Suo Qingjun Chapter 94

sudden change

Life has been stable for so many years, but no one expected that an accident would come so unexpectedly.

Lin Xingmian was driving out that day and was severely hit by an out-of-control vehicle on the road. He was seriously injured and was sent to the hospital for emergency treatment on the spot.When the news came, the thing in Chu Jiyan’s hand fell to the ground with a “clack”, and his face turned pale instantly.

He rushed to the hospital almost like crazy, trembling with panic all the way. When he rushed to the door of the hospital’s operating room, his legs were so weak that he could hardly stand.

The lights in the operating room were blindingly bright. Chu Jiyan supported the wall and waited for a while before slowly sliding down the wall and kneeling on the cold ground.He clenched his fists tightly with both hands, his knuckles turned white, and his whole body was shaking uncontrollably.

“Xingmian…you must hold on…”

“Nothing can happen to you, nothing can happen to you…”

“Please, survive. As long as you survive, no matter what happens…”

He whispered over and over again, his voice hoarse and trembling. He had never prayed for anything so humbly.This was the first time in his life that he was so scared, so scared that even breathing hurt.

Qing Fengan, Jin Xianling, Xu Baiyan, and Song Xu also came and stood aside with heavy faces. No one could speak, so they could only wait together.

Time passed by minute by minute, and every second was like a knife in my heart.

After an unknown amount of time, the lights in the operating room went out.

The door was opened, the doctor came out, took off his mask, and shook his head slightly.

“I’m sorry, we tried our best.”

In one sentence, it was as light as a feather, but it hit Chu Jiyan hard, crushing him completely.

He froze in place, unable to react for several seconds. His mind went blank, and all the sounds in the world disappeared.

When the medical staff pushed Lin Xingmian out, Chu Jiyan suddenly came back to his senses and staggered towards him.

The person on the bed lay quietly, his face so pale that there was no blood at all. He would never open his eyes again, and would never call him “senior” again.

Chu Jiyan stretched out her hand and gently touched his cold cheek. Her arm fell down weakly, as if all the strength had been taken away from her whole body. She could no longer hold on and slowly hugged the body that was getting colder.

He didn’t cry or make a fuss, he just held him, his shoulders shaking violently uncontrollably, tears falling silently, hitting Lin Xingmian’s clothes, leaving a small wet mark.

“Xingmian…why did you just leave like that…”

“I haven’t had time to talk to you properly yet…”

“I haven’t watched you live a good life…”

“You promised me that you would be fine and that you would always be safe…”

His voice was so soft that it was almost inaudible, and every word was filled with extremely suppressed pain.

The words that had been hidden in my heart for so many years, that I dared not say, couldn’t say, for fear of causing trouble to him, finally couldn’t bear it anymore at this moment, and they all came out.

“I never asked for anything else, I just…

I just love you.”

Chu Jiyan buried his face in his neck, his voice was broken and almost out of tune with his sobs.

“I’ve loved you since I was in school. I feel sorry for you when I see you suffering. I am happy when you see you get better. I am satisfied when you see you are stable.

I don’t dare to say anything, I don’t dare to force you, I don’t dare to disrupt your life. I just want to guard you quietly and watch you live a good life.”

“I love you, Xing Mian…

I have loved you for so many years, why didn’t you wait for me to tell you personally…”

“I don’t want you to be successful or famous, I don’t want you to be so good, I just want you to live, as long as you are by my side…

But you didn’t even give me this chance.”

He hugged the person in his arms tighter and tighter, but he could no longer feel any warmth.

“If you leave, who else can I love in the future…”

Tears flowed silently, and he just held Lin Xingmian, motionless, as if abandoned by the whole world.

The words “I love you” that had been hidden for half a life were finally spoken out, but all that was left was endless belatedness and despair.

Qing Feng’an and others stood not far away, watching Chu Jiyan holding Lin Xingmian motionless. All the life seemed to have been drained from the whole figure. Only the shoulders were shaking slightly, and tears fell silently. There was not even a cry, but it was more distressing than any roar.None of them came forward immediately, they just stood quietly, giving him a little time to bear it alone, but there was heavy sadness in everyone’s eyes.

After a long time, Qing Feng’an slowly stepped forward, her footsteps very light, for fear of disturbing the person who had no warmth in her arms.He squatted down and spoke in a very soft voice, with a bit of heartache and a bit of weakness: “Ji Yan, stop hugging her like this. The ground is cold, and your body won’t be able to bear it.”

Chu Jiyan did not respond, but hugged his arms tighter, as if if he hugged her a little harder, he could keep her, turn back time, and wake up from this nightmare.His whole body was frozen, and even his breathing was so light that it was almost invisible. Only tears continued to fall down, hitting Lin Xingmian’s clothes and leaving a small wet mark.

Seeing his appearance, Qing Feng’an felt sour in her heart, and softly persuaded: “If Xingmian was still here, he definitely wouldn’t want to see you torturing yourself like this. It was not easy for him to go through this journey, and he finally found peace. What he hopes most is that you can be well. Do you understand?”

Xu Baiyan stood aside, his eyes were already red. He turned away and wiped the corners of his eyes. When he turned back, his voice was obviously choked, but he still managed to speak: “Brother Ji Yan, don’t bear everything on yourself, Xing Mian… He didn’t mean to leave you. No one wants to do this. Really. If you hurt yourself, Xing Mian will not feel at ease in the sky.”

Jin Xianling, who always spoke little, lowered his eyes slightly at this moment, said in a low and serious voice: “You are not alone, we are all here. No matter what you have to do or what you have to face in the future, we are all together, and we will not let you carry it alone.” He paused, and then added softly, “Xingmian knows that we will take care of you, so that he can walk steadily.”

Song Xu stood a little further away, his expression still calm, but there was also an unconcealable heaviness deep in his eyes.He walked forward slowly, speaking in a calm but sincere tone: “Xingmian’s life has been difficult in the first half and stable in the second half. He is already luckier than many people. You have been with him and guarded him for so many years. He knows and remembers that you owe him nothing. You really don’t have to blame yourself.”

Chu Jiyan still didn’t speak. He just held Lin Xingmian in his arms and gently rested his chin on the top of his hair. His whole figure was like a sculpture that was about to collapse.He could clearly feel that the person in his arms was getting colder, and the feeling of powerlessness penetrated into his bones little by little, leaving him with almost no strength to even raise his hands.So many years of carefulness, so many years of silent protection, so many years of love hidden deep in my heart without daring to express it, in the end, all came to nothing.

Seeing that he still didn’t speak, Qing Feng’an gently stretched out her hand to help him up. She moved very slowly and gently: “Ji Yan, can you get up first? Your body can’t hold it if you hold it like this. Xingmian is gone. We must let him leave safely. If you fall, who will see him off for the last time?”

This sentence seemed to gently poke the softest part of Chu Jiyan’s heart. His shoulders trembled slightly, and finally he had a slight reaction, but he still did not let go of his hand, but his voice was hoarse and he said brokenly: “I won’t leave… I will hold him for a while… just for a while…”

“I know, I know you can’t let go.” Qing Feng’an softened her voice and followed his words to comfort her gently, “We all can’t let go, but you have to take care of yourself too. If you collapse, Xing Mian will be even more sad. He cares about you so much and relies on you so much. He must want you to eat well, sleep well, and live well, instead of holding him like this and making yourself miserable.”

Xu Baiyan also persuaded, with a cry in his voice: “Brother Ji Yan, think about how hard it was for Xingmian before. He finally managed to get through and live a good life. What he wants to see most is that you are happy. How can he leave with peace of mind when you are like this now? Just…just take good care of yourself for Xingmian, okay?”

Jin Xianling stood aside silently and handed over a tissue. She didn’t say much, but her movements were full of silent comfort.He knew that any truth seemed pale at this moment, and only companionship and quiet support were the most real.

Song Xu also spoke softly: “It’s not that he doesn’t understand your feelings for him, it’s just that he didn’t have time to respond. You’ve been with him for so many years, and it’s good enough. You really don’t need to embarrass yourself like this anymore. There will be a long time to come, so you can take his share and live well together, so that you can live up to the company of so many years.”

Chu Jiyan’s tears fell even more fiercely as he listened to the words of comfort from several people. Finally, he couldn’t help it and let out a very light and suppressed sob.He hugged Lin Xingmian, his voice was broken and hoarse, and he murmured over and over again: “I love him… I really love him… I have loved him since I was in school… I dare not say it, I am afraid of causing trouble to him, I just want to see him well… But why doesn’t he wait for me… Why doesn’t he wait for me…”

“I know, I know everything.” Qing Feng’an patted his back gently, again and again, with gentle but firm movements, “He also knows, he must understand in his heart. He has never forgotten your kindness to him and your care for him. Don’t blame yourself, don’t be sad. He walked peacefully and did not suffer too much. This is already the best result.”

“You will still have us in the future, and we will stay with you and won’t let you be alone.” Xu Baiyan sniffed and said seriously, “In the future, if you want to sleep on the stars, just tell us, and we will talk with you and look at his old things together, okay? Don’t keep it in your heart alone, or you will get depressed.”

Jin Xianling whispered: “No matter when, as long as you speak, we will be there.”

Song Xu also nodded lightly: “We will help you live your life slowly in the future. You don’t have to force yourself to get better immediately. Cry when you feel sad. Just say when you miss him, we are all with you and we won’t let you carry it alone.”

Chu Jiyan hugged Lin Xingmian and listened to the sincere words of comfort from the people around him. The dead silence in his heart was finally filled with a little faint warmth.He knew what they said was right, and knew that Xing Mian didn’t want to see him like this, but the pain and reluctance in his heart still overwhelmed him like a tide.

He slowly loosened his arm a little, but still couldn’t bear to let go. He just gently stroked Lin Xingmian’s cold cheek, and tears fell silently.Qing Feng’an took the opportunity to gently support him and help him stand up little by little, cautiously, for fear that he would lose his balance and fall.

Chu Jiyan stood, swaying slightly. His face was frighteningly pale, his eyes were full of red bloodshot eyes, and he looked extremely haggard.But he didn’t fall again, he just looked at the person lying quietly in his arms and said sorry, said I love you, and said I would be fine in his heart over and over again.

Qing Feng’an supported him and said softly: “Let’s find a place for you to rest for a while, okay? Your body really can’t hold it up standing like this. We will make arrangements for Xing Mian. Don’t worry, we won’t let him suffer any injustice.”

Xu Baiyan also nodded quickly: “Yes, we have made arrangements. Just rest peacefully for a while and don’t hold on any longer. If you collapse, all of us will feel bad.”

Jin Xianling stepped forward silently, shared a little strength, and supported Chu Jiyan steadily. Without saying much, he told her with actions that he was not alone.

Song Xu turned around to communicate with the medical staff and arranged the follow-up matters bit by bit so that Chu Jiyan would not have to worry any more.

Banxia novel, a lot of fun