FBF chapter 18 part 5
by Volare– So… I think I overreacted a bit when you came.
I thought, ‘I wouldn’t have done that, but you might.’
– I thought once things calmed down, I could contact you and resolve it, but the more I thought about it, the more embarrassed I felt. It felt like I went crazy over something trivial. It’s awkward to just storm out and then contact you again.
“…….”
– So I couldn’t reach out. It’s not that there was another reason.”
Still, for you, I must be someone worth explaining this to.
– There’s no need for you to come looking for me like this. It’s not your fault.
Even though I won’t be able to see your face if you come unannounced, and I won’t be someone who can celebrate birthdays with you, sharing a cake just the two of us.
– Just wait a bit. Until I can look at your face and tell you I’m sorry.
If I can just run away a bit and keep my distance, I might be able to stay by your side.
– Happy birthday.
At least as a friend who can receive happy birthday wishes.
I couldn’t even say thank you before the call ended. Since he asked me to wait, I wouldn’t be able to hear Ji Seon-uk’s voice again until he calls me back. I held onto my phone a little longer while thinking about that. I spoke my belated apology to the phone that just hung up, knowing Ji Seon-uk wouldn’t hear it.
“…I’m sorry.”
When I met Ji Seon-uk today, I wanted to talk about that. The truth is, every time I got hit by the seniors, I thought of you. But I got hit quite a lot, so that means I thought about you excessively. But it would be funny to contact you every time that happened. You might think of a friend when things are tough, but who looks for their friend’s picture whenever things get rough? So I didn’t contact you. At first, I couldn’t; later, I just didn’t.
“I was wrong.”
I think the boundaries I set as a friend were too focused on myself. The line I established for friendship might have been a mere illusion. If it wasn’t, I wouldn’t have been reminded of that day and rushed back to the police station at the sound of the common rain. I wouldn’t have felt my heart drop when I heard you went to see a movie with a guy. If I don’t fix this, it’ll definitely become a problem. Someday, it will surely create a bigger issue than now, and it will be hard to remain by your side.
Fortunately, because I did something foolish today, I made the mistake of looking back at a problem I thought I had solved, so I’ll cover up the faint pencil marks that were left from my worries with correction fluid. I’ll make it as if that answer sheet never existed.
Then it should be fine. If there’s no answer, how can I choose one?
When I just entered through the front gate, the intermittent rain seemed to have completely stopped, and now I can’t even hear the sound of raindrops. I lowered my phone, feeling the stillness of silence. I checked the room across habitually. The old man’s back was moving up and down at the same steady pace as before. I relaxed my body and took a deep breath.
I had a hunch that I wouldn’t have nightmares tonight.