FBF chapter 8 part 3

“I’m sorry. I have to take this call.”

I hurriedly said as I pressed the accept button. Jeong Hyun-joon, who was seeing me rush for the first time, looked surprised for a moment before turning away, probably wanting to give me some space.

I didn’t take my eyes off Jeong Hyun-joon as he walked along the wall, repeatedly pressing the volume control button to hear Lee Jihoon’s voice a little better. I cleared my throat and held my phone tightly. Only then could I speak.

“Uh. What’s going on?”

I was sure I had seen the call screen change, but Lee Jihoon’s voice wasn’t coming through. It couldn’t be that the call had dropped, which puzzled me. Just in case, I pressed the volume button again. It wasn’t until I heard a warning sound indicating I couldn’t increase the volume anymore that I awkwardly stopped my finger.

“…Lee Jihoon?”

The moment I called his name, Jeong Hyun-joon leaned in from the end of the wall.

“Seon-uk! Come to my table later! Let’s go to the room together.”

His voice was quite loud, as if trying to make sure I could hear him at the end of the wall. Surprised, I instinctively covered the receiver but nodded my head vigorously instead of answering. It wasn’t until Jeong Hyun-joon left that the alleyway became completely quiet. Confirming that there was no one left to interrupt my call, I removed my hand from the receiver.

For the first time, a voice came from the far side, which had been silent the whole time.

– Who are you going to the room with at this hour?

Maybe because I had cranked the volume all the way up, Lee Jihoon’s voice came through very clearly. It had the same tone he used when joking, but hearing his speech devoid of any humor made me shake my head as if trying to get my focus back. I thought I was holding it together relatively well, but hearing Lee Jihoon’s voice, which hadn’t had a drop of alcohol, made me realize that I was mistaken. This was exactly the kind of trivial question I should have thought about twice.

Even though I was covering the receiver, I guessed Jeong Hyun-joon’s booming voice had somehow reached Lee Jihoon.

“Ah… it’s my roommate. Since we’re in the same room, I meant to go together.”

Lee Jihoon replied nonchalantly.

– Ah, is that Hyun-joon?

Had I mentioned Jeong Hyun-joon? Just as I hesitated, Lee Jihoon continued.

– Kang Youngsoo told me.

This time a careless exclamation slipped from my lips.

“Ah… I see.”

If Kang Youngsoo knew him, he would definitely have shared details about his friend’s roommate.

– But why are you two alone?

“Uh?”

– Is it a drinking party? I can’t hear anything behind you.

I looked around. In the narrow, deep alley that I could easily overlook unless I deliberately checked, there was no one but me. Although I could faintly hear voices from the meat restaurant on the other side of the wall, it seemed like Lee Jihoon had figured out the spatial difference even during a call. Given how sensitive he was to sound, I found it unsurprising and nodded my head. Now that I thought about it, I occasionally recognized where Kang Youngsoo was when he was on a call as well. It was just that with someone as loud as him, there was no need to pay particular attention.

“I just stepped out. I’m in the alley next to the meat restaurant. I’m just standing here by myself.”

– Why did you step out? Are you drunk?

“Drunk? What do you mean? I just…”

I automatically closed my mouth. I remembered the reason for stepping out of the meat restaurant. I couldn’t tell Lee Jihoon that I had been confessed to by my classmate and that I was there thinking about him. After hesitating to find the right words, I poked the tip of my sneakers into the ground.

“I stepped out because the air was stuffy.”

I broke away from leaning against the wall and turned toward the meat restaurant. Was he still inside? We would both try hard not to act awkward around each other, but the moment we made eye contact going in, it would definitely feel weird. The moment I thought of three classmates who had gone through a similar process and now couldn’t even greet each other comfortably, I sighed. It was early May. Blowing my breath into the air no longer meant that white mist would come out of my mouth. I remembered how white breath had escaped when I had exhaled while smoking a cigarette earlier. It was interesting to think that there were things you could see immediate results from merely by exhaling after taking a drag.

It was different from one-sided love, where without confession, even the results couldn’t be known. Maybe that was why people smoked. They wanted to see at least some results in a stifling situation.

As I looked at the cigarette butts scattered on the ground, I suddenly became curious. What kind of cigarettes had Lee Jihoon smoked then? I pictured the smoke he had exhaled while sitting across from his grandfather. Since that day, I had not seen Lee Jihoon smoke a cigarette again. Even on the day he turned twenty, when Kang Youngsoo dashed to the convenience store to buy cigarettes with enthusiasm, Lee Jihoon had been next to him, buying a lottery ticket.

Distracted as I touched my earlobe, I stopped tapping the ground with my toes. It suddenly occurred to me that even these sounds might reach Lee Jihoon. Keeping my feet still, I shifted the conversation.

“Hey.”

– Uh.

“I just tried smoking for the first time…”

– …A cigarette?

Lee Jihoon responded, not hiding his surprise. Even though he wasn’t in front of me, I could easily picture the expression on his face. With one eyebrow raised, he would be waiting for me to continue. I awkwardly nodded my head as if he were standing right in front of me.

“Yeah. It was stronger than I thought.”

– ……

“But I think I understand why people smoke.”

– Is that about the roommate?

“Uh?”

– The one who taught you to smoke.

The response was unexpected. Just when it sounded like he was bringing up Jeong Hyun-joon all of a sudden, I paused, unsure of how to respond. Technically, he had given me the cigarettes and lighter, but I never remembered being taught how to smoke. I wasn’t sure if he really had taught me anything. Just as I was about to firmly deny it, Lee Jihoon’s voice turned almost mocking.

– So this is why they say you shouldn’t send kids away from home. They come back having learned everything you didn’t want to teach them.

A sigh laced with exasperation tickled my ear. It was clear he was trying to joke in between his serious words as if an elder was lamenting to a younger one, like a grandfather to his grandson or a father to his son.

– Seon-uk has turned into such a rascal. Drinking until dawn, and now smoking as well. I wonder if you’ll show up riding a motorcycle next month when we meet. You’ll probably have dyed your hair yellow with beer. You’d carry Kang Youngsoo on your shoulders, and I’d be hanging on behind you while you sped down the East Coast Expressway, your ten piercings fluttering in the wind hitting my cheek.

I couldn’t help but feel absurd as I listened. What kind of nonsense was this, just for having smoked a single cigarette… I furrowed my brows, but I had no chance to rebut as Lee Jihoon continued his ridiculous imaginary scenarios. Even if I confessed this to my grandfather, I wouldn’t be lectured this much. It was only when I lost my words and stood there open-mouthed that Lee Jihoon stopped exaggerating and started to laugh, as if he were finally done with the joke.

“That wasn’t funny at all.”

– Honestly, the bit about dyeing your hair with beer was kind of funny. Let’s acknowledge that.

“There’s a difference between a snicker and laughter.”

– What about the East Coast Expressway?

Hearing him laugh as he recounted the ridiculous things he had said, I carefully turned the volume back up, which I had lowered when he was joking around just a moment ago. It had become rare for Lee Jihoon to laugh like that as we aged, so I needed to listen to it as much as I could while I still could. He continued joking and laughing for a while longer. My heated phone grew warm, and then a cacophony of voices came from my classmates, who seemed to have exited the meat restaurant all at once behind the wall.

“Hey! Are there any missing people?”

“No, no. Let’s go. We’re going to end up spending the night here. Ugh.”

“I checked the restrooms. I checked the backyard. Where else could they be?”

The students were stumbling over their words, trying to take care of those who were still sober amid their intoxication. Their voices echoed with a noise that seemed amplified, as if a radio had been tuned wrong, clear enough for me to hear even from the other side of the wall. I slowly removed my hand from the receiver.

– Shouldn’t you go in?

Even if it felt useless… Just how sensitive were their ears? As I questioned this, I straightened my back. I was pondering how long it would take for my classmates, diligently checking the restrooms and backyard for me, to notice my absence.

“Yeah. I should go.”

When I checked my watch, it was already 1 AM. Considering that I had seen the time at the convenience store a little before 11:30 PM, quite a bit of time had passed. I had rejected a confession, asked Jeong Hyun-joon my first private question, and even tried smoking for the first time, but outside of my conversation with Lee Jihoon, I felt I wouldn’t remember any of it. My cheeks were warm even without touching them. Just like every time I had called Lee Jihoon.

I didn’t want to hang up. Who knew when I might get to talk to him again? So even though it was the perfect time for someone to hang up, I pretended not to notice and just held onto my phone. Finally, Lee Jihoon, who had been waiting patiently without hanging up, spoke up.

– Hey.

“Ah, what now?”

– Don’t hang out with bad friends. Especially those like your roommate.

I had sensed it the moment he disdainfully mentioned Jeong Hyun-joon, but it seemed Lee Jihoon really did not approve of my roommate, whom he had never even seen. Was giving me a cigarette such a big sin? It was funny but also a bit amusing how he had a completely opposite assessment of someone my friends liked.

“He’s not that bad of a person.”

– He’s bad.

“What’s so bad? You haven’t even seen his face.”

– I don’t need to see. The fact that he made you say you understand why someone who liked Chocopie smokes means he’s a jerk.

As I listened, it sounded like an absurd accusation that Jeong Hyun-joon would be aggrieved to hear. Also, why did Chocopie come into this? I paused, recalling that it was that ice cream I had almost clung to while he confessed to me earlier.

I bit my lower lip gently. I was glad that Lee Jihoon remembered that. If the last time had been done unconsciously, maybe from now on, it would be the only one I’d ever eat. Tentatively, I spoke up.

“You too.”

– …What?

“Don’t get fooled by bad guys. Eat well and sleep well until we meet again in a month. Just do that.”

– ……

“I won’t smoke either.”

I mustered my courage to say that. If it weren’t for the slight buzz still lingering, I felt I would have never been able to say it. The once boisterous wall behind me grew quiet. It was a sign that my classmates had left the meat restaurant without looking for me. I was glad I had turned all the message notifications to silent. Messages continued to pop up, but it didn’t matter. I crouched down in the gap between the wall and the streetlight to say this to Lee Jihoon.

Lee Jihoon, who had no idea that I was doing all this just to say those words, replied lightly.

– I’m fine, really.

It felt just like that day. The only difference was that I found myself wanting to see him a little more as he spoke so cheerfully.

“I know.”

Lee Jihoon no longer stepped on branches while talking to me. He didn’t pick up his phone out of breath anymore. When I sent a message, a reply would come within a day. That was a good thing. But thinking of the things he must have had to give up to be able to do that, it didn’t feel like a purely happy situation.

Before I could jump to conclusions assuming that he must have found some haven or escape route, I wished that it could have been such that he didn’t need to seek them out at all. However, realizing that I couldn’t replace that for him, I wanted to let him know that I was always here. I hoped he would remember that someone cared about whether he was eating well, sleeping well, and not hanging out with bad people.

“I’m just worried because I care. Just like you.”

After a long silence, Lee Jihoon seemed to concede and laughed.

– …Alright, man. Hurry up and get in. It’s too late.

Besides the messages from my classmates, there were quite a few other messages that had piled up. As I casually glanced over the ones I didn’t need to respond to immediately, I saw a notification indicating there was a new message in the group chat with Kang Youngsoo and Lee Jihoon.

Kang Youngsoo

Hey hey hey, should we reserve for the weekend of June 19? 6 PM.

If I don’t hear back by 9, I’ll just do it? 6:01 PM.

9:01 PM.

Reservation for minbak completed ^_^V 9:03 PM.

June 19? That date felt strangely familiar. I halted my thoughts as I became distracted by the messages below.

Lee Jihoon

Okay, 10:58 PM.

I’m free that day ㄱㅊ 10:59 PM.

Kang Youngsoo

Of course; I picked that date to fit your busy schedule;; 11:01 PM.

At this rate, Santa might reward us for being good friends this year, eh guys? Just send some pips to Finland hh 11:02 PM.

After Kang Youngsoo’s message, there was no response. It seemed that June 19 was settled now. While I pondered again why I had felt a sense of familiarity the moment I heard the date, I exited the message room. Well, I’d remember when the time came. Even if there were something to do, it probably wouldn’t be something significant enough to prevent me from seeing Lee Jihoon. This was Lee Jihoon’s first overnight stay after not going out much this semester. We had to make it work somehow.

I glanced at the message above. It was from Jeong Hyun-joon.

Jeong Hyun-joon

Seon-uk, where are you? 12:03 AM.

Even as I hid to avoid being found by my classmates, I hadn’t thought much of it, but only after reaching the dorm did I recall Jeong Hyun-joon repeatedly saying he wanted to go to the room with me.

Was “Seon-uk” a typo? Now that I thought about it, he had looked a bit drunk earlier… Had he even asked someone to help him up the stairs? I felt guilty and quickened my pace up the steps.

I opened the door. The room was dim. I kept my footsteps quiet and carefully closed the door behind me while checking Jeong Hyun-joon’s bed. To my disappointment, it was empty. However, light was seeping through the gap below the bathroom door. Jeong Hyun-joon must have been in the bathroom.

Was he perhaps throwing up from being drunk? Just as I was about to check in on him, his unexpected voice made me freeze.

“Seon-hwa? Are you still seeing each other?”

He wasn’t throwing up or collapsed somewhere. Instead, he was on a call with someone. Even just from hearing his voice, I could tell he was in a relatively clear state. I had no intention of eavesdropping on someone else’s call, so just as I was about to turn away, he continued.

“What do you mean, two hundred days? Last week was our anniversary, right? I missed a meeting that week because of that. I don’t know, though. He wasn’t like this before, but now he keeps asking what I’m doing like he heard something. Last week, he suggested we meet in Sinchon, can you believe that? Who would be passing by? He only does it in Sinchon, which is really far from his school. Hey, who takes a meeting seriously? It’s just for fun; the members are always different.”

I turned my head. The laundry basket from a few days ago was still hanging on the chair. The moment I saw his black t-shirt, visible even in the dark, a smile slipped out. Jeong Hyun-joon babbled on for quite a while after that. His chat about classmates, seniors, and even his girlfriend of a year unraveled and morphed into a comedic display of his bravado. I was listening when suddenly, my name came up in his conversation, prompting me to turn away without listening any further.

I would send a message to the group chat with my classmates, letting them know that I had briefly disappeared for something and that I had returned to the room so they shouldn’t worry, and it took me a while to realize why that date of June 19 felt so familiar. After some time had passed, Jeong Hyun-joon finally opened the door after finishing his call.

“…Oh? When did you arrive?”

Upon spotting me, he first displayed a look of surprise. Instead of responding, I picked up the towel and clothes I had left on the desk and headed toward the bathroom. Jeong Hyun-joon observed me with a sense of curiosity. I could see he was realizing that there was a possibility I might have overheard a part of his conversation with his friend.

I wondered if he was having that kind of conversation because he was drunk, but the fact that he was paying attention to me suggested that there was no need for me to chime in.

“Are you going to wash up?”

I paused at his impatience.

“Hey.”

“…Yeah?”

“The bathroom walls are thin.”

His sudden statement seemed to confuse him as he looked at me strangely, reminding me of Lee Jihoon. It wasn’t that Jeong Hyun-joon resembled Lee Jihoon; rather, it was just Lee Jihoon’s earlier words coming to mind.

“You can hear everything, even the things you don’t want to.”

He was someone with a discerning eye for people. Leaving the astonished Jeong Hyun-joon behind, I slammed the door shut. I thought that June 19 would give me another story to tell Lee Jihoon, as it was the day we were skipping the mandatory training during our freshman year to head over to Gangneung.

* * *

“Seon-wu-oo-oo-oo-uk!”

Having come all the way to Asan last month just to meet me, Kang Youngsoo was acting as if he hadn’t seen me even once this past semester. He came running toward me, flailing his arms, and without a second thought, he clung to my waist and began to wail about how much he missed me, how he had waited for this day every day, and how my face lingered on the ceiling when he lay down. The couple next to us, caught in our embrace, looked at us strangely. Kang Youngsoo didn’t seem to care about that and proceeded to pour out everything that had happened over the past month. Even though I had already heard these details over the phone, he was repeating them again. No matter how much I tried to signal that I had already heard them, it was useless. I eventually gave up and checked my phone. It was 12:50 PM.

Because of our respective universities, we were scattered across Seoul, Cheongju, and Asan, so we had promised to meet at the bus terminal in Gangneung, where there was a minbak (a type of guesthouse). We were supposed to meet at 1 PM, and since it was only 12:50, I could understand if Lee Jihoon hadn’t arrived yet. I relaxed my shoulders and let Kang Youngsoo continue. After all, I could pass him off to Lee Jihoon once he arrived in ten minutes.

“I got a gold medal this time, Uuk. Do you know what that means? Oh, by the way, how did your finals go? You better have ranked first there too, right? Then I can brag about you.”

In reality, I hadn’t even taken my finals yet, and I deliberately avoided mentioning that I had skipped class today. If I were to consider it, it was something I should have said long before we set the meeting date. The reason I hadn’t was that, if I did, it felt like I wouldn’t get to see Lee Jihoon at all. I couldn’t very well explain that kind of reasoning to Kang Youngsoo, who didn’t even know that I liked Lee Jihoon, so I stayed silent then and remained so now. It was lucky for me that Kang Youngsoo was the kind of person who could keep a conversation going even without a response.

“What’s up?”

It was only after 30 minutes that Kang Youngsoo finally managed to close his mouth. He glanced at his watch and tilted his head.

“Is something wrong with Lee Jihoon?”

I was having similar thoughts. It was the first time Lee Jihoon was late to a meeting. For someone who often ignored time commitments, 20 minutes might not seem like a big deal, but to those of us who knew him, it was bizarre.

“Should we call him?”

Before I could even answer, Kang Youngsoo frowned as he attempted to reach Lee Jihoon.

“Uuk, his phone is turned off.”

“Turned off?”

“Yeah, wait. Let me try again.”

Three seconds later, Kang Youngsoo lowered his phone and looked at me with a serious expression. It seemed the message that the call couldn’t go through was still playing. I glanced around briefly and then set my bag on the ground.

“Is it possible he arrived but is wandering around here? His phone might’ve died and turned off too.”

“He might be, but… I don’t know. With his personality, I don’t think he’d just wander around. He could easily grab anyone passing by to borrow a phone.”

While he seemed unsure, he must have deemed it possible since he was looking for a passerby. I patted his shoulder.

“Just stay put here. I’ll check around the terminal; if Lee Jihoon shows up, contact me.”

After circling the area around the terminal, I returned. I had considered that he might be coming to the express bus terminal, so I even went to check the city bus terminal attached to it. Thinking he might be charging his phone at a café or convenience store, I visited a franchise café one block away, but I couldn’t find any trace of him. After 30 minutes had passed, I was convinced that Lee Jihoon wasn’t around here and headed back to the terminal.