FBF chapter 21 part 1

What Lee Ji-hoon bought was not just tacos.

“Tada.”

“…What is it?”

“What do you think? It’s a cake.”

“…….”

“Tomorrow is Christmas. We should do what everyone else is doing.”

He nudged me to wash up first, suggesting that he had secretly prepared this. Lee Ji-hoon suddenly thrust a chocolate cake with a cute candle stuck on top right in front of me. The candle flickered as if it were about to go out with every word we spoke, since all the lights in the room were off. I could barely see only Lee Ji-hoon’s face, who held the cake.

Seeing me standing there blankly as I alternated my gaze between the cake and him, Lee Ji-hoon pulled my arm with a look that said he wasn’t surprised at all. A blanket was laid out under his bed. Sitting at the edge of the blanket, Lee Ji-hoon placed the cake down on the floor and stared up at me. It was a look that said, “What are you doing just standing there?”

Only after I awkwardly sat down did Lee Ji-hoon lift the cake to our chests. With his hands protectively around the cake like it was something precious, he quickly said to me.

“Make a wish.”

When I looked closer, I realized the candles were quite short. I could tell that he had been anxiously waiting for me to finish washing up to keep relighting the candles. Hesitating as I focused on the melting wax, I asked.

“Is it really a thing to make a wish on Christmas?”

“I don’t know. But don’t you make a wish for the New Year?”

“…It’s not New Year’s yet.”

“Yeah. But since you’re going back before New Year, I thought we could do it together.”

Despite answering, Lee Ji-hoon was watching the candle with a nervous expression, as if it were his mission to make sure it didn’t go out before I blew it out. Watching his concentrated expression, I suddenly felt strange. It felt like a moment I could never forget and I was part of something special.

This wasn’t New York, nor was it Christmas Eve just moments away from midnight. It was simply because I was with Lee Ji-hoon, who was trying to make that day special in any way he could.

“…Are you going to make a wish too?”

Lee Ji-hoon glanced at me, surprised by my unexpected question. But just as quickly, he turned his eyes back to the candle.

“I don’t really have a wish. You’re here, after all.”

He genuinely seemed to have no further thoughts, as if just having me there was enough. I was staring blankly at Lee Ji-hoon when I suddenly realized the flame had gone out. In the darkness, I heard him grumble.

“Ah, shoot… it went out.”

Tap, tap, hiss. The cheap lighter flared up from its end. Quickly bringing it to the candle, Lee Ji-hoon elbowed my side.

“Hey, hurry. Hurry. It can’t go out this time. There’s only one minute left until midnight.”

The light flickered in front of me as he held the cake closer to me. Although I couldn’t see Lee Ji-hoon’s face straight on because we were sitting side by side, I could tell he was waiting for me to make a wish. I hesitated but closed my eyes. I softly blew out the air, letting it spill from my lips.

When I opened my eyes again, Lee Ji-hoon was right in front of me. The room was dark, and even the single candle he was trying to protect had gone out. Yet I could tell he was smiling in front of me, having smeared cream onto my cheek.

“Merry Christmas, friend.”

I checked the time. After confirming how the minute hand perfectly overlapped the hour hand at 12, I lifted my head. This was the first time I had spent Christmas Eve and Christmas only with him. If I were to wish for something for myself, it felt like I wouldn’t even be able to believe I was worthy of such a thing. So I made a different wish.

“…Right. You also have a happy New Year.”

I hoped the city would be a bit kinder to Lee Ji-hoon in the coming year. I wished for him to remain in a place that could remind him of dreams rather than just swallow his pride, as he was so busy he couldn’t sleep or eat properly.

The moment I opened my eyes, I realized that Lee Ji-hoon wasn’t in the room. The bed next to me was not only empty but also neatly made. As I groped around and checked the clock, it informed me that it was only 8 o’clock. During the three days I had shared this room with Lee Ji-hoon, he had always woken up earlier than me, but this was the first time he left the room without saying a word, which left me startled.

Where could he have gone so early in the morning? The bed was tidied up, so it didn’t seem he left in a hurry.

As I considered whether to contact him, I laid my head back down on the pillow instead of getting up. Perhaps due to the regret of it being our last day together, our playful banter had seemed to go on for too long, and I didn’t fall asleep until after 3 AM. So it seemed I hadn’t even heard him leave.

Somewhat hazy and dazed, I turned to look at the entrance. I remembered how Lee Ji-hoon would often prop a shoe in the door as a makeshift doorstop instead of carrying a key whenever he stepped out briefly. It was left ajar this time too, and through the open gap came sounds from the hallway.

The sound of the door opening and closing, the hairdryer switching on and off, and the sound of water washing. Through the lousy soundproofing, I could hear someone climbing the stairs. In this house, even when the door was closed, sounds could still slip through. As the footsteps reached the end of the stairs, they either continued to the next floor or stopped altogether. In the latter case, footsteps often echoed in the hallway. I thought it would be the same this time, but for some reason, after the footsteps climbing the stairs abruptly stopped, I didn’t hear any footsteps in the hallway. I listened closely to the sounds coming from outside. The murmurs in the hallway were unfolding in a pitch that was all too familiar to me.

“I don’t know. Calling me from the crack of dawn just to announce that the rent will go up. Regardless of whether it’s Korea or America, older people just don’t sleep. The way landlords exploit people is the same. It’s frustrating enough to rent a tiny room for 150, and now they’re even saying they’ll raise it to a thousand. Oh, it won’t be all at once. It will be 50 each time. Thinking about the rent, it’s suddenly a 30% increase. Does that make sense?”

Hearing Korean in a foreign country felt strange. Most of all, the familiar voice mingling with the rattling of the keys was not Lee Ji-hoon’s. Thanks to Lee Ji-hoon introducing me to everyone in the neighborhood, I knew that there were no other Koreans on this floor except for him and his roommate. The range of the figure standing outside the door had quickly narrowed down.

“Oh, is that you? You’re already up? Why is the door open….”

With a creak of the door, the previously heard voice abruptly cut off. I could tell that the man standing at the door had spotted me lying face down on Lee Ji-hoon’s bed. Based on the context, he must be the roommate who shares the room with Lee Ji-hoon.

I remained perfectly still, not moving even a fingertip. Fortunately, since I was face down on the bed with my back turned to the door, it was easy to feign sleep. After a few seconds of silence, the man seemed to reassure himself and continued his phone conversation. While the volume of his voice had decreased compared to before, I could still comprehend the contents.

“Uh? No, no. My roommate brought a friend. He’s sleeping. I was scared I woke him up for a second.”

The man, misinterpreting that I was asleep, moved cautiously as if being considerate. Thanks to that, even the sound of the floorboards creaking was muted. If I had indeed been sleeping, I wouldn’t have known he was there. However, I was awake. I listened intently to the sounds of him moving back and forth between the wardrobe and the kitchen, catching every word he uttered.

“I’m just going to wash up and get out of here. I wanted to give my roommate a heads-up if I saw him, but he’s not around. Uh. Rent is due in a few days. So I need to decide whether to find a new place or continue living here. Me? Well… even if it’s a hassle, I have to keep living here. It’s close to the studio. Honestly, I wish this guy could live with me longer. Based on my personality, if we’ve lived together for two years, you wouldn’t think he’d be bad. He’s neat and works hard.”

That was the extent of what I could eavesdrop before the voice cut off as he entered the bathroom. I heard muffled voices inside the bathroom for a moment, but shortly after, I couldn’t hear anything at all due to the sound of water. The moment I realized that he wouldn’t know what was happening outside the bathroom, I sprang up from the bed. Although he had made an effort to be quiet until he left the room, it sounded like he was half-running down the stairs now.

The heavy snowfall had ceased. However, the snow that piled up overnight had frozen, making the ground slippery. I stood on the road with no cars, bracing my feet to avoid slipping and quickly looked around.

“Where’s the ATM….”

I felt like I had seen one around here somewhere.

Fortunately, not long after, I spotted an ATM not far from the apartment. I had noted its location while walking home yesterday. Back then, I hadn’t imagined I would need it like this, but at least I was relieved I found it.

I inserted my card into the ATM without hesitation. I was glad I had set up a card that could be used overseas just in case before I came here. There was money in my account. More accurately, it was the money my mom had given to me in advance for four years of tuition before I started school. The government covers tuition and dorm fees for all enrolled students, so I didn’t need the tuition money anymore. When I told my mom I wanted to return it, she said to keep it for now, as I might need a large sum for something later.

Until now, I hadn’t needed to spend much money. Most costs related to my grandfather’s surgery and hospitalization were covered by the insurance company. If it wasn’t for my grandfather, would I ever come across a situation where I needed to spend a large sum? It seemed far-fetched.

But the moment I was lying still, listening in on Lee Ji-hoon’s roommate’s phone call, I realized that this was that moment. That’s why I dashed out without a hint of hesitation, clutching my wallet.

“Ah….”

I don’t know what the issue was, but the ATM informed me that I couldn’t withdraw more than a thousand dollars at a time. As soon as I received the thousand dollars, I went back to the menu to withdraw another thousand.

In my mind, I calculated how much time Lee Ji-hoon had left until he finished flight school. It had been two years since Lee Ji-hoon came to New York, and the program lasted a total of three years. This meant he had to stay in this apartment for at least another year. Therefore, I would need a minimum of a year’s worth of rent. I thought it would be safer to withdraw a bit more than necessary. My hand was repeatedly going through the process of withdrawing money, while my mind was racing as I anxiously scanned the entrance of the apartment.

Lee Ji-hoon’s roommate had mentioned earlier that he was only going to shower before heading out. I needed to get back home before Lee Ji-hoon returned and before his roommate left. I felt a growing urgency, thinking that if I delayed even a moment, everything might unravel.

“Hurry. Hurry….”

With my hand pressed against the ATM’s exit, I muttered as if to hurry the machine. Since I hadn’t brought a bag for the cash, as soon as the thousand dollars popped out, I crumpled it up and stuffed it into the pocket of my sweatpants. The pocket felt heavier. One minute, five minutes, ten minutes. With every passing second, my heart became heavier.

Fortunately, before I could see Lee Ji-hoon entering the building or running into someone who looked like his roommate, I didn’t experience any interruptions while withdrawing my cash. As soon as I grabbed the last of the money, I dashed out.

I stormed up the stairs, my heart racing from anxiety, perhaps due to either my worry or the fact that I had been running non-stop, causing a headache and shortness of breath. Upon reaching the door, I braced my hands on my knees and took a deep breath, only to have to lift my head quickly in surprise.

“…Huh?”

The man who had been about to step out of the house, brushing his wet hair back, wore a startled expression as soon as he spotted me. We exchanged silent glances. He was the first to break the silence.

“Are you…?”

He turned partially, his fingertips pointing toward the bed where I had been lying. It seemed he was asking if I was the same person. I nodded. As soon as the man confirmed who I was, he broke into a polite smile.

“Ah… I just came to wash up for a moment, and now I’m heading out. Feel free to stay.”

He held the door for me to enter while readjusting the camera slung over his shoulder. Seeing him looking like he was about to leave added to my anxiety. I mentally calculated the bundle of cash crammed into my pocket and imagined how bewildered he would look if I presented the money to him.

“Excuse me.”

Knowing it might bewilder him, stopping him was not something I would normally do. Yet, I felt compelled to. There wouldn’t be a chance like this tomorrow, and if I didn’t do it now while Lee Ji-hoon wasn’t around, I wouldn’t have any other opportunities.

In front of the man, who now looked surprised, I quickly searched my pockets. With my left palm turned upwards, I hastily piled the money I retrieved onto it. The man watched me with a blank expression, bewildered by my sudden odd behavior.

One, two, three… seven.

After confirming the number of tightly rolled bundles, I extended my hand towards him. I did my best to ignore the trembling at my fingertips.

“I overheard your conversation with your friend.”

“…Oh.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t intend to eavesdrop at first, but I had been awake from when you opened the door, and… Eventually, it seemed like something related to Ji-hoon, so I couldn’t help but listen.”

The man let out a delayed, “Ah,” as his demeanor shifted awkwardly. Biting his lower lip, he looked like he didn’t expect the situation at all. Hadn’t he mentioned he was three years older than Ji-hoon? Perhaps because he was slightly more adult-like than us, he quickly seemed to accept the unavoidable nature of the situation. When his gaze met mine, he even managed a sheepish smile, as if reflecting on the fact that this might not be a big deal after all.

“You heard the rent conversation, huh? I haven’t even mentioned that to Ji-hoon yet.”

“Yeah. I figured that must be the case… so….”

“……”

“I want to cover it for you.”

Thanks to my two instances of presenting him the bundles of cash, the man finally seemed to comprehend the situation. A question mark suddenly appeared on his otherwise changing facial expression. He understood that I was a friend of Ji-hoon and had overheard the conversation, but he didn’t grasp why I was giving the money to him rather than directly to Ji-hoon. Naturally, a question flew out.

“Then why not give it directly to Ji-hoon? Why give it to me….”

Having roughly assessed the situation, he seemed puzzled. While he was cautious not to offend a stranger, it was evident he felt burdened by the request. Though I had been indirectly rejected, I merely flinched without retracting my hand.

Realizing I wouldn’t back down easily, he fumbled an awkward smile, his gaze fixated on the bundles of cash.

“Even a cursory glance suggests this is a large amount. It seems like it might be too much for a month’s rent.”

“…That’s a year’s rent.”

“What?”

“I’m offering the amount for the rent increase, a year’s worth before I leave.”

Seeing the look of surprise on his face made me step a little closer instead of retreating. Even while making an unreasonable request to someone I might not see again, I was surprised that my thoughts were entirely consumed by Ji-hoon. But I had to do it. I needed to get this money to this person and then leave.

“I know it’s confusing, and I realize I’m making an unreasonable request right at our first meeting. But… I’m sure Ji-hoon won’t accept it if I give it to him directly.”

“…But still.”

“You could misunderstand, but it’s not illicit money. I’m not trying to scam anyone with this. If you don’t believe me, I can give you my number and ID to verify. So please, just accept it and don’t mention to Ji-hoon about the rent increase. I’m asking you.”

This morning, when I woke up, I never expected I would find myself pleading with someone like this. But there I was doing it. I didn’t care how strange it made me look; I simply wished for him to believe my sincerity and accept it.

“I’m catching a flight this afternoon. If I go, I might not see Ji-hoon again for a long time, and then I won’t be able to care for him… I want to do at least this for him before I leave.”

My palms were clammy with sweat, revealing my nervousness. Switching hands to avoid getting the cash wet, I anxiously watched him, listening for footsteps approaching the stairs. If Ji-hoon were to appear and witness this, everything would go awry. It was certain that Ji-hoon, who disliked even someone buying him a cup of coffee, wouldn’t handle seeing this situation well.

The approaching footsteps gradually faded toward the hallway. While I felt relieved, unease crept in at the same time. It felt as though Ji-hoon would open the door at any moment. I held my breath and gazed intently at the man. Ji-hoon’s roommate was no longer looking at the money but was instead locking eyes with me. The man, who had been cautiously but firmly drawing a line earlier, seemed to be reconsidering without uttering a word.

After what felt like a moment of contemplation, he opened his mouth just as I stopped speaking. His expression, now devoid of a smile, grew serious. It seemed he had sensed my sincerity, and with that recognition arose the realization that he had to refuse me sincerely.

“So, to summarize, you want to sneakily give this because you’re worried about your friend’s pride?”

“Yeah, that’s the case….”

“I get it. I know that he’s sensitive about his pride, but… I know he wouldn’t be okay with you sneaking money like this.”

“…….”

“It’s a sizable amount to be giving away just to spare his pride… If Ji-hoon is your friend, he’s twenty-three, right? That’s still an age where he shouldn’t have to deal with money like this. Considering my situation, it wasn’t something you would have planned in advance. Think it over a bit more.”

It was an adult-like piece of advice. I began to understand why Ji-hoon could live together with him as a roommate for so long. But it wasn’t favorable to my current circumstances. What troubled me most was that even amidst all this, the clock kept ticking, further heightening my anxiety.

“It’s okay. I don’t even need to think about it….”

I hastily voiced my thoughts while closing the distance that I had initially left for basic courtesy. The man who had been glancing down at me as if evaluating the space abruptly froze. When he lifted his gaze again, his expression was one of disbelief. He appeared to doubt such a possibility even as he asked.

“…Did you seriously just come from the police station?”

As he followed my line of sight down, I realized I was wearing indoor slippers. I noticed this only because I had been too preoccupied with the time to think about it at all. I hadn’t even realized it while rushing down the stairs and navigating the snowy roads. My only focus had been on other matters. My exposed toes, jutting out from the ill-fitted slippers, bore some scratches, hinting at the thoughtlessness of their owner. Embarrassment washed over me as I stammered a half-hearted apology.

“Ah… I didn’t know. It wasn’t intentional….”

I dragged my feet back as I lifted my head. Ji-hoon’s roommate wore a speechless expression; it was the first indication of any emotion from him since we started talking. I took a breath. As if this were a crucial opportunity, I settled my gaze evenly with his. Clad in a T-shirt, sweatpants, and indoor slippers, I looked like I’d just woken up, but inside, I felt like I was standing before a final interview I had to pass. I mulled over the question he had posed.

What if I were in the same situation? If a stranger came up to me and handed me a thick stack of cash while pleading not to tell anyone, just like what this man faced now.

When someone pleaded with me, I could barely muster anything convincing.

“The fact that it would hurt his pride matters to me.”

There weren’t any profound statements like that. There were just people who would do this.

“I want to give it. I think this is the only way I won’t regret it later.”

Because it was Lee Ji-hoon. Because it was for Lee Ji-hoon.

He looked at me silently, lost in thought. The longer our eyes met, the more my intuition told me he might actually agree to my request. I faintly heard footsteps ascending the stairs behind him. I exhaled only after the footsteps that had been interrupted resumed, grateful that it wasn’t Ji-hoon’s footsteps, allowing me to conclude this matter before he returned.