MTMIO Chapter 92

Chapter 92: Blue Folder (Revised)

Yun Zhu moved her lips as if to say “I”, but no sound came out. She hesitated for over ten seconds, biting her lower lip, before reluctantly agreeing, “Okay.”

“Thank you.” Lu You casually wiped her cheeks, twisting the handle to push open the door.

Chen Feifei, who was sitting in the living room, immediately stood up, staring at Lu You’s red eyes.

Lu You turned her face away.

Chen Feifei tactfully didn’t ask too much, glanced at the suitcase, and looked at Yun Zhu, asking, “Where is Yue Yunxi?”

“Italy,” Yun Zhu said.

“So far?” Chen Feifei recalled the uproar online, “It’s good to be far away.”

Lu You’s expression visibly darkened, and she suppressed her anger, lowering her voice, “Good my ass!”

Crossing the living room and walking into the long corridor, there were two steps. She didn’t bother lifting the suitcase and dragged it directly down, the wheels clattering loudly.

Chen Feifei grabbed Yun Zhu, who was passing by, and asked, “What’s going on?”

“Old Yue had a bit of an accident abroad, didn’t take good care of herself. Little Lu is feeling both sorry for her and angry at her.”

“What happened?”

“Her phone was stolen, and she chased the thief for two blocks, and after catching him, she was stabbed.”

Chen Feifei gasped, “How serious is it?”

“Not serious, it’s nothing.”

Chen Feifei breathed a sigh of relief, completely not understanding, “What’s in the phone?”

Yun Zhu noticed Lu You, who was walking ahead, pause noticeably, “I asked, she didn’t say, it must be something very important.”

“So you’re going back to Nanquan first to apply for a visa, and then go over after the visa is issued?”

“Little Lu doesn’t have a visa?!” Yun Zhu’s tone was full of surprise, “I thought back then…”

“I don’t know,” Chen Feifei waved her hand, “I just asked casually, you have to ask Yoyo.”

Lu You heard their conversation clearly, and at this moment had stopped and placed the suitcase on the ground.

As she was pulling the zipper, Yun Zhu walked over to confirm with her, “Little Lu, do you have an Italian visa?”

“Yes.”

Not only did she have one, but it was right here, in the suitcase in front of her.

Lu You opened the suitcase, feeling a little dazed for a moment.

As if she was simultaneously opening a box containing related memories, she recalled the night she packed her luggage at Yue Yunxi’s house before moving to the small western-style building.

—”She squatted in front of the suitcase, holding a brown wallet with a little deer embroidery, flipping it over and over, watching Yue Yunxi help her organize the things in the suitcase.

‘I bought two more boxes of steam eye masks for you, but the boxes take up too much space, so I unpacked them all and put them in the bottom layer for you. Don’t forget to take them out when you get there.’

‘Okay.’

Her hand slipped, and the wallet fell into the suitcase.

Yue Yunxi picked it up smoothly: ‘What’s this?’

‘My runaway-from-home special bag.’ She counted on her fingers, ‘ID card, passport, cash, credit card, bank card are all inside.’

Yue Yunxi unzipped the wallet and pulled out her ID card from inside.

‘Hey, don’t—’ She quickly reached out to grab it, ‘My ID photo is so ugly!’

Yue Yunxi mischievously raised her hand to avoid her, took the opportunity to look at it, and said with a gentle smile, ‘It’s pretty good-looking.’

Lu You lowered her hand and spread her palm in front of Yue Yunxi: ‘I want to see yours too.’

‘Okay~ I’ll get it for you later.’ Yue Yunxi’s tone of agreement was quite indulgent, and then she took out her passport from the wallet.

There was a Schengen visa in the passport.

‘In previous years, everything was arranged according to the itinerary, and the time was very tight. This year is rare, they gave me a three-year multiple entry.’ Lu You asked, ‘How long is your visa valid for?’

‘Five years.’

Sure enough, comparing people is infuriating.

Lu You pouted.

Yue Yunxi glanced at her, tilted her head and kissed her, very gently rubbing and sucking.

The touch was so soft, Lu You couldn’t help but raise the corners of her mouth, and her bad mood was crushed by the kiss.

‘You said this is a special bag for running away from home.’ Yue Yunxi stroked the photo on her visa with her fingertips and asked, ‘If we ever have a conflict and you want to run away from home, which country would you want to go to?’

‘Guess.’ Lu You said with a smile.

‘Italy, Florence.’ Yue Yunxi said almost without thinking.

Lu You’s mouth straightened instantly, and she reached out to wrap her arms around Yue Yunxi’s neck, half of her body hanging on her, and said unhappily, ‘You are so accurate! It would be fine if you guessed the country right, but you even got the city right!’

Yue Yunxi grabbed her arm and giggled, ‘You said it before.’

‘Did I?’ She had obviously forgotten.

Yue Yunxi teased, ‘With your memory, how do you memorize sheet music?’

‘My brain capacity is only so big, it’s all used to store sheet music. Okay, okay, you’re mocking my bad memory, right!’ Lu You dissatisfiedly bit Yue Yunxi’s ear, and only let go when she heard her breathing quicken and could no longer sit still and fell to the carpet, then asked, ‘When did I say it?’

‘Before, when everyone went out to play together, when we went to see the sunset, you said you wanted to go to Florence to see the sunset.’

‘Then what about you? Where do you want to go?’ Lu You still hugged Yue Yunxi, her cheek touching her cheek.

Lu You thought, she must remember Yue Yunxi’s answer, and this year, they would go to that place together.

And Yue Yunxi answered her: ‘I don’t want to quarrel with you.’

Lu You was stunned for a moment, feeling her heart wrap around these words, turning into a crumpled piece of paper, soft and shapeless after being unfolded, ‘I don’t want to quarrel with you’ squeezed into the creases, the strokes all falling on her heartbeat.

With each beat, it permeated deeper and deeper.

‘Then…’ She couldn’t guarantee that they would never quarrel in the long future, so she could only ask, ‘Then if we don’t quarrel, where would you want to go for a “honeymoon”?’

Yue Yunxi was surprised for a moment, seemingly amused by her wording, and chuckled softly, ‘Honeymoon, huh, I have to think about it carefully.’

Without thinking for long, Yue Yunxi said: ‘Vienna, I haven’t been there with you yet.’

‘Then let’s wait until my competition is over, and we’ll go to Vienna for Christmas, okay? Vienna is most beautiful at Christmas.’

‘Okay.’

The passport and ID card were put back into the wallet by Yue Yunxi.

Finally, Yue Yunxi put her wallet into the storage bag in the suitcase and said:

‘Essential bag for going out, keep it safe.'”

Seeing her not moving for a long time, Yun Zhu asked softly, “Did you forget to bring it? Do you remember where you put it?”

Lu You’s thoughts returned, she supported herself on the top layer of the suitcase, opened the zipper of the storage bag, reached in and took out the wallet, and opened it to look.

The passport and ID card were inside.

Almost unconsciously, she also took out the cash and counted it.

Very good, there was half as much again.

Yun Zhu breathed a sigh of relief: “I knew it…”

Hearing this, Lu You’s eyes twitched uncontrollably, “Yun Zhu.”

“Hmm?”

Lu You took out her shoulder bag from the suitcase, slung it over her shoulder, put the wallet and folder in, and closed the suitcase unhurriedly, tentatively asking, “How did she tell you about her injury?”

A little unable to react to her sudden question, Yun Zhu was stunned for two seconds before saying, “How would a silent gourd like her tell me about this? It was my senior who contacted me and asked me to help Old Yue freeze her phone number and various payment methods that I found out.”

“Senior?”

“My senior,” Yun Zhu explained, “also Old Yue’s teacher’s daughter. This time, she had a performance in Italy, but the cellist performing on the same stage had an accident, so her mother found Old Yue.”

Yun Zhu licked her lips, seeming to have something else to say, but didn’t say it.

Lu You pressed, “Does she know that her senior told you this?”

“Yes.”

“Did she tell you that I had a visa?”

Knowing that Yun Zhu’s acting skills were exaggerated and her ability to lie was just as bad as hers, Lu You looked at Yun Zhu seriously, trying to capture real information from her expression.

However, Yun Zhu was very sensitive, and didn’t answer her immediately, but scrutinized her deeply for a moment, saying, “Are you trying to ask if she told me long ago that you had a visa, deliberately let me tell you that the situation wasn’t good, and calculated that you would feel sorry for her and immediately set off to find her?”

Lu You frowned, suddenly realizing how could Yun Zhu, who grew up in an extremely complex family, have poor acting skills.

That time, Yun Zhu had deliberately changed the group name to “National First-Class Protected Waste,” intentionally exposing that she was the one who gave her the concert tickets.

So that she would suspect Yue Yunxi, whether she was probing or investigating privately, she would pay more attention to Yue Yunxi as a result.

Maybe she would even pretend to tell Yue Yunxi that she had been exposed.

Giving Yue Yunxi an opportunity.

Either pull back and forth with her, or actively admit it to draw closer.

What a scheme, what a calculation…

Lu You swallowed, the questions and displeasure lingering in her mind seeming to be beyond her control at this moment.

“Yes. I just want to know if this time everything is within her plan again.”

Yun Zhu was stunned, then laughed, her smile full of displeasure and sarcasm, “You’re thinking about this at this time? If I said—yes, everything is within her plan. You wouldn’t go see her then? Your anger at her calculating you is far greater than your concern for her body, right?”

Lu You was also brought up with emotions, and said with a sneer, “Who told me, there’s really no need to worry, she’s really fine?”

Yun Zhu was laughed at again, “Okay, then I’ll tell you, yes, that’s right, that’s what you think!

She calculated that there would be cyberbullying, knew that with my ability I couldn’t control it. Knowing that you would be implicated, she hired online trolls in advance to reverse your reputation.

This is the first thing she calculated.”

Lu You’s eyebrows twitched.

“She also calculated that her old messes would be dug up, she calculated herself into the center of the vortex, to attract all the firepower, she calculated all the worst possibilities, what funeral photos, wreaths, threatening letters, scolding phone calls were all within her expectations.

She also calculated that there would be lunatics like the ones who treated you back then, going to smash her house’s glass, scratching her car, and puncturing her tires.

She calculated all of this, so she avoided these messes, definitely not because I was worried and hired bodyguards to protect her.

Every day she closes her eyes and opens them, she’s playing chess in her head, every step is walking in a carefully planned game.”

Yun Zhu can be described as extremely sarcastic.

Lu You’s eyebrows didn’t twitch anymore, but directly twisted together.

“She didn’t handle the public opinion about herself like she handled yours.

She told me that this is what she deserved, she should suffer those sins and learn a lesson, because the ‘good things’ she did almost made you endure her current situation.

See how high-sounding she says it.

She must want me to pass this on to you.

This must be the third thing she calculated.”

The word “definitely” was emphasized heavily.

Ironic words were like an embroidery needle inserted backward into the heart, the other end thicker.

So the process was more blunt, and more painful.

“Those things about her are hanging on the internet, friends feel sorry for her when they see them, let alone a lover.

So, she’s enduring these things like a masochist, just so you’ll feel soft-hearted when you see them, and feel sorry for her.

This way you will easily forgive her for those things she did before.

This is definitely the fourth thing she calculated.”

Another needle inserted backward into the heart.

Lu You lowered her head, as if being pressed into cold water by Yun Zhu’s words, involuntarily swallowing several times before finding her breath.

“She’s a soothsayer, she can tell with a pinch of her fingers that Senior’s partner had an accident, and Senior would definitely look for her. When she got to Italy, she waved her bag and phone in her hand, waiting for someone to come and rob her, and wouldn’t let anyone rob her unless they had a knife.

She can also calculate that she will definitely be able to catch up with the other person, the other person will definitely give herself a knife, this knife will definitely not be fatal, and will make you feel even more sorry for her.

Even in her coma, she can calculate that Senior will contact me, and she jumped up in shock from her deathbed, shouting, Lu You has a visa! Tell her to come see me!”

“Yun Zhu! Enough!” Chen Feifei, hearing the end, almost couldn’t help laughing, but the current situation didn’t allow it, she could only suppress it with a cough, “Don’t be too outrageous!”

“I’m outrageous?” Yun Zhu glanced at Lu You, suddenly closed her mouth, and exhaled a long breath.

Lu You lowered her head, her fingertips pinching her palm, only feeling that her heart was like a red grapefruit with a wrinkled skin.

Dry and bitter inside.

She was clearly very worried about Yue Yunxi’s body.

No matter what Yun Zhu said, she would go, no answer would affect her going to see Yue Yunxi’s condition with her own eyes.

But at the moment she confirmed that Yue Yunxi had packed the wallet into the suitcase for her, she was submerged by all kinds of complex emotions that suddenly came to her head.

“It’s better for Yoyo to ask clearly now, than to suddenly discover later that her worry and soft-heartedness have become composite bargaining chips. Of course, it’s best if there aren’t any, but feelings need to be maintained with sincerity to last longer. No one likes to be led by the nose.” Chen Feifei lowered her head and no longer looked at Yun Zhu, saying softly, “Don’t you also hate being controlled the most, and hate intrigue the most?”

Yun Zhu’s lip line was pursed straight, but her shoulder line slumped down a bit softly.

“Also! If there aren’t any, then there aren’t any, can’t you speak properly!” Chen Feifei became more and more angry, and punched Yun Zhu.

“Hiss—that hurts.”

Chen Feifei felt distressed for two or three seconds, but quickly put on a stern face and said, “Those words you said, yoyo also feels pain when she hears them.”

“You really care about your good sister,” Yun Zhu said sourly, “When she said those words, as Old Yue’s good sister, I also felt pain when I heard them.”

“…Okay, you’re venting your anger for your sister, and I’m venting my anger for my sister, let’s call it even.”

Yun Zhu’s breath rose to her throat, but seemed to be blocked by something, unable to say a word, and finally condensed into a sigh of anger and helplessness.

Chen Feifei moved closer to Lu You, imitating the way Lu You looked at her in the morning, tilting her head to look, “Crying?”

Lu You blinked her eyes, scattering the water mist and saying, “No.”

“Are you still going?” Chen Feifei asked cautiously, afraid that she would be so angry with Yun Zhu that she wouldn’t want to go.

“I’m going, I’m worried about her.” Lu You pushed the suitcase and continued walking towards the backyard where the car was parked.

Yun Zhu followed behind, cleared her throat, and softened her tone, saying, “Yesterday, when I had a video call with Old Yue, I asked her if she wanted to tell you about her injury.”

Lu You’s footsteps stagnated.

Yun Zhu came to her side, walking forward side by side, saying, “She hesitated and said forget it. I think she wanted to tell you, but didn’t know how to tell you, so she said let me tell you. Then I thought if you didn’t have a visa, you wouldn’t be able to come, so it would be useless to tell you, so I still didn’t say it.

Old Yue said okay, said if you asked, tell you the truth, tell you she’s fine, and told me not to add fuel to the fire.

If you don’t ask, then don’t say it.

She only said this, and didn’t say anything else.

It was me who figured out that she looked like she wanted to say something but stopped, and then remembered the time and location of the top video in your Moments, deducing that you should have a visa.

Just now you were in such a hurry to leave, I naturally assumed that you definitely had a visa.

So I was very surprised when Feifei said you might not have it. Not because I knew in advance that you had it.”

Lu You listened quietly, speechless for a moment.

She imagined Yue Yunxi’s struggling and tangled appearance at that time.

Maybe at that moment, the moment she wanted to see her the most, Yue Yunxi had wavered, had thought of using Yun Zhu’s mouth, using her soft-heartedness, manipulating her to feel sorry for her, manipulating her to step out of the country, crossing the ocean to see her.

But she still didn’t do it directly.

If an apology can’t be forgiven, it’s better not to apologize.

What a stubborn person.

Still, actions are more honest.

At least, this time she respected her feelings.

The driver from Yun’s family got out of the MPV, helped Lu You put her luggage in, and opened the car door.

Lu You sat in the car, and after realizing that she was so eager to see Yue Yunxi that she had completely ignored Yun Zhu’s needs.

She supported the car door and suggested, “Yun Zhu, how about I have your driver take me to the airport, and I’ll fly there myself?”

“You can do it yourself?” Yun Zhu asked.

“I’m not a child, and it’s not my first time going abroad.”

Yun Zhu hesitated, looking at Chen Feifei.

“Don’t look at me,” Chen Feifei said, “You should still go with Lu You.”

“I can definitely do it alone,” Lu You glanced at her watch and urged, “Make a decision quickly.”

Yun Zhu took out a paper bag wrapped with something from her bag and said, “This is a new phone prepared for Old Yue, with a new SIM card. The bank card has to wait for her to come back and apply for unfreezing it herself. There are credit cards from me and Auntie Yue inside for her to use. There are a lot of thieves and robbers in Italy, you have to be careful.”

“Okay.” Lu You took the paper bag and put it in her bag.

“She said, she did bad things to you.” Yun Zhu was afraid she would think too much, and quickly patched it up, “She didn’t say in detail, and I didn’t ask too much. She said she wanted to apologize to you, but didn’t know how to open her mouth. Adults, face and self-esteem are always in the way.

When you get there, you press the silent gourd’s mouth shut and make her apologize to you properly.”

“…Okay.” Lu You paused, “Thank you.”

“No need to thank me,” Yun Zhu returned to her usual lazy and casual state, “Consider joining my all-female amateur orchestra?”

Lu You also curved the corners of her mouth, “Okay, I’ll definitely consider it seriously.”

—

Classical music played by a violin flowed through the air in the car.

The desolate winter scenery along the way constantly retreated in the window frame as the car moved.

Lu You withdrew her gaze and took out the folder from her shoulder bag.

It was quite thin, with an estimated thickness of only ten or twenty pages. She spread the folder on her lap.

The transparent pockets inside were filled with sheet music.

The first page of the sheet music had an introduction to the meaning of each color at the top.

Yellow box: In the symphony, the part where the cello can play freely.

Red: Be careful not to make mistakes.

Blue: Unstable notes.

Purple records bowing, green notes fingering, and cyan briefly introduces the background of the work.

Orange records emotions.

At the bottom of the first piece of sheet music, Yue Yunxi wrote her name in orange.

[Lu You]

Each stroke was very serious.

In the gap between spacing out while memorizing the sheet music, the blank thoughts poured out ink with the tip of the pen, filling it completely with two words.

The moment the thought came to mind, Lu You’s heart skipped a beat.

She pinched the transparent bag, paused for a long time, and gently opened it.

Her gaze immediately fixed on the orange part.

[Bleak, like winter, bonfire, the flames jumping and cheerful.]

Noting the emotions belonging to the small section next to it.

Behind it was an excerpt.

[That afternoon I came back, inexplicably, there was a kind of half-painful, half-joyful feeling of being tightly embraced by life. – Jian Zhen, “April Rhapsody”]

Further down, it was written:

[The temperature dropped today, I turned out my clothes to wear, and suddenly thought of the past, she always told me it was “Shun Lu’s business”, following a little deer’s intention, right? Quite interesting, isn’t it?]

The orange words, falling beside the cheerful section, seemed to be in dialogue with the sheet music.

No wonder… When I was a child, I always thought Yue Yunxi was so amazing, she remembered all the sheet music.

No wonder Yun Zhu would say that Yue Yunxi could recite the sheet music backward.

Incidents derived from emotions are used to deepen memory.

What, she didn’t even teach her such a good method.

Every time she memorizes sheet music, she feels like she’s dying…

[Every time I play you, it evokes a feeling, do you know what that is?

Like a mischievous little deer bumping around in my heart, and I don’t dare to step forward, for fear of scaring her away.]

Lu You turned to the second page, Brahms’ Sonata for Cello and Piano No. 1.

She was also very familiar with this piece.

The melody was like a long stream of water, like the afterglow of the setting sun. It was distant, but also had the heaviness of approaching night, and the variations were like a wandering child walking in the night, every step was cautious.

[Take your time, this is really a very elegant and noble word. Especially in an era where everything pursues speed, to have someone say to you “don’t worry, take your time” is really a tenderness from the bottom of the heart, unparalleled.]

It also seemed to be an excerpt, because Lu You had seen this passage online.

What was written later was:

[My dear girl, she will never know how bright the light in my eyes is when I look at her, so bright that I inadvertently glimpse it one day and even panic myself.]

[Yun Zhu always encourages me to be brave. But I am very afraid, very afraid that after being reckless, it will be a situation that I can’t remedy even if I regret it.]

[Why don’t we just leave it like this for now, take your time, what do you think?

The previous excerpt was not quite the same as the following writing.

Like a pause in a stagnant mood.

In the sheet music for the third song, “Jacqueline’s Tears,” next to the regrettable and sorrowful section, she wrote:

[So she can like girls.]

[Regretful, timid admirer.]

[True strength is not confrontation, but allowing it to happen. Allowing regret, stupidity, ugliness, hypocrisy, allowing selfless payment. When you allow all of this, you will gradually become a soft, relaxed, and open person.]

It was another excerpt, which Lu You had read in Yue Yunxi’s study, from Mo Yan’s “Late-Blooming People.”

In the fourth song, “Cello Concerto in A minor,” Yue Yunxi noted that it was a sensitive and meticulous outpouring of inner feelings from beginning to end.

[You are the only stillness on the flowing painting, which makes my gaze wander so far that it will eventually return to you. – Jian Zhen]

[When watching the sunset, she suddenly glanced at me, maybe she was too beautiful in the sunset, I didn’t control my gaze.

Fortunately, the red sun and the sunset glow were both passionate, and she didn’t notice the heat in my eyes.]

[My throat hurts, the last time I had a cold and fever seems like a very distant memory.

She told me that camping is for fun, not for suffering.

But I couldn’t tell her that if I didn’t suffer, I wouldn’t have the chance to play with her.

It’s a blessing in disguise, if I didn’t have the chance to play together, I had the chance to have her send me to the hospital.

It’s “Shun Lu’s” business again.

Yes, following the little deer’s wishes.]

And next to the playful and relaxed passage in the finale, she wrote:

[It turns out it’s because of Shi Ye, Shi Ye, Shi Ye.]

The writing became heavier and heavier, and even if it wasn’t written completely, Lu You could read the emotions in it—unbelievable, sullen, and helpless.

Lu You covered her heart with her hand, breathing slowly, but every breath felt like tightening the rope made of words, entangling her so that she could hardly breathe.

[She feels that unrequited love is a very sad thing.

In fact, unrequited love is not a very sad thing. When it still has hope, it is a mixture of sourness and hidden sweetness.

What really makes people sad is that it can no longer see the light of day.

When it no longer has hope, it is as if the glass that can reflect light has been shattered into slag.

And the unrequited lover hides the glass slag in their palm, afraid of being seen, holding it very tightly.

So it stabs very painfully, very painfully, but doesn’t even dare to say a word of pain.]

[As long as she is happy.

If she is happy, I can swallow all the stolen experiences back into my stomach.]

“Stolen”?

Lu You continued to flip through.

The fifth song, Sainte-Colombe’s “Les Pleurs.”

This time it didn’t start with an excerpt.

[It’s okay, it’s just restoring to the original state.

I was originally penniless.]

There were traces of tears on the four words “penniless.”

Lu You rubbed her fingers on it, the touch had long been dried by the wind, but the wetness was still transmitted into her nerves through her empathy.

Yue Yunxi, you said that feeling sorry for someone is the beginning of being moved.

What about countless feelings of pity stacked together?

[Can I not be a good person? Can I not be a gentle person? Can I also snatch that person once?]

Lu You’s fingertip slipped down, landing on the next sentence.

[But she is not the property of anyone, so I can’t.]

The orange font was blurred by the moisture, and in the blurred vision, it was like a peeled orange, and the juice splashed into her eyes.

The sixth sheet.

[Bright and brilliant things comfort me, it is enough to watch time pass under the blue sky – Pessoa]

It went back to starting with an excerpt.

[I don’t like going out with them.

But I want to go out with her.

You also think it’s very tangled, right?

I really want to go back to when I wasn’t moved.]

Knowing it was in the past tense, Lu You still felt a pang in her heart for this last sentence, for Yue Yunxi regretting being moved by her.

[I really like her sensitivity and delicacy, she can always perceive my emotions immediately.

I am also very afraid of her sensitivity and delicacy, afraid that she will see through me.

Even more afraid that she will worry, she always seems to be affected by other people’s moods.

But I don’t want to affect her.]

[Please use absolutely clear-headed reason to suppress emotions that shouldn’t exist.]

Seventh sheet.

[I think of you as if a drug has been applied to my sick soul. – Dostoevsky]

[I know, I shouldn’t remember you when I’m drunk, but I can’t help it, who told you to be the most hypnotic.]

[Who told dreams and alcohol to be my passes to get close to her]

The last word “Woolen cloth” was written in a flamboyant manner, and the strokes were inserted horizontally into the sheet music, which was Schumann’s “Dreaming.”

The melody was beautiful and soft, indeed very helpful for sleep, and could also weave a dreamlike dream world, making people forget their troubles.

Drunkard, what… Even when drunk, you don’t forget to memorize sheet music, even when drunk, you don’t forget to talk to the sheet music.

Lu You smiled, but the water vapor accumulated in her eyes became even more intense.

Eighth sheet.

[My love for her is unreasonable, which is also an unreasonable secret to me. – Dostoevsky]

[I prepared a dessert for her, it’s crème brûlée that I made.]

Lu You still remembered the crème brûlée. One day when she had a cold war with Tao Xin, she returned to Lanwan and slept for a day and a night. When she woke up and went downstairs, she saw the souvenirs that Yue Yunxi sent on the table.

Among them was a crème brûlée.

She thought Tao Xin had asked Yue Yunxi to send it.

[What makes me uneasy is not that they are in love, but that I can’t get what I want.]

[Every time a new leaf grows on a camphor tree, an old leaf will fall.

When all the old leaves fall, I won’t like her anymore.]

Ninth sheet:

[Everyone has things that they know are meaningless, but they can’t help but be obsessed with. – Keigo Higashino, “Unrequited Love”]

[When new leaves grow on the camphor tree, old leaves will fall off.

But my branches, old heart affairs refuse to fall, it is difficult to accept the next spring.]

[You say, what is love?

Your melody tells me that love is comfort, is the light that penetrates the darkness.

I also think so.

People like me who always walk in the dark will always be tempted by the light.

But I don’t like sunlight, it is too passionate, and when it falls, it will make the night appear even more dim and long.

I like moonlight.]

[She is moonlight.]

[Is the moonlight that fills me.]

Eleventh sheet.

[My love is heavy, turbid, with many unpleasant things in it, such as sadness, sorrow, self-pity, despair, and my heart is so fragile. I am always defeated by these negative emotions, as if the more I struggle in a swamp, the more I sink.

– Haruki Murakami, “Norwegian Wood”]

Next to the finale section, it was noted “uneven,” “agitated,” and “relieved.”

[Try again, relief and letting go.]

Looking at this sentence alone, it is unclear whether it is trying to play this song again, or letting go of something else.

Until I saw the bottom:

[I always feel that she has some kind of magic, a magic that makes people’s hearts flutter for her again and again.]

Twelfth sheet—

[Emotion has been dulled by some eternal sense of loss – Toni Morrison, “The Bluest Eye”]

[I know that my expectations and desires will always end in disappointment.]

[I will recite you again, and after reciting you, I will go to climb the mountain.]

[There is wind at the top of the mountain, and if I want to forget an inch, the wind will blow away an inch, and it will be better if it fades.]

Thirteenth sheet—

[No one can be like you, making my body and soul lose control. – Jane Austen]

[Life is a vast and lonely canyon, and she is the moon in the sky, the wind in the canyon, and the river in the valley, is all the beautiful existence that makes up a boring life.]

[Guarding a silent and moonless night, uncontrollably waiting for the moon to appear, it is difficult to be moved by the stars anymore.]

Fourteenth sheet—

[You are a very lovely person, you really should meet the best person, and I really hope that I am. – Wang Xiaobo, “Love You Like Loving Life”]

[But it’s not, it’s not.]

[I always think I’ve figured it out in an instant, but the next second I can’t do it again.]

[Unrequited lovers don’t deserve to be jealous.]

[Give up? Continue? This feeling is really terrible.]

She crossed out “give up,” but only crossed out half of “continue.”

Fifteenth sheet—

[The ultimate of all emotions is near madness. – Virginia Woolf, “Orlando”]

[I can’t control myself, just like I can’t avoid my feelings for her, just like humans have to experience sunset and moonrise every day.]

[So you have to understand, understand my knowing it’s impossible and doing it anyway.]

Sixteenth sheet—

[I love you, with the strings of my entire will and soul – Lokhvitskaya]

[Fluttered heart again and again.]

[If you want to ask me why this is the case, I think you have to ask my free will and the strings of my soul, it is them that played this answer.]

Seventeenth sheet—

[The ripples that appear in my life are all in vain, I cannot cross it – Woolf]

[You are full of hope, and full of despair.]

[I can’t always remember your despairing tune.]

Eighteenth sheet—

[You are not the goal of love, but the only motivation for me to love. – Hermann Hesse, “Klingsor’s Last Summer”]

Nineteenth sheet—

[I love you, with love, with tenderness, with desire I love you – Camus Love Letter Collection]

There was less and less content, perhaps Yue Yunxi no longer needed to record the emotions that each section could evoke in this way.

Perhaps with age, the emotional outlet of an adult also became smaller and smaller.

And she, seemed to witness the formation of a silent gourd.

When even sheet music can’t be used to talk, many things can only be suffocated in the heart.

Lu You’s trembling hand turned to the last page.

The sheet music was Debussy’s “Clair de Lune,” and the orange pen wrote the chorus of “Shi Ye.”

Doodled, changed several versions. The large ones had entire sentences crossed out and rewritten, and the small ones had a word repeatedly considered and revised.

Lu You’s tears fell on the back of her hand, and her fingertips slowly stroked over each trace of smear on it, soaking into the paper.

She recalled Yue Yunxi slowly turning the cheerleader roses into eternal flowers, as if through that scene, she saw Yue Yunxi writing songs and composing.

Careful, serious and soft.

[Dedicated to myself at twenty-five years old.]

[Writing a song is really difficult, when