FBF chapter 5 part 2

I gazed at the closed door and carefully placed the porridge bag on Lee Jihoon’s desk. I hesitated, pondering whether to leave it there, but the thought that I might not notice it before dinner when the porridge would get cold prompted me to pick up my phone.

It was embarrassing to express such concern over something trivial.

Ah, did I buy this for no reason? It felt awkward to leave it behind, but I couldn’t bring myself to take it back either.

After composing the message, I debated for a while whether to send it or not. Including the time wasted in the yard, I had spent nearly thirty minutes on a pointless act. Just as I was about to hit send, I heard a creaking sound of the door opening from somewhere.

“Help me….”

“Ah, damn it! What is it!”

I nearly threw my phone in shock. Ignoring my reaction, the suddenly appearing creature dragged itself across the floor and slowly approached me. It resembled a zombie. With its head hung low, it muttered ominously.

“Water… give me water….”

I knew that the only person who would appear like that in this house was Lee Jihoon, but my heart still sank. Whether he knew I was frozen in surprise or not, Lee Jihoon dragged himself closer to me, clutching my leg.

“If you give me water, I won’t eat you….”

His voice was devoid of strength, and seeing him joking around was frustrating. Annoyed, I shook off his hand that clung to my foot. Lee Jihoon, dodging away from my foot, grimaced and lay back on the floor.

“Ah… I feel like I’m really dying….”

Upon closer inspection, his eyes were sunken. Breathing intermittently, he looked like he genuinely might die if I didn’t get him some water.

“For crying out loud….”

I grumbled but eventually turned towards the kitchen to fetch him some water.

“I will survive.”

Whether that was true or not, Lee Jihoon looked a bit better when I set the glass of water down. Gaining some strength, he immediately climbed onto the couch and lay back down, clutching a trophy in his hand. Now that I thought about it, he had been holding that trophy when he came out of the room earlier.

“Why are you holding that?”

The Taean Central Hospital’s Best Pitcher Award. Just as I finished reading the inscription under the trophy, Lee Jihoon turned to look at it. Judging from his expression, it seemed he hadn’t realized what he was holding. Once he recognized what it was, he tossed the trophy aside and covered his eyes, murmuring weakly.

“Were you planning to beat me up if I turned out to be a robber…?”

“…In that condition?”

I had felt it all along, but he looked drained of all strength compared to his usual self. It was understandable that he had been to the emergency room since early morning. It also made sense why he couldn’t come to school.

“Well…”

“……”

“If things got bad, I would’ve used my looks to charm you….”

Maybe he was in so much pain that he couldn’t think straight. His level of nonsense had significantly increased compared to usual.

Since I had already brought him water and was listening to his inane chatter that seemed like a joke, I figured I didn’t need to stay longer. Just as I was about to stand up, my gaze caught on the porridge bag I had set on Lee Jihoon’s desk.

Right, I had come to deliver that. Seeing that he lacked the energy to stop me from leaving, I wondered if he would be able to eat it on his own, given that he was lying there powerless with his eyes covered.

Does he have any medication? If he went to the emergency room, he should have received a prescription.

“……”

I decided to help him out. I placed the porridge bag on the long table in front of the couch and retrieved the pill bottle with Lee Jihoon’s name that had been sitting on the kitchen table.

“Hey. I brought porridge, so eat and sleep.”

Maybe he had truly fallen asleep because there was no response from Lee Jihoon. I reached out to tap his shoulder but was surprised when I felt how hot he was. I was apprehensive that he might just turn into steam and disappear. He had the hottest body temperature I had ever felt. My heart sank, and I pressed myself against the couch. Wrapping my arm around his shoulder, I spoke.

“Lee Jihoon?”

He still didn’t answer. He might have lost consciousness and couldn’t hear me. I shook him a bit harder.

“Hey! Answer me!”

Just moments ago, he had been talking and moving, but his shoulders felt dangerously limp, like they had lost all strength. The moment I felt his body flop in my hands, my mind went blank.

Am I going to have to take him to the emergency room again? I don’t even know his father’s number. What do I do?

“Get a grip. Hey. Hey! Can you hear me?”

Usually, in dramas, they would slap someone on the cheek in this situation. Just as I was about to raise my hand into the air, I heard his voice.

“Um….”

Lee Jihoon coughed and opened his eyes slightly. Seeing my hand hovering in mid-air, ready to strike, he blinked slowly, parting his dry lips to speak.

“I’m just curious, but….”

I felt a bit of relief once I confirmed that his dying voice was coming out regularly. Fortunately, he didn’t seem to have lost consciousness.

“Did you come to kill me or to save me?”

Even with his half-closed eyes, I could still see mischief in them. This crazy bastard, I couldn’t muster the strength to respond, so I released my grip on him. I had been so tense that my fingertips tingled from the strain.

“Ah!”

Without warning, Lee Jihoon’s head once again hit the couch’s headrest, causing him to let out a muffled shout as he raised his head. He seemed more lively than before. When I shook him, he must have been partially aware of it.

As expected, after scratching his head, Lee Jihoon fully sat up. It didn’t take long for his eyes to roam between me sitting below the couch, the porridge on the table, and the pill bottle.

“What’s this?”

He obviously knew what it was, but here he was asking for confirmation. His personality was just as strange as ever. Even though he was the one suffering, I felt more drained than he did. With no energy left in me, I lifted my bag and started to stand.

“What do you mean, what is it? Can’t you just look at it?”

“……”

“Eat it before it gets cold. After you eat, take your medicine. Otherwise, you won’t be able to come to school for your math exam on Friday.”

Lee Jihoon continued to stare vacantly at the table, and it took him a while before he sniffled.

“Wow, I’m so touched….”

“…Touched, my foot.”

Thinking it was a usual exaggeration, I tried to reply lightly, but suddenly stopped.

“Are you really saying you bought this for me?”

He asked seriously, as if seeking confirmation. Uh? Um… when he saw me hesitate to respond, his gaze returned to the porridge bag. The moment he wore a touched expression, I felt embarrassed.

“I just bought it on my way…”

“I know where this porridge place is.”

“……”

“If you stopped by there, you must have transferred buses twice. It would have taken you at least thirty minutes longer than usual.”

From the way he spoke, which continued relentlessly without allowing for a rebuttal, I couldn’t argue back at all. Seeing me silent, Lee Jihoon grinned. Perhaps because he was so thin, the slight upward tilt of his lip made it look like he was beaming.

I awkwardly pursed my lips. Lee Jihoon had now descended from the couch and sat at the table, pulling out the side dishes and chopsticks accompanying the porridge.

“When my mom was in the hospital, I hated all other porridge places, but I always liked this one. So Dad and I took turns buying it for each other.”

“…Really?”

“Yeah. I thought about how much I wanted to eat it after such a long time, but I only remembered after Dad left for work and was ready to give up. But I never imagined you would actually come with it.”

“…Well… I just saw it while taking the bus…”

“Anyway, I’ll enjoy it, really. Ah, it looks so delicious.”

Lee Jihoon seemed like he was experiencing a miracle. The fact that someone cared for him while he was sick. And the fact that he could say things like that out loud. I found it strange that I couldn’t leave, even though I had delivered the porridge and didn’t need to stay here any longer.

“……”

After a moment of hesitation, I set my bag back down.

“Also, how did you know I like abalone porridge…”

As I awkwardly seated myself back on the couch, Lee Jihoon’s voice suddenly cut off. His surprised expression at my arrival made it seem as though he hadn’t grasped why I had suddenly moved next to him. Whenever he had curiosity about something, he looked like he could penetrate right through someone’s soul until he found an answer.

I avoided his penetrating gaze and inched my way toward the table. Lee Jihoon opened one of the side dishes that I hadn’t touched and slid it toward the container of porridge.

“Um… I’ll stay just long enough to see you eat this and take your medicine.”

“……”

“I’m watching you. You can’t slack off with studying again. Right now, Dad isn’t around, so if I leave, you’ll have nobody to keep an eye on you…”

I tried to come up with various excuses to mask my embarrassment, but Lee Jihoon, who would ordinarily have been more dramatic, was strangely quiet. Just as I turned my head curiously, I noticed he was inspecting me closely, as if he was trying to unravel a mystery. His gaze was intense and deep.

“Are you trying to spoil me?”

His expression had lost its laughter and was now calm and serene.

“What are you going to do if I feel sad later when you no longer do this for me?”

It was a type of intimidation I had never heard before in my life. While I pondered why that was, Lee Jihoon’s eyes rounded full of mischief. It was a different kind of laughter from when he had previously smiled brightly, slow and therefore seeming much deeper.

With that smile, Lee Jihoon picked up a spoon. As if to prove he hadn’t expected an answer, he murmured to himself.

“What else could I do? I’ll have to treat you well. You’ll want to keep being treated well, right?”

“……”

“I’ll take good care of you, so you must tell me next time when you think you might get sick. I’ll rush over with pumpkin porridge, abalone porridge, and sesame porridge. Got it, our Seon-uk?”

His voice was playfully loud as he shoved the spoon deep into the porridge. It was hard to believe that the serious expression I had just seen was genuine.

In under ten minutes, Lee Jihoon finished all the porridge. He took all the pills at once and didn’t say a word, yet went into his room and laid down quietly. It was as if he was actually trying to help me have the chance to go home.

I had intended to only watch him eat, but somehow I found myself sitting in the chair next to his bed. I could see the rise and fall of his chest. I could tell he was going to fall asleep soon, if not already.

The waiting period felt a bit tedious, so I took out my math textbook. I realized I needed to inform Lee Jihoon of the math exam content. I looked over the sections marked with stars, when Lee Jihoon suddenly called my name.

“…Ji Seon-uk.”

Just like he did on the couch earlier, he was covering his eyes with his hand. I couldn’t see his expression clearly.

“Thank you.”

There were times when Lee Jihoon unexpectedly spoke so honestly. It was distinctly different from how boys my age would act. He seemed completely unashamed to express gratitude to another boy. It was so strange that I sometimes reflected on it. Perhaps it was because I was someone who even hesitated to deliver porridge.

Even now, in the brief moment I hesitated, Lee Jihoon comfortably fell asleep as if he had said everything he needed to say. If I tuned in, I could hear his gentle breaths.

It took me a while to write down the scope of the upcoming math quiz and place it on the desk. Lee Jihoon was still sound asleep. Confirming that his back was rhythmically rising and falling toward the wall, I stood up and dusted myself off. As I grabbed my bag, my gaze caught Lee Jihoon’s flushed cheeks. I hesitated, but ultimately approached the bed. I gently rested my left hand on his arm, which lay on top of the blanket. His body temperature, which had been startlingly hot earlier, now felt about lukewarm. It signified that the fever had gone down. As I looked down at Lee Jihoon’s sleeping face, I finally exited his room.

I carefully slipped out of the house to avoid waking him. It was unexpected to encounter Lee Jihoon’s father, who was just entering through the front gate.

“Hello.”

Seeing me, Lee Jihoon’s father halted in his tracks. For a moment, he seemed surprised, but soon his face became tinged with sadness.

“Oh, Seon-uk. Did you come to see Jihoon? That kid is probably still asleep.”

“Ah… he did wake up for a bit.”

“He wouldn’t answer his phone. So he was really awake, huh.”

Lee Jihoon’s father cast a startled glance over my shoulder. Since he had returned home earlier than usual, it seemed he must have been worried about Lee Jihoon and finished work early. The name written on the envelope he was holding was familiar to me. It seemed Lee Jihoon would be eating the same porridge as before when he got up. He would probably be just as happy about it as he had been earlier.

“Yes, and…”

After a moment’s hesitation, I added on. Since he sounded worried because Lee Jihoon wasn’t answering his phone, I figured it was information he would want to know.

“He’s eating porridge and taking his medicine now. I watched over him, so… you don’t have to worry too much.”

“Oh… is that so?”

“Yes. Well then… goodbye.”

Just as I was bowing my head shyly, my arm was grabbed.

“Seon-uk.”

Even though Lee Jihoon had corrected him, his father still called me by the wrong name. Even now, he had come to a stop and unexpectedly held something out toward me. I was taken aback when I saw the green bills in his hand.

“Ah… no, it’s alright. You don’t have to give me this…”

“Come on now, you’ve got to take it when an adult offers.”

Despite my attempt to refuse, he humorously forced five bills into my hand, smiling.

“I really appreciate you, Seon-uk. I’m grateful for everything.”

“……”

“Spend it on something delicious. Continue being close with my foolish son. Got it?”

Even though I hadn’t replied, he smiled once more and tousled my hair. Perhaps that was the only time I could have returned the money, but I could only awkwardly gaze at him. Maybe it was because I thought he bore a striking resemblance to Lee Jihoon more and more.

With the bills awkwardly clenched in my hand, I headed back home. Lee Jihoon’s voice lingered in my ear.

“What will you do if I feel sad later when you stop doing this for me?”

Why did Lee Jihoon say something like that? As if he was already looking ahead to a time when such a thing might happen. I had never seriously thought about the future with him or anyone else, so it felt unfamiliar.

Though often playful and childish, he sometimes showed a mature side in unexpected places. Particularly when he worried about things that wouldn’t normally concern someone our age. Did everyone become that way when they lost a loved one? I thought of my father, who would forever lose my grandfather. Did my father ever miss his father? That question was difficult to answer. I stopped pondering and shook my head.

Before I knew it, I had arrived in front of my house. It didn’t seem like it was time for my grandfather to return, but the gate was already open. As I peered within curiously, I froze instantly.

The figure standing in the yard wasn’t unfamiliar. I swallowed, unable to tear my gaze away from the appearance I hadn’t seen in five months. I heard footsteps behind me. When I turned, I found my grandfather wearing a similar expression to mine. His gaze was also directed towards the yard.

More precisely, it was directed at the woman standing there, slowly surveying the yard.

She turned around at the perfect moment when my gaze was drawn to her. She seemed unperturbed by the sight of the two of us standing at the gate, her eyes lingering longer on my grandfather than on me.

“It’s all over, Father.”

That was my mother’s uniquely graceful way of announcing that the divorce proceedings had concluded.

Leaving my grandfather speechless, my mother’s gaze shifted to me. Between her smoothly moving lips, a relaxed question emerged.

“Did you have fun during the break?”

It was now May. The semester had begun two months ago. However, my mother referred to all the time I had spent away from her in those five months as a break. Almost as if she was trying to separate it as if it wouldn’t impact the life that would follow.

Everything felt suddenly clear. No one had explained it to me, yet I perfectly understood.

The person who had arranged for my grandfather to pick me up was my mother, and now she was trying to return me to my place.

Even without me responding, my mother didn’t wait and turned her head away.

“It’s really unchanged here. As if time has stopped…”

Her expression gazed serenely at the distant sea beyond the wall. For a brief moment, I thought I saw a look of nostalgia pass over her face. However, when her attention returned to me, I couldn’t detect any hint of that sentiment. With her expression completely wiped away, she became rigid like someone fulfilling an obligation. She checked the time on her wristwatch and marched resolutely across the yard without hesitation.

The item my mother had brought into the yard was a suitcase. It was the only piece of luggage I had brought when I came down to Taean.

“You must have had a hard time without a computer or even a phone that works well here.”

If I said it hadn’t been hard, it would be a lie, but I had never considered it to be a hardship. I felt a presence and looked back. My grandfather, who had only just looked startled moments ago, had returned to his usual self. He stood there for a moment, briefly glancing at my mother before walking away, leaving the two of us behind. It was as if he had nothing more to hear.

At the moment my grandfather passed me, my mother paused for a second but didn’t follow him. As I heard the door close, she spoke to me nonchalantly.

“I heard you were the top student in your class.”

“……”

“Your homeroom teacher praised you. She said you’re doing an excellent job as class president and that she has no doubt you will do well even after transferring to a new school, so I told her I thought the same.”

My mother had devoted a surprisingly long time to praising me. I quietly listened, turning my head towards the door that my grandfather had closed earlier.

“Has your decision been made to take me with you?”

My mother bit her lip, visibly shocked. I focused intently on her face. I had a question I wanted to ask her about something she hadn’t explained to me.

“Did you leave me with grandfather until you made that decision?”

My parents fought often because they were fundamentally different. Yet, having to witness their arguments, whether indirectly or directly, I occasionally thought about it. Maybe they fought because they resembled each other too much to be able to endure the truth of their differences.

I found my father’s image overlapping with my mother’s. She had intended to tell me something that should have been explained to me first but left out, just like my father had avoided answering the question of who would take me. At least my mother was a little kinder than he was.

“…Is that something you dislike?”

While it wasn’t necessarily an answer to my question, the fact that my mother didn’t deny it added weight to my assumption. Otherwise, she wouldn’t have taken the time out of her busy schedule to come get me. Reviewing the clues I had gathered from the circumstances, I shook my head.

“No.”

“……”

“But it would have been better if you explained it to me beforehand.”

My eyes were drawn to the bills I had been holding since arriving home. I recalled how Lee Jihoon remarked playfully that adults had to work on weekdays and couldn’t stay home. It wasn’t an incorrect statement. Yet for him, there was also a father who had split his time engaging in work and rushing home with porridge for his son. A dad who freely slipped allowance into the hands of his son’s friend, who was looking after his child in his absence.