FBF chapter 16 part 6

“I heard something was written on the paper, and if we’re looking for someone whose name has that letter ‘Lee’, there are quite a few people in our class.”

“……”

“Well, first of all, my last name is Lee… but I’m closer to you than to them.”

I tried to mix laughter into my voice to make it sound like a casual question. Yet, in the process, my mouth kept drying up. I had never found laughing difficult before, but right now it felt a bit hard. Perhaps it was because I was asking something I didn’t even want to know the answer to. In fact, even as I asked, I wasn’t sure if I really wanted to hear the answer. However, I felt that if I didn’t get an answer, I would keep thinking about it even when I got home. That thought pushed me up this hill. It was quicker to ask someone who could give me an answer than to waste time wondering and guessing without knowing.

“I think it would have been strange if I had brought you along.”

The laughter abruptly stopped. After making that blunt remark, Ji Seon-uk glanced at me, realizing how cold it sounded. He then casually added, “Not you. The situation.”

I couldn’t even manage my expression because I had no idea what face I was making. I tried to move my lips somehow and managed to let out a small sound like “ah” just like Ji Seon-uk did earlier. Finally, after a while, I mumbled in agreement.

“Ah… that’s true. Since it’s two guys.”

As Ji Seon-uk glanced at his watch, he nodded in agreement. It seemed like that was the best response he could give while having a conversation that he didn’t need to share with other boys. After putting his earphones into the front pocket of his bag, Ji Seon-uk looked up. Realizing that I had followed him quite a distance by asking this, he pointed his head towards his grandfather’s house and asked, “Do you want to study together at my place?”

I swallowed. It was only when I took a step back and cleared my throat that I realized I had awkwardly kept my lips curled up. At least that was a relief.

“No. I think I’m a bit tired because I ran a lot today… I just want to go home and rest.”

“Alright, then. See you tomorrow.”

Ji Seon-uk nodded as if he understood and ended the conversation by giving my shoulder a light tap. For no reason except that I wasn’t stopping him, he briskly walked away. Unlike before when we were in a wide playground, it was odd that even though he wasn’t running now, he seemed further away than he did then. Only after he disappeared from sight did I finally relax the corners of my lips that had been uncomfortably lifted. I wrapped my cold face in my hands and regretted it. Only after getting a definite answer from someone who had it did I realize that I didn’t actually want that kind of answer.

I should have kept my mouth shut and not tried to find out. For the first time in my life, I thought that maybe not knowing would have been better.