grandfather took Jihoon by the arm and led him outside. He didn’t return for a long while. I waited a little longer for his return and eventually walked into the living room. As I began to clean up the table, which was left with an ashtray and an empty cigarette pack, my eyes stopped on a droplet of tear that had fallen to the floor.

“…….”

Even just wiping it with a dry towel would leave no trace, but knowing that it contained everything that made Jihoon sad, I somehow couldn’t bring myself to touch it. I gave up on cleaning and sat on the porch. A chilly breeze brushed my cheek. I buried my face in my hands and breathed heavily. For the first time since coming down here, I thought of how much I missed my mom.

* * *

The next day, I met Jihoon at the bus stop. It was almost a week since I had taken the bus with him. Realizing this, I noticed that Jihoon seemed a bit anxious as he watched me approach the stop. His eyes were puffy enough to serve as a testament that last night wasn’t just a dream. Not wanting to stare directly, I glanced sideways at him, but Jihoon suddenly extended something toward me.

I saw him briefly bite his lip. Despite his hesitation, his apology came swiftly.

“Hey. I’m sorry about yesterday.”

Seeing the ointment he handed me, I couldn’t help but ask.

“Did you buy it in town yesterday?”

He couldn’t have brought it from home since it looked too new. The moment he appeared at a loss for words, he replied petulantly,

“Does it matter right now? I’m trying to make up here.”

Given that there were no pharmacies in this town and that even the ones in town would not have opened yet in the morning, it meant he had likely picked this up after hitting me the day before. After piecing it together, I understood why he was glancing at my cheek.

Jihoon seemed to feel guilty about hitting me as he struggled to meet my gaze, which made me involuntarily smile. The sight of his swollen face made me chuckle.

“It’s not important. But…”

“…….”

“You really….”

I had never directly told anyone this before, but staring at Jihoon made it the only thing that came to mind.

“You’re seriously ugly.”

Jihoon looked dumbfounded. I left him behind and headed towards the bus.

“Hey! Wait up, everyone! I’m coming, I’m coming!”

Kang Youngsoo’s voice echoed from a distance. It seemed he was hurriedly climbing up the hill. I stuffed the ointment into my pocket and boarded the bus first. Jihoon soon followed me, casually talking to the bus driver.

“Mr. Driver, just go ahead and take off. That guy over there is the local famous madman, and he won’t be getting on this bus anyway.”

Now that I thought about it, the bus driver had recently cheerfully asked Jihoon if Kang Youngsoo was a new driver. I wondered if the driver believed Jihoon’s words, as the door of the bus shut with a hiss. Strangely enough, there were a lot of people on the bus that day. Seeing that there were no seats left, I stood close to the door. Jihoon came to stand beside me. When our eyes met, he raised one eyebrow and spoke to me.

“I’ve never been told I’m ugly in my life.”

His face was swollen like a steamed bun, and his eyes were so squinted that he could barely open them, yet his confidence was remarkable. As I looked at him as if I were questioning what his issue was, he quickly turned his head, fiddling with his hair.

“Hey, should I dye my hair black too? To match my bruised face so that people might get confused?”

His face shone with mischief as he grinned, peering into the window as if it were a mirror. It was strange to see him joking so comfortably after being angry just yesterday. I felt no rejection in his playful tone.

“If Park Cheol-seung comes your way, you pretend to be me and start a fight. This time, I’ll call the police. Speak in a low and scary voice, ‘This is Park Cheol-seung from Taean Technical High School.'”

It was surprising that he was joking about something that had only happened a day ago. I couldn’t help but find it fascinating.

“Why? Is that not allowed? Are those words only for you?”

What a ridiculous thing to say…

Seeing my disappointed expression, Jihoon chuckled and turned his head away. His face, reflecting off the window, looked playful this time.

“Oh, I can’t even handle how popular I already am. I’m worried it’ll become too tiring. What about you?”

“What about what?”

“Do you think you’ll stay calm seeing how handsome I am every morning?”

“…You crazy bastard.”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Despite my harsh retort, Jihoon kept laughing. His expression was much more relaxed than when he had desperately tried to put on a tough front in front of Park Cheol-seung yesterday. To my surprise, I found myself chuckling back at him. Seeing my reaction, Jihoon flashed a beaming smile as if he had achieved something. I hadn’t known until now that he had a dimple on his right cheek. The dimple, located a bit lower than his eyes and higher than his cheekbones, seemed to only appear when he smiled brightly.

What was the real Jihoon like? I couldn’t say for sure, but I thought this was probably the closest version of him I could find. The dimple I had just seen felt like the first raw glimpse of him he had ever shown me. As Jihoon and I reflected in the bus windows side by side, I noticed he was just about a finger’s width taller than me. Seeing his buttons closed snugly, I sensed that Jihoon would no longer accumulate points against him. He had finally stopped aimlessly walking along the railroad tracks and had jumped aboard any passing train.

Kang Youngsoo also managed to board the bus. As he pushed through the crowd towards us, he paused momentarily upon seeing Jihoon’s messed-up face, hesitated, and then promptly slammed him on the shoulder.

“Did you spread rumors that I’m a madman to the driver?”

“Yep!”

“What did you do to be so cheerfully answering, you bastard!”

Jihoon managed to let one hit slide but dodged the second, pulling back just in time to avoid being hit again. The bus came to a sudden halt, causing Jihoon to lurch towards me. As I pushed him away instinctively, trying to stabilize myself, the bell rang.

A student sitting nearby glanced at us and shook his head disapprovingly as he exited the bus. I cleared my throat and looked outside. Midterms were just two weeks away, and the following week our school trip was scheduled. April was just around the corner.

* * *

As soon as school started, Jihoon and I were summoned to the teacher’s office. One of us had a bruise on his cheek, while the other’s face was covered in them, eliciting curiosity from the other teachers in the office every three seconds. Our homeroom teacher, who wore a worried expression as soon as he saw our faces, seemed to already know something had happened. It looked like the police had indeed taken action. Even with prior context, he didn’t ask us what had happened, and instead launched into a lecture about how we shouldn’t associate with bad friends, and how important this time in our lives was. Even though he pretended to be fair, his gaze was continually locked on Jihoon.

Jihoon, aware of this, had erased the defiant expression he usually wore and simply blinked obediently at the teacher’s lecture. It seemed that Jihoon’s submissiveness only propelled the teacher’s lecturing further. Now, everyone in the office was watching us.

As if putting on a show for everyone, the teacher pointed dramatically at Jihoon’s hair and raised his voice.

“Look at the hair. I told you last time to come with your hair trimmed properly-”

It was then that Jihoon took the opportunity to interject quickly.

“I’m going to dye it.”

“…What?”

“I asked my dad to buy dye on his way home. I’m going to dye it tonight.”

The teacher looked flustered, blinking rapidly before hurriedly changing the topic. His eyes dropped from Jihoon’s yellow hair to his outfit. Although Jihoon didn’t look fashionable, he at least appeared neater than he had over the past few months.

The teacher’s attention shifted to me, signaling the next issue he found with us.

As expected, the teacher poked Jihoon’s shoulder with the wooden stick he was holding.

“Where’s your school uniform gone-”

“I washed it. It smelled like smoke.”

What a crazy bastard.

This time I couldn’t hold back either and turned my head away. I needed to check if he was in his right mind, making such comments in the teacher’s office. Seeing Jihoon putting on an innocent face made me lose focus entirely. I had a strong feeling this was all intentional.

“It’s not right for a student to smell like that. Isn’t that true?”

Suddenly, I remembered that Kang Youngsoo had said something similar while flipping through manga.

“Either way, you don’t need to worry so much. That guy is just too relentless. Once he sets his mind on something, nothing will change his mind. He’s not the type to listen to others, so just wait for him to sort himself out.”

That was why Kang Youngsoo had shaking his head in disgust as he spoke.

I was currently witnessing just how relentless Jihoon could be as he had decided on something.

“Here, I have my cell phone too. Want to take it away?”

“…Um, no. You can collect it all at once when the other kids walk by.”

“No, please take it right now. I haven’t really looked at it because I’ve had a pile of abusive texts since yesterday….”

“…You received abusive texts?”

“Yeah. They keep saying they’d kill me if I report it to the police again… I couldn’t sleep because I was so scared. If I give my phone to you, you’re going to hand it to the police station, right? I don’t have to worry about any retaliation, do I?”

The teacher seemed overwhelmed, with his glasses slipping to the bridge of his nose as he examined the abusive texts Jihoon showed him. Jihoon really handed over his phone to the teacher, even adding that he didn’t mind not getting it back as long as it was delivered to the police station. I stood there in shock, unable to respond until we had exited the office.