FBF chapter 16 part 5

“Wow, Jihoon. You’re so fast, so fast~ Especially the way you tied your shoelaces, it was annoying but really good. If I were in a different class, I would have been so mad. This was given to us by our homeroom teacher earlier, take it. I saved it for you.”

“Ah. Thanks.”

As I caught the ion drink can thrown by Ahn Hee-yeon and immediately popped it open, pouring it down my throat, I turned around once more. I had checked while walking over, but indeed Ji Seon-uk was nowhere to be seen. Instead, my classmates approached with flushed faces, congratulating me and patting my shoulders or rubbing the back of my head. I casually accepted their praise and stole a glance at Kang Youngsoo’s class stand, but I found nothing except the sight of Kang Youngsoo in a yellow T-shirt being flashy.

“Hey. Where’s the class president?”

At my question, Ahn Hee-yeon turned around and looked as lost as I was. It seemed she had just realized that Ji Seon-uk was absent due to her being busy cheering. The seat belonging to Ji Seon-uk, who should have been in the front row of the stands due to being the class president, was empty.

“Ah, right. Where could he be?”

Unable to find Ji Seon-uk in the stands, I eventually turned my head toward the field where the kids in the ongoing games were mixed together. Ahn Hee-yeon, who was also scanning the area around us, suddenly nudged my shoulder. She looked as if she had just realized something.

“Hey, right. The class president must have gone to prepare for that. .”

“What? Why all of a sudden? He wasn’t supposed to do that.”

“Son Seong-cheol was throwing a fit about his leg hurting after tumbling in soccer earlier. He said he might not be able to go out, so they rushed to find a substitute. Since I checked the records for the physical test run, you were next in line after the class president, so they asked you. I persuaded them that our class would probably win the spirited cheering award anyway, and they agreed more easily than I thought.”

“……”

“Look, there he is. Over there.”

Thanks to Ahn Hee-yeon, who even pointed with her finger, I easily spotted Ji Seon-uk. He was indeed standing where I had passed the baton earlier, surrounded by several other boys gathered by grade. There were close to a dozen boys gathered, and as the game was about to start, I could see the PE teacher in front moving his hands as if explaining the rules. Ji Seon-uk, standing straight with his hands on his waist, was easier to spot since he was the only one not squatting to create shade with his arm from the direct sunlight streaming down onto them.

Not far from the white line indicating the starting line, there was a long table covered in white cloth. Inside a large bowl that looked like a big fish tank were folded papers. It was a simple enough rule that didn’t require much explanation. First, you would run about 50 meters, then stop at the table, pick a paper from inside the bowl, and find a person that matched the characteristic written on it to hold hands and then run the remaining half lap to the finish line.

“If the class president wins this too, that would be amazing, right? I can already hear the sound of gift certificates coming into my possession.”

Just a moment ago, all the class members seemed to be interested in the prize for winning the game, but now Ahn Hee-yeon was the only one talking about gift certificates. As soon as the announcement came out that the game was about to start, I could feel a strange anticipation in the stands among the kids that was different from simply winning or losing a game. Hearing some girls sitting just behind me giggling and playing on words that it was not just a game of finding people, but a game of finding love, I began to get a rough idea. It wouldn’t be easy to spot a person with a specific characteristic in a space crowded with several hundred people and approach them to suggest running together. Most would probably stretch out their hands to known friends.

My stomach churned. The field, which had only required running and winning, suddenly seemed to turn into a place where something had to be seized. There was a story I had heard countless times since childhood. It was about my parents, who had grown up in the same neighborhood and attended the same schools, and the moment their romantic relationship began. The tale about my mother, then in sixth grade, ignoring the paper that said to find someone with fair skin and taking my father, who had darker skin, across the finish line while claiming to the teacher who was the judge that she had someone dazzlingly white, was a topic that never failed to come up at my parents’ reunions. Whenever my mother recounted that moment, she would proudly say, “Love is something you have to seize; otherwise, what would have happened? You wouldn’t even have been born, Hoon-ah.” My father, who had laughed beside her, would agree, saying, “True. That moment was when I got hooked on her.”

I’m not sure if it was my mother’s confidence that made it possible, but that confidence did give my father assurance. After that, my father firmly became part of my mother’s life. Thinking about the time when my mother, who had many interests and many things she wanted to learn, suddenly left her home in Gyeongsang-do, where she had lived her whole life, and landed a job at a bank in a town in Chungcheong-do, it was clear that my father, instead of trying to stop her like my grandmother would have, even quit his own work and started anew, looking for a factory nearby to go for interviews.

That being said, the purpose behind my parents’ words was perhaps to teach me that love must be seized. However, I thought it was strange from the first time I heard it. As I grew older, I came to understand the reason. I had subtly sensed that it was only possible because they were my parents. The idea of the kind of love they thought was standard requires nonsensical devotion, and not everyone lives like that. I think about my father left alone. He might have been better off having an ordinary love like other people. To my father, my mother was a friend, a lover, a wife, and his entire life. By losing my mother, my father lost all of those at once.

He lives, keeping a promise to raise me properly, as if he had vomited everything out. When considering that this promise was something left by the person who departed, it seems my mother did the most terrible thing to the person she loved. Even though she witnessed my father living like that up close.

I don’t want to live like that. If that’s love, I’d rather not participate. Betting one’s life on a single person is a foolish act. Thinking that only one person can provide everything I need to live is dreadful.

What would happen if I lost it? What would happen if I died then?

‘Bang!’

It seems the first years are competing now. Among the gathered kids, the smallest ones took off as soon as the gunshot rang out. Some ran as soon as they opened their papers, some hesitated a long time after reaching the table to pick a paper, and some shouted someone’s name they’d already decided in their hearts while running toward the stands, urging that person to get ready. The stands, where first-year students were seated, suddenly grew loud. The kid who moved first upon opening the paper was already dragging one of the girls from his class, both of them running together. With the massive response gathered from the crowd, the girl covered her face with her hands. Still, she managed to match her pace with him, and eventually, the two crossed the finish line first. Following them were the second and third, and then the last sixth place. The sixth place was the kid who had started out fastest but had hesitated, therefore arriving latest to the stands. Unlike the others who had crossed the finish line, he was the only one who had held hands with a girl from his class, but since he seemed to dislike holding hands, he ended up grabbing her elbow and as soon as they crossed the finish line, he shoved her away, making a grimace. Because of that, laughter erupted from various areas in the stands. “Hey, look at them. So funny.” Ahn Hee-yeon also chuckled next to me, poking me again.

I was the only one not laughing. My stiff gaze couldn’t detach from the area around the starting line, watching the second-year boys prepare for their game. I was especially focused on a boy in blue who was standing with his head down, twisting his ankle.

The second-year game ended just as swiftly. Perhaps having learned some lessons from the chaotic first-year match, everyone opened their papers and dashed straight toward the stands. It didn’t seem to matter what was written on the paper; it was as if they were reaching out to girls they were friendly with or wanted to befriend through this opportunity. At this point, what mattered was no longer what was written on the paper. Thanks to that, laughter erupted again when a kid in animal pajamas tripped in the middle of the game. It wasn’t because the girl holding his hand dragged him along but because the mishap was amusing.

Ji Seon-uk stood at the starting line. Being from Class 2, he was in the second-to-last spot. Unlike the others who were bouncing nervously in place or stretching their limbs, his gaze was fixed unwaveringly on the desk he needed to reach after running 50 meters.

“Ah, I’m so nervous. What should I do? I hope he wins. Please. Please.”

Understanding his tension, Ahn Hee-yeon was fidgeting nervously on the spot. She even ordered the kids in the stands to shout the class president’s name into the megaphone. The cheers from the cheering squad of each class made the third-year stands quite loud, almost unbearable. Therefore, I focused on the moral teacher acting as the judge, lifting the starter pistol into the air. Bang! Just after he raised his hand, the kids lining up at the starting line began to run.

“Hey! Crazy! Yes, yes! Oh my gosh, he’s first, first!”

In just a blink, Ji Seon-uk was at the front. I could see the boy who reached the table putting his hand into the bowl, grabbing a paper. The one who opened the paper immediately turned back toward the stands, just like the second-year boys had. The direction they were running was towards our class. The eyes that had initially focused on the boy in the lead started to concentrate more on Ji Seon-uk as they realized it was him. While the other class stands were noisy, our class area felt oddly quiet.

With every step Ji Seon-uk took, a sense of anticipation blossomed on the ground he ran across. Ji Seon-uk stopped right in front of me. And seemingly without hesitation, he reached out his hand.

“…Me?”

It was only when I heard Ahn Hee-yeon’s voice that I fully realized that the hand Ji Seon-uk extended was not meant for me. Ahn Hee-yeon looked utterly taken aback. With a moment of confusion, she lowered the megaphone, and Ji Seon-uk reached out once more, urging her. Ji Seon-uk seemed to have set his target and kept his eyes fixed on Ahn Hee-yeon. Thus, only I could see him. As I watched the thin beads of sweat trickle down his forehead to his temples, I realized that despite being inside a class shirt that had not been washed since the morning, the scent that blew from Ji Seon-uk was fresh. He spoke as if confirming his intentions.

“You said you wanted to win.”

With that short remark, Ahn Hee-yeon seemed to be enchanted, placing her hand on top of Ji Seon-uk’s. Ji Seon-uk, holding Ahn Hee-yeon’s hand firmly, turned his body. The two of them set off running, wearing a blue T-shirt and a pink T-shirt like a matching set. Perhaps since they were holding hands tightly, they were running fast without falling behind. The boy from Class 3, who had been leading them previously, now hastened toward them, but the bond between Ji Seon-uk and Ahn Hee-yeon proved stronger; they ended up conceding the lead. As they drew closer to the finish line, the class members, feeling confident of their victory, began to cheer loudly. Among the shouts that resembled cheers, Ji Seon-uk’s chest surged on ahead, pushing through the finish line ahead of Ahn Hee-yeon.

Only when I blinked did I realize that I had just felt disappointment, and that was because I was preparing to proudly stand as a subject of ridicule alongside Ji Seon-uk.

The two who crossed the finish line were together, but only Ahn Hee-yeon returned to the stands. When I looked back, Ji Seon-uk was standing by the teacher’s tent. It seemed he had been caught by our homeroom teacher while passing in front of the tent on his way back to the stands. As expected, the teacher was patting Ji Seon-uk on the shoulder and handing him a drink that had been placed on the table nearby while saying something. I turned my head away. Perhaps because I had just run at full speed, Ahn Hee-yeon’s face flushed bright red as she walked over, her hair disheveled, something that under normal circumstances would have been strictly attended to. As Ahn Hee-yeon received the ion drink can I handed her, I couldn’t help but ask, growing impatient as I waited for her to catch her breath.

“What did it say?”

“…Huh?”

“The paper.”

After a brief hesitation, Ahn Hee-yeon waved her hand dismissively. From her expression, it seemed she was suddenly embarrassed for having momentarily paused.

“Oh, that. It was nothing special. ‘Someone whose name has the sound ‘i’ in it.’”

“…’i’?”

“Yeah. Even if it wasn’t me, it would’ve been anyone with ‘i’ in their name, right? I just happened to be the first person he spotted.”

As Ahn Hee-yeon scratched her cheek, she was glancing around, ultimately landing her gaze on Ji Seon-uk. She continued, her expression in contemplation.

“If it wasn’t me, I would have totally misunderstood. If you pick the wrong person, your life would really suck….”

Shaking her head lightly, Ahn Hee-yeon suddenly got up and looked for the megaphone.

“Hey, Jihoon. Hurry up and find that Mickey headband. Since this has happened, we have to win the spirited cheering award no matter what.”

I had no intention of accepting the headband that Ahn Hee-yeon found in the stands and instead turned my head. Ji Seon-uk was still standing, hands behind his back, listening to the teacher. His distant face was expressionless. He didn’t seem to care at all about the fact that a girl who had been uninterested in him moments ago blushed slightly.

Due to rare occasions when the first years finished school at the same time, bus number 72 was crowded. Kids filled every inch, even the spaces that weren’t seats, so trying to twist my body to avoid bumping into them made it feel rather pointless. It wasn’t until a few more stops that two vacant seats opened up at the back. Spotting them, Kang Youngsoo quickly plopped down their butt and waved for me to come over. I turned forward but then noticed Ji Seon-uk nearby, holding onto the bus handle.

“Hey. Ji Seon-uk.”

Even as I called him multiple times without any response, I was puzzled until I noticed he had earphones in. One of the small girls standing next to him glanced back at me, fluttering her eyes. Given the nametag was the same color as Kang Young-eun’s, she seemed like a lower grade. Ah, sorry. Apologizing briefly, I tightened my body to avoid bumping into her and grabbed the pole above for support. Finally getting as close as I could, I tapped Ji Seon-uk on the shoulder, and only then did he turn around. In his hand, he held an English vocabulary book, filled with words I couldn’t even decipher at a glance, evidently a high schooler’s material. As soon as I met his gaze after tearing my eyes from the book, I gestured toward the seat with Kang Youngsoo.

“You should go sit down.”

After checking behind him, Ji Seon-uk pulled one earphone out. With a slight frown, he looked at me as though he didn’t understand.

“Why isn’t it you sitting down?”

“…Huh?”

“Since you ran a lot today, your legs might be sore.”

Taken aback by the unexpected comment, I hesitated, as Ji Seon-uk glanced down as if checking the condition of my legs, then put the earphone back in his ear.

“I’m okay, so you go sit down.”

Seeing the look he gave me as if there was no further need for discussion, I simply stared blankly before our eyes met once again with the girl in the lower grade who had turned around.

Just then, I finally moved, even more dazed. Thankfully, the seat next to Kang Youngsoo was still vacant. Kang Youngsoo, who had nothing particularly frightening about him, also noticed that the lower-grade kids behind were not particularly trying to claim that seat either.

“Is Seon-uk not coming?”

Kang Youngsoo yawned, rubbing his face against my shoulder as if he had been watching from behind. Under normal circumstances, he would have immediately sent a stream of texts from the moment he got on the bus, but now he barely fluttered his eyelids as if he was about to drift off. Most of the kids from school in the bus were beginning to doze off, their eyes slowly drooping. Although it felt like a somewhat tiring day for me, they had exhausted all their physical strength. The afternoon sunlight pouring in through the bus window cast a bright yellow hue on the heads of the kids seated to my left. Looking at the vacant seats inside the bus, the hazy images brought in along with the sunlight seemed to float around between the people. A couple of those hazy spots lingered around Ji Seon-uk’s head as well. Kang Youngsoo had his forehead buried against my shoulder, mouth open in a round circle, fast asleep.

It wasn’t until the bus made two more stops closer to the city, where it had been packed, that it gradually emptied out to a quieter state. As soon as I caught sight of a high school guy sitting next to me, who seemed ready to get off at the next stop, grabbing his bag from underneath, I glanced forward. Surely, he wouldn’t refuse this opportunity, I thought. He wasn’t being asked to give up his seat for me, but rather to sit down for himself. As expected, the high school guy cast one last look out the window before getting up from his seat. With the sound of the bell for getting off ringing, people clumped together toward the exit. Perhaps because it was already a bit past the peak number, no one rushed to sit in the back. Just in case, I watched, hands resting on the chairs. Ji Seon-uk was still standing around that same spot.

“Hey. Ji…”

My words fell short as I noticed something that had previously been obscured by the crowd. Ji Seon-uk was standing in front of a seat that someone was taking alone. The person sitting there was someone I knew too well.

Kang Young-eun, the younger sister of Kang Young-soo, who makes sure to wake up an hour early every morning to straighten her hair, was asleep in exactly the same position as her brother. Her mouth opened wide since there was no one to lean on, and resting her head against the window, she had dozed off. Ji Seon-uk, holding his English vocabulary book in one hand while clutching the handle with the other, only focused on the person below him until the bus came to a stop and finally caught a glimpse of the sunlight that was intermittently shining on Kang Young-eun’s face. I could see the vocabulary book he held tilting. With the bus jerking, it began to tilt carefully, creating a shadow over Kang Young-eun’s face. For just a brief moment, a smile resembling clumsy affection lingered at the corner of Ji Seon-uk’s mouth before disappearing.

With his face once again expressionless, Ji Seon-uk turned back to concentrate on the vocabulary book. Even though I had two more stops to go, I wasn’t able to call out to Ji Seon-uk. Though I thought there was no reason for him to decline my invitation to sit down again, looking at the present situation, I realized he could refuse. I didn’t want to face the possibility of being rejected twice in a day. What’s more was that while he had never actually voiced his dislike, I came to realize today that I might feel rejected merely from not being selected.