NH chapter 048

Chapter 48 Parallel Ending BE (Complete)

Shen Tingyu followed the phone’s location to find his way here. This place was so remote, being on the outskirts, that the signal was intermittent.

He felt inexplicably anxious, his heart racing as if a restless fire was burning in his chest. Suddenly, he really wanted to light a cigarette—this thought shocked Shen Tingyu himself. Since when did he have a smoking addiction?

He never had one. Shen Tingyu didn’t smoke, in fact, he hated the smell of cigarettes. At first, even the scent would make him cough incessantly, which is why Huo Ye generally avoided smoking in front of him.

But since the cold war began, those emotions had no outlet, and Shen Tingyu couldn’t lower his head to seek reconciliation. Thus, he started searching for effective ways to suppress his longing for Huo Ye and, faced with no other options, thought of smoking.

As the saying goes, smoking can relieve sorrow. Holding on to this simple mindset, Shen Tingyu bought many kinds of cigarettes to try out, testing them throughout the night until he found the one Huo Ye often smoked, which was the lotus flower brand.

When he tried the first one or two, he coughed uncontrollably, thinking it was a complete deception and was of no use at all.

Although he found it ineffective, the smell felt very familiar, making it seem as though Huo Ye was right next to him. This benefit, which was far less than choking out tears while confronting pain, prompted Shen Tingyu to persist.

Five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten…

He gradually adapted and finally found some enjoyment in it.

So, during the time when Huo Ye decided to quit smoking, no one knew that Shen Tingyu, who had previously abhorred the smell of cigarettes, would secretly learn to smoke and attempt to adopt the scent Huo Ye once had.

But it still wasn’t enough; it still wasn’t enough.

At first, it was effective, but as the longing increased day by day, the effect of using smell to suppress it had shrunk to negligible.

One day after school, Shen Tingyu looked at that figure walking away and, inexplicably, quietly followed him. Huo Ye was always vigilant; his daily routes weren’t entirely consistent, and he seemed to have sensed something. Several times he turned around and almost caught Shen Tingyu.

Sometimes Shen Tingyu thought this was rather absurd. He wasn’t doing anything wrong, so why did he have to tail him like a creep every day?

While feeling absurd, he continued to follow.

Thus, Shen Tingyu followed Huo Ye for more than two months, unwilling to leave even when they reached the bottom of the apartment building. So he lit a cigarette under the huge banyan tree at the building’s base, slowly smoking while watching Huo Ye’s room window.

The security in this urban village was appallingly poor, and during his two months of following, Shen Tingyu discovered that he wasn’t the only one doing so. Were there really this many creeps around these days?

Most were small-time hoodlums and social youths, with some older men who obviously had bad intentions.

Huo Ye belonged to him, so it was only natural for him to follow, but what about these other creeps?

Shen Tingyu was extremely troubled and took a few bodyguards the next day to deal with them, scaring these people off for a long time.

This place was unfamiliar to Shen Tingyu. After a long search, he got close to the red dot on his phone, thinking that when he saw Huo Ye, he would definitely ask him a few questions. How dare he hang up the phone on him?

However, when Shen Tingyu actually saw Huo Ye, standing dumbfounded ten meters away at the alley’s mouth, looking at the young person lying in a pool of blood, lifeless.

In that instant, his heart felt like it couldn’t beat any longer, his throat felt choked, and all questions, grievances, and hatred vanished from his mind.

He didn’t even know how he made it to Huo Ye’s side. It felt as if this had drained all his strength. Shen Tingyu staggered and knelt down.

“Huo Ye, even if… even if you’re pretending like this, I will not easily forgive you,” Shen Tingyu said, trembling as he reached out to touch his face, moving down to the carotid artery, and then to the cold, quiet left chest.

There should have been a warm, vibrant heart beating there, one that had thudded against his palm at Dajue Temple’s abandoned meditation hall.

This year’s summer hadn’t even come yet.

Lying here, didn’t Huo Ye feel cold?

Shen Tingyu didn’t dare to move him recklessly. He just took off the coat he had chosen after much deliberation—the one Huo Ye had complimented for being good-looking—and pressed it tightly against his chest where blood was oozing out, his expression frightfully calm.

With this calmness, he called the police, requested an ambulance, urgently demanding that they arrive as quickly as possible. After Shen Tingyu did all this, he began cardiopulmonary resuscitation. He crossed his hands on Huo Ye’s chest, pressing down while occasionally leaning down to give artificial respiration, appearing calm yet desperately attempting an action that wasn’t standard, increasingly frantic and panicked.

Push after push, each compression felt like fear transformed into a heavy hammer striking against Shen Tingyu’s will. He pressed lightly, afraid of hurting Huo Ye; then heavier, worried that he wasn’t strong enough to have a rhythmic effect, terrified of missing the crucial four minutes for resuscitation.

But while deceiving himself, he knew very clearly that those four minutes had long passed. He had missed it.

There was so much blood on the ground. An adult male has only about 4000 to 6000 milliliters of blood. He understood how much blood Huo Ye had lost, and given how much time had passed, the chances of survival were nearly zero.

Shen Tingyu refused to admit that he was doing something futile.

He only stubbornly persevered, never giving up for a moment.

Shen Tingyu didn’t know what had happened. He just knew that he arrived in Lanjing City with nothing and couldn’t lose Huo Ye again.

The ambulance sirens blared, came, and then left in chaos, everything before his eyes shifting yet always remaining in black and white.

The murderer was quickly found. The man, who had just lost everything and was facing the agony of losing his daughter, hadn’t run far and immediately jumped off a nearby unfinished building, resulting in his body being smashed to pieces.

He had no property, his relatives had cut ties, and there wasn’t anyone to handle the aftermath. No further criminal charges were pursued.

The dead had passed; there was nowhere to seek justice.

Half an hour later, Song Jianlan rushed over with Huo Yan, grabbing Shen Tingyu, who was covered in blood. Both cried nearly to the point of fainting, comforted by nurses who helped take them away.

Shen Tingyu was still in shock, seemingly the only one who could provide information. The police took him to an empty hospital room for a statement, the first question being:

What is your relationship with the victim?

Shen Tingyu lifted his hollow gaze, unable to answer for a long time.

Just ordinary friends? No, of course not.

Were they lovers? No, that wasn’t it either.

They had stolen kisses when the train entered tunnels while no one was paying attention, nestled in their bedroom on thundering rainy nights, wrapped in each other’s arms as they fell asleep, bandaging each other’s wounds in a tranquil park where only stray cats roamed… so many memories, so vivid, yet in the end, he realized they were nothing, their relationship had only reached this point.

At that moment, Shen Tingyu suddenly realized that all this time they had exchanged many hurtful words, yet they never expressed the longing that should have been the most important to convey.

Even the last words he said to Huo Ye were laced with sharp thorns: saying he didn’t want to see him at all.

Did he really not want to see him?

Then why did he immediately put on that coat?

If he wanted to see him, if he missed him, then why say the opposite? Shen Tingyu, was your pride so necessary?

It was rare to receive a call after waiting for so long, yet now that he finally picked it up, why not cherish it? Huo Ye had already given him the ladder, saying he wanted to see him. What was wrong with lowering his head for love? Was it humiliating?

Even if he had taken ninety-nine steps, what harm would one more step do?

Shen Tingyu was always afraid of losing, needing face, wanting to always stand atop. In the end, no one really won in this relationship.

His face turned pale, and he suddenly bent over, his heart feeling as if some terrifying intangible force grasped it tightly, pulling at it with excruciating pain. How could Huo Ye bear such pain?

Shen Tingyu’s eyes reddened, he suddenly stood up, without warning, he dashed out, and two police officers quickly lunged to catch him, throwing him down as he struggled, causing a scene.

“Keep an eye on him! Keep an eye on him!!”

A doctor roared, “Get him a sedative!”

Huo Ye had multiple lacerations all over, eleven penetrating injuries, with internal organs damaged in his chest cavity. He had suffered from hemorrhagic shock for too long, and by the time the ambulance arrived, nothing could be done; it was no longer necessary to attempt rescue.

Everything happened too suddenly, but the cruel reality came without warning and without logic.

All the laughter, tears, and love in this early spring were burned away in a flash; all that remained were a few ashes; Shen Tingyu hadn’t gained a title for Huo Ye, nor had he been able to keep him.

Heaven and earth are ruthless, treating all things like mere grass.

All sorrow and joy cannot escape the torrent of time.

Shen Tingyu privately mobilized resources from Lianshan, and within three days found Huo Lijun hiding out in another province due to debts. By then, Huo Lijun was caught in another place, bragging that he had plenty of money.

One hundred thousand yuan, three lives, eleven knives.

He had never had such a profound concept of money before.

Shen Tingyu had squandered wealth throughout his life, with a collection of brand-name watches that could last him a lifetime; picking any one of them would exceed a hundred thousand.

Stepping on the scattered chips and red bills, Shen Tingyu walked through the sound of nightly revelry. Everyone around him looked astonished until this handsome young man reached the gambling table, pushing Huo Lijun away, causing blood to spray from his nose, and chaos erupted momentarily.

Someone screamed, “Run! The cops are coming to catch the gamblers outside!” Some people shrieked while others fled.

With each punch thrown, the merriment transformed into wailing. Shen Tingyu bit down hard, nearly drawing blood from his gums, crazed as he wouldn’t stop for anything or anyone. All he could do was mournfully yell at Huo Lijun, “Why wasn’t it you who died?! Why wasn’t it you?…”

Huo Lijun was older and couldn’t run fast. Attempting to hide under the gambling table, he was dragged out by Shen Tingyu, who could only beg for mercy.

Another punch made wind whip across Huo Lijun’s face. Terrified, he could hardly speak, but Shen Tingyu barely halted.

—Strangely, strangely.

This face resembled Huo Ye’s features.

Remembering Huo Ye’s past smiles, mockingly gentle, quiet at times, annoying at others, eliciting sympathy.

Shen Tingyu’s fist just couldn’t come down.

This incident stirred up quite a commotion, and that night it alarmed Lianshan, nearly causing Li Luoyin to die of rage. She bought the latest flight and flew over to settle accounts with Shen Tingyu, saying, “If I had known this day would come, I shouldn’t have sent you to Lanjing.”

Shen Tingyu silently returned to his room. Moments later, he brought out a cat to show Li Luoyin. “Do you remember this? It’s six years old now.”

“You…”

Li Luoyin was astonished and speechless for a long time.

A cat that should have died five or six years ago had been well taken care of by Huo Ye. Their reunion seemed to symbolize the intertwined threads of fate, destined for another meeting no matter how much time had passed.

After learning the whole story, Li Luoyin flew back to Lianshan the next day without saying anything, instructing Shen Tingyu to focus on the college entrance examination. She would take care of matters and settle things for Song Jianlan and her daughter.

For safety and to prevent Song Jianlan from feeling hopeless, Shen Tingyu brought them to live at his home. What Huo Ye was most worried about, Shen Tingyu had always been very clear about.

The elderly woman couldn’t handle the shock and didn’t tell her. Even Xiong Ying and the others were unaware, and at that time the college entrance examination was less than fifty days away.

The old lady would often ask, “Where’s Xiao Qi? Where did he go?”

Shen Tingyu could only respond that he was busy with the college entrance exam and likely wouldn’t be coming back to do work again.

“If he’s not coming back to work, he should come see me more often! I haven’t seen him for so long. Xiao Qi, I miss him!” the old lady said.

After hearing this, Shen Tingyu’s eyes instantly reddened.

When they had just moved in, after Huo Yan started school, Song Jianlan cried every day. The old lady didn’t know the mother and daughter; she just heard they were distant relatives staying for a while. Still, they looked familiar to her.

She trembled while peeling a small orange, handed it to Song Jianlan and said, “Don’t cry, dear. Have one!”

“…Thank you.” Song Jianlan accepted it, and while eating, tears fell again, leaving the old lady at a loss.

“I’m sorry,” she said apologetically. “Is the orange too sour?”

In the evening, Song Jianlan called Shen Tingyu to her room, letting him sit a little closer. She stopped crying, her expression now kind and gentle.

Shen Tingyu immediately noticed that the aura around Huo Ye, which didn’t match his fierce yet handsome looks, shared a kind of contradictory tenderness that resembled someone else.

“Good boy, come here to mama,” Song Jianlan gently pulled Shen Tingyu’s hand as if she had known him for a long time.

Feeling touched, Shen Tingyu squatted down in front of her, quietly lifting his face to look at her, his beautiful eyes wide and unblinking.

Song Jianlan affectionately pinched his earlobe, careful not to wake up someone unknown, softly saying, “My Xiao Qi, you shouldn’t think he’s so carefree and that nothing bothers him. He’s actually a very complicated person, a bit timid, more so than anyone else might imagine. He’s not as unbreakable as he seems.”

“He says it’s fine; you must not believe him. He is quite dishonest in this regard, often lying while laughing.”

“Before he left, one day he lay on my lap and earnestly told me—because he likes you, during much of the time he’s with you, he feels very happy.”

Hearing these heartfelt words felt surreal, like a dream to Shen Tingyu. He anxiously asked, “Really?”

“Didn’t you think I was very self-willed and hard to please, or that it was exhausting to be around me? With someone like me, did he truly wish to like me?”

“Of course he likes you.” Song Jianlan smiled slightly, her gentle gaze shining through like a guiding light in the dark, “Xiao Qi is timid. He probably couldn’t say it, so I’m here to speak for him as a mother.”

Shen Tingyu listened intently, terrified of missing a word. The dim light in his eyes began to brighten bit by bit.

Song Jianlan said, “Last night I dreamt of Xiao Qi. He asked me to tell you not to blame yourself, not to worry, and to fulfill the commitments he couldn’t, to realize the dreams he didn’t manage to achieve. Is that okay?”

Shen Tingyu’s heart jolted.

After a long time, he raised his eyes and said, “I understand.”

Shen Tingyu, who had been downcast for several days, finally perked up, and at that point, there were still over thirty days until the college entrance examination. When the final list for application preferences came out, he stopped repeating the monotony of writing the same few words. His first choice changed to a domestic political university, leaving all other blank lines unfilled.

He picked up the studies he had fallen behind on, channeling all his energy into ensuring his grades were stable; he would still privately smoke a few cigarettes to ease his longing, but the withdrawal he experienced over those two months had built up enough experience with separation now, just mere partings.

As for the matters behind him, Shen Tingyu didn’t care. He was afraid to even hear or mention Huo Ye’s name, as if he really had just gone off to be busy. Surely, one day, they would meet again.

There were no graves, no farewell ceremonies; all of it simply didn’t exist. Shen Tingyu had never gone, pretending it had never happened.

Everything was handled very discreetly.

On the final day, only Song Jianlan and Huo Yan saw him off.

At school, Zhao Jiayan and a few others occasionally asked, but they were all met with the cold reply “studying abroad.”

In truth, Shen Tingyu didn’t even realize he was doing this; when he told Zhao Jiayan he was “studying abroad,” he told Wu Zhen he was “transferring,” and when he turned around to reply to Xiong Ying, he said he was “taking a break from school.” Gradually, they ceased to ask.

The paper can’t cover the fire, and after a short while, how could those who wanted to find out not figure it out? They knew but never mentioned it in front of Shen Tingyu, all pretending to uphold this fragile peace together.

Time ticked by second by second. The college entrance exams, both anticipated and feared, arrived quickly and yet so slowly.

The bell rang and fell silent, the college entrance examination came to an end.

Shen Tingyu put away his pen and exited the classroom. The sky was overcast, thick clouds pressing down to the point it was suffocating. He wanted to say something, but the person who would have listened with a smile was already gone; he took out his phone, and the messages were still unanswered.

He continued to complain in his mind, evidently more daring now, even so bold as to leave messages on read. When he saw Huo Ye again, he would definitely…

His thoughts abruptly halted.

Months had passed, and in this moment, Shen Tingyu finally came back to his senses.

He would no longer see him.

The people he wanted to see, the people he didn’t want to see, he wouldn’t see any of them.

This sudden realization, for the first time so clear, completely shattered the Shen Tingyu who had held on until the end of the college entrance examination.

When he started needing to take the medications Huo Ye had once taken, he discovered those weren’t “Vitamin C” at all; he had been deceived again.

They were actually sleep aids.

Long before that, Huo Ye had already been unable to sleep through the nights.

The pain surged like waves, as if something ghastly and invisible was slicing ever deeper. Shen Tingyu thought if he had known earlier, he would have treated Huo Ye much better.

But there were no ifs, and there was no Huo Ye anymore.

The month Shen Tingyu received his acceptance letter, Song Jianlan also successfully divorced Huo Lijun, and all the debts that needed to be taken on were wiped clean.

Huo Yan was still young; they didn’t go to another city but decided to stay in Lanjing, where they had rooted down. Song Jianlan signed the contract given by the housekeeping company, remaining behind to take care of the elderly woman’s daily life, buying groceries and cooking like Huo Ye had once done—something she had always been good at, finally landing a job she had always dreamed of.

At the beginning of September, Shen Tingyu was to go to university in Beijing. He glanced at the pinned WeChat group, where everyone was chatting about where they had been accepted, each showing off their various acceptance letters.

Xiong Ying and Bai Feiyu were accepted into a second-tier university, Wen Shiyi made it into a top teacher training university in the province, and Xia Zhiyao got into the best art academy domestically. As expected, Zhao Jiayan and Wu Zhen were enrolled in some of Beijing’s top schools, and Zhang Li’s score was slightly lower but coincidentally slipped into his third choice, as the first two weren’t what he wished to apply for.

After the initial joy, the group suddenly fell silent. Clearly still lingering on that interface, yet no one spoke.

The “good students” lowered their arrogance, and the “bad kids” dispelled their prejudices. Everyone had achieved their dreams, yet Huo Ye would forever remain at nineteen, leaving in spring.

Shen Tingyu didn’t choose to study finance; his first choice switched to law school. Li Luoyin initially refused to relent, but later they each took a step back, settling on dual degrees in law and finance.

He still had no personal dreams but instead spent day after day hopelessly waiting for life to unfold, caring for Huo Ye’s mother and sister, treating them better than true relatives.

Unconsciously, he became more like Huo Ye, smoking the cigarettes Huo Ye once smoked, and taking on the task of loving those Huo Ye had loved.

After Huo Ye’s death, Shen Tingyu didn’t find redemption.

He often thought late at night that perhaps there was a possibility that day that no one had truly survived.

In December, another winter came. Shen Tingyu recalled saying, “Men should drink a little when it’s their birthday,” and bought several dozen beers to drink in his bedroom. Before he had finished half of them, he hazily saw Huo Ye.

Blinking, years had passed, and time had never aged Huo Ye even a fraction. He remained youthful, unrestrained, and almost untamed, a non-smiling look still fueling the fire within. The light blue and white uniform he wore outlined his tall form under the moonlight.

He hadn’t changed, still broad-shouldered, narrow-waisted, with straight, long legs, all free from a single drop of foul blood.

Huo Ye walked over slowly, looking down and asking, “Young master, why are you sleeping here all alone in such cold weather?”

Shen Tingyu stood there, suddenly feeling extremely wronged, afraid that even a heavy breath would shatter his love. He cautiously raised his eyes and softly said to Huo Ye, “—Huo Ye, my head hurts.”

“Hmm, I’ll make you a cup of honey water later. Do you want some lemon or anything else?” Huo Ye’s tone was warm as he spoke.

“…No, I don’t want to.” Shen Tingyu nodded and shook his head, obediently sitting at the bed’s edge, gazing at him without daring to move. “Don’t go, okay? I admit I kind of miss you. If you’re willing… just hold me, and I will forgive your sudden departure. I’ll forgive you…”

Huo Ye smiled slightly and gently shook his head, “No, I have to go now. Next time, if there’s another chance.”

Shen Tingyu panicked, “Where are you going?… Can’t you take me with you?” He used that promise as a last-ditch effort, humbly clinging to Huo Ye, “Didn’t you say we’d be together forever? Why don’t you reply to messages or answer phone calls?”

“Shh.” Huo Ye suddenly raised his finger to his lips, his eyes curved in a way that urged him to look at the sky.

Instinctively, Shen Tingyu looked up and saw there was a moon tonight.

“Don’t you want the moon?” Huo Ye pointed at it as if helplessly saying, “I’ll go pick it for you.”

I want the moon in the sky, you go pick it for me. —These drunken, careless words Huo Ye remembered for years, never forgetting until his death.

Shen Tingyu woke up from the dream.

Opening his eyes, he found the bedroom empty.

Stunned, tears fell unconsciously. Shen Tingyu helplessly reached out towards the void, as if trying to grasp something.

“Huo Ye, I don’t want the moon anymore.”

He softly, choked up, said, “I want you to come back.”

Lowering his head to seek reconciliation, he realized there was no need to place so much importance on pride. Admitting “I miss you,” acknowledging he was wrong, wasn’t particularly difficult. Proud people were always stingy in expressing themselves, clearly loving someone with twelve parts, yet only showing seven and saying three.

However, if life were indeed as short as this, why would he be stingy in saying to someone he loved, “I love you”?

Shen Tingyu no longer denied his hopeless love, yet he still clung to eternal hatred. He hated Huo Ye for drawing him in, yet also for leaving him.

He still had to say, “I hate you, I really hate you.”

“But I love you so much.”

“I love you.”

Yet no matter how many times he said it, Huo Ye would never hear.