FBF chapter 10 part 7

“Teacher. This is from the homeroom teacher… Ah!”

Even though Choi Hyuk-jun blatantly tripped him, the student who was approaching didn’t see and fell with quite a loud noise. I instinctively almost let my hand go, but quickly clenched it tight. Helping someone in front of Choi Hyuk-jun would only lead to greater trouble. I could tell from the events of the past few days.

It was on the way back to the classroom after a field trip. Choi Hyuk-jun was walking deliberately slowly, and there was nobody around us. So, this kid must have not seen Choi Hyuk-jun as he walked at a distance from me and spoke to me. The result was that he ended up falling like this.

The paper I was supposed to deliver promptly scattered on the floor. The boy who lost his balance was sprawled flat at my feet. I knew Choi Hyuk-jun was watching, so I barely managed to keep my expression in check. I stood there, feeling as if I were indifferent and disconnected from the situation, acting as if I was numb to everything.

The bell rang. That was the moment Choi Hyuk-jun began to move. Once I confirmed that he had casually walked away, disappearing around the corner as if nothing had happened, I hurriedly bent down.

“Are you okay?”

It seemed he had twisted his ankle, as he couldn’t easily get up and was groaning. I slipped my hand under the shoulders of the boy in my class and helped him up. It was easy because he was shorter and skinnier than me. I placed my arm around his shoulder and checked the name tag resting on his chest.

Jung I-young. He was such a quiet kid that I had seen him speak in class only a few times. Even though our roll numbers were right next to each other, we hardly exchanged any meaningful words. It seemed that in his small world, with his thick glasses, there was nothing but studying. The raccoon once told me he was the class president at his previous middle school. Perhaps it was shocking that he couldn’t maintain such high grades in high school; during break and lunch, he would seemingly isolate himself, burying himself in his books. I remembered how the hippo, unable to stand seeing someone isolated, awkwardly approached I-young only to come back looking flustered, saying, “He said he’s fine. Don’t worry about him.”

“Can you walk? Or do you want to go to the nurse’s office? I’ll let the teacher know.”

So it was entirely my fault. There shouldn’t be anyone who trips over and looks down at a kid who doesn’t want to get involved in any world for any reason. The moment I hurriedly asked out of a pitiful and remorseful heart, our eyes met nearby.

“…Let go.”

“I know this is annoying, but I’m sorry. I can at least take you to the nurse’s office…”

“Why would you? Even if I go, I can get there by myself, so just let go.”

His gaze and tone were firm. More than anything, the contempt that briefly flickered across his expression made me pause. Taking advantage of the moment, Jung I-young pushed me away and stood back up. Though he wobbled a bit, he seemed to have no problem walking. The kid bent down to gather the scattered papers.

The messy sheets of paper piled up in my hands. As I looked down at the bundle, Jung I-young spoke.

“I don’t know what you did to that guy, but if you don’t know how to resolve it, go beg him or something.”

It was obvious he was talking about Choi Hyuk-jun. Pale Jung I-young had an expression that seemed to be terrified of something, and the target of his contempt wasn’t Choi Hyuk-jun.

“Try figuring it out somehow and don’t let it affect the class anymore. Why should I have to suffer because of your power struggles?”

“…….”

“Once this is all over, do you think anyone will thank you for saving them?”

Jung I-young bit his lip and turned away.

“Since you’re the one already in first place, you don’t care…”

Sighing, I turned back. The sound of the boy limping on his twisted ankle echoed in the empty hallway. I think I saw the hippo walking in a similar manner behind him. And then the raccoon, and then…

I closed my eyes. My stomach churned as if it would flip inside out any moment. No matter how much I breathed, I couldn’t calm down and eventually had to run toward the bathroom. At the start of class, the bathroom was empty. Still, I dashed into the last stall, locking the door behind me, and immediately bent over the toilet. Everything that couldn’t be digested and lingered in my stomach gushed out. I lifted my head only when there was nothing left to come up but yellow bile. Among the mesh trash can in the corner, I saw short cigarette butts sticking out. Now that I thought about it, I had been here before. I couldn’t suppress my disgust and gripped the toilet. Even though I knew there was nothing more to come up, I still felt like I wanted to throw up.

“Uh?”

I ran into Lee Ji-hoon on the library stairs. He was on the phone, heading down as I was going up. It was clear we were traveling in opposite directions, yet he stopped, asking the person on the other end for understanding.

“Just a second. I met Seon-uk. Oh, I’ll call you back later.”

Seeing him casually mention my name made it clear we were quite familiar, but I couldn’t figure out who he was talking to in that tone. As he turned his body towards me, I felt a bit startled.

“Are you just getting here?”

“…Yeah. You?”

It had been a week since I had seen him. The competition was yesterday. For the past two weeks, I had been constantly crossing paths with Lee Ji-hoon, whether on the way to school or while heading home.

I wondered if he got good results. His expression gave me that impression. I was curious, but oddly enough, I couldn’t bring myself to ask. Just staring at Lee Ji-hoon’s face after such a long time made my heart ache a bit. Unable to endure any longer, I quickly averted my gaze. Fortunately, it seemed Lee Ji-hoon didn’t notice any oddity.

“I came just to pick up some supplemental materials for class. I was going to text you, but since we met, it’s good timing. I’m not taking the bus today, so don’t wait for me.”

“Got it. Go on.”

Our conversation was so ordinary that there was no need for a lengthy response. Contrary to my worries, my voice flowed out normally. It seemed I had become accustomed to pretending that nothing was wrong, especially when it came to Lee Ji-hoon.

I absolutely didn’t want to drag him into this issue. Fortunately, the circumstances helped me avoid that. Perhaps because of the other kids in class being scared of Choi Hyuk-jun, the rumors didn’t seem to spread to other classes. The last exam of the year was two days away. It was a test that would determine many factors predicting next year’s entrance exam results. Even the teachers and students who were usually relaxed over class were tense, monitoring the entry of students from other classes.

When I followed the homeroom teacher after class a while ago, he hadn’t seemed interested in my words either. With just the name Choi Hyuk-jun that I hesitated to mention, he had given me a reassuring pat on my shoulder and said, “Just hold on a little longer, and thanks to you, everyone is doing well.” If he had paid a little more attention to the atmosphere in the class rather than just their grades, he wouldn’t have said such things. It was clear he knew nothing and seemed to have no desire to know. In just a few months, we would be in our third year. Probably, he wouldn’t be my homeroom teacher anymore.

Holding on should only happen when there’s a clear endpoint. How long must I endure before it ends? I managed to get through today without incident. But what about tomorrow? The day after tomorrow? Thinking about such things made my vision blur. Each time I thought like that, I exhaled deeply, chanting to myself as if to remind myself. I waved my arms casually, passing by Lee Ji-hoon.

“Why does it feel like it’s been such a long time since we saw each other?”

It was unexpected when Lee Ji-hoon suddenly grabbed my arm.

“You seem to have lost some weight.”

I tore my gaze away from his grip on my bicep and slowly lifted my head. Lee Ji-hoon had a familiar expression, just as I expected. However, his eyes were hurriedly scanning my face. He deepened his grip slightly, and there was a fleeting frown on his forehead.

“Have you been studying hard lately? Or is something bothering you?”

The moment I caught the faint worry in his gaze, I felt as if my tongue was curling back into my throat. I forced a smile to loosen the tangled tongue. I raised the corners of my mouth awkwardly and shook off his grip.

“Did you catch that from Kang Young-soo? Don’t overdo it.”

Seeing him smile back, maybe my effort paid off.

“Seon-uk, I keep telling you to call me ‘hyung’ as the originator. Do you know I’m older than Young-soo?”

I tried to keep my mouth from dropping as he repeated something I had heard dozens of times. I lightly placed my hand on his back and gave him a gentle shove. Mixing in a smirk, I said while trying to act playful.

“Then why the nonsense all of a sudden? If anything happened, wouldn’t I have told you?”

“Right? Youngest ‘Ultra Capstone Hyung’ here must know already.”

Seeing him return my question with a smile made me realize that I had now become the kind of person who could easily lie in front of Lee Ji-hoon. I pulled my hand from his shoulder and dismissed the conversation bluntly.

“Stop rambling and go quickly. You said you had supplemental lessons.”

“Seriously, your nagging is worse than my dad’s. Fine. I’m going now. See you later.”

Fortunately, after checking the time, Lee Ji-hoon didn’t press further and turned to leave. As he quickly ran down the stairs, he suddenly turned back at the last step.

“Hey,” he called. I slowly raised my gaze from his back. As our eyes met, Lee Ji-hoon asked once more with a tone of reassurance.

“Are you really okay, right?”

I blinked a few times, as if understanding, and laughed.

“I told you there’s nothing wrong. Just go, really. Do you want to spend the night here?”

Even after hearing such a rebuff, Lee Ji-hoon strangely remained in place. The light in the first-floor hallway flickered as he half lowered his body. Lee Ji-hoon waved his hand toward the light to get it back on. As the light popped back on, he quickly checked his watch. The phone he had held tightly in his left hand buzzed. Ignoring the signal that it was time to leave, he couldn’t help but ask.

“Hey, let’s hang out after the exam. Should I ask the hippo and raccoon if they’re free?”

Hearing him mention plans that could no longer come to fruition gave me a sense of relief. It meant that Lee Ji-hoon didn’t know anything. Unlike with the homeroom teacher earlier, I felt a great sense of stability from that realization. So, I was able to nod my head more vigorously than before.

“…Yeah. Let’s do that.”

Finally, Lee Ji-hoon smiled. He waved his hand playfully, not to turn on the light above him, but for me, who would be left alone after it turned off. I stood there a bit longer until I could no longer hear his footsteps, then I headed up the stairs. I approached the large window nearby almost unconsciously.

Not far from the building, I saw a familiar boy sprinting toward the bus stop. He was running at such speed that his bag and clothes seemed like they would fly off at any moment. The only thing that remained steady was the phone he held tightly. I finally moved my feet only after watching him board the bus safely.

‘Right. At least Lee Ji-hoon is safe. It’s okay,’ I mumbled as if to reassure myself.

* * *

Lunch was still with Choi Hyuk-jun. As I got up, waiting for the rest of the class to leave, it seemed like he got up at the same time. Eating together with just us felt similar to before. However, everything was different now, and in the space devoid of conversation, we seemed like people who needed to eat to endure sitting across from each other, killing time.

“……”

“……”

The last mock exam for the second-year students, the test everyone was currently tense about, was just a day away. After the exam, the last career counseling with the homeroom teacher was scheduled. It was also the time for the formation of the third-year classes they would be in until the college entrance exam. At our school, only third years were grouped separately based on merit. I already knew Choi Hyuk-jun’s grades. It was also easy to deduce that he would likely end up in my class again in the third year.

I pulled my gaze away from the tray. I spotted the gym teacher walking toward us from a distance. As he received his soup, he turned his steps. I could see him speaking to Lee Ji-hoon’s homeroom teacher, who was already seated next to him. Today too, since Choi Hyuk-jun and I were inconspicuously sitting near a table reserved for staff, I was able to watch closely. In the absence of Lee Ji-hoon, who usually wouldn’t give in, I decided to speak. After the incident with the raccoon, this was the first time I spoke to Choi Hyuk-jun.

“If you have something you want from me, just say it.”

The sound of chopsticks clattering stopped. Choi Hyuk-jun’s gaze remained on his tray. I couldn’t detect any emotion from the voice I heard myself saying. It wasn’t something I had tried particularly hard to convey that way.

“If you’re going to keep behaving like a thug, that means you want me to deal with you directly. Don’t mess with innocent kids.”

For a week, Choi Hyuk-jun had been exerting violence on everyone around, from those who talked to me to students even a bit related. I couldn’t ignore the fact that somehow, I was spared, even if I didn’t want to believe it. Perhaps the kids in class noticed it first. Jung I-young’s words were true. In a way, I was the one most distanced from taking responsibility. All that, stemming from Choi Hyuk-jun’s thorough plans.

“You really know nothing about this world, do you?”

I looked up. Choi Hyuk-jun spoke in a tone that seemed mocking, yet his face showed no smile. At some point, he had stopped chewing slowly and swallowed all at once as if he no longer saw the need to do so.

“Do you know why thugs take hostages among the people around them first?”

Our gazes drifted apart. He was no longer looking at me, but rather at some distance beyond me. A smirk seeped into his otherwise expressionless face.

“Because it’s the most effective method.”

“……”

“So that it can break or to see them crawling in fear at the prospect of losing something they care about.”

As I slowly turned my head following the trajectory of his gaze, my heartbeat muted. The moment I confirmed who he was looking at, it grew louder. There, where the gym teacher used to stand, was Lee Ji-hoon, holding his tray and scanning the area. He seemed to be waving to a friend he had been with as if indicating to go. It looked like he was searching for someone. Not long after, his gaze turned toward us. The instant our eyes met, Lee Ji-hoon smiled brightly, as though he had finally found his target. He moved in our direction.

That was when I realized I had forgotten to even breathe. The moment I swiftly turned my head, I met eyes that seemed to have been observing me all along. It was a gaze mocking the time I had exposed too many vulnerabilities, allowing him to figure out the most effective way to destroy me.

I barely managed to move my frozen fingertips. I had to escape this place by any means necessary. Just as I grabbed my tray and was about to stand, Choi Hyuk-jun spoke.

“Sit down. If you really don’t want to see that kid get wrecked.”

Choi Hyuk-jun’s downward gaze was directed toward the tray that I was about to stand up with. It was as if he knew without even making eye contact that he had plenty of grounds to threaten me.

“Why? Do you think I can’t do it?”

I couldn’t deny it was his truth. Even when he didn’t raise his voice threateningly, Choi Hyuk-jun had managed to hold the class in line. I knew he could make even kids bigger than him tremble in fear instantly. This was related to Choi Hyuk-jun’s assertiveness. As soon as I didn’t move as he wanted, instinctively, I knew he would resort to any means necessary to harm Lee Ji-hoon. So, for now, I sat back down as he instructed.

“Don’t do it.”

My voice, which I had used throughout my life, sounded the most pitiful and desperate. Perhaps realizing it, Choi Hyuk-jun stopped eating.

“I’ll listen to you. I’ll listen to anything, but just don’t say anything to him.”

“……”

“I have never told anyone about what I saw that day. Lee Ji-hoon doesn’t know anything. I’m the only one who knows. If you want, I won’t tell anyone.”

The words that spilled out like bile boiling up from my stomach were akin to a declaration of surrender. I had no idea what I had done wrong, had no clue how to proceed, and just began pleading. Choi Hyuk-jun, who must have been waiting for me to beg, didn’t seem pleased. He merely looked down at me as if I were invisible.

As this was happening, Lee Ji-hoon was drawing closer. With no one else around him, I heard his footsteps clearly. It felt like I was getting nauseous, like I was about to throw up. I understood that I could no longer stand. Therefore, I deliberately avoided Lee Ji-hoon’s gaze while fixing my eyes on my tray, just as Choi Hyuk-jun was doing. Inside, I constantly repeated things I couldn’t say out loud, hoping and wishing.

Please let Lee Ji-hoon just walk past without noticing. Please don’t sit next to me.

“What are you two doing with your meal before you, praying with your eyes open?”

The footsteps came to a stop. I heard the creaking of the chair as it bounced. Lee Ji-hoon, who had chosen the chair beside me, smelled familiar, the scent I knew well. He spoke to us naturally, but it had been a long time since he had indulged in a meal. I tried to think of when the mundane things that were once ordinary became unusual, but my body felt stiff, and my attention couldn’t be directed anywhere. The prolonged focusing made my eyes sting. Lee Ji-hoon’s gaze, which had been directed at us as if watching for any commotion, was fixed firmly on Choi Hyuk-jun.

Choi Hyuk-jun didn’t answer. It was as if he began eating again only because he recognized Lee Ji-hoon’s words. Slowly, and slowly. I picked up my utensils as well. For some reason, I had to match the pace. Perhaps my earlier pitiful pleading worked, and Choi Hyuk-jun might let it slide like this. Lee Ji-hoon glanced at the silent Choi Hyuk-jun and began to eat without saying anything further. Their exchanges were typically one-sided rather than mutual. Choi Hyuk-jun’s silence felt rather natural.

For lunch today, there was bean sprout soup. Stir-fried pork, seasoned bean sprouts, and stuffed cucumber side dish. Black rice and one yogurt.

The sounds of dishes clanging and food being emptied echoed at different tempos. Mechanically, I took a bite of rice and swallowed. I could only recognize that I was eating something, but I couldn’t taste a thing. My goal was to finish the meal quickly and return to class. I needed to keep Lee Ji-hoon as far from Choi Hyuk-jun as possible before he revealed his true colors.

“Oh, right. Have you had your career counseling yet?”

I asked upfront. It felt as though Choi Hyuk-jun was eating as if he hadn’t heard anything. Just like when Lee Ji-hoon and I would talk. Only I was different, watching Choi Hyuk-jun closely. I noticed a gap forming in our conversation and turned my head. The moment my eyes met Lee Ji-hoon’s, who was exchanging glances between Choi Hyuk-jun and me, I thought it might raise suspicion, so I blurted something random.

“I haven’t done it yet. I thought I’d save it for after the exam…”

“Really? That’s late. Our class has already gone through it all.”

Lee Ji-hoon cocked his head. I felt relieved when I saw him take his spoon. Immediately thereafter, he raised another question.

“Have you decided on what you want to do? Which school to go to?”

Lee Ji-hoon often asked me this question, knowing I hadn’t firmly decided on which university I wanted to go to, unlike him. It was also something I had completely forgotten about due to Choi Hyuk-jun. If I made up some excuse, I would probably be able to brush it off, but my body stiffened in fear and wouldn’t move. Just as I was about to find the words to speak, Choi Hyuk-jun interrupted.

“Isn’t it meaningless to even think about it? If there’s a school offering you a scholarship, you should just seize the opportunity and move.”

His interruption made me look up slowly. I expected his gaze to shift back to me in an instant. Lee Ji-hoon, who paused for a moment, then burst out laughing, seemingly incredulous at the comment. His head tilted a bit as he narrowed his eyes, as though he were watching Choi Hyuk-jun closely.