FBF chapter 24 part 2
by Volare“Hey, let’s go out.”
My voice instinctively lowered, as if being contagious from his whispering tone meant for secret conversations.
“…Where to?”
“Anywhere.”
Our eyes met. Jihoon, with a mischievous smile, pulled my arm. He held his finger to his lips, indicating a shush. Kang Youngsoo was still on the phone, oblivious as we tiptoed silently in our shoes. Jihoon’s ear turned red as he scratched the back of his neck intermittently, barely able to contain his laughter.
It was a summer night. The surroundings were still bright enough that I questioned whether the streetlights needed to be turned on. We walked together, keeping a distance just enough that our elbows brushed. A cool breeze blew, something unthinkable just hours earlier. The beach was crowded, as if everyone sensed they couldn’t miss this kind of weather. A deep pink hue spread across the sea, seemingly igniting a deeper red emotion within those who beheld it.
Not many chose to walk away from the sight of the beautiful waves. Jihoon and I continued forward in silence, as if we both inherently understood where we were headed without needing to speak. The sound of our soles against the ground was pronounced due to the flip-flops we wore. As we reached the village entrance, the chorus of crickets joined our journey.
This was the same forest path we had driven through earlier. With trees so dense that the end wasn’t in sight, it was much darker than around the pension. I remembered how I had once walked this path alone—much colder, darker, and lonelier than now.
Unless it was a car speeding by on the path next to us, no one seemed inclined to cross this dark road. Within five minutes of entering the woods, perfect silence enveloped us, with even the faint sounds of voices dissipating. Jihoon took my hand as if he had been waiting to do so. Starting with our pinky fingers entwining as children do, it quickly escalated to our palms pressing together, and then to us interlocking fingers. Comparing it to what we had done before, it was a simple gesture, yet it felt far more intimate. I felt a bit awkward, as if it were the first time we held hands, my body stiffening, unable to turn my gaze sideways. My fingers gripped his lightly—not out of aversion, but it seemed to express my reluctance. Surprisingly, Jihoon was quiet too. His usually playful demeanor only made the silence feel even more awkward. But neither of us let go of each other’s hands.
“……”
“……”
Although it was a main road, a pedestrian path ran alongside where we walked. Despite the gap between us, streetlights were scattered along the way. One by one, the lights flickered on as the night deepened. Just as we passed a particularly bright streetlight, Jihoon stopped suddenly.
“Feels longer than I thought.”
Jihoon was gazing ahead. This was also a place where the streetlights were sparse, and we had to walk much further than what our eyes could perceive to reach the end. His gaze turned slowly back to me. A gentle breeze ruffled his hair as he looked at me warmly, with his left hand tucked into his pocket.
“What were you thinking while walking?”
Despite having shared many words and confessions with Jihoon, I had never opened up about the feelings we experienced that summer when we were twenty. I could sense that his question sprang from certainty and a desire to talk about it. I now knew we could share that story, that it would only strengthen our bond, making him courageous enough to ask.
I turned my body just as he had, to look sideways instead of straight.
“I lost you….”
An exhale that had been held since that day rushed out like wind.
“Thinking that if I walked this road, I might never see you again.”
Jihoon raised his hand. The coolness of his palm lightly brushed against my cheek, as if to soothe me. It seemed he was comforting both the me from then and the me now, who needed that same reassurance. Only when Jihoon confirmed I was truly looking at him did he speak again.
“And now?”
I didn’t cry when we walked endlessly along that dark forest path, not even when the imagined weight of those tears would not come. Every step reminded me I was tearing myself away from the safety Jihoon had built around me, heading down a path from which I could never return. I knew it was a path that would eventually lead to my ruin.
Even if I returned to that guesthouse, I felt nothing would change, and the thought of turning back felt impossible. Back then, if someone had turned me around and told me to go back, that Jihoon was waiting for me, that he would welcome me, it would have been nice. If only someone could tell me it was okay, that I was still within Jihoon’s sturdy embrace.
I knew I could have been that person to myself. Though it was late, I considered it fortunate I could do so now. I was still here, holding onto that hand of Jihoon’s I thought I had lost.
“I guess you wanted to walk together like this.”
“……”
“It’s a path meant for holding hands.”
As the words slipped from me, they felt increasingly embarrassing. Jihoon stared at me as if he couldn’t believe I had just said that. I awkwardly bit my lip but neither let go of his hand nor turned away. Instead, I tightened my grip and met his gaze. Jihoon’s face began to inch closer. He always wrapped his arms around my neck and face when he kissed me. Right when our noses touched, my eyes naturally closed. Jihoon murmured,
“You’ve never been just a passing presence in my life.”
I nodded subtly, only enough for him to notice. Just before our lips met, Jihoon spoke once more.
“I love you.”
In response, I placed my hand on his cheek. Our breaths mingled, feeling warm and intertwined.
Fortunately, we didn’t walk the forest path all the way to the end, so it didn’t take long to get back to our accommodations.
“Where have you been?”
As soon as the door opened, Kang Youngsoo, lying on the sofa, raised his head sharply and asked.
“On a date.”
Jihoon replied nonchalantly before heading into the bathroom to wash his hands. Kang Youngsoo, with a look of utmost indignation, shouted back.
“If the three of us came here, we should all be going on dates!”
His statement made me realize that even the word “date” wouldn’t raise any suspicion with Kang Youngsoo.
“Right, Seon-uk?”
I swallowed a sigh at the way he looked at me, seeking my support. I truly didn’t know how to deal with this… Now I genuinely worried about it. Even if I sat him down and explained everything one by one, he likely wouldn’t believe me. Realizing it was an issue I couldn’t resolve right away, I shook my head.
“…Let’s just eat. I’m hungry.”
Seeing that he wasn’t going to complain any further, it seemed it hadn’t been long since he finished his call with Da-in.
Once Jihoon finished washing his hands, he went out onto the veranda to start preparing dinner. I approached and claimed I would grill the meat, only to have the tongs snatched away from me. Not wanting to give up, I hovered around, trying to help, but it was Kang Youngsoo who stood next to Jihoon, raising his phone into the air.
“Hey, let’s take a picture. A photo.”
“… Again?”
Kang Youngsoo had the strongest urge to take photos among the three of us. I was certain he had taken hundreds of pictures today alone. Always suggesting poses, it had become exhausting, and now I felt drained just seeing the camera. I was never sure what kind of expression to make, standing awkwardly, while sometimes he would say it was great and at other times tell me to smile more. The moment the suggestion to take a picture left his mouth, he quickly soothed me when I attempted to avoid it. “Seon-uk, just one, just one!” I sighed but put down my chopsticks and turned toward the phone Kang Youngsoo was holding. Jihoon, who had the meat tongs momentarily, managed to give a forced smile toward the camera after a few grumbles.
“Alright, one, two-”
It seemed the button was pressed only once, yet the shutter sound kept ringing alongside a vibrating screen. Jihoon raised his eyebrows and turned back to Kang Youngsoo.
“What was that just now?”
“I shot in continuous mode.”
“What’s continuous mode?”
“It’s an abbreviation for continuous photos. Do I really have to explain basic terms like this, you idiots?”
“Do you even know what ‘byeoljijami’ means?”
“What? No? What’s that?”
“It’s an abbreviation for someone who’s lost it over something trivial.”
It seemed the bickering had subsided for now, but their expressions turned serious as they leaned in to check the photos.
“Should we retake it?”
The moment I thought it was going to start all over again based on his question, thankfully Jihoon decisively turned away.
“Enough. No more photos.”
“Ah, why! I closed my eyes in the last picture!”
“Seon-uk came out well in it.”
Unintentionally, I jolted and lifted my head.
“Seriously… living together seems to have brought you two closer these days…”
Fortunately, Kang Youngsoo looked busy grumbling as he lowered the phone, seemingly unaware of the secret shared looks between Jihoon and me. Even if he had seen, he likely wouldn’t have caught on. Jihoon continued to toss winks at me while Kang Youngsoo checked the previous photos, chuckling every time he saw my expressions, which he found amusing.
Yet when Kang Youngsoo lifted his head, we pretended that nothing had happened. I heard Jihoon’s voice from the grill as he scattered smoke with a fan.
“Hey. Send me that photo.”
“What photo?”
“The one we just took.”
“I don’t want to.”
“Send it.”
“Hey, when you ask, you should do so politely.”
“Better send it while you still can, you jerk.”
Even though I wasn’t standing near the fire like Jihoon, I inexplicably felt a warmth creeping up my neck. Unable to tolerate merely listening, I quietly joined their bickering. If you’re going to send it anyways, just send it now, I told them. Kang Youngsoo, staring at me as if betrayed, didn’t argue back and instead grimaced while sending a hundred photos. Out of those, I saved only a few. Including the ones where Jihoon somehow got stuck in the edge of the photo, I had saved a total of one hundred.
“Ah, I’m full. I shouldn’t have drunk that beer…”
“I told you two bottles were plenty. I knew from the start when you acted like you could eat it all.”
“Well, I ate it all, so it’s fine. Just stop fighting.”
Alongside dinner, we indulged in some drinking. Kang Youngsoo and Jihoon drank double, consuming my share too. Eventually, it turned into a drinking battle, as Kang Youngsoo surrendered, and once we returned to the second floor, I lay on my back looking at the ceiling while the smell of alcohol lingering around both of them was strong.
After several mediations, peace finally returned. Perhaps we were distracted by the night sky visible through the ceiling as well. The slanted window, framed by the roof, displayed the stars. The twinkling lights in the sky were indistinguishable between stars, passing airplanes, or asteroids whose names we didn’t even know. The moon wasn’t visible, but that was fine—it allowed us to focus more on the stars.
Kang Youngsoo suddenly spoke up. His voice, stained with alcohol, resonated in the space that was only filled with us.
“This is exactly what I wished for when I was twenty. Lying here with you guys, watching the sky.”
“……”
“……”
“When we lived in Taean, we at least saw the light festival together. But after going to college, it became so hard just to see each other once a month.”
“……”
“Still, the sky is everywhere, so we can always see it, even if it’s not Taean. I thought it would be nice to create new memories like this. Well… things didn’t go as planned.”
I subtly raised my head to glance over. Kang Youngsoo lay between Jihoon and me, revealing a look of nostalgia. He seemed fascinated, or perhaps he missed something.
“I can’t believe we’re doing this ten years later… finally….”
On the opposite side, Jihoon glanced at Kang Youngsoo, mirroring my own expression. Our eyes met briefly, and we both awkwardly lay back down. We were horizontally spread across the bed, all six legs dangling off the side. I lifted my gaze from the floor to the sky, fixing my eyes on it like Kang Youngsoo, and spoke.
“We can still make memories. Let’s do it again next year.”
“…Really?”
Jihoon picked up my words from across the room.
“Next time, let’s go to a hotel.”
“Really? You promise?”
Kang Youngsoo, swinging his head between me and Jihoon, went silent for a moment before tightening his arms around mine. Jihoon likely held onto him in a similar manner. Both Jihoon and I replied almost in unison.
“Yeah.”
Excitement filled the room, as Kang Youngsoo began peppering us with ideas about where to go next. Gradually, his voice began to quiet down, interspersed with yawns. The grip of his arms around himself loosened too. This was a familiar sight. I thought that he would soon doze off when Kang Youngsoo spoke up.
“You know our team leader, Yong-joo? That guy is really into me. He was grilling me about my vacation plans and who I was going with. When I told him I was coming with you guys, he suddenly said that he used to have a friend he thought would last a lifetime, but he hasn’t contacted him for years, and he has no idea where he is or how he’s living now. He said to cherish the good times.”
I lent an ear to Kang Youngsoo, who was chasing away sleep to recount this. Jihoon, cupping his hands behind his head and nodding along silently, was likely feeling the same way, wanting to express his own apologies and gratitude in his own way.
“It really pissed me off. Even though I often complain about Yong-joo around you guys, I still play along with him in front of others. What’s so special about being a working adult? But in that moment, I just couldn’t hold back, and I told him no—that we’re different.”
“……”
“……”
“I was saying that you guys aren’t just friends who are around when I’m feeling good, but that you’ll always be by my side. You’ll be there when I get married, and I’ll be there when you get married too. Our kids will call you all uncle. That we’ll be friends who stick around for a long time to come.”
For a long time…
Kang Youngsoo repeated the phrase as if it were a spell. His alcohol-soaked breathing became irregular and eventually settled into soft snores. After Kang Youngsoo drifted off to sleep, Jihoon and I remained in silence for a while.
I was the first to break the quiet.
“…Let’s talk about it before he gets married.”
I sensed Jihoon stir beside me. He picked up the blanket that had rolled off and tucked it around Kang Youngsoo’s body.
“Yeah, we should.”
A simple reply came from him. I held my arms beside my body and sat up. Jihoon turned toward Kang Youngsoo. I noticed the same nostalgic look from earlier reflecting on Jihoon’s face.
“I don’t know if this guy will do the fatherly duties properly when he gets married.”
Jihoon’s gaze, filled with love and concern like I rarely had seen, lingered on Kang Youngsoo’s sleeping face, as if to cherish the moment. I looked on, muttering softly.
“I’ll keep watching from here. You’ll come to know it.”
Jihoon lifted his head. We exchanged silent smiles. It was Jihoon who turned his gaze away first.
“Ah, it’s so irritating! Why do mosquitos have to hang around here of all places?”
He frowned as he looked down at his arm. I hesitated to follow his line of sight. Jihoon’s arm was noticeably darker than the rest of him, as his skin had tanned from being exposed to the sun while playing games with the people in the adjacent accommodation. When I had checked earlier during dinner, that section felt particularly warm. Unable to hold back any longer, I blurted out.
“So?”
“Huh?”
“Why are you walking around without sunscreen when you didn’t apply it?”
Honestly, I had been bothered by this since hearing it from Kang Youngsoo. Jihoon tilted his head in my direction, a teasing expression crossing his face.
“Are you concerned about me not applying sunscreen? Or are you concerned about me walking around without it?”
I didn’t answer and chose to look at the sky instead, debating whether I should separate the two. Ignoring it, Jihoon continued to stare intently at me. The weight of his gaze, which I had felt on my skin, was gone. Instead of embracing or kissing like we typically would, we lay down as we did earlier, with Kang Youngsoo between us as we gazed at the sky a little longer.
It was a sky where we could hold hands tightly, walk together for a long time, and eventually would reach our destination. No matter how lost or hurt we got in the process, even the scars left behind would eventually become cherished tokens of love.