FBF chapter 18 part 2

I know that the best course of action is not to react, yet I still couldn’t hold back my words. I had clenched my fists tightly, wanting to strike, while looking directly into B’s eyes to plead.

“The photo you took from my room.”

“…….”

“It’s important to me. There’s nothing wrong with it according to the possessions policy. If you took it by mistake, I’d like it back.”

The senior detectives beside me exchanged glances, astonished that B had actually entered my room. Even though they had been watching the rookie intrude, they felt a sense of discomfort seeing B’s actions cross the line. Anyone with a clear mind would have realized that going into a junior’s room and taking something was out of bounds, no matter how much ‘training’ or ‘discipline’ they claimed to uphold.

B wasn’t dumb enough to miss the tension in the air. After quickly surveying the surroundings, he stood up and, with a stiff expression, ordered me.

“Follow me.”

I could see the dormitory at the base of the mountain, still lit up. They were probably in roll call right now. My absence might have gone unnoticed at that moment. However, the fact that Ji Seon-uk had received twenty-five missed calls as soon as I bolted out didn’t really give me the luxury to consider that.

I leaned on my knees for a moment, catching my breath. The dormitory doors would close once roll call was over. Before that happened, I had to sprint uphill, running for about twenty minutes without stopping. It felt like my lungs were collapsing, but fortunately, Ji Seon-uk’s calls didn’t stop ringing. My phone buzzed continuously and then gradually spaced out to intervals of three to five minutes. When I left the dormitory, there had been twenty-five missed calls; now, it was twenty-eight. I cleared my throat, took a deep breath, and brought the phone to my ear. My forehead and cheeks were slick. It should have been sweat, but I hastily wiped my hands on my pants to dry them before griping the phone tighter.

“…Hello?”

My voice sounded quite okay to me. At least it didn’t sound like I had been beaten all evening, which reassured me.

“Why aren’t you asleep at this hour?”

-…….

“Can’t sleep?”

If I hadn’t known what he’d been through earlier, I wouldn’t have been able to ask that so casually. Rather than a casual talk, it would have turned into an interrogation about who had hurt me, just like Kang Youngsoo had done during his recent visit. I suddenly recalled Ji Seon-uk crying after the uproar I caused in the cafeteria. Even after seeing such a trivial wound, he had been shocked; seeing my current state would probably send him into a panic.

Seon-uk hadn’t even mentioned visiting me, and I was grateful that he couldn’t see how I was right now. However, there was no avoiding the fact that Kang Youngsoo must have spilled everything he witnessed today to Ji Seon-uk, who just couldn’t let it go and started calling me persistently.

Since I turned fifteen, I’d received more calls from Seon-uk today than from any other day. It made me ponder about the things that might be unspoken between us. Maybe my goal was really to not worry him. Although even that had beautifully failed.

-Youngsoo said…

As expected, Ji Seon-uk started with what I anticipated him to say. I held my breath, knowing his next words were predictable. Thanks to running far away on that barbed wire-fenced ground, the silence creeped in after I jumped over it. I could even hear his breathing, which always slowed whenever he chose his words carefully, making me feel relieved I had made it to safety.

I needed to listen carefully when Seon-uk was choosing his words. At those moments, he always said something I could never forget.

-There’s a guesthouse run by my classmate’s grandmother in Gangneung.

“…….”

-They say there’s a forest nearby. The ocean is right in front.

Today, just like before, he began to ease my mind, casually talking about the future. I could envision myself in his future. Rather than the vague term ‘someday’, he was getting closer and deeper with that thought.

-This summer, let’s all go. Once you finish your busy schedule… and once Youngsoo finishes his finals.

His casual tone evoked a wave of emotions I thought I had controlled. I distanced my phone from my face, feeling my breath grow thicker. I bit down on the inside of my cheek to gather my voice.

“Hey, I’m okay.”

I never called Seon-uk until now, knowing I would cry when I heard his voice or crave to see him.

After being beaten all evening, I ultimately begged, but I still wasn’t able to retrieve the photo. Youngsoo accidentally deleted our only printed graduation photo, which was left from the batch I had developed beforehand. That was the sole picture I had of us.

To submit and obey are not the same. I had deceived myself into thinking they were the same, but I now had to accept that they were different in key moments.

I had nothing to apologize for to that jerk, yet I had to plead as I recognized that he had my weakness. If I could get the photo back, I would do whatever he demanded.

But knowing such words would weigh too heavily on Ji Seon-uk, I had no choice but to change it lightly.

“Still, I want to see you a bit.”

As soon as I finished speaking, the call abruptly cut off. I couldn’t tell if Ji Seon-uk’s phone had died or if it was my own. I hoped it was the latter as I stared for a moment longer at the blackened phone screen before unceremoniously sitting down on the dirt. The doors of the dormitory entrance would close as soon as roll call ended. I had to stay here until the morning roll call.

I had just told Ji Seon-uk that there were stars here, yet now that I was lying down, I found there were none. Perhaps what I saw earlier might have been a plane glimmering like a star, I thought, belatedly.

Would there be stars in the sky of Gangneung when we go there this summer? I hoped they wouldn’t be planes, but stars instead.

* * *

I could finally go out at the end of May. No matter how much power B had, he had no right to hinder an outing that the school permitted. Yet from my experiences over the past few weeks, I had learned that the persistent bastard could easily make things inconvenient starting from the morning of the day I was supposed to go out. Fortunately, B wasn’t at school today. It felt as though he had liberally given me this chance, even if he could have easily summoned his friends to make sure I didn’t go out.

After two months, I felt strange being outside school. I awkwardly adjusted the cap that covered my face as I headed to the bus terminal. I hastily bought a ticket for the earliest departure, and it happened to be heading to Seoul.

Leaning against the bus window, I turned on my phone. As soon as I entered my social media, a flood of news from the past few days poured in. The same people who loved to act strict would start conflicts if I simply took out my phone. To avoid that, I had refrained from checking my phone all day. Ironically, the day I folded under B’s control, I stopped facing that conflict. While I couldn’t check social media as often as Kang Youngsoo, I was able to access the platform sporadically to check for news.

Today, Kang Youngsoo’s post was right at the top. He was sharing some over-the-top nonsense about his girlfriend, who he had been dating for just a few months, acting as if she was the love of his life. I scrolled quickly down as I didn’t even want to see it. Despite our long history, Ji Seon-uk’s name didn’t appear at all, and I only saw high school friends’ uninteresting updates.

“Seon-uk? He seems to be doing well. Haven’t you seen those old mini-homepage antics happening on his timeline? He’s living like a caveman all alone over there. If you let me visit, I could tell you everything from A to Z. Instead of the celebrity news, I’ll give you Youngsoo’s news update.”

If that’s true, just as Kang Youngsoo suggested, if it were happening in retrospect, Seon-uk must have created some ruckus in his surroundings; he never posted anything, but his situation likely provoked curiosity.

It was as I expected. Seon-uk’s feed was filled with posts from others tagging him, and he hadn’t posted anything himself. Since he wasn’t someone who liked being photographed, there were hardly any pictures to find. Mostly, there were group photos where he was barely visible or a sneak photo showing him from behind. Even in a photo from the kendo club where he was tagged, Seon-uk was wearing a helmet. It was almost ludicrous how I could identify him easily just by seeing the face visible through that helmet.

Just to be certain, I looked through his feed more carefully, and the frequency of the names of seniors and peers showed that he was adjusting well to school life. I turned off the screen, resting my head deeply in my hands. Sitting right behind the driver, I could see my reflection in the large mirror in front of me. Lately, I had been doing what B told me to, adjusting myself exactly as needed. Because of that, I was getting hit less frequently than before. With the swelling in my cheeks gone, except for the yellow bruise around my jaw, I wiped my face down, which seemed to be mostly fine. My father would come for a visit next week with my aunt, and I would meet Kang Youngsoo and Ji Seon-uk in Gangneung next month. I could call whenever I wanted, and keeping up with friends’ news wasn’t a problem anymore.

I had achieved this by succumbing to reality, ignoring the questions that had been chasing me from deep within. I muttered to myself, as though in praise or reprimand.

“Yeah, I just need to keep doing this.”

As soon as I got off the bus, I went straight to the motel in front of the terminal. Upon entering the smelly room that had never been ventilated since it was built, I felt the weight of sleep overtaking me. My last memory was of taking off my cap and lying face down on the bed. I fell into a deep sleep without waking, only to be roused from slumber when the front desk called to prompt me. It was as if I had filled the sleep I had been lacking, like filling a hungry stomach. I felt surprisingly light and clear-headed. It was already 4 PM.

I quickly washed up and headed back to the terminal to purchase my ticket to school. Despite buying the earliest time slot, the bus wouldn’t leave for another hour and a half. With some time to spare, I went to the department store next to the terminal and bought a neat shirt and sportswear for my father, whose birthday was coming up. He would probably complain about why I spent so much on them when I gave them, but I knew he would wear them later.

After devouring two hamburgers at a fast-food joint, I still had time left. Holding back a yawn, I stepped into a nearby café. It was crowded because it was the weekend. I ordered coffee, and as I waited for it to be prepared, I noticed a woman at my table continuously glancing in my direction. It seemed she was looking at the ticket peeking out from my wallet that I had carelessly placed on the table. When our eyes met, the woman asked eagerly.

“Do you happen to go to the Air Force Academy?”

The woman was scrutinizing my hair, which was hidden beneath my cap, trying to gauge its length. Her expression and tone exhibited that she was halfway to certainty. Although I’d never calculated the probability that a random stranger might know where the Air Force Academy was or that my short hair could make me look like a cadet, considering it was a bus terminal, it wasn’t completely out of the question. Perhaps a family member, boyfriend, or an acquaintance of hers might be a cadet; it was likely she just wanted to connect.

“Yeah.”

I gave a brief answer and broke eye contact. Although I felt fine after sleeping deeply for the first time in months, I wasn’t in the mood to freely engage with a stranger. Realizing that I had no intention of continuing the conversation, the woman took one last glance at me and then turned her head away. Now that I thought about it, she looked so busy that I was curious why she had initiated that conversation in the first place. She was continuously typing on her laptop while simultaneously taking calls, addressing coworkers with titles like ‘manager’ and ‘team leader’ and even addressing ‘Mr. James’ in a foreign language.

The terminal café was flooded with people trying to make the most of their weekend afternoon. I was the only one sitting in a daze, reflecting on how I hadn’t had the space to think amidst the beatings at school. Pulling my cap down snugly again, I dusted myself off and got up. There wasn’t any time left to waste, so I intended to wait at the platform until the bus departed.

“Wait a minute.”

It was unexpected to have my arm grabbed just before exiting the café. It was even more surprising that it was the same woman who had been engrossed in her call just moments before. Before I could pull my arm away, she spoke quickly.

“My younger brother goes to the same school as you. A cadet.”

I had predicted this conversation. I wondered what she intended to achieve. The woman smiled when our eyes met, showcasing a boldness I sensed since earlier. It was rare for someone to chance upon a stranger and engage without being deterred by their indifferent reaction.

“Really?”

I kept my response curt, but she pressed on.

“Actually, that’s not really important. I just wanted to initiate some conversation with that as leverage. But you know, that didn’t lead to anything.”

Sunlight flooded in through the window overhead, illuminating the woman’s radiant face as it soaked up the light. Her face glowed with vitality, as if she had been born to absorb that sunshine.

“Now, all I have left is to just ask you outright.”

“…….”

“Could you give me your number? I’m interested in you.”

A group of men entered the café, casting glances in our direction as they chose a seat not far away. They didn’t seem to be fussing over me, suggesting that it was likely because of the woman who was laughing and smiling next to me. Even if she had sensed their gaze, she didn’t glance in their direction at all, indicating that she had probably faced such experiences numerous times in her life.

“If it’s too burdensome to give me your number, feel free to take my business card.”

It was likely that she had lived her life figuring out how to snatch someone she desired, and not just the other way around.

Her life force and courage to pursue what she wanted stood out starkly in contrast to what I lacked at the moment. I stared at her, admiring the qualities that seemed to radiate confidence. The sound of the café door opening rang again, and I turned to see a man entering. He appeared to be searching for someone and met my gaze instead; in an instant, we recognized each other. My mind raced.

The chance that the chance encounter might be someone who knew where the Air Force Academy was due to being a cadet and that he might be the same guy who had called me into the club room just yesterday.

I knew it was an absurd chance that would likely sour his mood upon recognizing me. The moment he noticed me, B’s expression darkened before quickly shifting when he laid eyes on the woman next to me. He wore a stunned expression and turned to her in disbelief.

“…Sister?”

“Ah, wait a minute.”

Even after confirming B’s presence, the woman turned her focus back to me. It was obvious that she prioritized me over her brother, as B’s anxious gaze fell on my face. When I thought back to the expression I had while looking at the graduation photo, crumpled in B’s hands, I couldn’t help but maintain my smile, not tearing my gaze from the now-familiar face.

“I’ll get in touch with you.”

I remarked, gripping the business card between her fingers.

B and I took the same bus. His seat was just two rows in front of me. I had braced myself for chaos as soon as I got on the bus, yet B did nothing at all. Throughout the two-hour ride down to Cheongju, he averted his eyes from me, staring only out of the window. As soon as we got off at the terminal, I caught sight of him disappearing into a taxi, then set off toward the bus stop to catch a city bus.

It was a time of day when there weren’t many people around. I took out the business card I had tucked away in my wallet. Not long after dialing the number inscribed on it, I heard the woman’s voice.

“I know your younger brother.”

Before I could say hello, that’s how I started the conversation, and it seemed like she already recognized who I was. She also understood why I had taken the card. Yet, her voice was bright and unreserved as if she had no connection to that fact.

-Does my younger brother hate you? Judging by the way you speak.

“I detest him. Every time I see him, I remind myself to not live like that.”

-…….

“I accepted the card because I wanted to see him crushed. I’m sorry for that.”

It was amusing to think of showing her B’s expression when I took the card. However, that amusement had to end there. I had called her with the intention of revealing the truth, just in case she had any expectations. But after a brief silence, she burst into laughter. “He does have a bit of a pretentious side, doesn’t he?” she said, humorously continuing my thought and flipping my expectations on their head. After laughing for a while, she seemed to remember something and casually asked.

-You’re not going to stop contacting me because of that, are you? Just because my brother is unpleasant doesn’t mean I have to be, right?

And one more thing—the lightness in her voice sounded like a condition.

-I’m not that close with him. Getting out of that house was my lifelong goal, but he aims to blend into it.

“…….”

-What would be the reason for running away from a household that even has school attendance assistants? I can’t stand that pretentiousness.

Personal family matters I had no need to know flowed out freely. I was reminded of the shock that had swept across B’s face when I approached the woman at the café. Even when she had handed me the business card, his hesitation showed how at odds he felt.

To her, B was just a pretentious brat who only inherited the bad traits from their father, while for B, she was a sister to meet even at the expense of a chance to bully a junior by traveling all the way to meet me—someone he likely feared informing his sister about his actions.

In a sense, I had glimpsed a family picture of B that he’d never reveal to me. I glanced at the business card I had almost tossed away.

Business Department Employee Han Jae-young (Jeniffer Han)

I shoved the card into my pocket. Watching the bus I was supposed to catch pass by, I leaned against the stop and asked.

“So, how old are you?”