MTMIO Chapter 90

For the time Lu You has been at Chen Feifei’s, she has been like an addict going through the hardest withdrawal period.

The next day, because her period cramps were severe and she was sleep-deprived, she spent the day eating and sleeping.

By midnight, the cramps weren’t as bad, but she couldn’t fall back asleep.

Lu You got out of bed, put on a thick down jacket, and sat on the steps in the backyard, smoking a cigarette to relieve her anxiety.

With her other hand, she aimlessly swiped through various apps on her phone.

She would always unconsciously click into WeChat, open Yue Yunxi’s profile, stare at the chat window for a few seconds in a daze, and then scroll up to look at their past chat history.

Then, suddenly sobering up, she would switch out of it.

Somehow, she stumbled upon the video Yue Yunxi had asked her to record when she was drunk.

Even though she was angry, seeing Yue Yunxi looking like she would break with a gust of wind in the video, she couldn’t help but feel sorry for her.

As she watched, she drifted off into thought.

——“Did you record it?”

——“I did, but I hope you won’t regret it tomorrow.”

——“I won’t regret it.”

——“Keep it, save it well, maybe… it will be useful.”

So, it wasn’t meant to be a weapon to hurt each other during arguments.

But a prop to make her feel sorry and soften her heart after arguments.

When she came back to her senses, Yue Yunxi’s soft, cool voice in the video invaded her attention through her hearing.

The scarlet glow of the cigarette flickered with the intermittent words.

“Have you ever felt that way? Like a poison needle coated with arsenic, silently piercing into your body, and by the time you realize it, the disease has already reached the bone marrow, beyond cure.”

As if it also had a highly toxic effect, dipped on the filter, entering her lungs as the faint smoke teased the night.

On the third day, feeling a little better, she curled up in the yard to bask in the sun. Bored, she took out the handmade gift she had prepared for Yue Yunxi’s birthday to work on it.

Chen Feifei returned to her old profession, picking up tools to tune the piano at home, planning to use it for practice.

Every time she tested the sound, Chen Feifei played the climax of Stefanie Sun’s “What I Miss,” deliberately teasing her for preparing a birthday gift for someone she was quarreling with.

Lu You’s brain would always automatically fill in the lyrics.

And every time she filled in the part “What I miss is the urge to love you even after arguing,” she would pause for a moment.

Starting on the fourth day, she didn’t stop making the handmade gift, and she added piano practice to prepare for the December competition.

The entertainment competition didn’t restrict the pieces to classical music.

She had originally wanted to play “Golden Hour” and had already memorized the score, but now she felt that “Collapsing World” was more suitable for her.

When she reported the piece to Zhong Shuyun, the other party said nothing.

Turning around, she posted on her Moments with just two words—”Rebellious disciple.”

Lu You was both speechless and amused, and openly gave her a like.

Zhong Shuyun didn’t report it for her, saying that the deadline was at the end of the month anyway, and she could decide then.

On the fifth day, she watched TV idly. Coincidentally, the movie channel was showing *Atonement*. This time, she didn’t fall asleep. She watched the plot and suddenly thought of Tao Xin’s letter, and Yue Yunxi’s stolen scores and lyrics.

She also thought of why Yue Yunxi had chosen to watch this movie with her that night.

How calculating.

She felt angry, but when she saw the green dress scene, she shamelessly missed the person who had schemed against her.

The sixth day was much the same as the previous few days.

Making crafts, playing the piano, and the daily activities with Feifei and Auntie proceeded methodically amidst the notes of “Collapsing World.”

And the interlude was always old fragments named “Yue Yunxi.”

On the seventh day, on the night of the end of her period, Lu Huai’an, drunk from socializing, inexplicably called her, rambling on and on, vaguely muttering about how someone had a son, but he didn’t, and he would never have one in this life.

Lu You cursed, “Crazy, go get treated if you’re sick.”

As she was about to hang up, she suddenly asked him again to confirm, “Lu Huai’an, did she force my custody on you back then?”

Lu Huai’an chuckled, “Force it? I snatched it, that bitch, she can forget about having anything if she leaves me!”

Lu You was stunned.

This contradicted the previous story.

She had always been told that Zhang Wenyin wanted to pursue her dreams, thought she was a burden, gave up custody, and made it clear that she didn’t want her.

“…They all have sons, but I don’t, I don’t have anything, just a worthless girl, what’s the use? Huh? What’s the use of her, she only knows how to ask me for money.” Lu Huai’an started ranting again.

Lu You came back to her senses, a little annoyed, “Who told you to cut yourself off? You deserve it for not having a son. You should be happy that I ask you for money. When you’re old, I’ll pick a good nursing home for you for being a competent ATM!”

Hanging up the phone, she grabbed her phone, went back to her room, and burrowed into the already cold covers. She clicked on Zhang Wenyin’s profile in the WeChat list, then switched out of it, then clicked on Yue Yunxi’s profile, then switched out of it again.

She repeated this action mechanically.

Not knowing how many times she repeated it, she was like a silent burning match, finally curling up her emotions and exhausting her body, extinguished in a silent night.

The next day, she called her grandmother and hesitated to ask about the custody issue.

Just then, Auntie Liu on the other end of the phone asked her grandmother why she hadn’t taken her medicine yet. Distracted, Lu You focused on telling her to take her medicine on time, and lost the desire to ask.

On the weekend, Chen Feifei saw that she was in a better state, and the neighbor’s child happened to be back on vacation.

After the three of them finished lunch, they went to play in a more bustling town.

First, they watched a movie for more than two hours. It wasn’t very good. Lu You held popcorn and fell asleep as she watched.

Half-asleep, she didn’t know if she was dreaming or unconsciously recalling the day she watched a movie with Yue Yunxi.

The sound coming from the big screen had a unique texture to the movie theater, making the dream and reality intertwine confusingly.

The movie ended, and she woke up for no reason.

When she woke up, she was still in a daze, and subconsciously looked to her side.

The empty seat came into view, overlapping with the empty space in her heart.

Even the lonely sense of solitude was magnified twice.

On the ninth day, she went to the city with Chen Feifei and the others to check in at a trendy cafe that turned into a bar at night.

The delicate desserts in the store made her feel much better.

As they were almost finished eating, the store played Huang Zhixu’s new song.

Her memory was instantly pulled back to the West City Music Festival. The photo she took with Huang Zhixu was in her most important runaway wallet.

Lu You unconsciously drank a lot of wine.

When she finally felt a little drunk, she remembered the video of Yue Yunxi saying “nonsense” when she was drunk.

She remembered every word, every expression of the “drunkard” clearly.

When she left, on the way to the parking lot, she collided with a passerby who was playing with their phone and not looking at the road.

The other person used the same perfume as Yue Yunxi.

The moment she smelled it, Lu You’s heart skipped a beat, and she clearly captured the surprise hidden in her complex emotions. Then, when she clearly saw the other person’s face, she felt a sense of loss, like a huge wave sweeping in, completely engulfing her.

And at this moment, she also clearly knew.

She was truly terminally ill, beyond cure.

On the eleventh day, Zhong Shuyun contacted her to talk about the December competition, and sent her a video of Zhong Apo practicing the piano fingering, asking her to adjust herself accordingly.

Just when she thought it was just business.

Zhong Shuyun sent another message: [You should know this set of fingering very well, how difficult it is. I remember you used to sigh when you practiced the piano, saying that I was a genius for developing this set of fingering.

I’m telling you now, I’m not a genius, your mother is.

This is the fingering that your mother developed after learning from Yunxi that you had a broken finger. She tied up her little finger every day to research it, and I just helped her complete it.

We researched it for seven whole years.]

——“Later, when they developed the fingering and taught me, I still felt it wasn’t good… My feelings for the piano became a little complicated, both liking and hating it.”

She remembered what Zhong Apo said when she asked her if she wanted to pick up the piano again.

Zhong Shuyun clearly knew her mother’s past, and therefore understood Zhong Apo’s attitude towards the piano. She knew that Zhong Apo didn’t want to pick up the piano again, so she wouldn’t actively research any fingering.

And Zhong Apo said that the fingering was researched by “them,” not just a single “she,” not just Zhong Shuyun.

There was also Zhang Wenyin.

The details that were ignored at the time were all revealed at this moment.

Like cracks in the ice on the lake.

The moisture seen in the cracks and the still existing thin ice made her feel sad and confused.

Because love and reality were contradictory.

On the twelfth day, the wind picked up in the middle of the night, causing the outdoor unit of the air conditioner and the window frame to bang loudly.

Lu You was awakened and subconsciously turned to that side. When she turned over, she suddenly remembered that she was not at Yue Yunxi’s house.

Beside her, the person lying in the other quilt wasn’t Yue Yunxi either.

She stared at the ceiling in the dark for a long time, thinking about how she had recently woken up from a nightmare and couldn’t reach Yue Yunxi’s body, but could still hear her voice.

But now, there was nothing.

Only endless darkness, mixed with loneliness and longing, dim and oppressive, as if it would swallow her up.

On the thirteenth day, Lu You felt like she was an abandoned patient. In the process of withdrawal, she always let herself indulge in memories according to her heart.

She hadn’t let go of those things, and she couldn’t let go of Yue Yunxi as a person.

The only thing left to do for the gift prepared for Yue Yunxi was the musical score bouquet.

Before starting this project, she fell into thinking about how to give the gift to Yue Yunxi.

In these days, she still hadn’t contacted Yue Yunxi, and Yue Yunxi hadn’t contacted her either.

The phone became a decoration. She huddled in the village, disconnected from the world, truly living up to the meme—the village has no internet.

She hadn’t forgotten the promise she made to Yue Yunxi when their relationship was strong.

But the current situation made her hesitate.

She couldn’t make a decision until the evening.

Before going to bed, Lu You hugged the small deer doll and twisted its small antlers.

In the silence, no sound came from the little deer’s belly.

——“I, Lu You, hereby leave evidence, specifically granting Jiaojiao a compensation, valid for an indefinite period.”

And in her mind were the words she had recorded in the other little deer.

Proof that any compensation was possible.

Meaning that she could throw it out and make her not care about those things, and immediately reconcile.

Why not throw the trump card at her?

On the fourteenth day, someone in the village held a wedding. Chen Feifei took her and Auntie Chen to share the joy.

After the wedding procession ended, they were arranged to sit in the banquet shed. More than twenty large round tables were neatly arranged in two rows, and people were still entering the seats one after another.

The waiting time was spent chatting idly.

Lu You kept yawning sleepily, turned her eyes and saw Chen Feifei rolling her eyes with an impatient look on her face, and then noticed that Auntie Chen was complaining to the aunt next to her.

“…It’s not worry-free at all. She won’t talk about a serious relationship, won’t get married, and her job isn’t stable. Who would say a proper girl works in a bar?”

“Which company wants someone like me who needs to take leave every now and then to go home to see my old mother? How is working at a bar not a proper job? I didn’t steal or rob anything, and how many times have I told you, we’re a clear bar. And! Isn’t it all for you that I work? And about marriage, how many times have I said…”

Chen Feifei’s nasal voice became heavier, and her expression gradually couldn’t hold back, as if she was about to cry.

Lu You patted her shoulder worriedly.

Chen Feifei couldn’t continue, and muttered, “So annoying!”, stood up abruptly.

Auntie Chen stopped her, “Where are you going?”

“To the bathroom.” Chen Feifei didn’t turn her head back.

Lu You was worried and got up to follow, but was blocked by someone passing by.

She heard the auntie advising Auntie Chen, “Don’t be ungrateful when you’re in the midst of happiness, your girl is very good.”

“She’s pretty good, she even takes me out to travel, my mouth is really something.” Auntie Chen sighed, “I’m just especially worried about her, my illness is very difficult, I’m very afraid that she’ll be the only one left at that time, feeling uncomfortable, sad, and there’s no one to accompany and take care of her…”

Lu You moved to the entrance of the shed, no longer able to hear Auntie Chen’s voice.

The shed was very warm, like an early spring that nurtures all things, thus making the outside world seem particularly cold in comparison.

The wind brushing against her face had the dampness of winter before it rains, or before it snows.

Lu You wrapped her lamb wool coat tightly and looked around, capturing Chen Feifei’s figure, and went over to Chen Feifei in two or three steps, tilting her head to look at Chen Feifei.

“…Not crying.” Chen Feifei glanced at her, “You look a lot like that emoji, where two birds are standing on a tree, and one of them twists its head one hundred and eighty degrees to look at its companion, and then there’s a comment edited by netizens beside it—really crying.”

When Chen Feifei mentioned birds, Lu You thought of the corresponding emoji and smiled.

Then, the moment she straightened her head, the curve of her lips solidified at the corners.

She suddenly remembered the evening when she went to pick up Yue Yunxi from work, she also looked at Yue Yunxi at such a tricky angle.

For several days, it was almost like this every day—

Because of a sentence that could form a connection, or a similar scene, or a smell similar to Yue Yunxi’s, even if there was only one, it would make her enter a memory.

“Why did you come out too?” Chen Feifei guessed, “Did you come to comfort me on purpose? Sigh, no need to comfort me, I’m used to it.”

Lu You gathered her thoughts and said, “Your mom was especially regretful after you left, she didn’t say those things on purpose.”

“It’s even more annoying when it’s not on purpose, it’s because she says it every day that it becomes a habit.” Chen Feifei no longer had the urge to cry, but the anger hadn’t subsided, “We clearly talked it over at the hospital, that she wouldn’t force me anymore, but now it’s like this again.”

“That’s because she’s very afraid that she won’t be by your side, and when you’re sick, sad, and need someone to accompany you, there won’t be anyone by your side. She’s just worried about you.”

“It’s not like I don’t have friends, it’s not like I don’t have a job.”

Mentioning work, Chen Feifei stated, “I really like Lost Deer, I never thought this job wasn’t proper. I really like the girls inside, and I’m especially grateful to you for opening Lost Deer and entrusting me with its management. The happiest thing I do every day is going to work and listening to them tell their life stories.”

“I know.” Lu You said softly.

“I really don’t understand what she’s thinking, her own example is enough to prove that men can be relied on, and sows can climb trees. Does she think she can rest assured if I get married? Isn’t she afraid that I’ll entrust myself to the wrong person? And!” Chen Feifei choked up a little, “Why is she always thinking about not being around, maybe… there will be a miracle.”

Lu You sighed, “Your mom loves you very much. If one communication doesn’t work, then communicate a few more times. Don’t be like those in novels and TV shows, leaving a lifetime of regrets because of small conflicts.”

Walking a little further, Chen Feifei thought it through, and said “Mm” after a while.

Stopping in a corner with few people, where there was a half-person-high low wall, she sat on it and asked, “What about you?”

Lu You also sat down, “What about me?”

“Don’t play dumb.” Chen Feifei said, “Aren’t you going to give your mom a chance to communicate? Are you planning to leave yourself a lifetime of regrets too?”

Lu You supported her hand on the low wall, her legs dangling outside, and didn’t say anything.

“I remember you said that your grandma said that your mom had her own difficulties.” Chen Feifei “Tsked” strangely, “Then that means your grandma knew what her difficulties were, why didn’t she tell you?”

Lu You shook her head and guessed, “Maybe she thought that the third person relaying the message would be biased, or maybe she was afraid that I wouldn’t believe it, and wanted her to explain to me in person what her difficulties were.”

“Mm… I’ll state my position first, I’m on your side, I can’t understand what kind of difficulties could make her ignore you for more than ten years, not even calling, let alone sending a text message, and all the messages you sent her were like stones sinking into the sea, and she gave all her maternal love to another child. It’s one thing to play substitute literature in love, but she’s even doing it with family.”

Lu You frowned as she listened, and couldn’t help but say, “You know how to stab people in the heart.”

Chen Feifei chuckled twice, “Isn’t this helping you desensitize?”

“…Thank you, oh.”

“Okay, let’s get down to business. I just think that these are all from you, emmm—” Chen Feifei thought about the wording, organized her words and said, “Your personal perspective, that is to say, from your perspective, that’s how things are. But maybe from her perspective, things are another way.

“Just like me and my mom, you see, from my point of view, no matter what I do, she’ll only scold me. In her eyes, it seems like I can’t do anything right. And she always ignores my wishes and keeps urging me to get married, as if getting married and having children is some kind of task that must be completed in my life. But if you start from her perspective…”

Watery mist filled Chen Feifei’s eyes, and she took a deep breath, but still couldn’t suppress the trembling in her voice, “She’s afraid that if she’s not around, I won’t be able to take care of myself, so she’s especially harsh on me. She’s afraid that if she’s not around, no one will be with me, so she’s frantically urging me to get married.”

“Hey, don’t be like that, my tear ducts are low.” Lu You said with a hint of comfort, “People are holding a wedding, and we’re crying here, that’s not good.”

“…Cry? I’m about to be made to laugh to death by you.” Chen Feifei stopped for a while, adjusted her emotions, “That’s how it is with me and my mom, misunderstanding each other for many years. There was a time when I really didn’t want to acknowledge her as my mother anymore. It was you who advised me to communicate with her. Look at you, you’re so rational when you’re advising me and my mom. It’s still clearer when you’re an outsider.”

“Then this time, let me advise you. I’m thinking that maybe Auntie has come to find you, or contacted you, but because of all kinds of things, or the difficulties they were talking about, she missed you. I think you can listen to their explanation, at least you have to find out if it’s true, right?”

Lu You pursed her lips, her expression showing some loosening.

Chen Feifei secretly observed her expression, “And, you’ve always missed her a lot, haven’t you?”

Lu You’s nose suddenly felt sore, and she rolled her throat twice before suppressing a certain emotion that was surging up.

“I still remember when I first met you, you would still mention your mom, you would say what your mom taught you. You know, at that time, I was a little jealous of you, I felt that your mom was the best mom in the world, so she raised such a good you.

“And, every time you advise me, you would say that my mom loves me very much, and last time in the hospital you even said you were especially envious of me. You probably didn’t even realize it yourself, but you actually want her to come back very much, you yearn to have maternal love again, right?”

Like a layer of ice congealed on the lake being shattered.

Her defenses also collapsed into shapelessness.

“I’m telling you, every time I argue with my mom, I regret it as soon as I argue. Because I’m especially afraid that one day we’ll argue and she won’t reply to me anymore, I’m especially afraid of wanting to support my parents but they’re no longer there. Even if I argue with her many times, I hate her and have hated her countless times, but she’s still my mom, and I’m still her daughter… Do you understand?”

Lu You nodded very lightly.

The family relationship connected by blood is a very magical existence, especially between mothers and daughters.

She was born in her mother’s belly, brought into this world by her mother enduring all kinds of pregnancy hardships and pains.

Her mother raised her, taught her to speak, taught her to walk, taught her to play the piano, taught her to read, taught her to be a person…

She hated Zhang Wenyin’s ignorance because Zhang Wenyin had given her enough love.

Hate is born from love, there will be hate only if there is love.

From the moment she was born, a red ribbon was buried in her life by Zhang Wenyin. Even if it hurt to pull on it, she couldn’t bear to cut it off.

“Also, one last point, very important. I’m telling you so much not because I want you to forgive your mom or anything, this is still your own business after all, it’s up to you how you want to handle it. I’m just, as your friend, just like you are to me, I also hope that your remaining life is full of happiness, and I hope you don’t have any regrets.”

Lu You bit her lower lip, not saying a word. After a long time, she breathed out a long and slow breath, saying, “I feel like next time I get my period, I’m going to be in a lot of pain again.”

“What do you mean?” Chen Feifei asked.

Lu You ignored her, got up and said, “Let’s go, let’s go back, or Auntie will think we fell into the toilet.”

“She wouldn’t think that, even a fool can see that I wasn’t really going to the toilet.” Chen Feifei followed her footsteps, “No, don’t pretend you can’t hear me, what do you mean!”

“Aren’t we going to communicate? I don’t think I can stay absolutely calm throughout the entire communication.”

Chen Feifei excitedly let out an “Ah,” “So that means, you’re willing to chat with your mom?”

Lu You “Mm”ed vaguely.

“When are you planning to chat?”

“After a while, I’ll let them cool off for a while.”

“That’s good too, call them a group of people deceiving you.” Chen Feifei was smug, “I finally caught the opportunity to be your life mentor one day.”

Lu You blinked lightly and slowly.

As if an invisible string was sawing across the bare branches, the sound of the wind whistling in her ears was like a low cello note.

She inexplicably thought of Yue Yunxi again.

Maybe that’s why Yue Yunxi asked Chen Feifei to find her.

Not because she was sure she needed to relax.

But hoping that there would be a suitable, clear-headed outsider to lead her out of the emotional prison and see clearly what she really wanted.

Perhaps it was because she listened to Yue Yunxi’s self-revelation that night, revealing an extremely deep city, that she had such an unreasonable guess.

Or perhaps she was just overthinking it, and artificially using subjective thoughts to forcibly connect two things that might not be related at all.

She didn’t know what the truth was.

She only knew that in the next second after this guess came out, her heart, which was biased towards Yue Yunxi, had already given her the answer.

Which possibility didn’t matter.

The last sentence Chen Feifei said must also be what Yue Yunxi wanted to express.

Hoping that her remaining life would be happy and without regrets.

“Speaking of which, what does communicating with your mom have to do with getting your period?” Chen Feifei asked.

Lu You touched her lower abdomen, “I’ve summarized it, my period cramps and back pain were very bad this time, mostly because my emotions fluctuated too much the day before my period, and—”

“And what?” Chen Feifei poked her lightly with her shoulder, annoyed, “I’m really convinced, what’s wrong with you today, you always only say half of what you’re saying.”

Chen Feifei’s voice lowered, muttering, “Like that someone.”

“That someone? Which someone?” Lu You said amusingly.

“I asked you first, and you haven’t answered me yet, and what else?” Chen Feifei suddenly realized, and had a sudden realization, “The day before your period! Back pain—I know, and you’re courting death, you want to pay off a certain debt to Teacher Yue, right!”

“……”

Lu You chose to ignore this topic directly, took out her phone and said, “In order to not have so much pain next time I get my period, I have to be calm and peaceful, um, yes, change my profile picture to a capybara.”

“Change your WeChat profile picture?”

Lu You was looking for a picture that could be used as a profile picture, and her hand stopped for a moment when she heard this.

Her current WeChat profile picture was a hazy moon, emitting a faint yellow halo, branded on the night sky.

It was the moon Yue Yunxi asked her to look at in the car that time, but she couldn’t see it from her angle. Later, Yue Yunxi took a picture of it for her with her phone.

She didn’t know what she was thinking, but anyway, she inexplicably set it as her profile picture directly.

She was even laughed at by Yue Yunxi for a while, who said that she liked that exciting night.

She shamelessly said yes, yes, yes, she just liked it, so what!

In order to show her liking, she also changed her profile picture on QQ to that moon.

“…Change my Douyin profile picture.”

She saved a picture of a capybara with an orange on its head, switched to Douyin, and the cover picture in the first video that came up made her freeze in place.

It was a photo of her, Yue Yunxi, and Tao Xin in the elevator when they went to attend Tuoba’s birthday party.

In the photo, a pink peach sticker was pasted on Tao Xin’s side profile.

And the blurred side profile of her was marked with red bolded words—[Suspected Former Girlfriend of Taotao]

Yue Yunxi showed her face, marked with yellow bolded words—[Suspected Taotao’s Sister]

The video automatically skipped to the next one.

Lu You slipped her finger across the screen and returned to it, looking at the caption below.

[I really feel sorry for Taotao, the sister who is not related by blood stabbed her in the back, stealing her girlfriend, and the girlfriend just cheated on her [grinning smile], this photo is really hard to look at the more I look at it, I feel like she’s about to shatter [crying loudly].]

It was as if she heard the explosion of a hidden thunder, pulling her back to the night she looked at the document bag.

In the biting wind, sharp rain threads had somehow been mixed in.