FBF chapter 9 part 1

“Have you heard that a new student is coming? They say it could be in our class.”

The question was odd, especially as I was peeking under the lid of my freshly poured cup noodles. Before I could even respond, I lowered my head, distracted by the image of the hippo with its wet hair sticking out. White rice with spicy pork, bean sprout soup with seasoned bean sprouts, kimchi, and yogurt. The sight of the bean sprouts clinging to the edge of the stainless steel tray was boring and evoked no particular emotion. It only reminded me of the time someone in class, who was great at memorizing the school lunch menu taped on the back bulletin board, had made a silly comment.

“Hey, did you know? Bean sprouts are supposed to be great for stamina.”

“Damn, no wonder. I feel weak on the days when that’s served for lunch.”

“This guy is really full of it.”

Even if it was just the middle of the class, the fifteen boys laughed so hard that their tonsils showed. This was an adjustment for those of us at an all-boys school, where you didn’t need to worry about being mindful of different genders. At first, those uncouth conversations bubbling up from their heads seemed strange, but as I spent two years blending in, I became dulled to it all.

Of course, I still thought that during this stage, boys my age had nothing really beneath the surface besides childish chatter. The truth of those old wives’ tales might be questionable, but if the adults in this school were cooking beansprout soup with some intent, I’d find it understandable.

“I heard Park In-hu said something about it, so I thought it was just a rumor, but it turned out to be true?”

Instead of me chewing quietly on the stamina-depleting bean sprouts, the raccoon who had already finished his portion of jjajangmen picked up the conversation. Watching him shove spicy pork into his mouth, I only felt more sure that my lack of appetite was justified. Thankfully or not, when I looked around after putting down my chopsticks, I found boys around me were just as messy. Even though only two classes had PE before lunch, the dining hall was filled with a thick and sweaty scent of unrefined hormones wafting everywhere.

The hippo and the raccoon. How oddly fitting it was that these nicknames had come to be used more often than their real names due to their large mouths or chubby cheeks. I found it oddly strange that they fell within the ‘cleaner’ end of the spectrum. Whenever I had such thoughts, I would inevitably look for the cleanest person I knew among those I recognized.

Now that I think about it, Lee Jihoon’s class was probably just finishing up PE. Fortuitously, even though we had been in the same class in our first year, we were separated when we moved up to the second year, and until the beginning of this semester, Jihoon and I tried to eat lunch together. However, that didn’t last long. With the shifting of classes and Jihoon’s new role as a class representative, both of us were frequently summoned here and there even during lunch hours. After a few brushed past visits between Jihoon lingering at our back door and me guarding the front of the dining hall, we swiftly adjusted to the reality of our situation. We had already seen each other’s faces plenty while commuting to and from school. Neither Jihoon nor I had a need to obsess over a mere twenty minutes to see each other during lunch.

Yet, every time I looked around the dining hall like this, I found myself thinking of Jihoon. At the same time, I realized that there likely wasn’t anyone else in this dining hall thinking the same thoughts as me. It felt inherently wrong that I was curious about whether someone had eaten while everyone was frantically trying to find ways to let out the pent-up energy of their hormones. It was always uncomfortable to find myself standing on that line, which no one else decided on but everyone tended to instinctively avoid. Today, I gave up on digging deeper into that line and earnestly turned my thoughts back to the current situation.

“I heard our homeroom teacher was talking to the principal. They said the teacher didn’t look happy, so it seems like they were forced into the position. Our class has the smallest number of students in the second year, right?”

“Park In-hu is the one who got forced to transfer, or something like that.”

“No way… Still, the school has a reputation to uphold. Would they really open the doors for someone who got forcibly transferred from a school that only allows people in based on exams?”

“Maybe they have a strong backing. Perhaps they made some deal like planting a high hedge in the principal’s mind.”

“Oh damn. Hearing that makes it seem possible.”

While talking with the hippo, the raccoon who walked ahead with his tray turned around.

“What’s wrong? Did the class representative catch a cold?”

Shaking my head at the raccoon’s mildly worried face, I thought about the envelope I found on the floor the morning after waking up yesterday. Just glancing into the thick envelope made it easy to tell who had left it behind. Inside was a square plastic container filled with white and yellow porridge.

“I’ll take good care of you, I promise. So if you ever feel like you’re coming down with something, please let me know. I’ll rush over with pumpkin porridge, abalone porridge, and sesame porridge. Got it, our Seon-uk?”

Pumpkin porridge, abalone porridge, sesame porridge.

How could I remember that exact order so distinctly? How on earth did I manage to go twice to buy porridge at a place that required changing buses on a weekend morning?

How did Jihoon know I had a cold? I had never mentioned it. The most I did was cough a little like I was now. The person I spent over ten hours a day with in class didn’t even doubt me, so why did Jihoon seem to take my excuse seriously?

Was that what made you special? I had never thought so deeply about anyone else’s kindness before. I had never dissected a boy’s gentleness like that.

As I emptied my tray, dropping nearly all the leftover food, I glanced one more time around the dining hall. Looking at those boys who exchanged crude jokes and playful banter, I realized none of their qualities excited me. The moment I understood that I could be so certain about it was when I realized that Jihoon was absent from this space. I took my leave without hesitation, as if I were running away.

Thirty minutes before lunchtime ended, the snack shop was bustling. A chaotic scene unfolded with boys of different grades and appearances sitting in groups, cramming something into their mouths or chatting. I stood there with a bored expression, leaning against a pillar near the entrance.

“Hey, hi.”

“…Who are you?”

“Oh, I see you don’t remember me… That makes sense. I only greeted you briefly. I was on my way to hagwon with Young-eun, and I didn’t expect to run into Young-eun’s older brother there.”

I was only reminded of my encounter with Young-eun’s friend after looking more closely at his flustered face, hastily explaining himself. Hadn’t they said they both went to the same hagwon? The boy with short hair who had excitedly bowed at me when I ran into him in front of a karaoke place with Kang Youngsoo now had slightly longer hair. Remembering that the principal had relaxed the hair regulations for new students due to concerns over school reputation, I straightened my posture as my hair now only brushed the first half of my forehead.

“Oh, uh. Sorry. I didn’t know you went to the same school.”

“It’s fine. I heard from Young-eun about you, but I didn’t expect to meet you like this….”

The boy waved his hand exaggeratedly. I nodded and again checked the line for the hippo and raccoon, still deep in conversation. We had just bumped into each other by chance before, and there was no particular shared interest to discuss with Young-eun’s friend. I thought to just let it go, but he seemed like he had something else on his mind and hesitated.

“Um.”

The boy, troubled about something, raised his gaze to meet mine with an anxious look.

“Hyung. This is sudden, but I have a question.”

Instead of responding, I focused on the blue name tag pinned to his chest.

Kang Jeong-kyu. Now that I thought about it, he shared the same last name as Young-eun. That wasn’t common at all, which seemed intriguing.

“Are you dating Young-eun?”

The unexpected question threw me off balance. I found myself staring blankly at his face for a while. I recalled the scene from that day when I had viewed the two of them walking together, maintaining a hesitant distance; it was Kang Youngsoo who had made a fuss upon spotting them, while Young-eun had looked flustered for glancing at me the moment our eyes locked. If I had remembered the expression on the boy’s face standing beside Young-eun at that moment, understanding his question would have been much easier. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case since I had essentially forgotten his face until he spoke to me.

Yet, the anxiety on the boy’s face suggested this matter was significant to him. The fact that he, who couldn’t properly call me “hyung” or “sunbae,” was asking me pointedly like this proved as much.

“Young-eun often talks about you. You probably don’t care… but I like her.”

“……”

“I know she doesn’t have a boyfriend, but both then and how Young-eun reacted worries me. It feels awkward to ask her directly… and I didn’t think she’d tell me anyway.”

Is it a trait of the Kang family here? Being honest with anyone, straightforward, not backing down until they get the answer they want, and even revealing these feelings to someone they’ve met only once?

Last night, a message from Young-eun popped into my mind. She had said she got a free movie ticket and suggested going to see a movie with Kang Youngsoo, Lee Jihoon, and me once the finals were done. This was nothing new; even after the two past confessions that had led to rejection, Young-eun still made such opportunities. Whether it was with just the two of us or all four, she always left a chance for something more to develop.

I pressed down an familiar sense of guilt rising within me and shook my head.

“I’m not dating her.”

“…What?”

“I said I’m not.”

As I shoved my hands into my pants pockets, I turned my head away. The moment I detected the approaching hippo, I squeezed my phone a little harder in my pocket.

Speaking of which, I needed to reply. I realized I had postponed it because I didn’t know how to respond. Young-eun was probably waiting for it. Letting out a sigh, I opened my mouth toward the still-dazed boy.

“Next time, just ask Young-eun directly. She won’t be pleased if she finds out you’re asking around behind her back.”

After a beat, the boy finally mumbled a hesitant, “Ah, yes… Thank you…” in response. The awkwardness left by his hasty retreat was immediately filled by the hippo holding ice cream and the raccoon with snacks. The hippo nudged my way, offering me one of the ice creams he was holding while gesturing toward the boy who had just gone.

“Who was that?”

“Just… a junior.”

As we traversed through the crowd, perhaps the ice cream had already begun to melt in my hand. Even though I felt much better than just yesterday when I had been eating porridge, the thought of ice cream still vaguely made me hesitate. I had just said I wasn’t sick, yet here I was, reluctantly accepting it. I figured I could just eat it sloppily and throw it away later.

“How come even the juniors you know are so good-looking?”

“Hey, that’s all just hair.”

“Hey, what did I tell you? That kind of petty jealousy just makes you look less attractive.”

“Yeah. That’s why I’m hanging out with you… I don’t feel the slightest bit of jealousy around you…”

Pretending to tussle with one another, the two were cleverly munching on the ice cream in between jabs. I bit into the ice cream bar’s chewy texture, feeling the soda-flavored ice cream melt into my mouth. I thought it was supposed to be melting quickly, but it was still cold. Just as I lowered the half-eaten ice cream, I felt a hand grip mine.

We were on the stairs heading back to class. Although it wasn’t that spacious, two or three students could stand next to each other. It felt unusual to have any kind of physical contact with others in such a space. As I lifted my gaze and locked eyes with Lee Jihoon, who was standing a step above me, the sensation of warmth spread through me.

“Looks like you’re doing okay? You finished your ice cream.”

A light teasing comment followed, and Jihoon, who was smiling broadly, even put on a performance of clicking his tongue before letting go of my hand. The hippo and raccoon, noticing I hadn’t followed, instinctively turned their attention to them.

“Seon-uk, we have fifth period… Oh, Jihoon.”

“What’s up? Where are you going?”

It was a very friendly way of greeting someone they had never shared a class with, yet I found it understandable given that it was Jihoon. Even without a formal introduction from me, Jihoon had been frequently borrowing physical education attire from our classmates, so the two of them had already gotten acquainted with him. According to the hippo, Jihoon had even initiated conversations in the bathroom before. He even made a comment suggesting that since Jihoon was a friend of mine, he was practically one of theirs. Thanks to that, the two seemed to feel quite close to Jihoon. Occasionally, they would ask me about Jihoon first, often mentioning that Jihoon played baseball or something they had heard about.

“Hey, hippo, raccoon. I got called by my homeroom teacher.”

Holding up the attendance sheet tucked under his arm, Jihoon suddenly pointed to me.

“Hey, you need to step aside.”

“…Me? This is my seat.”

“My teacher asked me to.”

The raccoon looked back and forth between me and the new student. His expression was one of utter bewilderment upon hearing the unexpected news.

“Seon-uk, what’s going on?”

This seat had been mine since the seating arrangement based on attendance numbers was established, and I had never changed places. The fact that my homeroom teacher was already moving ahead without explaining himself felt irresponsible. Realizing he expected me to follow him in silence, I ultimately stood up from my seat. Given that he called me aside, there had to be something he wanted to discuss. My gut feeling was that he would probably have some sort of information to share about this new student.