RMACAUH Chapter 53
by VolareChapter 53 Chanting scriptures and reciting Buddha every night, claiming to save all living beings…
Feng Yue removed his armor and jumped off the deck, saying to Mu Yunhua, “I’ll return to the Prince’s mansion first. I’ll leave things here to you.”
“No problem, please hurry back!” Mu Yunhua watched him mount his horse and quickly disappear into the hazy mist. He must be worried about his *fu lang* at home, hoping everything would go smoothly.
In the early morning of November, white frost fell. The cold wind swiftly stole the warmth from Feng Yue’s body as it passed through him. The biting wind reddened his eyes, and mist condensed into droplets on his hair and body, trickling down his temples.
However, he didn’t feel the cold wind piercing his bones; his only thought was to rush home.
The lights in the Prince’s mansion had been burning from dusk last night until the next morning. Steward Zhao was pacing anxiously in circles. Eunuch Yuan felt dizzy watching him swirl around.
“Why hasn’t he been born yet? It’s been a whole night, heavens… it must go smoothly!”
“Steward Zhao, go check the front courtyard to see if the Prince has returned?”
“Ah, yes, I must go guard the front courtyard! Eunuch Yuan, please keep watch here. If anything happens, inform me promptly.”
“Alright, go quickly!” Eunuch Yuan waved his duster.
Watching Steward Zhao leave, Eunuch Yuan turned back to stare at the tightly closed door. There was little sound. He couldn’t help but hug his duster tightly and pace back and forth.
“May Heaven protect him. His Highness the Third Prince has had too little and lost too much. His path has been fraught with obstacles for twenty-one years. It’s time you opened your eyes and let things take a turn for the better!”
Eunuch Yuan looked up, watching the dawn break. He didn’t believe in gods or Buddhas, nor did he believe in fate, but this time, he offered his sincere heart to Heaven. He bowed his straight back towards the dawning light.
At this moment, Steward Zhao’s excited shout came from outside the courtyard: “The Prince is back! The Prince is back!!”
Feng Yue had just stepped into the courtyard when a loud cry came from inside the house. The dimness in everyone’s eyes instantly brightened. The rising sun breaking through the clouds dispelled the cold, and rainbow-colored light refracted from the clouds, which the people of the entire city regarded as a good omen.
Eunuch Yuan laughed, “This child knows how to choose his time; he was just waiting for his father to return!”
The midwife brought the baby out for Feng Yue to see. The little fellow was red and wrinkled like a little monkey, not particularly good-looking, but he made Feng Yue’s heart feel as light as a cotton ball—fluffy, light, and warm.
He carefully held the baby for a moment, but quickly handed him to a maid standing nearby. “How is the Princess Consort?”
“She has no strength this morning. It was extremely dangerous, but thankfully Heaven protected her. She is still in a coma. The Prince should rest in the east wing; we’ll send someone to call you when the Princess Consort wakes up.”
“No need.”
The midwife couldn’t stop him and could only let him enter.
“Oh dear, this isn’t proper. The Prince’s status is so esteemed, and the room is so dirty after the *ge’er*’s delivery…”
Sang Cai felt a surge of annoyance and stuffed the reward money into her hands without any politeness, “Granny, I’ll escort you out of the mansion. You’ve worked hard.” Saying that, she put her arm around her shoulder and pushed her out.
If it weren’t for the fact that she delivered the young heir, Sang Cai would have given her a hard time for talking nonsense!
At this time, the bed had already been changed with clean sheets, but the smell of blood was still very strong. How much blood had he lost, and how much suffering had he endured?
A young servant brought hot water for the master to wash up. Feng Yue took the copper basin. “Send more hot water over here; I’ll do it myself.”
The young servant was stunned for a few breaths, then hurriedly nodded and retreated outside the tent.
Feng Yue carefully wiped Xiaofeng’s body clean and changed him into light and refreshing undergarments, finally able to let him be clean and comfortable for a good night’s sleep.
Wei Xiaofeng had a very long dream, a dream so real that he couldn’t distinguish whether it was Zhuang Zhou dreaming of a butterfly or a butterfly dreaming of Zhuang Zhou.
He slowly woke up, only to feel that today’s quilt was very soft and warm, without the icy cold feeling in his memory.
“A-Yue…”
He reached out to his side, touching a warm body. Comforted, he leaned closer to him, muttering, “It was still snowing in Beichuan yesterday. How did it get warmer today?”
“What?” Feng Yue suddenly woke up from his half-sleep. He propped himself up, staring in disbelief at Wei Xiaofeng, who was still closing his eyes and muttering in his sleep.
Feeling Feng Yue’s gaze, Wei Xiaofeng slowly opened his eyes. The person in front of him was somewhat unreal—it was him, yet not him. Reality and dream overlapped, and he could no longer tell which was real and which was fake.
“Xiaofeng, how do you know about Beichuan? Have you… been there?”
“Aren’t we in Beichuan?”
Feng Yue’s heart suddenly ached, and his eyes stung. His vision blurred with tears. “We are in Guangling, do you remember?”
“Guangling?” Wei Xiaofeng frowned deeply. “I… I had a dream, went to Guangling… It was really nice there, and we were different than we are now.”
“A-Yue, why are you crying?” Wei Xiaofeng raised his hand to gently caress the tears on his face, and couldn’t help but redden his own eyes. “You look really good today, like you’ve become much younger.”
Feng Yue couldn’t contain his sadness. He closed his sore eyes, took his hand, brought it to his lips, and kissed it gently. Suppressed sobs rose and fell, making Wei Xiaofeng anxious.
“Does your leg hurt again?” He abruptly tried to sit up to get him a hot water bottle to apply, but as soon as he sat up a little, he fell back down.
He suddenly realized something.
“How are you?” Feng Yue frantically wiped away his tears and helped him lie back down to rest.
“It hurts so much…” His stomach hurt, his head hurt, and his heart hurt.
“Don’t move around. The doctor said you have to lie in bed and rest well for the next few days.”
“I don’t know what’s going on,” Wei Xiaofeng said with a confused expression. “I dreamed of that place again, but in the dream, I thought everything now was a dream. It’s so strange, but it’s all so real!”
“The dream was real, and this is real too. Whether it was in the dream or now, we are together.”
“Both are real?”
“Yes, both are real.”
Wei Xiaofeng stared at the top of the tent with wide eyes, not knowing what he was thinking.
Then he asked, “Have you been there too?”
“Yes, I went with you,” Feng Yue took him into his arms and said softly, “That place is too cold; it’s snowy all year round. I’m a cripple, and you can’t hunt, so we often went hungry and pawned all the valuables in the house.”
As he said this, Feng Yue couldn’t help but laugh with tears in his eyes.
How could they have lived so miserably? Their home was so poor that even the mice had to detour around it.
“And… and you even pawned the pendant your mother left you…” Saying this, Wei Xiaofeng felt extremely guilty. “Is the pendant still there now?”
Feng Yue’s breath trembled slightly. “It’s not there anymore.”
“It’s not there? Is it because of me?”
“No,” Feng Yue said with relief, “It’s not because of you. It’s because I realized that the people and things I once thought were important weren’t actually that important.”
“Did you… did you quarrel with your mother?”
Feng Yue didn’t know how to answer this question and remained silent for a long time.
Seeing him look at himself without saying anything, Wei Xiaofeng felt a burst of unease: “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked such a question.”
Feng Yue smiled: “You can ask anything; there’s no should or shouldn’t. I just don’t know how to tell you. If I were still a teenager, I probably wouldn’t be able to accept that my father and mother didn’t care about me at all, nor did they like me.”
“Human nature is very complex, especially among those who fight tooth and nail in the storm of power. Their hearts are blinded by power, and they become bloodthirsty, having long lost the ability to love and be loved.”
“In fact, there isn’t that much pure love between people. The closer one gets to the truth, the more cold and cruel they become.”
Wei Xiaofeng’s heart ached. So, he didn’t believe his feelings for him either?
“But you are different.”
Because of this sentence, Wei Xiaofeng’s mood brightened at once: “I’m different?”
“Of course. We are together, sharing life and death. Even if we have children, we will still be each other’s most important existence.”
“Children… children!” Only then did Wei Xiaofeng remember that he had indeed given birth to a child. It was because childbirth was too painful that he had completely passed out.
He woke up there, thinking he was dreaming of giving birth; it was too painful and terrible!
“Don’t move around.”
“Then where did the child I gave birth to go?”
“He should be with the wet nurse. There are many people taking care of him; nothing will happen. If you want to see him, I’ll bring him over.”
“Let’s wait until dawn to talk about it. I’m a little sleepy again.”
Feng Yue smiled helplessly: “You sleep; I’ll be here with you.”
“Will you stay with me all these days?”
“I’ll stay home and keep you company for the entire winter.”
“Then you must keep your word.”
“Yes, I keep my word.”
Feng Yue coaxed him to fall asleep quickly. When would his little *fu lang* be able to wake up?
He probably wasn’t dreaming just now, but like him, his soul had returned to his previous life. If it weren’t for personally experiencing it, these chaotic and strange things would be utter nonsense. Who would take them seriously if they were said aloud? They would only be regarded as gibberish.
Wei Xiaofeng rested in bed for about ten days before he regained some energy and spirit. He didn’t remember the events of that day so clearly anymore. It seemed very distant to him, but as soon as he closed his eyes, the scenes in his mind would become clear. He no longer dwelled on whether it was reality or a dream.
With the pirates quelled, Guangling’s maritime transport gradually returned to normal. Previously, it took more than a month to travel from Guangling to Nanzhao, but now, traveling by water could save half the time.
It was a pity that the child was still too young to travel far. Otherwise, Wei Xiaofeng wanted to take a boat to Nanzhao to see Alan.
He told Feng Yue about this idea, and Feng Yue didn’t object, only saying, “If you want to go, you have to go quietly. By next June, Yin’er will have grown up a bit. It would be very meaningful to travel far, see the world, and meet old friends.”
A Prince was not allowed to leave his fiefdom at will, let alone go to another Prince’s fiefdom. If it were spread, who knew what would be said.
Before he even returned, the label of rebellion would be slapped on him.
“Last time, Alan sent me a lot of small clothes for Yin’er to wear. He’ll be able to wear them in a while,” Wei Xiaofeng said, lying on the side of the cradle, watching the little fellow with his bright eyes open, his heart melting.
The child was chubby and soft, and his features and expression resembled his father more.
“Yin’er looks a lot like you.”
“Is that so?” Feng Yue didn’t know when he had come over, carefully looking at the child, then carefully staring at Wei Xiaofeng for a while. “I think Yin’er’s features are even more like you. Look at those eyes, so beautiful, they look so obedient!”
“His nose looks like yours, A-Yue.”
“I think his mouth looks like you…”
Little Feng Yin opened his big, round, black eyes, curiously looking at his two fathers, not knowing what they were saying. Seeing them smile, he also giggled.
*
The winter of last year in Nanzhao was colder than ever before. The snow covered the knees overnight, and almost no one went out for several days.
The courtyard where Feng Xilan lived was even colder than usual.
Although he was the Prince’s consort, everyone in the mansion knew he was not favored, so there wasn’t even anyone in the courtyard to sweep the snow.
He had been feeling unwell for the past few days and hadn’t been seen outside. No one came to see him or care whether he was dead or alive.
Of the two young servants who had come with him, one had found a better opportunity, leaving only one called Qingya to honestly serve him.
Two hours ago, their young master said he needed to use the toilet. He sat on the commode behind the screen and didn’t come out. Hearing painful groans, Qingya wanted to rush behind the screen to see what was happening several times, but he was stopped by Feng Xilan each time.
Until evening, Feng Xilan’s weak call came from behind the screen.
“Qingya…”
Qingya excitedly went behind the screen, only to see him with disheveled hair, covered in cold sweat, and fresh blood flowing down his two snow-white legs.
“Little Prince… what’s wrong with you?”
Feng Xilan was wrapping a bloody mess in his dirty trousers. Qingya stared with wide eyes, not even daring to breathe. “This, this…”
“What are you afraid of? It’s just a stillborn fetus that had just taken shape,” Feng Xilan said, his whole body leaning on Qingya, exhausted. “Help me sit on the bathing stool; I can’t stand.”
“Okay.” Qingya put away his surprise and timidity. It was hard to believe that the person in front of him was the Little Prince who had been spoiled and pampered in the capital.
“You rest first. I’ll go get hot water to wash your body.”
Qingya brought a charcoal brazier and a fox fur coat for him to put on, then walked hurriedly towards the kitchen, pretending to be calm.
There had been many rumors before, saying that their Little Prince had an affair with that Si Mo Prince. He didn’t believe it at first; he knew their Little Prince’s temper too well.
If it hadn’t been for the stillbirth of this just-formed infant… You had to know that since their Little Prince married the Prince of Nanzhao, the Prince had never come to their Little Prince’s room.
It was said that the Prince had long had an extramarital affair and children outside, but these were just rumors. No one in the Prince’s mansion had ever seen them.
It seemed that the days ahead would not be too good.
Qingya went and didn’t return until very late. The room was cold, and the charcoal was almost extinguished. The blood had dried on his legs and had already scabbed over.
The discomfort and pain made him wish he could die.
Feng Xilan hugged himself helplessly. He was so lonely, so cold! It had been less than half a year, but he was already close to giving up.
All of this was Si Mo’s fault! If it weren’t for Si Mo, he wouldn’t have encountered these things. It was all because of him!!
If he didn’t have a good time, Si Mo shouldn’t even think about having a good time.
Hate dyed Feng Xilan’s eyes red. This kind of hatred tore apart all his love and hope for living, like vines growing in a decaying land intertwined with thorns, covered in wounds, twisted into a group.
Finally, Qingya returned crying, carrying a bucket of hot water in his hand. Feng Xilan looked up at him, not knowing what to say. Now, only Qingya could be used by his side.
“Why are you crying?”
“I went to the kitchen to boil hot water and met Qingzhu. He snatched my hot water and said some very nasty things. I couldn’t bear it for a while…”
“Give me the handkerchief. You can go out now.”
“Little Prince?”
“If you feel wronged here with me and can go elsewhere with a better future, just go ahead.”
“Qingya didn’t think that way! It was the Little Prince who bought me back. In those years in the Prince’s mansion, you treated me well and never treated me harshly. The Little Prince is a good person. I will take care of the Little Prince and repay the Little Prince.”
Feng Xilan looked up at him, his attitude softening a little: “Go find an empty dressing case.”
“Yes.” Qingya didn’t ask anything. He did whatever the Little Prince asked him to do.
Soon, he came back with an empty dressing case.
Feng Xilan wrapped the palm-sized, cold piece of meat in cloth and put it in the case.
Qingya felt it was extremely strange and was so scared that he trembled.
“Little Prince, are you going to bury it?”
“No, I’m going to give it to someone.” He said this terrifying thing while wiping his body with hot water, using an extremely flat tone.
Qingya’s breath caught: “Give it to someone?”
“Don’t be so alarmed. Go rest; there’s no need to serve here.”
“No, Little Prince, I should stay and take care of you.”
Seeing his sincere expression, Feng Xilan didn’t refuse.
He buried the case in the snow in the courtyard. After a few days, the snow cleared and the weather was fine. Feng Xilan asked Qingya to ask the steward *momo* of the Prince’s mansion for permission. He was going to Baohua Temple to burn incense and pray for the Prince.
Baohua Temple was funded by the Prince’s mansion and expanded a lot. The Prince of Nanzhao had to go to Baohua Temple every year to burn incense and pray for blessings, so Feng Xilan’s proposal to go to Baohua Temple to offer incense was a legitimate reason to go out.
The *momo* called two maids to go with him, saying they were to serve him, but in reality they were just placing spies.
Because the snow water had just melted, the road was slippery and difficult to walk. Feng Xilan had not been out for a long time. After the miscarriage a few days ago, he was very weak.
By the time the carriage arrived at Baohua Temple, he was already feeling dizzy and nauseous from the bumps.
He stayed in the carriage for a long time before Qingya helped him out of the carriage.
The sun in Nanzhao was very strong, not as warm as in the capital. The skin of the people here was wheat-colored. As soon as Feng Xilan got out of the carriage, he immediately attracted many worshipers to secretly look back.
A *ge’er* with a refined figure and an air of nobility in his bones, as white as a group of snow, wearing plain clothes, with eyebrows and eyes as cold as frost in December, cold and unapproachable.
There were also many stalls outside the temple selling food, toys, incense, and paper money. You could buy everything you could think of.
Feng Xilan gave Qingya a wink. Although Qingya wasn’t very smart, he had followed him for so many years and understood with just a look.
He immediately took out some loose silver and distributed it to the two maids behind him, saying sweetly, “It’s not easy for you two sisters to come out once, so go have fun. These steps are difficult to walk, and you’ll probably be exhausted. It’s enough for me and the Prince’s consort to go up together.”
The two maids were already unwilling to accompany them up these 108 steps, so they gladly accepted the loose silver and ran off to play by themselves.
They were just coming out to offer incense; what kind of trouble could they cause?
Feng Xilan still pretended to offer incense. After seeing him bow to the Bodhisattva, Qingya asked, “What did the Little Prince wish for just now?”
Feng Xilan chuckled: “I’m not sincere at all. How can I make a wish? If the Bodhisattva really heard, he would probably be annoyed.”
Qingya pursed his lips and fell silent, only feeling that their Little Prince’s character had changed a lot. Although he was arrogant before, his personality was lively and cheerful, and he would answer anything openly.
Now, he was becoming more and more Yin Zhi, with prick in his words, making people afraid to say more.
The temple was too big. Feng Xilan walked aimlessly through several halls and was almost at the top of the mountain. He didn’t have the strength to climb any further. He sat on the stone bench outside the hall and took a few breaths.
His body was too weak now. He never thought that a miscarriage would be so harmful to his vitality.
But that was something that couldn’t be helped. Everyone in the Prince’s mansion knew that Si Ming had never entered his room after so long after their marriage, so it was impossible for him to be pregnant.
He couldn’t have this child, not allowed to, and there was no meaning in having it.
Just as he was about to leave after resting, someone suddenly called his name from behind, “Alan.”
Feng Xilan’s body stiffened. His Adam’s apple slid, and his eyes were so red that it seemed as if they were about to drip blood. He looked back at the person with hatred.
He saw that his temperament was different from before. He was more gentle and lenient. He held a string of ancient sandalwood prayer beads in his hand, and his blue robe swayed in the wind.
Si Mo smiled at him and slowly walked towards him, but Feng Xilan subconsciously took two steps back, feeling lingering fear.
“Alan, I…”
“Let’s talk in a secluded place.”
Si Mo’s eyes were filled with surprise and anticipation. He nodded busyly: “Okay, come with me.”
He took Feng Xilan to the meditation room where he usually practiced. Feng Xilan told Qingya to leave the dressing case in his hand and let him wait outside.
Si Mo picked up the tea that was warming on the charcoal and poured him a cup of hot tea. He seemed refined and gentle at this time, sitting properly across from him without any transgressions.
Feng Xilan sneered: “Do you think I’ll be well?”
Si Mo saw the hatred in his eyes and silently lowered his eyes, squeezing the prayer beads in his hand unconsciously. He chanted scriptures and recited Buddha every night, claiming to save all living beings, but the gods and Buddhas had never saved him from deep waters.
“How does Si Ming treat you?”
“What’s it to you?”
The bitterness churning in Si Mo’s chest almost overwhelmed him, gradually making it impossible to breathe. He tore at his throat, unable to speak because his voice was hoarse.
The two sat facing each other, silent.
They could only hear the wind blowing through the small bamboo forest beside the window, rustling.
Si Mo’s suppressed, unwilling to tear open heart was disintegrating inch by inch under Feng Xilan’s hateful gaze.
“Alan, I’m sorry.”
Feng Xilan didn’t speak, his lips tightly pursed, with no expression on his face. His hands were already clenched into fists under the table.
“I liked someone for the first time, I…” Si Mo’s heart felt like it was being carved with a knife, and he was at a loss, “I didn’t know how to express myself. I just didn’t want to lose you. No one taught me, no one…”
“I actually regretted it very much later. I knew I had hurt you. I just like you.”
Si Mo’s words were jumbled and he didn’t know what he was saying. He just said whatever came to his mind, “I know Si Ming won’t cherish you. I was too anxious. I really didn’t want to hurt you. I clearly wanted to protect you.”
“Have you finished acting?”
Si Mo suddenly looked up at him, his lips tightly pursed, and stopped talking.
“You must be tired of acting, right? Are you even going to be fooled by yourself? After reciting Buddha for a few days, did you really think you had changed from that inhumane animal into a saint who pities all living beings?”
Si Mo suddenly laughed, his eyebrows and eyes full of evil, habitually Twisting the prayer beads in his hand: “Not at all, not at all. The past was me, the present is me, all are the real me.”