FBF chapter 16 part 4

I shift my gaze to the adjacent row. I have memorized the patterns of behavior of the kids who have been in my class for the past few weeks. But my eyes are fixated on a single spot that I can’t quite read no matter how much I try.

On the right side of the third row of the other section, there is a stopwatch sitting on a desk. It’s the only desk in the class where the owner isn’t dozing off. His gaze is towards the teacher at the front of the room, his textbook is centered on his desk, his pen is wedged between his thumb and forefinger, and the eraser is right above his textbook. He only moves his arm slightly when he writes. His posture is straight and proper, as he sits upright, looking at the teacher like a student from a morality textbook. Perhaps because of this, the art teacher has been leading the class as if conducting a one-on-one tutoring session with this exemplary student instead of waking up the sleeping kids around him.

After briefly observing him, who resembled the same figure I had seen during the third period, I found myself spinning my pen while trying to sit up straight. Thinking to myself that if I can’t keep pace with the top student’s intellect, at least I should mimic his behavior out of habit.

* * *

“What is that on your chest?”

Kang Youngsoo asked, pausing from scooping a bite of food. His gaze was fixed on my chest. He seemed to have just noticed the blue and yellow stains on my shirt now that he was busy picking a fight with me right after we sat down.

“It’s the latest fashion trend.”

I casually threw that out and was about to lower my head when I made eye contact with Ji Seon-uk, who was sitting next to Kang Youngsoo. Perhaps because he had been preoccupied with pushing away Kang Youngsoo until he could grab his spoon, he was frowning slightly as he looked back and forth between my face and the stain on my chest. Despite having walked back to class together after art earlier, it seemed like he had only just now noticed it. I thought it wasn’t surprising, knowing that his interests were limited, but I added a brief explanation, wondering if his prolonged stare indicated curiosity.

“I bumped into Yoo Hye-eun earlier while carrying the water jug.”

As soon as the midterms were finished, the art teacher had started watercolor classes. As a result, while there were no sleeping kids, there were plenty who went wild with their brushes. It meant that accidents involving the water jug, which was simply sitting quietly next to me, had been happening frequently.

“Yoo Hye-eun?”

Unlike Ji Seon-uk, who nodded as if he understood, Kang Youngsoo squinted and began to exaggerate. He didn’t even know who Yoo Hye-eun was, but just the mention of a girl’s name was enough to make him act overdramatically, venting his frustrations in his own way, probably because he had been itching for a fight. Knowing that responding would escalate his antics, I raised my hand to halt the conversation and focused on my food. It wasn’t until Kang Youngsoo had quietly returned his tray that he suddenly remembered to ask.

“Don’t you have a gym outfit? Can I borrow it?”

Even though it seemed like he was genuinely considering it, I immediately frowned. It reminded me of the time he had borrowed his gym outfit from me. Every gym class he attended, his clothes looked like they had been through a knife fight. Just tugging at it a little bit would make it tear apart. And that wasn’t the worst of it.

“Your gym outfit smells.”

More accurately, it smelled like he had sweated profusely, didn’t wash it, and just stuffed it in his locker until the next gym class. I couldn’t deny that it smelled bad, and as if reflecting my disbelief, Kang Youngsoo rolled his eyes at me in response.

“Sure, you’re walking around smelling fresh while I’m the one that smells like a skunk~”

“Hey.”

“What? You bastard.”

“Apologize to the skunk while I’m still being civil. I really think I might get sued, so I’m giving you a heads-up.”

“You’re really the worst…”

Engaging in meaningless banter with Kang Youngsoo, I made my way back to class. Just as we walked with a bit of distance, trying to avoid any embarrassment, Ji Seon-uk suddenly called out to me, “Hey.” I had been tongue-clicking at Kang Youngsoo’s running back to grab the homework he had forgotten. Something popped up right in front of my eyes.

“Wear this.”

It was a perfectly folded gym outfit that looked as neat and structured as if it had just been washed and dried in sunlight. It dawned on me that Ji Seon-uk was standing in front of the last locker located in front of our class—number 16. The reason he had leaned down was to pull out his gym outfit and hand it to me.

“It doesn’t smell. I washed it yesterday and brought it today.”

When I hesitated to take it, Ji Seon-uk added that detail, probably thinking I was concerned about the smell. He appeared to have thought of this plan since we had lunch earlier. Although I thought that couldn’t be the case, whenever he did something that made me ponder about how he might be thinking of me, I was filled with an odd uneasiness. Asking that seemed like it might increase our distance instead of bring us closer, so I couldn’t easily ask. It felt similar to when I wanted to burn some belongings of my mother. Finding it strange that he was just sitting next to me as if it were a given when I never even asked made me fear that the moment I expressed it, he might suddenly rise and say, “Ah, right. We’re not that close, are we?”

The only thing I could do was accept the situation as it was. At that moment, I awkwardly took the gym outfit and pretended to sniff it, joking, “Oh, you won’t get sued.” Ji Seon-uk looked away with a smirk and pulled out his toothbrush and toothpaste. Without saying to follow him, he walked off to the restroom, while I opened my locker. After pulling out my toothbrush and toothpaste and closing the locker, I noticed the number 15 written on the left corner and above Ji Seon-uk’s locker was the number 16.

“…”

After looking around once and realizing the hallway was empty, I lowered my head and gently buried my nose into the fabric of the gym outfit. Even though it wasn’t the same kind I used at my house, I could tell it was scented with fabric softener; mixed in was the distinct smell that occasionally came from the air beside me when Ji Seon-uk sat next to me on the bus. So if I put it that way, this smell was indeed a smell. It wasn’t the disgusting odor that young middle school boys, who sweat liters of sweat daily, usually gave off.

Scratching the back of my neck, I turned my attention to the direction Ji Seon-uk had disappeared into.

He was difficult. In his steady and inexplicable way. Just seeing him throw people off their game and then disappear without a trace is enough to prove that.

* * *

“Oh? Who is this? Did you lose rock-paper-scissors?”

My aunt knows that I wouldn’t have any reason to come to the store for snacks instead of Kang Youngsoo unless it was for some other reason. As she handed me a bag that seemed prepared in advance, her face was filled with mischief.

“If you keep winning every time, it just takes away your humanity.”

My aunt loves it when I respond cheekily like this. She has since I was very little. Even now, she laughed heartily, then playfully patted my backside as she turned to leave, adding that I should eat ice cream to not get overwhelmed by the heat and study happily. She even hinted that perhaps Kang Youngsoo should consider finding another career since he seems to lack talent for singing and has been attending a practical music academy, seeming quite relieved that he could squeeze in a spot at my desk while studying.

Speaking of studying happily, however, that was a phrase that didn’t suit any of the three of us. Kang Youngsoo doesn’t study at all, I’m diving headfirst into this to at least catch something, and Ji Seon-uk…

Well. It seems he isn’t exactly someone who would go to that extent for just anyone. He seems to be someone who breathes studying with little care for the medium of study, the books. Once he finishes a workbook he’s stuck on for a week, he discards it without a second glance. There was a time when Kang Youngsoo snuck a peek inside Ji Seon-uk’s room while running an errand in the neighborhood and whispered that there was a huge pile of workbooks piled up in one corner. Those workbooks would probably also be thrown away soon after being solved without any regard. One moment, they become his greatest interest, and the next, they disappear as if they never existed.

Having never seen him seem fond of anything and only consistently observing him throw things away, I occasionally wonder. Is he the type to so easily discard people too? Showing no attachment, as if it wouldn’t matter if he never sees them again.

I became so lost in thoughts about this unfathomable person that my pace slowed. The sweltering heat had drenched the back of my neck with sweat—something I only realized when I reached in front of Kang Youngsoo’s house. I thought I should shower first before heading inside and checked the shoe rack. Seeing that Young-eun’s shoes weren’t there, I stepped inside.

“Hey, are you putting eggs in?”

Kang Youngsoo asked, turning around while boiling ramen. I nodded and casually tossed the bag onto the table.

“She isn’t home, right?”

I was about to casually throw my T-shirt off but stopped myself to check again. Kang Youngsoo replied without facing me. “Hmm, she’s at an academy.” After being reassured by that additional detail, I took off my T-shirt and tossed it on the chair.

“I’m going to wash up.”

“Sure, but the ramen should be done soon, so make it quick in two minutes or less, just enough to wet the pepper.”

“…You bastard, do you think you can just wear my underwear while sleeping over at my house?”

Why is the bathroom door closed again? My aunt emphasizes to leave it open so it can ventilate.

I was getting irritated about to kick the bathroom door open when Kang Youngsoo shouted in haste from behind me.

“Hey! By the way, Seon-uk went in first to shower!”

He was astonishingly quick to mention that only after glancing at the guy who was already washing up.

“…”

“…”

When we were exercising, I showered every day in the same space as the guys. I’ve seen plenty of naked guys, so in retrospect, even though I didn’t expect this situation, it wasn’t particularly shocking.

“What are you doing? Don’t you lock the door?”

His questioning was also somewhat expected because he wouldn’t be covering up. But I can’t help but feel awkward. I can’t bring myself to look him in the eye. Suddenly, it hits me that he’s undressed right in front of me. Is this really okay? Even I was completely bare from the waist up.

Ugh… Scratching my head, I entered while trying not to show any awkwardness and shut the door behind me. Seon-uk, holding the showerhead, was pulling the hose back into position. Wiping his wet cheek with a towel, he looked completely relaxed as he turned to me, asking matter-of-factly, “How’s it going?”

“…Yeah.”

“I’m all done. You can come over.”

If he had washed with cold water, just seeing him step out of the bath toward me chilled the air around us. I caught a glimpse of him and before I knew it, my gaze inadvertently slid down his body. Even though I had guessed from the gym outfit size that it might be similar to mine, I realized his shoulders were broader than I had expected. I scanned down his body as I would at the locker room, subconsciously reviewing him as if I was grading some piece of meat.

…There was no need for him to cover up, nor did he seem to bother—what’s the point in trying to hide?

Swallowing a gasp at the sight of him, I quickly turned my head away in realization. Ji Seon-uk was already fully dry, picking up his underwear. He didn’t even seem to notice me as he was purely focused on himself.

But then again, was there even a need for him to pay me any mind? What’s the big deal? I could count on two hands the times I’ve showered in the same space as Kang Youngsoo since childhood. As that thought resonated with me, I swiftly stripped off my pants and underwear all at once. Suddenly, I was reminded of Kang Youngsoo banging on the bathroom door.

“Guys, ramen’s ready! Ramen!”

Seeing that Ji Seon-uk had already dressed again, he turned to me. He glanced over me, just as I did to him moments before, then spoke without a change in expression.

“Take your time washing up; I’ll wait.”

Bang. The door closed, and the bathroom fell silent. For a moment, I paused, then turned on the tap and brought the showerhead close to my face. After repeatedly splashing chilly water onto my back, I felt some of the sticky heat on my body finally ease.

Thinking about what he had said, I felt uneasy, so I hastily washed and stepped out. Surprisingly, Kang Youngsoo’s antics were meaningless as the ramen was just fine. Upon checking the pot, seeing my incredulous expression, Kang Youngsoo arrogantly remarked while pressing the remote button.

“Thanks to me, you get to enjoy chewy ramen.”

Ji Seon-uk, wordlessly, picked up his spoon. After coming out first, he hadn’t bothered to dry his hair, and his bangs were still damp. Unlike usual, his hair flipped back, visibly revealing a pale forehead. After watching for a moment, I plunged my spoon into the pot.

Kang Youngsoo, sensing my aunt’s ongoing reminders about studying rather than watching TV, seemed determined not to miss this little time we had together, energetically switching channels. It wasn’t until after some time that he finally settled on a drama that read as a rerun. Even though we had been keeping up with the original, I quickly caught on to his intent—he wanted us to watch it together. As he tossed his chopsticks down, he started explaining the plot dramatically, casting glances between us.

“So, the guy and girl met through a blind date, right? But the girl actually had someone she liked for a long time. When she confessed, she got rejected. After feeling that if she confessed again, she wouldn’t be able to face him, she pretended to give up and just stuck around. Then, she met this guy. Initially, she was forced by her parents to attend the blind date, and it was at this café in a hotel. They first met there…”

“…You actually find this interesting?”

“Oh, don’t interrupt. Just listen before judging. They met like that, and the guy fell for her at first sight. So he tells her, ‘I like you; let’s seriously date?’ And the girl’s like, ‘Are you crazy? How can you like someone so easily? We just met, right?’ Then the guy responds, ‘Who cares about that? I know my feelings.’ Isn’t that such a classic line?”

“So what? Go write that down in your journal.”

“Can’t do that; it’ll get exposed. Minji will watch this. Anyway, it doesn’t stop there. Somehow, the guy and girl get together, but there’s a twist. Remember the guy who rejected the girl earlier? He suddenly starts becoming jealous, causing trouble between them, asking where she is. He never acted like this before. And then the girl, who starts to waver? She’s still got feelings left for him because she liked him for so long. But then the guy she’s currently dating finds out about it. At the end, the guy asks, ‘Are you playing with me?’ and it ends there. Isn’t that crazy?”

Kang Youngsoo acted out the entire drama, expressing delight as if he were the girl, then shifted wildly as if he were the guy asking, and finally formed a treacherous expression like the guy trying to steal the girl’s affection, putting on an entire one-man show. I thought Ji Seon-uk would be horrified like me, but he silently watched the TV without a hint of a change in expression, as if just having it on was enough.

“I have no clue where this is heading. It’s about choosing between new love and old love. Who do you think will end up together? Which one seems to have a bigger love?”

“…What’s the point in analyzing that?”

While asking this, Kang Youngsoo—who seemed completely fixed on me, knowing at least I might give a response—slowly turned to Ji Seon-uk, who was still watching TV.

“In the end, they’ll all break up anyway.”

With his gaze locked onto the female lead, Kang Youngsoo’s expression when he tossed that out seemed both bored and also empty, as if he had deliberately drained any excess emotions. He didn’t expect Ji Seon-uk would respond with something like that, and it made him so flustered that his reaction was clear.

“Um… but if they get married… they might not break up?”

“Even if they get married, they can still split up.”

“…Huh?”

Ji Seon-uk stammered and finally turned his gaze away from the TV. His previously cold expression seemed to regain warmth as he glanced at Kang Youngsoo and me. It was the first time I saw him show such an expression so openly. It even made me straighten up from the half-lying position I’d been in.

Since Ji Seon-uk came down to Taean, rumors had spread silently through the village. They said he was abandoned by his parents during a divorce trial, describing him as a poor kid. However, the three of us had never discussed it. This was the first time Ji Seon-uk openly revealed anything like this.

Realizing Ji Seon-uk had also grasped this fact, Kang Youngsoo barely managed to break the silence, as if he had just processed it.

“There are just some people like that. Hey, let’s clean up if we’re done with the ramen.”

As Ji Seon-uk diverted the topic, Kang Youngsoo looked to me, as if silently asking for help. After some consideration, he came up with an idea and clapped his hands.

“Oh, by the way, my mom said I should eat the ice cream she left us! Before we clean up, let’s have that. If we had something salty, we should finish with something sweet!”

As if sensing Youngsoo’s intent, Ji Seon-uk nodded his head and pulled away.

“I’ll get it. It’s in the freezer, right?”

“Yeah, you don’t have to—”

“It’s fine. Just sit there.”

Ignoring Kang Youngsoo’s protest, Ji Seon-uk disappeared into the kitchen. Once he was far enough that I wouldn’t be heard, Kang Youngsoo leaned in toward me, whispering.

“Good thing Mom put in the Choki Choki. It might lift our Seon-uk’s spirits a little.”

“…He doesn’t like Choki Choki that much.”

“You’re underestimating my big data. Do you want to bet on it?”

Before Youngsoo could finish his betting conditions, Ji Seon-uk returned. He held three brightly colored Choki Choki ice pops. He stood before us, presenting all three as if asking us to choose one, which caused Kang Youngsoo to glance at me and say,

“The one who brought it gets to pick first. Choose your favorite.”

“…I don’t really have a particular favorite.”

“Oh, come on, don’t be like that. Just pick one.”

Seeing that Ji Seon-uk might want to pull his little trick again, he backed away, moving one of the pops to his opposite hand. Kang Youngsoo’s expression brightened as he took the other two and handed one to me. As if to say, “See?”

Following on the lead, I settled down and watched as Ji Seon-uk unwrapped his Choki Choki, staring at his faintly relaxed expression. It felt strange to know that he had picked the Choki Choki. Even realizing that Ji Seon-uk had similar thoughts about love as I did was surprising.

* * *

There was no way my coach or director would have allowed me to skip training even after my mother got sick. Participating in my first sports event since elementary school made me understand why kids in sports clubs usually didn’t join. The difference in basic stamina and exercise volume made it somewhat expected. Winning was too easy; it eventually made me feel sorry for the other teams. While running the relay, I even stopped midway, pretending to tie my shoelaces. Despite tying them slowly, I only discovered the other team’s runner about a half lap behind when it was time to take off again.

After passing the finish line leisurely, I looked back toward where my class was seated. The loudest voice in our class, Ahn Heyun, who co-led the cheering squad with me, was chanting my name through a loudspeaker she had found somewhere. I giggled while scanning the vibrant shirts our classmates wore—colors designed to stand out, reflecting a kind of innocence with their plain blue and pink shirts.

As I searched for familiar faces, I halted when I realized Ji Seon-uk was nowhere to be found among them—neither in the cheering section in front of Heyun nor above in the blue-shirted crowd in the stands. I was puzzled but decided to walk toward the stands. A beaming Heyun wearing a mini headband welcomed me.