FBF chapter 13 part 3

As I raised my eyebrows jokingly once more, the rookie nodded with a determined expression. It seemed he had made up his mind to open up.

“Sunbae, actually I’ve been… for a long time now….”

Clatter.

At the sudden noise, I turned my head instinctively. Lee Jihoon, who caught both the rookie’s and my gaze, shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly. Without waiting for us to ask, he pointed out the source of the noise.

“Ah, looks like a fork fell.”

“…Aren’t you going to pick it up?”

“Uh, I was going to.”

Seeing Lee Jihoon slowly lower his body under the table, I turned my head back. The rookie was also ready to continue speaking, his lips twitching.

“So, what I was saying is that I’ve had a girlfriend for a long time….”

Clatter. My head turned around again unwillingly. This time, the owner, who had been behind the counter, dashed out to replace the fork that Lee Jihoon had just picked up with a new one.

“Oh my, I’m sorry. I guess I gave you a fork that was too small.”

I sighed as I alternated staring at the untouched cake and the new fork that was just handed to Lee Jihoon. The rookie, who had been interrupted twice bewilderedly, glanced at Lee Jihoon. I gave his shoulder a light tap to bring his attention back to me.

“Don’t worry about them, just go on and say what you wanted to.”

“Ah… yeah. What I wanted to say is that I’ve had a girlfriend for a long time and… she dislikes the fact that I’m in the narcotics unit!”

“Oh dear, why does the fork keep…. Huh?”

“Give me that fork, you little punk. I’ll put it in your mouth… huh?”

As I suddenly stood up and approached Lee Jihoon’s table, I collided awkwardly with the rookie, who was also crouching down to pick up the fork that Lee Jihoon had dropped for the third time. The rookie scratched the back of his neck awkwardly while hesitantly continuing.

“I figured you might have gone through a similar issue at some point, and with the two of us being the only unmarried ones in the team, Ha sunbae even hinted yesterday that you would be knowledgeable about such matters….”

“……”

“……”

“I heard your girlfriend works in the emergency room… My girlfriend is also a nurse. I think that might be why she dislikes it even more. We’ve been fighting all week. No matter how much I tell her there’s no real danger, she keeps saying that she’s heard stories of injured people coming in, attacked and hurt by weapons used by drug users, and after seeing it for myself, I couldn’t really argue with her…. I’m curious about how you handled situations like this.”

“……”

“……”

“…Did I say something wrong?”

“You’re quite the rare and motivated young man.”

Lee Jihoon’s overall impression of the rookie. In his hand hung a bag containing three Hallabong oranges, proving that what had just happened was indeed real. The oranges had been selected by Lee Jihoon from a box of Hallabong that the rookie had presented when they were parting. I recalled Lee Jihoon’s advice that it was better to bring stuff like this to the break room or team meeting room with a little post-it note, rather than imposing it on a particular sunbae. Just thinking about it made my head throb. The rookie’s eager head-nodding was simply a bonus.

With a dazed expression, I watched as Lee Jihoon successfully wrapped up the rookie’s therapy session, as if he had suddenly become the rookie’s mentor. The image of the two exchanging numbers before leaving the café was astonishing. Upon discovering that the Hallabong box was a gift from the girlfriend’s family, who allegedly runs an extensive citrus farm in Jeju, Lee Jihoon seemed poised to host their wedding ceremony, which was said to be planned for next year. Gone were the days when the rookie seemed flustered at the counter, as he clearly felt regretful about parting from Lee Jihoon. Looking back, it was all incredulously nonsensical. The café owner tilted her head, alternating her gaze between Lee Jihoon and the rookie, as it was obvious to anyone that they shared a sunbae-hoobae relationship while I seemed like a stranger.

Although the rookie’s reactions were understandable, Lee Jihoon’s behavior was the most puzzling. There was no way that both of us, who rarely talked about work, would have mutual colleagues. Could it be that even in Kang Youngsoo’s workplace, he’s like this? I had no information to criticize that either.

Forget it, contemplating deeply on this guy, who could easily take anyone under his wing if he wanted, was pointless. I shook off my feelings with a sigh and shoved my phone back into my pocket. Just for a last check, I saw a myriad of dog emoticons swirling around in the rookie’s message thread, cautiously telling me to enter. Had it not been for our conversation at the café, I could have lived a lifetime without knowing that those emoticons had been a gift from his girlfriend of seven years.

Watching the rookie pour out personal stories and worries with just a smile and occasional solid advice from Lee Jihoon, I realized that the reason I hadn’t been able to do that in front of him was that I wasn’t as caring as Lee Jihoon.

“I heard you’ve been preparing for a long time to get into our team, but your girlfriend hates it, so you were even thinking of giving up on your job. It’s not common for someone to come all the way to an upperclassman’s house carrying Hallabong just to ask that. It’s quite refreshing in a nostalgic way.”

What’s more, Lee Jihoon, who played along, seemed a far cry from the guy who would get irritated about someone coming to his house at this hour.

“…Then let your junior do it.”

“That’d be hard since I respect you too much. In the first place, I applied to the narcotics unit because I wanted to learn from you.”

Lee Jihoon, tapping on his phone screen, shrugged his shoulders in response. On the screen that was somewhat visible, a notification popped up saying that a remittance had been completed.

Sending money

I was startled enough to forget my earlier determination not to care anymore and asked incredulously.

“…Are you really sending her money?”

“I can’t sleep at night if I feel guilty after receiving something from someone younger than me.”

Is he completely out of his mind? Regardless of the circumstances, it felt absurd for someone who used to take advantage of menus by ordering even non-existent extras to suddenly be making such comments. Lee Jihoon, who shot a sideways glance at me, quickly stuffed his phone into his pocket and hopped into the arriving elevator at that moment. His beckoning gesture was irritatingly annoying.

“Aren’t you coming? Your junior said there’s a meeting early tomorrow morning. You’ll have a short night to calm Youngsoo down and send him away as soon as you arrive.”

That was true. The conversation between Lee Jihoon and the rookie was bound to end sooner or later due to the series of phone calls flooding in from Kang Youngsoo, who had finished watching some drama just three seconds ago. Unable to find a rebuttal, I sealed my lips and stepped into the elevator.

I expected it to start moving right away once I stepped in, but it remained motionless and silent. The moment I realized that it was because Lee Jihoon, who had entered before me, hadn’t pressed any button, I had no choice but to turn back. His gaze met mine as he leaned casually against the elevator wall.

“…Are you kidding me?”

“What?”

Seeing his nonchalant expression, fully aware of what he was asking, made me chuckle unintentionally.

“Forget it. Let’s not talk.”

I shook my head and turned my body forward. As if to add emotion, I pressed the floor button firmly, ignoring Lee Jihoon. I had thought that growing older would make one more selective about their bizarre behaviors, but it seems that was a mistake. I finally understood why Kang Youngsoo would lose his mind every time he got teased by Lee Jihoon.

The elevator finally moved once we had decided on a destination. The opaque elevator door did not reflect facial expressions, but I could tell that Lee Jihoon was looking at me from behind. Standing steadfastly as if unaware of this, I fixed my gaze on the changing numbers.

2… 3…

I caught a glimpse of Lee Jihoon detaching himself from the wall.

“Hey, I’ve got something I’m curious about.”

I maintained my posture and moved only my lips to respond.

“Endure it.”

After a moment of silence, Lee Jihoon let out a small chuckle.

“You think you know what’s bothering me and can endure it?”

“Don’t bother if it’s something I don’t need to know.”

“I don’t think that’s going to work.”

As I grimaced, Lee Jihoon blocked my view. As I casually glanced up from the number display, my eyes met his.

“Because I’m concerned.”

Ding. The elevator door opened behind Lee Jihoon. It was the floor we were supposed to get off. However, neither of us budged, merely glaring at each other. I was the first to speak.

“You’ve been acting really weird since a while ago.”

“Yeah. I know.”

Lee Jihoon’s reply was unexpected. Seizing the moment when I hesitated, he turned the question back on me.

“But do you know why I’m acting weird?”

“What for?”

“You could ask me, but why aren’t you? Are you enduring this, or do you simply not care?”

Lee Jihoon was indeed odd. I had sensed it all along, yet the question he had just thrown at me confirmed it. I lifted my chin a little higher and scanned his face closely. After confirming that there was no trace of impulsiveness in his well-groomed expression, I realized that he hadn’t said it without planning. I recalled the words he had spoken while lounging on the sofa earlier.

“I won’t make assumptions or guesses about you anymore. I’ll think as you show me, and if I don’t know something, I’ll just ask you directly.”

His unwavering gaze, fixed on me back then, still remained the same.

What Lee Jihoon was doing now was in fact a manifestation of his intent to uphold those very words. But what about me?

“No matter the reason, I said I won’t ask. So why are you asking?”

Even though I couldn’t come up with a clear response in my head, a defensive answer instinctively slipped out. Lee Jihoon appeared so composed, as if he had seen this coming. The speed at which he blinked and the pace at which he moved his lips to form the next sentence were just like any other time.

“I’d rather you not.”

“…What?”

“If it’s just enduring, then don’t. If it’s because you’re not interested, then since it involves you, you should take notice.”

Although Lee Jihoon seemed to be explaining something, I just felt increasingly confused. He breathed in deeply, and for the first time today, I sensed hesitation in him. However, his moment of uncertainty fled as quickly as it came. With a blink that seemed to free him from everything, he blurted out.

“Kim Soobin.”

In an instant, my heart sank. The name recalled from my memory was not something Lee Jihoon would casually toss out at a moment like this.

“There was that name Soobin among the names Kang Youngsoo spat out randomly that day when he was talking about your work, right?”

“……”

“I thought it was your college girlfriend when I heard it.”

I swallowed hard. After moving my throat a few times without meaning to, I finally managed to respond.

“…I never told you I dated that person.”

Lee Jihoon must have figured out Soobin’s name from the box that the sunbae had sent. However, that was just a fleeting moment from a dormant memory. Since then, that name had never resurfaced in my life or in the life I shared with Lee Jihoon.

Despite this, the way Lee Jihoon mentioned Kim Soobin’s name felt unusually natural. I became aware that in this moment of silent staring, we were interpreting that fact in different ways. Lee Jihoon had processed that information faster and more easily than I had.

“I know. So I didn’t ask your permission; I just guessed.”

The shock on my face reflected in Lee Jihoon’s eyes. He could not have missed the expression, yet he continued speaking, as if there was something more important that I needed to know.

“Like you didn’t tell me about this, I also have something I didn’t tell you.”

“……”

“On the day you went to visit him, I overheard your classmates at the terminal talking about you and that person. They mentioned you two had gone to the movies. As soon as I heard that, I thought it was strange. You don’t go out to the movies with Youngsoo just the two of you.”

“……”

“Plus, someone who could go into your dorm room and even grab your underwear, and who you’d make that kind of expression at instead of getting angry—could only be someone you dated.”

A flood of information rushed into me at once. I found myself at a loss for words. Lee Jihoon, as if waiting for me to process this, sealed his lips momentarily and then reopened at a perfectly measured interval. Thus, when he began to speak again, it became clear to me that he must have said those prior words just to lead to the question he was about to ask.

“It was a guy, wasn’t it?”

Endure it, take notice. The commands he had just given me were akin to taboos I had held on to throughout my feelings for him. It was only at this moment that I truly understood what he was doing. He was confronting the strongest taboo that had dominated our relationship all these years. In order to preserve our friendship, he was dismantling the very taboo he had lived with just as long.

I looked at Lee Jihoon standing in front of me. Where exactly were we standing? I slowly tore my gaze away from the signpost, on which words became increasingly obscured due to Lee Jihoon’s presence, and murmured my answer.

“…Yeah.”

“Is he still a guy?”

“……”

“……”

“…Yes.”

Lee Jihoon, who briefly moved his throat, nodded silently in response. He took a small step back. With that step, he exited the elevator, yet he turned to speak to me, still inside.

“In that case, don’t go to that café again.”

“……”

“The owner there has an interest in you. When he bought me coffee, I found his number written on the cup holder. I discovered it while doing the recycling.”

Despite my pause, I still exited the elevator without replying. There was no conversation shared between us as I walked down the hallway. Lee Jihoon, who had been walking in front, turned to face me only as he reached the door. The moment we both stopped, the apartment corridor lights that had lit up according to our previous steps dimmed. We gazed faintly at the outlines of each other in the dark. Lee Jihoon found me amongst the shadows without taking too long. The moment our eyes met, he declared.

“Even if it’s an uncomfortable topic, you and I need to have a talk. I think that’s what brought us to this point, not addressing it in time.”

He seemed to know that I wouldn’t respond to his words, turning around to input the door code. I kept my gaze fixed on Lee Jihoon’s back, reflecting on what I had just heard.

“Latte! Where’s my latte?”

Lee Jihoon threw a bag containing the waste bag at Kang Youngsoo, who was charging toward him. Startled, Kang Youngsoo received it, showing his displeasure as he glared at Lee Jihoon, who was walking into the living room.

“I told you to bring me a latte; how am I supposed to take this Hallabong? Besides, what’s the other thing they have in common besides ‘la’?”

Even while grumbling, Kang Youngsoo picked out a Hallabong and clung to my arm, chattering away.

“By the way, isn’t that guy’s house renovation supposed to be ending soon? When I come over to your place, I have to see that jerk, and it feels like I’m managing three households right now… it’s exhausting.”

“……”

“By the way, did you meet Su-jin well? What did she say? Does she love you?”

“…Hey.”

“Yeah.”

“You should just go home.”

After forcibly separating from Kang Youngsoo, I walked toward the kitchen. Even though I had only managed to spit out a few words that had been stuck in my throat, it felt as though my throat was as dry as a desert. As I reached for a cup to pour myself some water, my gaze was caught by a recycling bin nestled in a corner. Just by glancing at it, I recognized the familiar cup holder. I approached the bin and peered inside, discovering the small writing of eleven digits neatly inscribed within, just as Lee Jihoon had said. I turned my gaze away. Beyond the balcony window, I caught a glimpse of Lee Jihoon’s back. Smoke from a cigarette billowed beside his silhouette.