Suo Qingjun Chapter 86

Can’t help myself

At dusk, the last ray of sunlight in the alley was swallowed up by the tall buildings, and Lin Xingmian dared to step out of the shadows around the corner.

He didn’t take the bus and walked all the way home along the wall.The other bag of candies was collected, but the undelivered bag of mints was still clutched in the hand, and the candy wrappers were sticky with sweat.When passing by a convenience store, he paused and glanced at the milk in the freezer. Finally, he clenched the crumpled envelope in his pocket and walked quickly.

His home is located in Tongzilou, the deepest part of the old city. Rain leaks all the time in the corridor, and there are large black stains on the walls, mixed with the smell of oil smoke and disinfectant.The voice-activated light had been broken for a long time, so he climbed up to the third floor in the dark. When he took out the key, he finally dared to let go of his fingers – the fingerprints on his chin were still hot and painful from the collar of his school uniform.

Opening the door, a strong smell of Chinese medicine hit my face.

The house is very small, only about ten square meters, with a narrow kitchen separated from it.The windows were blocked tightly by the building opposite, and even with the lights on, the light was dim as if covered with a layer of dust.The only bright color was the green radish plants grown in mineral water bottles at the bedside, but their leaves were wilting and stained with dust.

“Xingmian?”

The woman on the bed heard the movement and weakly stood up.Her face was sallow, her cheekbones were high, and she was obviously short of breath when she spoke. Under the thin quilt covering her body, her figure was so thin that it seemed like a gust of wind could blow her down.

She is Lin Xingmian’s mother.

“Mom, I’m back.”

Lin Xingmian swallowed up all his emotions in an instant, walked over quickly, put the mints on the bedside table, reached out and gently pressed his mother’s shoulders, helping her lie down: “Don’t get up, be careful not to get dizzy.”

“How was… today?” His mother held his hand, her palm warm but weak, with careful worry in her eyes, “You’re not being bullied, are you?”

“No.” Lin Xingmian smiled. The smile was exactly the same as when he was at the flower shop. He was well-behaved and reassuring. “It’s just helping people run errands. It’s very easy. Brother Yan also gave me a little more, which is enough to buy this month’s medicine.”

As he spoke, he took out the envelope from his pocket, took out the money inside, counted out a pile and put it in his mother’s hand.He carefully put the rest under his pillow – it was next month’s rent and couldn’t be touched at all.

Mother pinched the stack of money, her eyes instantly turned red.She looked at her son and wanted to say something, but in the end it just turned into a soft sigh and put the money back into his hand: “Mom’s illness… is dragging you down. If mom leaves, you won’t have to work so hard.”

“What nonsense!” Lin Xingmian’s voice suddenly rose up, then lowered immediately, for fear of scaring her, “The doctor said that as long as you take the medicine well, you will get better slowly. I will be a senior in high school soon. When I get into college and make money, I will take you to a big house with sunshine.”

He said it with certainty, as if it was not a distant luxury.

But only he himself knows how difficult it is.

My mother’s illness requires long-term dialysis, and the cost of medicine is like a bottomless pit that cannot be filled.His father died young and his relatives shunned him. He was desperate and was targeted by Brother Yan.Brother Yan said that as long as he is obedient, money is not a problem.He had no choice but to put on a mask of obedience and live on the edge of a knife.

“I’ll make some medicine for you.”

Lin Xingmian avoided her mother’s gaze, got up and walked into the narrow kitchen.Washing pots, pouring water, and taking medicine, his movements are so skillful that he doesn’t look like a seventeen-year-old boy.The flames licked the bottom of the pot, the medicinal soup gradually rolled, and the bitter taste filled the whole room.

He leaned against the door frame, looking at the medicine in the pot, and suddenly felt extremely tired.

In the flower shop in the afternoon, Qing Feng’an’s alienation, Jin Xianling’s cold eyes, and Xu Baiyan’s caution were like thin needles piercing his heart.He knew he was wrong and shouldn’t take advantage of Xu Baiyan’s innocence, but he had no choice.

He thought of Brother Yan’s strength when he pinched his chin, the insult of “a dog”, and the look of his mother lying weakly on the bed, and the light in his eyes dimmed little by little.

After the medicine was boiled, he poured it into a bowl, blew on it, and carried it to the bedside.

“Mom, take the medicine.”

Mother took the bowl and looked at the red mark on his chin that was covered by his collar. She suddenly reached out and gently opened his collar.Touching the purple finger mark with her fingertips, her hands began to tremble and tears fell from her eyes: “Xingmian, did he hit you?”

Lin Xingmian froze and subconsciously wanted to hide, but was held tightly by her mother.

“Mom is fine…” He hurriedly wiped away his mother’s tears and shook his head with a smile, “I accidentally hit her, it’s true.”

“You lied to mom.” The mother cried even harder. “Those people are not good people. We won’t make any more money, okay? Let’s go back to our hometown. Mom is dead. We can’t let you suffer like this…”

“Mom!” Lin Xingmian interrupted her, with a hint of unnoticeable choking in her voice, “I can do it. This little pain is nothing. As long as you are good, I have nothing to fear.”

He fed his mother the medicine, wiped the corners of her mouth, and helped her lie down.After his mother fell asleep, he sat on the small bench next to the bed, picked up the bag of mints, peeled one open and put it in his mouth.

The coolness of the mint exploded in my mouth, but it couldn’t suppress the bitterness in my heart.

He lowered his head and looked at his hands.These hands were helping Xu Baiyan pick fresh ribs and negotiate prices in the morning; they were held by Brother Yan in the afternoon, listening to unbearable insults; and they were frying life-saving Chinese medicine in the evening.

He is like a clown, performing different plays in front of different people.

Outside the window, the night is dark.The noise in the Tongzi Tower gradually subsided, except for the occasional car horn in the distance.

Lin Xingmian picked up the money under the pillow and counted it again.Not much, just enough for medicine and rent.He knew that tomorrow morning, he would have to go to the flower shop, play the role of the smart and well-behaved young man, and continue to be the chess piece in Brother Yan’s hands.

He was powerless and unable to resist.

Because behind him, his only relative lay.

He gently stroked his mother’s hair, his eyes full of despair, but with a faint hint of hope.

Maybe, when his mother’s illness gets better, he can escape from Brother Yan’s control.

Maybe Qing Fengan and the others were really just passers-by in his life.

Maybe he can survive this year, go to college, and leave here with his mother.

But these “maybes” looked so pale in the thick night.

He leaned against the wall and closed his eyes. The taste of mints gradually faded away in his mouth, leaving only boundless darkness and powerlessness.

This is his life.

Dark, damp, no light visible.

And he could only rely on that shady “job” to keep his mother and himself alive in the mud.

Banxia novel, a lot of fun