FBF chapter 18 part 3
by Volare“…No, sir.”
“Why? Is she dating a six-year-older woman too, like you?”
My head involuntarily went up. B chuckled and got up from the desk he had been sitting on.
“Oh my, look at your expression.”
“…….”
“Are you upset? Because I said you and your friend are the same?”
My shoulder was grabbed. The bastard, who was smiling except for his eyes, blocked my way of escape. He was sneering at me head on.
“You’re a funny bastard, the more I look at you. You can endure everything, but why can’t you hide how you feel like shit when your friend is being talked about? And then you get beaten up?”
I looked at the man, who was asking as if he was really curious, and thought about it.
“If you like your friend so much, you should have followed him to the police university.”
“…….”
“Why did you come here and get beaten up by me? And even kneel down to get that one picture back? Huh?”
Maybe this bastard was right.
My lips, which were beyond my control, moved on their own. The words that had burst out without even a moment of hesitation sounded to me as if they had been waiting for this moment.
“I should have.”
“…What?”
“Like you said, sir, I also think that it would have been better if I had gone to the police university.”
Then, at least Ji Seon-uk wouldn’t have been talked about by a bastard like this.
B, who was flustered by the unexpected counterattack, stared at me for a while before giving a smile as if he was intoxicated with victory. As if he was sure that the answer I had just given had helped him achieve his goal, no matter what it was. He gave me an order as if it was a natural thing to do. “Lay down.” I obediently followed his words and looked at the wall, where there wasn’t even a wall clock.
I realized a beat late that I had left my phone and watch in my room since I had been summoned while I was getting ready for bed. Even just that would be an advantage for that bastard.
“Ugh….”
I groaned and opened my eyes. Since I didn’t remember falling asleep, there was a high probability that I had passed out and just woke up. The last thing I remembered was the look in his eyes as he watched me throw up, sitting on a chair. My sternum, which had been kicked all night, was still throbbing. Sunlight that even the curtains weren’t able to block was pouring onto the mat. I caught my breath and stared at it for a moment before realizing something. There was no one in the club room.
The surroundings were quiet to an unsettling degree. I ignored the dizziness and quickly got up, my body heavy. Not only the corridor, but even the dormitory, where I had arrived limping, was deserted. Today was a day when a lot of my classmates, besides me, had applied for overnight leave. Most people left school in the morning on overnight leave days. Therefore, the reason why the school felt so empty now was because it was already the afternoon, and most of them had left.
The clock in the dormitory lobby made my anxiety a reality. I should have left by 10 AM at the latest, but the clock hands were pointing to a time that was way past noon. I stood there blankly for a moment before running up to my room. As soon as I entered my room, the first thing I grabbed was my phone, but it wouldn’t even turn on. It was because I hadn’t charged it all night.
“…Fuck.”
Even while swearing, I threw my phone in my bag for now. It was already late enough. I had to figure out how to contact them after I had gotten a taxi. I ran and ran to the bus stop. By the time I finally stood in front of the bus stop, my stomach was turning inside out. I was about to catch my breath since I thought I was just about to dry heave but when I saw the yellow liquid falling on the ground, I realized that I was throwing up. I cleaned myself up roughly and rinsed my mouth with lukewarm water. My body and mind were so out of control that it was hard to handle. It made sense since I had been locked in a room without even a clock all night getting beaten up and rolling around. I shouldn’t be in my right mind if I was.
I couldn’t put any strength in my body. Just standing up was hard enough. It was also the first time I felt like my body wasn’t moving according to my will. I closed and opened my eyes repeatedly, trying to focus. I could see a car heading toward the bus stop in the distance. I had to grab a taxi if it was one. Even though I wasn’t sure, I was raising my hand and waving it, and grabbing the bag that I had put next to me when it happened again. Another dizzy spell, and then throwing up.
Honk-Honk-
I heard the sound of a horn. A car had stopped in front of the bus stop. I was exhausted as I lifted my head. The passenger window went down, and someone sitting in the driver’s seat asked me.
“Are you okay?”
It was my sister.
“I haven’t been able to reach you since last night, so I came by just in case. I didn’t think you’d really be like this.”
My sister sighed, as if she had understood the situation roughly, without even hearing it from me. It was because B had deliberately aimed for areas that wouldn’t show, so the only visible scar was the one on my cheek. There were still seniors who would discipline me instead of B, even during the period when B was acting like he was being careful. As if they had planned it, they would call me the day before my date and be more harsh than usual, so there was no way that I wouldn’t know who ordered it. I would be late for my dates, or they would find out about the wounds on my body while I was on my date. At first, my sister would ask me seriously who did it, but later she stopped even asking. Sometimes, it felt like she was deliberately avoiding it. Like someone who knew that the moment my younger brother’s name came out of my mouth, nothing could be undone.
It was the same with me, as I agreed with that cover-up. In any case, my sister was someone who could drive me to Gangneung, and she was someone who could be angry with me for what was happening. So that was enough.
My sister, who had been moving her lips since a while ago, must have decided not to say anything this time as she closed her lips completely. I also lowered my gaze. I had my sister’s phone in my hand, but when I actually tried to contact them, I didn’t even know how to explain why I was late. Even the last digits of Ji Seon-uk’s phone number that I had memorized from getting beaten up, were blurry. I kept having a headache and feeling nauseous, probably because I hadn’t slept properly.
“What did your friends say?”
It felt like I was experiencing motion sickness non-stop. I tried to organize my complicated thoughts. When no answer came, I shook my head at my sister, who was looking at me.
“I’m just not going to contact them. They’re not the kind of guys who would wait for me until now if I wasn’t there. They would have left on their own.”
Thinking about it, it was better not to. I felt uncomfortable knowing that Ji Seon-uk’s phone number would be in the phone of someone that I was only going to see for a few months.
According to what Kang Youngsoo had said, the pension owner was supposed to pick them up at the terminal. There was no way that he would have sent that car away just because he was waiting for me. He was probably waiting for me at the pension. However, since they wouldn’t be able to leave their seats if they thought that I might come at any time, it would be better to go grocery shopping before going to the pension.
“Can you drop me off at a market on the way? I need to go grocery shopping.”
“Okay, sure.”
Our eyes met deeply just as she was about to give my phone back. It was the first time since I had gotten into the car. The ends of my sister’s hair were a little wet. It didn’t seem like it had been long since she had washed it. The smell of her skin, which seemed to have a high alcohol content, filled the car.
“Where did you come from?”
My sister, who had paused for a moment, turned her head forward and replied casually.
“Where else? From Seoul, of course.”
“Looks like you woke up late.”
“Yeah. I had to work overtime yesterday. I fell asleep as soon as I got home, and only showered after I woke up.”
Instead of answering, I looked ahead like my sister. The car, which had left the highway, was now on a national road.
“Can I open the window? I have a headache.”
My sister, who was turning the steering wheel, turned off the air conditioner. A humid wind brushed against my cheek. The nausea subsided a little, probably because I had opened the window. It was a relief. I couldn’t show them that I was in bad shape on top of being so late. I leaned my arm on the window frame and closed my eyes tightly before opening them. I could see the word Gangneung on a sign in the distance.
‘Is that all?’
It was the first time I had seen Ji Seon-uk get so angry.
‘You’re not going to apologize?’
The look on his face, as he was glaring at me, was colder than anything I had ever seen. Even though we were in the sun, I felt like my skin was freezing, as if I had dipped my whole body in ice water.
‘Even though the three of us planned this trip a month ago, you’re being so irresponsible, fuck. You overslept and you didn’t pick up your phone, so we were worried about you the whole time, and now all you do is show up? Is that it?’
‘…….’
‘Are the two of us just your sidekicks? Should we clap for you for bringing this?’
Why did the word ‘sidekick’ come out there? You were never a sidekick in my life.
‘I was wrong to be late. I was disciplined yesterday and only got back to my room at dawn. I fell asleep as if I passed out, and when I woke up, it was too late. I asked my sister and came straight here, but I was still late. I couldn’t charge my phone, so it turned off on the way. I was going to try and contact you with my sister’s phone, but I couldn’t remember your or Kang Youngsoo’s phone numbers.’
‘…….’
‘I’m sorry for being late without contacting you. I’ll apologize.’
That apology was the best I could do. Except for the fact that I passed out on the cold mat instead of going into my room and falling asleep, everything else was true. I didn’t want to talk about being disciplined if I could help it, but I felt like I had to explain the reason to him, who was angry at me for being late, so I had no choice but to say it. It was an apology that Kang Youngsoo, who must have been waiting with him, would have been willing to let go of. But it wasn’t enough for Ji Seon-uk. He got angry in a way I had never seen him before during all the time I had known him and left, and I couldn’t grab him. Because I couldn’t understand why he was so angry in the first place.
I finally realized that he had really left when I saw Kang Youngsoo come back alone after having gone after Ji Seon-uk. As soon as Kang Youngsoo saw me, he shook his head. He showed me the call log, where Ji Seon-uk had rejected his calls, and told me that Ji Seon-uk seemed to be angry now, so we should give him some time. But I couldn’t leave my seat. I pondered the words Ji Seon-uk had said while standing on the porch just now. I tried to think about what I should have done for him to not leave like that.
-That… It seems like your friend is going a little too far?
My sister, who called me after arriving in Seoul, asked me what was wrong as soon as she heard my voice, and said that after hearing the situation roughly. Even though I hadn’t told her that B was the one who had taken the picture, I had mentioned that I had had a picture I had taken with my friends taken away from me under the pretext of a belongings check. My sister, who knew that, couldn’t understand why I was facing such a situation with the friends that I was so fond of.
-It’s not like you wanted to be late. And you even said that it was because you were disciplined.
“…….”
-But he still got angry and left? Without hearing anything else, he just left like that?
My sister doesn’t know Ji Seon-uk. I was the only one of us who knew him, so it was natural that she would take my side. Even though I knew that, it got on my nerves when I kept hearing her talk badly about Ji Seon-uk. I clutched my aching head and got up from my seat.
“…Stop. Anyway, I was the one who was late, and I’m the one who did wrong.”
-No, I just…
“I’m glad that you arrived safely, and thank you for driving me here today. I know that you wouldn’t accept it if I said I’d pay for the gas, so I put it in the glove compartment. Check it later.”
The call was only to say thank you in the first place. It wasn’t easy for an office worker to drive all the way to Gangneung on the weekend for someone else’s business, and then turn back again. In response to my polite words of thanks, my sister said, “What are you talking about?” It seemed that the call was coming to a close.
“Okay, then. Bye.”
-Yeah. And don’t get too upset over that friend of yours. Friends often fight when they go on trips. And sometimes they don’t see each other again. You said that he was your high school friend?
“…….”
-When I was your age, I thought that my high school friends were my friends for life. Everyone had a lot to say about how friends you meet during that time were real friends and stuff. But when I lived, it turned out that wasn’t really the case. In the first place, friendships aren’t forever. They are also relationships that can be easily cut if one side doesn’t put in the effort. Just think of it as a good lesson that you learned on this opportunity.
“…Sister.”
-Huh?
“Why are you saying all those things like you know everything?”
-No, it’s just that you seemed upset…
“Yeah. I’m upset. But I’m not upset to the point that I need to listen to your worthless advice.”
The other side went silent at my sarcastic words. I chuckled and looked down. I didn’t take my eyes off the sight of the ice cream that Ji Seon-uk had thrown away, which was still lying on the ground as I moved my lips.
“I might consider ending things with you, but I’m not thinking of ending things with him.”
-…What does that mean?
“It means that I can tolerate smelling the scent of your ex-boyfriend’s perfume on you, who I’ve only met for a short time, but I can’t tolerate you insulting my friend who I’m going to be with for the rest of my life.”
-Jihoon-a. I think there is some kind of misunderstanding…
“Don’t explain. It’s not like I said that so that I could listen to your explanations.”
-I only met him once yesterday. Really. I only met him briefly because he begged me to meet him just once. I don’t have any plans to meet him again. I was going to say I was dating you and break things off…
“I said I don’t want to know.”
-…….
“I noticed it a while ago. I just felt like saying it now.”
I had had a particularly developed sense of smell since I was little, and I was sensitive to scents that weren’t mine. To the point that I could tell if my mom had just changed her skincare product, to the point that I could tell if a guy who was taking off his shoes in the changing room had washed his feet in the morning, I could easily tell the scent of another person that had permeated in her car and on her body for several weeks now.
I didn’t care about that fact when I had first found out, and I didn’t care about it now. We were going to break up anyway, so what. It was laughable to expect great devotion or altruism in a fleeting relationship. In a way, I was an accomplice. Knowing that I could use this as a weapon and waiting for the right time to break up also wasn’t something someone who was serious in a relationship would do.
The ice cream, which had hit a rock as it fell to the ground, had popped out of the package. Black ants had swarmed around the torn cap. The rock-hard ice cream that I had had to reach deep into the freezer to take out, was no longer edible. Melting in the sun, melting in anger, but still not reaching the person that I wanted to give it to.
-Ha… Instead of this, let’s just meet and talk. I’ll explain.
“We’ve already met enough. I just don’t want to do this anymore.”
-…If you’re really doing this because of what I said about your friend, it’s an overreaction.
“Exactly.”
Still, my sister was a pretty good person. It was fun to be with her, we got along with each other pretty well, and our tastes were similar. But the end was shabby. But that’s how it is because I met her knowing that it was going to end like this.
Perhaps all relationships that had an expiration date were like that. As if proving the fact that they were relationships that could be ended with just one phone call.
“Why did you say something that would make me overreact?”
-…….
“Did I say that you were allowed to do that?”
No answer came back. It was probably because she knew that I had thrown away the last of my manners and was really saying that it was over. I hung up the phone without any hesitation. I turned around from the abandoned ice cream and grabbed the doorknob. I could hear hurried footsteps coming from inside. It was probably Kang Youngsoo, who had been eavesdropping on my phone call from outside. As expected, as soon as I entered the dark room, I could see his back, which was awkwardly stuck against the wall as if he had just started to pretend to sleep. I looked at the messed up bed and laid down not too far from him. It was also something that I had felt before, but the room was way too big for three people. Even so, if the three of us had been here, it would have been a bit better than now.
I stared at the ceiling before putting my arm over my eyes. My eyes felt like they were about to pop out of my skull, and my whole face was hot. It felt like I had caught a cold. Only one fan was spinning lonely in the room. While feeling the wind brushing over my head, I licked my rough inner mouth with my tongue.
“What did he leave on?”
A sound of deeply inhaling followed, and then Kang Youngsoo even made a “Poo-poo” sound. After enduring the man, who was the only one who was being sincere in his pretense, I sighed.
“I know that you’re not asleep. Answer me.”
“…Huum…nya….”
“What did Ji Seon-uk leave on?”
Only after Ji Seon-uk’s name finally came out of my mouth did Kang Youngsoo’s false breathing stop. The man, who had sighed first, moved his blanket loudly as he mumbled as if wanting me to hear him.
“How would I know that? If you’re curious, just call him yourself….”
“He won’t even answer your calls, do you think he’ll answer mine?”
Kang Youngsoo closed his mouth as if he had no words to say. I heard a few more rustling sounds, and then an answer came in a gloomy voice.
“He texted me that he was going to the bus terminal earlier….”
“What time?”
“Around seven.”
If he had taken the bus at that time, he would have arrived at school by now. After calculating the time it would take to get from Gangneung to Ji Seon-uk’s school, I lowered my hand that had been covering my eyes. Kang Youngsoo was looking at the ceiling like I was.
“Did anything happen before I came?”
Kang Youngsoo sighed once again. He had a complicated expression. As if he had already thought about that for a long time before I had asked.
“No… I was worried because you weren’t coming, but I didn’t think that he was angry to that extent.”
“…….”
“Seon-uk did have a hard time looking for you at the bus terminal…. He said he even went around the nearby cafes and convenience stores because he thought that you might have gone somewhere to charge your phone. But he’s not the type to brag about it…. Ah, jeez… what is it, really?”
Kang Youngsoo’s mumbling, who couldn’t find an answer, gradually got quieter before stopping completely. The moment I turned my head, our eyes met.
“You’re going to make up, right?”
Kang Youngsoo, who had an anxious look on his face, urged me to answer.
“Even though it’s true that Seon-uk went a little overboard by leaving like that, you’re still in the wrong for being late, so apologize no matter what.”
“…….”
“Apologize. Okay? You will, right?”
Only after I nodded slightly did Kang Youngsoo turn his head back to his original position. The man, who had sighed as if he was about to collapse, pulled up the blanket and mumbled.
“I was so excited to go on a trip with the three of us for the first time in a while, and look at what happened….”
Still, I guess he felt relieved after hearing a definite answer from me, as I could hear his even breathing not too long after. I turned my head. The blue darkness from outside was seeping into the room through the papered door. But I couldn’t tell whether the stars were out or not. As I suppressed the fear that was rising like the dry heaves that I had had all day, I forced my eyes closed.
It wasn’t hard to say that I was wrong and to say that I was sorry. But it was hard to make up. It was because even if I apologized, Ji Seon-uk could just not accept it. I was afraid of that. I was afraid of seeing his back again. I was afraid that I wouldn’t even be able to have the hope, like I did now, that “He’s just angry, so I should just wait and contact him later.”
I went to get kicked out. It had been 5 days since my month-long leave and four weeks of military training had ended, 7 days since I had returned to my dorm room, and around 70 days since Ji Seon-uk and I had fought like that in Gangneung.
“You’ve gone crazy.”
That was the first thing B said when he saw me in his area. I got up from the chair and looked around B’s space. It was just a dorm room, but the single rooms were big. There was more than enough space to store things just because he used the room by himself. The picture of me that B had stolen wasn’t even stored in that big space. It was just thrown among the miscellaneous things in the last drawer of the desk. Crumbled, and even with slightly torn corners.
B was glaring at me with his eyes popping out. His eyes were those of someone who was thinking of how to kill this bastard. In his head, there were probably several feasible scenarios spinning around. What an obvious bastard. Was I really being tricked because I didn’t know? I got tricked because I had to. I was lucky that I could laugh at him openly now.
“I thought I should say goodbye before I withdrew. And I also had something to get back while I was here.”
I had to kill his expectations that I would bow down to him, first. B’s face hardened when he saw the frame I had lifted up. Even while seeing that, I threw the frame down. The glass that had been covering the photo made a loud noise as it shattered. I lowered my body and looked at the photo inside the frame. There were only two faces that I recognized, and one of them had somehow wiped off the smile that he usually had. Instead of the photo, I picked up one of the shards of glass that were scattered on it.
He had a strong sense of pride, so he just watched me approach. As if he was saying, “Come on, do whatever you want.” Instead of bringing it to his body, I threw it to the side.
I can’t end my life because of a bastard like this. All I’m doing is making things better for him. Why would I do that?
Instead, I used my fist and punched his face. Before I could throw a second punch, my arm was grabbed.
“You son of a bitch!”
My body was pushed back. In an instant, I was rolling around on the floor, wrestling. No matter how much backing you have, they don’t give just anyone the authority to discipline new recruits. Since he was two grades higher than me, he would have gone through twice the amount of training. But the winner in a fistfight is always the one who is a bit angrier. It meant that the bastard who had invaded the senior’s room because he was so angry, would win against the man who was angry because the junior that he had beaten was climbing all over him. After pinning B down so that he couldn’t move, I kept punching his face.