FBF chapter 25 part 5
by VolareLee Jihoon didn’t ask further and naturally shoved the peanuts he had just shelled into my mouth. I had to open my mouth reluctantly because that guy was serious about asking if I had eaten any nuts today. By the time I chewed down on about three more peanuts, Kang Youngsoo showed up.
At that moment, Lee Jihoon had just taken a bite of a peanut. As soon as I saw Kang Youngsoo, I hastily pushed my body away, but Kang Youngsoo, who was alternating glances between me and Lee Jihoon, already seemed to have seen everything. He muttered ominously.
“…So, does it taste good to share even a single bean?”
“Ah… Did you come? I didn’t see you. Sorry.”
“Yeah!”
How can our timing be this off? I stared blankly at Lee Jihoon, who seemed to shout, “It’s obvious,” while Kang Youngsoo plopped himself down on a plastic chair. His hair was a bit disheveled from running down the hallway, and while he looked relatively fine compared to how he usually appears, his expression was serious, which I had never seen before.
I turned my back to Lee Jihoon, who didn’t seem to help at all, and looked at Kang Youngsoo. Honestly, I wasn’t confident, but I was determined to somehow explain.
“So, um… what happened here?”
“Wait a minute.”
It was unexpected that Kang Youngsoo interrupted me. His palm raised towards me seemed to signify “don’t say more,” as his gaze was fixed on Lee Jihoon.
“Before I listen to Seon-uk’s story, I need to ask this guy something.”
His attitude felt resolute. I involuntarily zipped my lips, forced to alternate my gaze between the two. Did he notice that the attention was on him? Lee Jihoon, who was busy shelling peanuts, looked up. Even after confirming Kang Youngsoo’s somehow solemn expression, there wasn’t much change in Lee Jihoon’s demeanor. It was as if he was ready to take on whatever challenge came his way. Accepting that provocation, Kang Youngsoo opened his mouth.
“I’m seriously asking you now. If this is a joke, now’s your last chance to make it right.”
“……”
“……”
“Are you really dating Seon-uk? Like, seriously?”
It was rare to see Kang Youngsoo with such a serious expression devoid of even the slightest hint of humor. It was crystal clear that he was asking this question more seriously than anyone else at that moment.
Knowing this, after a brief moment of silence, Lee Jihoon brushed his hand over his plate. The peanut shells that had clung to his hands flew away. He removed his hooded sweatshirt, indicating that he wanted to engage in conversation with Kang Youngsoo, sitting across from him. Locking eyes with Kang Youngsoo, Lee Jihoon calmly stated.
“Yeah. I’m serious.”
Kang Youngsoo flinched for a moment, but quickly regained his composure. He followed up with a question that seemed prepared in advance.
“You’ve never dated a guy. You have no interest in them.”
“Yeah.”
“…But Seon-uk is a guy.”
“Yeah. But he’s Ji Seon-uk.”
“……”
“My whole life, he’s the first and last guy for me.”
For the first time since starting a conversation with Lee Jihoon, Kang Youngsoo’s gaze shifted back to me. It was an expression that seemed to wonder, “Is what he’s saying true?” Just like in front of my house earlier, it was clear he was looking for confirmation. I nodded right away this time, without hesitation. Although Lee Jihoon’s words made my cheeks feel hot, I knew they were true.
“Hah….”
Kang Youngsoo sighed helplessly, drooping his shoulders. Sprawled out in his chair as if he were exhausted, he still looked utterly stunned. Even after confirming with Lee Jihoon and me that we were dating, he still seemed unable to grasp the reality of it with his own eyes.
“No, like, really… no warning at all.”
“…….”
“…….”
“Of course, even if there had been a warning, it would have been weird. Hey, if this were a drama, you’d get cursed out for throwing in a kiss scene without any buildup. You know? There’s no way you start right off with a kissing scene.”
“……”
“……”
“Ah, I’m so confused. Every time I close my eyes, I see you two kissing… Ugh. I don’t think I can go to work on Monday. What am I going to do? You two need to take responsibility, okay? Huh? I want repayment for this mental… uh? You better compensate me.”
“I’ll get you a wine cellar.”
“Right. You love that stuff.”
Kang Youngsoo, who had been tossing and turning in his seat as if throwing a tantrum, slowly lifted his head. His eyes narrowed suspiciously.
“…Is it real?”
I nodded. As if trying to confirm my sincerity, Kang Youngsoo narrowed his eyes, scrutinizing both Lee Jihoon and me for a while before lazily sitting up.
“I guess I should take whatever you give me, but… that’s not the important thing right now. I’m sorry, but I just can’t believe it despite seeing it. Even if you had told me in advance, I wouldn’t have believed it unless I had seen it just now. Is this really happening in real life? It’s not a dream?”
“……”
“……”
“When did you start dating? No, when did you start to like each other? Why didn’t I know at all? Huh?”
It was a question that I didn’t know how to answer. The moment I turned my head, I locked eyes with Lee Jihoon. Without breaking his gaze from me, he moved his lips.
“You don’t need to know that.”
His index finger casually brushed over his lips. At that moment, it felt like something dropped, suggesting that something had been stuck to his lips. Even though it’s sometimes an awkward action between just the two of us, it felt much more embarrassing in front of Kang Youngsoo. I touched my lips, leaned back, and cast a glance at Kang Youngsoo. His mouth was agape while looking at us. I should point out that he was more focused on Lee Jihoon than on me. Lee Jihoon was also looking at Kang Youngsoo. His arms crossed, he wore an expression that suggested he couldn’t just stand back and watch anymore.
“You know I bought a house last year.”
I knew that. The somewhat tricky homeowner had smoothly made the offer to Lee Jihoon before officially listing it for sale, which made the process go really well. I knew about that, but why was he suddenly bringing it up here?
Kang Youngsoo seemed equally puzzled and stopped leaning over the table, raising himself. He responded to Lee Jihoon with a suspicious expression, seemingly wary of him. I mirrored a similar expression.
“…What about that?”
“I was planning to co-title it with Ji Seon-uk.”
“What?”
“…What?”
I was more surprised than Kang Youngsoo, responding swiftly. Only Lee Jihoon remained unfazed. He didn’t even raise an eyebrow; he was completely steady. I was left wondering just when he had started thinking about such a nonsensical plan.
“Where else can you own joint property in a country where same-sex marriage isn’t allowed?”
Lee Jihoon, who had been explaining to Kang Youngsoo, turned his head toward me next.
“I was actually going to tell you. I’ll schedule an appointment with real estate soon. Prepare your seal.”
…Is he out of his mind? To casually announce something we’d never even discussed, it felt as if he was shelling peanuts into my mouth.
“Wow… This guy must really mean it….”
Kang Youngsoo, who seemed to finally grasp something, looked even more dumbfounded. When our eyes met, he muttered with a blank stare.
“This guy never plays around with money….”
Ignoring both my shocked expression and Kang Youngsoo’s incredulous look, Lee Jihoon shrugged his shoulders. He stood up from his seat, holding an empty beer glass, and pretended to care about Kang Youngsoo by asking him.
“Are you going to drink some beer?”
“…Just one beer.”
“Okay.”
“Wait a minute. Are you treating?”
“Yeah, I am.”
“Then please add fruit punch. And kimchi udon! Also cheesy omelet!”
Lee Jihoon ignored Kang Youngsoo, who was shouting in a line behind him. Feeling a prickling stare on my side, I turned my head. Kang Youngsoo was looking at me with lips moving slightly. Judging by his gaze, it seemed he wanted to ask the same question again, “Are you really dating Lee Jihoon?”
Perhaps in this situation, Kang Youngsoo might find me more incomprehensible than Lee Jihoon. I gazed into his eyes and slowly opened my mouth.
“When I cried in front of you when I was twenty…”
The scene of that narrow fast-food restaurant unfolded before my eyes once more. I assumed that Kang Youngsoo, who thought I was just struggling to come out about being gay, had no idea that I cried when Lee Jihoon’s name slipped out of my mouth. I felt more relieved knowing that he was completely oblivious to that.
What I had pondered on the way there seemed trivial now; it was clear how to articulate my feelings about Lee Jihoon to Kang Youngsoo. I needed to rethread the first button from the beginning. I would tell him that I intentionally misbuttoned it.
“It was because of Lee Jihoon.”
Kang Youngsoo fell silent as if he were struck by shock, and after a pause, he hesitantly asked, “…So, that time in Gangneung…”
It seemed that the twenty-year-old me crying had left quite a deep impression on him. He appeared to connect the dots easily, confirming once more with a nod.
“Yeah.”
“……”
“After that, I continued to like him.”
I pressed my words firmly as I noticed his astonished expression.
“I liked Lee Jihoon.”
Kang Youngsoo’s expression gradually changed. Confusion dissipated, and his eyes, which had grown large, returned to their normal size, the corners of his mouth shifting direction. He asked, his voice now crossed with anticipation.
“You’ll tell me in detail later, right? Not just the highlights, but a full-length version.”
That was his own way of expressing that he would try to understand the love Lee Jihoon and I shared in any manner possible. I smiled slightly and nodded. It seemed that Kang Youngsoo felt relieved for the first time upon hearing that. But on the other hand, he appeared like the most troubled person in the world.
“Seon-uk.”
He called me with an unusually tender tone, and indeed Kang Youngsoo wore an expression that looked as if he were parting with something dear. He even took my hand and held it.
“I knew you were looking at faces, but…”
“……”
“I didn’t know you were just looking at faces.”
Whether they truly shared the bond of siblings, or because Young-eun had been watching me in that restaurant, his face looked pretty much the same as now. It wore a deeply concern-laden expression, as if he were looking at the person in the most distress.
“What are you doing? That guy has a personality that’s hard to handle even as a friend…”
“……”
“Honestly, I may be overstepping by saying this to you…”
“……”
“I think you’re a bit screwed, Seon-uk… How did you end up entangled with such a persistent guy?”
The years of companionship made me understand why Kang Youngsoo would say such things. It was merely awkward that I had no rebutting words in exchange. When Kang Youngsoo saw me slightly averting my eyes, he dramatically laid on my lap with a pathetic sob.
“He’s not the kind of person you should’ve just handed over after being raised so nicely!”
Yet, with all this, seeing him call me “Seon-uk” made it seem like he was almost returning to his original state. I sighed as I gazed at the round head resting on my leg and pulled the glass plate in front of me. Similar to how Lee Jihoon had done to me earlier, I planned to shell some peanuts for Kang Youngsoo to eat. However, the peanuts went straight into Lee Jihoon’s mouth instead.
“Get up, you brat.”
To top it off, he had to pull a plastic chair awkwardly between Kang Youngsoo and me. It took me a moment to realize Kang Youngsoo had just caught on to Lee Jihoon’s intention to invade the narrow space instead of using the wide opposite seat.
“Wow… Are you seriously managing your boyfriend now?”
“Any complaints?”
“Of course, I’m complaining! This is just ridiculous. Seon-uk belongs to you?”
“Yeah, he is mine. From head to toe, he’s mine, so if you want to touch him, you better get my permission first.”
“What the…! No…!”
“And well said. You’re now banned from calling him Seon-uk.”
“What? Why?”
“Why did you even start calling him that in the first place?”
“Ugh, how am I supposed to remember that! That was back in middle school….”
“Didn’t you start calling him that because you wanted to treat him as Ji Seon-uk’s son-in-law?”
“……”
“If I’m Ji Seon-uk’s current boyfriend and future husband, wouldn’t it make me feel bad to hear that?”
That felt like a sentence he had been waiting to unleash for quite some time. Kang Youngsoo, with a blank expression, turned his head toward me. But since I was in a similar state, I wasn’t able to help. I had never expected that he would dwell on such an old nickname. Kang Youngsoo gaped for a while before he could no longer contain himself; he pointed a finger at Lee Jihoon and shouted.
“…Wow, Seon-uk. I think this guy is really crazy!”
To Kang Youngsoo’s gaze, hoping for solidarity, I reflexively glanced at Lee Jihoon. At just the right moment, the side dishes began rolling in. The round table got filled with all the dishes Kang Youngsoo had ordered.
“Since that’s already been cooked, you just need to boil it a bit more before eating.”
“Yes, thank you.”
As I watched Lee Jihoon light up the portable gas burner, I discreetly pulled my body back to tap Kang Youngsoo on the shoulder. I intended to comfort the guy who was sniffling in a stolen glance of sadness. I mouthed that we’d talk later as soon as we passed this situation. After all, given that he was calling himself Seon-uk, both Lee Jihoon and I could have our playful banter when we were alone.
The time I had to make eye contact with Kang Youngsoo, who seemed to have caught on to my intentions, was fleeting.
“Yeah. Go ahead and conspire against me from behind my back.”
Startled, I turned my head. Lee Jihoon had suddenly spoken up, causing my heart to skip a beat as he continued to manipulate the gas burner switch. The way he seemed focused on that action felt rather eerie. At the same time, he clearly understood what I was doing behind him.
“You should think about who Seon-uk spends more time with. Even though he goes home after all the fun, I’m not going home.”
I returned my body to the original position. Seon-uk… Kang Youngsoo’s desperate gaze seemed purposefully ignored. I had to keep myself alive first. That way, I could save him later.
I cleaned my plate of kimchi udon, cheesy omelet, and even the fruit punch. Kang Youngsoo, who had claimed he wasn’t feeling well and skipped dinner, especially enjoyed the meal.
“Ah… that was delicious.”
As soon as he put down his chopsticks, he leaned back against the chair and appeared not just satisfied but comfortable. Suddenly, he raised his head while sucking on the Chupa Chups he had bought from a convenience store. We locked eyes the moment I threw my empty stick on the table, his expression momentarily conflicted before he turned to the side. The side where Lee Jihoon was sitting. Kang Youngsoo’s gaze fixed intensely on Lee Jihoon, who was focused on a baseball game on his phone, until Lee Jihoon finally looked up, sensing his gaze. The bored expression appeared as he tossed out casually.
“What?”
“I have something I’m curious about… I’m not sure if I can ask it.”
“Then don’t.”
“Ah! But if I don’t ask, I feel like I’ll think about it forever.”
“That’s your problem.”
“Ugh….”
Kang Youngsoo grumbled but then hesitated to speak. However, the way he continued to fidget and check our reactions made it seem like there was something he couldn’t let go of. I glanced at Lee Jihoon, but he had already turned his attention back to his phone. As if breaking the ice, I pulled out a cup of water and asked.
“What is it?”
Seizing the opportunity, Kang Youngsoo hesitated and asked.
“If you two really are dating… then… are you… y’know… having sex?”
“Pffft-”
In that moment, I almost choked. I barely managed to turn my head, avoiding spraying water all over Kang Youngsoo’s face, but I still froze for a moment, unable to look down at the floor. Lee Jihoon also seemed as surprised as I was, as the sound of the baseball game commentary faded to a halt.
Through the silence where none of us dared to speak, Lee Jihoon’s voice broke it.
“Yes, auntie.”
More precisely, it sounded like he was on a phone call, and I turned my head unconsciously. Kang Youngsoo, too, was now looking at Lee Jihoon. We exchanged glances, wearing the same expression of “No way.” But the way Lee Jihoon spoke on the phone was too smooth to be acting.
“Have you eaten dinner? You know Auntie is off for dinner today. You knew I was calling, right? Yeah. I’ve eaten too. Yeah, with Youngsoo. Youngsoo said he called you earlier but didn’t answer? So yeah, it’s true. It doesn’t matter how well you raise your son; it’s useless.”
Lee Jihoon was the only one who could refer to someone as “Auntie,” but that fact didn’t stop me from being astonished to realize he was indeed talking to Kang Youngsoo’s mother. Particularly after he had just been asked that particular question. It seemed I wasn’t the only one feeling anxious; Kang Youngsoo stretched out his arm toward Lee Jihoon.
“What’s going on? Did you really call my mother? You crazy bastard! What are you trying to tell her!”
Lee Jihoon, lightly suppressing Kang Youngsoo, continued with the call. In fact, his voice seemed to become louder.
“I was actually calling to talk about Youngsoo. Yeah. It’s not about anything else; it’s just that Youngsoo suddenly asked me about his sex life with his girlfriend.”
Kang Youngsoo froze, his hand reaching for Lee Jihoon’s phone.
“I don’t know. I really don’t get why he thought that was okay. It’s not something he has ever done before.”
“……”
“……”
“Exactly. Your mother didn’t raise her son like that. No matter how close you are, there are some questions you don’t ask. Isn’t that right?”
Lee Jihoon’s words aimed directly at Kang Youngsoo held an edge. Caught off guard by a surprise attack, Kang Youngsoo appeared dazed.
“Ah, you want to hand the phone over? So you can scold him directly? No, we’re outside, so you can yell as much as you want. Yeah, Auntie. But please don’t scold him too much. I’ll talk to him.”
Kang Youngsoo stared in shock as Lee Jihoon pulled the phone away from his ear and smiled brightly. He didn’t forget to pass the call on to Kang Youngsoo.
“Seriously, that idiot….”
Kang Youngsoo glared at Lee Jihoon briefly before snatching the phone like a thief. The expression on his face as he held the phone to his ear was already full of dread.
“Ah… no, Mom, that’s not what I meant to do….”
By this point, it seemed like Kang Youngsoo’s mother was genuinely starting to scold him, as the sound came booming through the phone. Watching Kang Youngsoo shrink back, I turned my head away as he stepped away from the table and squatted down next to a light pole.
“Should we make a call too?”
I didn’t understand what he was saying since he had given the phone to Kang Youngsoo, but I realized that somehow, Lee Jihoon was holding another phone. I’d burst out laughing upon realizing that it was my phone resting on the table. Just as he pressed down on the keypad, a new phone in his back pocket vibrated. Lee Jihoon, with his arm resting on the table and his chin propped up, winked at me, urging me to take the call.
I confirmed once more that Kang Youngsoo was still on the line and finally grabbed my phone. Feeling somewhat justified for bringing it along, I pressed the call button, and at that moment, I heard Lee Jihoon’s voice.
“Hello.”
This was my first time using the phone in this way, also the first time seeing the person I was talking to in real-time.
“Is this Lee Jihoon’s boyfriend’s phone?”
So that’s how Lee Jihoon looks when he talks to me. He flashed a bright smile, the kind that showed his dimples, clutching the phone tightly.
My relationship with Lee Jihoon was something I would never get used to, no matter how many times I experienced it. Each moment was filled with unfamiliar emotions in unique ways. It was as if I was realizing that I could feel a peculiar mix of hot and cold emotions from Lee Jihoon’s voice or his expressions in an instant.
Perhaps Lee Jihoon felt the same way.
“Yeah, but he’s Ji Seon-uk.”
“……”
“My whole life, he’s the first and last guy for me.”
Those words that Lee Jihoon had uttered would stay with me for a long time. He was someone who would only say such a thing if he was sure about it, and I would repeatedly think about what our relationship defined as “the first and last.”
I couldn’t take my eyes off Lee Jihoon. Even the moment he was smiling, mirroring the expression on his face as he held the phone.
“…Yes. That’s right.”
Although I lost my chance with the ring, I wouldn’t miss the next opportunity. I wanted to see Lee Jihoon’s expression more often, the one he had when I presented my phone. I was deeply thankful to know that there would be plenty of opportunities and time in the future.
“…But that apartment thing was just to persuade Youngsoo, right?”
– From how you’re killing the mood, it seems like you’re definitely his boyfriend.
“Don’t joke around and answer me seriously.”
– Seeing you act like a cop definitely confirms you are his boyfriend.
“Speaking of which, to enter our apartment parking lot, don’t the household members have to open the door for you? Didn’t you really not see Youngsoo coming up earlier?”
Lee Jihoon silently removed the phone from his ear. The call abruptly ended. Before sneaking a glance at me, Lee Jihoon closed the distance between us. He wrapped his hand around mine and pulled it down, then pressed his lips briefly against my cheek. I caught a glimpse of Kang Youngsoo looking on in shock, his mouth agape. His eyes seemed like they were on the brink of exploding and he started pointing at us. Although there was no one around to witness.