FBF chapter 8 part 6

‘So they wouldn’t easily hide things like that.’

Lee Jihoon seemed to regard this as an act of lingering attachment, but I thought differently. Perhaps Hyunwoo just wanted to leave some trace behind. He knew that Lee Jihoon visited my home, but Lee Jihoon had no idea about his existence. It could be that he had left some seldom-used items here in hopes that one day, whenever that may be, Lee Jihoon would come to check this place.

‘Don’t drain your brother too much. I’m worried about him.’

Even after hearing that I lived with Lee Jihoon, I thought about Hyunwoo, who didn’t even bring up the things left in this drawer. It felt good that he didn’t remember or perhaps didn’t care anymore. I felt a faint sense of relief, mixed with guilt. I suddenly realized that I had never given him any space in my heart, despite him worrying about mine.

“Before you start getting riled up over a name being mentioned, maybe you should wonder why that person still remembers your name two years after the breakup.”

The sound of a perfume bottle breaking inside the trash can echoed dully. Instead of peering inside, I picked up a razor from the drawer and struck it down once more.

Things that I didn’t even know had been there but had been present all along. And now that they were finally discovered, they were things I never wanted to see again. Abandoned items perhaps resembled the feelings that shouldn’t even be glanced at.

“Information that doesn’t show up on a portal site. How to sleep with a guy.”

“……”

“If I knew that, would I come up with some way to teach you the friendship I didn’t know? What kind of friendship is that? The kind where you promise to let your friend sleep with the guy that likes him?”

Our gazes met and trembled briefly. I turned away from Lee Jihoon, who was biting his split bleeding lips as he muttered curses, and picked up the last item left in the drawer. The thin condom wedged between my fingers was so light that it often made me forget how much of an impact it could have on a relationship.

“Then just do it.”

“……”

“Considering how you look now, it seems like it’s bound to happen sooner or later, even if it’s not today. No matter how much I deny it, you’re going to interpret it positively and push for it. Instead of that, why don’t you just do it now and be done with it?”

That trivial weight couldn’t be carried alone, so I shared it with Lee Jihoon. The condom, thrown lightly after losing its weight, tapped against his shoulder before falling to the floor. Yet neither of us paid any attention to the square object that lay sprawled out on the tile. We only stared at each other, as if we had lost the ability to look away from the other in the narrow street we found ourselves trapped in.

“Just know that after having sex, our relationship will end.”

In the half-destroyed space, only misaligned glances remained. I focused on Lee Jihoon’s swollen, blood-stained lips. A scab would surely sit there now. If left untouched, it would disappear without a trace in a few months. A thin layer of skin would cover it, and someone’s lips would touch it, oblivious to the fact that it had once been torn.

“You’re shortening the two months you’ve earned to just one day.”

Because…

“I don’t sleep with someone I’m just friends with.”

Isn’t that also the case for the life that disappeared from Lee Jihoon? Perhaps I imagined that more than I fantasized about kissing him. But maybe it was only natural. Especially when considering how shallow and precarious the fantasies of a guy who had no chance of loving me would be, to the point of breaking at any moment.

“Do you still want to?”

It was a proposal that he would never agree to. I knew that, yet I tossed it out there. To prevent Lee Jihoon from throwing a fit over the fact that he could no longer change.

“……”

As expected, Lee Jihoon couldn’t say yes. It was clear because he was someone who paused even the act of protecting our friendship to take a space in this house. I pretended to wait a little longer before leaning down. I picked up the condom that was receiving no attention and tossed it into the trash can. Lee Jihoon didn’t stop me. It was an unspoken agreement. On this issue, Lee Jihoon wouldn’t be able to hold his ground, and I also had to back off here. I closed the drawer, which had nothing more to pick up.

The moment I reached for the bathroom doorknob to leave first, Lee Jihoon spoke up.

“If you’re going to do this….”

Before I even realized it, my head turned. Contrary to what I expected, Lee Jihoon was not looking at me. He fixed his gaze on the trash can filled with unnecessary items, and he spoke as if it had slipped out.

“Why did you act like you would be by my side for life?”

It was just one sentence, yet my body froze. It felt as if someone had covered my air passages; I was breathless, and my throat ached sharply.

“You’ve spoiled me.”

It was an unbelievable but vividly recalled moment.

‘It seems like you’re misteaching me.’

‘What will you do if I end up feeling disappointed when you stop treating me like this later?’

The calm and quiet warning of a boy who had put aside his cheerful laughter was overlaid by the passage of time, and emerging from the whirlwind, Lee Jihoon spoke with a distorted expression.

“If you were going to toss me aside so easily, you shouldn’t have acted that way.”

Lee Jihoon turned to me, who couldn’t respond. Blood seeped from his still healing lower lip, yet he chewed on it as if he felt nothing, the blood trickling down his lip.

“It seems you think you’re the weaker one in this relationship, but think again.”

His eyes were red without even a trace of tears. As if all the heat of his body was concentrated there. The energy that resembled heat grew intense as he stepped closer. The damp, warm heat radiated from the sixteen-year-old Lee Jihoon who had to stay home from school due to illness.

“Between the guy who constantly threatens to be tossed aside and the one begging to hold onto him, who do you think is actually weaker?”

I missed the doorknob, which Lee Jihoon grabbed instead. The door opened easily. I felt dazed as I watched his shoulder step out of the space that had confined us.

“What kind of weaker person loves someone and runs away?”

It must be either someone who doesn’t love or someone who loves just enough to flee.