FBF chapter 12 part 5

“Wowwwww! Woo-ga, I’m flying! It’s an airplane, an airplane!”

It wasn’t easy because of Kang Youngsoo, who was flailing around while babbling nonsense, but I was still able to support him and walk to the counter. While Ji Jihoon was in the process of receiving a card, he harshly swatted away Kang Youngsoo’s arm, which was floating in the air. Kang Youngsoo, who wrapped his arms around himself again, started to cry. “Ooooh, it really hurts. Damn it!” Taking advantage of Kang Youngsoo’s whining, Ji Jihoon hoisted him up with one arm and pushed through the glass door with his shoulder, leading the way.

Once we got in the taxi, Kang Youngsoo finally calmed down. It seemed that Ji Jihoon’s back of the head smack for whining to get a ride smoothed things over. To support the guy, who couldn’t keep his body balanced, Kang Youngsoo changed his seat from one side of us to the other, giving us both a happy look as he pulled our arms and linked them together. Rubbing his cheeks against Ji Jihoon’s and my shoulders in turn, he was giggling. For someone whose mind seemed to be unraveling, the grip on our arms was surprisingly strong.

“Well… I’m a little touched to see you guys made up since I’m enlisting.”

It wasn’t entirely true, but neither Ji Jihoon nor I corrected him. We exchanged glances briefly before turning our gazes in different directions. Although it was like the old days with Ji Jihoon ever since my grandfather’s incident, to say we made up felt ambiguous. Ji Jihoon seemed to think the same and didn’t say a word.

“To tell you the truth, I kind of felt bad, okay? I thought you guys wouldn’t have friends like me no matter where you are or what you’re doing… I really thought you’d be lifelong friends, so I’d contact you double when I’d contact someone else once, and four times when I’d contact someone else twice. But you guys didn’t even check the group chat, you just ignored me…”

“…….”

“…….”

“Hey, to be honest, it’s okay to fight. It’s okay to fight, but… what’s important is what comes after. We need to talk it out, acting like we won’t see each other again is just… not right. Are we just casual acquaintances? Who else knows when your grandpa’s birthday is? Who else knows that Ji Jihoon’s favorite movie is a Hong Kong film? Who knows that my mom is really struggling with menopause these days, other than you guys?”

“…….”

“…….”

“Guys who’ve seen each other’s privates since we were kids and used to catch dragonflies together should show some loyalty. Seriously… don’t do that again, okay? Listen to your older brother this time. Got it? If I come home for a vacation and hear that you guys fought again, I will seriously… be really mad, I swear!”

Kang Youngsoo, unfazed by our lukewarm responses, was passionately conveying his thoughts. It seemed he had a tough time during the period Ji Jihoon and I didn’t contact each other. I finally stopped trying to free my arm, which he had captured, and brushed off the corn husk stuck to his cheek. Smiling brightly, he moved his hands energetically. I flinched slightly at the spark of static electricity when our fingers touched under Youngsoo’s grip.

“Ah… okay. I get what you’re saying, so take it easy.”

I understood what he was trying to do and tried to pull my hand away, but a drunken Kang Youngsoo proved to be surprisingly strong. The cramped back seat of the taxi with three men made it hard to evade each other’s presence, which only fueled his insistence. Ji Jihoon, who could’ve easily separated himself from Youngsoo long ago, surprisingly stayed still. When our eyes met, he shrugged. His look seemed to say that going along with it would quickly end the situation. With a sigh, I also stopped squirming my hand. Youngsoo forcefully entwined our pinky fingers together, like we used to when we played house as kids. Looking back and forth between us, he grinned contentedly. His eyelids were drooping as if he was getting sleepy, blinking five times every second and yawning intermittently showed that it was probably close to time to synchronize with each other.

“Okay… here, let’s promise right here that we won’t fight again.”

Youngsoo paused mid-sentence to yawn again loudly. His eyes were already half-closed. The grip on our hands loosened.

“Ah, no, promises are weak, so let’s swear… Wow, guys… I can’t keep my eyes open.”

“…….”

“I’m just going to sleep a little, so promise… no, swear that you’ll do it… got it.”

Youngsoo, giving up on lifting his eyelids, leaned back and closed his eyes. Ji Jihoon’s gaze, which had been solely fixed on him, finally turned toward me. The breeze coming in through the open window, meant to wake up the drunken Youngsoo, brushed Ji Jihoon’s dark hair lightly. He didn’t have to stick to his crew cut anymore, as his hair had grown pretty long since then. Every time his bangs swayed, they nearly covered his eyes. The familiar scent of alcohol, which could be attributed to either of us after drinking together, swept past my nose with the wind. I turned my gaze from Ji Jihoon back to our awkwardly intertwined hands under Youngsoo’s grip.

Maybe we won’t fight again. As long as I can keep from crossing the line as I did in Gangneung. It would be something I just need to be careful about.

I knew Youngsoo was no longer going to prompt a response, but I practiced rolling the words in my mouth for quite a while without actually speaking them.

“…….”

“…….”

As Youngsoo’s head dropped onto my shoulder, I pulled back my intertwined fingers. I felt a gaze on me but didn’t turn around. Ji Jihoon didn’t say a word until we got out of the taxi. Not even to say that we swore.

After laying Kang Youngsoo down in his room, I stepped out. Just like every time I visited Kang Youngsoo’s house, I walked in step with Ji Ji-hoon through the familiar and winding alley. When we reached the fork in the road where we usually would part ways, Ji Jihoon grabbed my shoulder.

“Want to grab another beer?”

Before I could respond, he was already turning halfway toward the sea. I had heard there was a lot of noise recently about building a walkway by the sea, and it seemed that it had finally been decided, as there stood a new convenience store next to what looked like a construction site. Having just checked that Kang Youngsoo’s supermarket was closed, it seemed there was no choice but to go to that one.

Ji Jihoon didn’t look drunk, though. I probably looked the same in his eyes. I had been too busy cleaning up after Kang Youngsoo to think about drinking. After thinking for a moment, I nodded.

“Kang Youngsoo might be feeling a bit unfair right now, but enlisting quickly was a good decision.”

“Why?”

“If he gets a job quickly, he’ll be able to set up an aunt’s convenience store. I heard that once the business is sorted out, tourists will start to increase. If there’s a convenience store and a supermarket, which one do you think people will choose, logically?”

It was surprisingly careful scrutiny for just checking out a convenience store on the way to get drinks. Looking at Ji Jihoon’s displeased expression as he turned to survey the surroundings, I nodded in agreement. It did make sense.

Ding. As soon as the door opened, the gaze of the part-time worker at the counter found us. Perhaps the business hadn’t taken off yet or maybe it was because it was late at night, but the inside of the convenience store was empty. As the body that had been leaning against the cigarette display sprang up, I turned my head back. Ji Jihoon went straight to the display of beers as soon as he entered. Figuring he could choose for himself, I headed straight to the counter.

Then I realized that there was no time better than now to buy cigarettes. I was an adult, and I didn’t think anyone would say anything, but it still felt awkward to buy cigarettes or alcohol at my friend’s mom’s store. Even if it wasn’t intentional, it felt like a good opportunity. The part-timer fumbled around, struggling to find the cigarettes I mentioned all at once. Seeing her hesitate in front of a similar package indicated that she hadn’t gotten used to the job yet.

“This one?”

“Oh, no, the one next to it… not 1 mm, but 3 mm.”

“Then, this one… ah, I’m sorry. I haven’t been working here that long.”

“It’s all good. In that case, I’ll just take whatever you have there.”

“Um… it doesn’t look like what you were searching for, are you really okay? I can double-check. It should be the third compartment, right?”

Even after reaching out, indicating it was okay, the part-timer struggled to give it to me, turning away to the cigarette display and then back to me repeatedly.

“What’s up?”

Ji Ji-hoon, holding the beer cans, appeared and asked, glancing back and forth between me and the part-timer with a peculiar expression. Almost simultaneously, the part-timer gasped and covered her mouth.

“Um, um… Ji-hoon oppa, right?”

It seemed the two knew each other. The way Ji Ji-hoon casually initiated conversation after placing his beer on the counter made it evident.

“Do you work here? You don’t live around here.”

“Um, yes. There were no part-time jobs so… By the way, it’s been a really long time.”

“Yeah, it has. You look the same.”

“So do you. Wow, I was genuinely surprised for a second there.”

Although they hadn’t seen each other in a while, their exchanges looked rather comfortable. After brief greetings, their gazes returned to me. Ji Ji-hoon gestured toward the part-timer with his eyes as if to explain who she was.

“Young-eun, a middle school friend.”

Ah…

Finally bowing my head in greeting, the part-timer, who had seemed flustered, returned the gesture. She glanced at me and then spoke to Ji Ji-hoon.

“Oppa, excuse me, but can you help me find the cigarettes?”

“I don’t smoke.”

“Oh… is that so? Your friend here is looking for some and I was embarrassed that I couldn’t find them.”

“Is that so?”

Ji Ji-hoon’s question, which he posed while talking to the part-timer, suddenly shifted back to me. Raising one eyebrow, he looked like he was hearing it for the first time. Now that I thought about it, I had never smoked in front of Ji Ji-hoon. I remembered mentioning that I had tried it. Seeing my hesitation made Ji Ji-hoon turn his head away as if he had figured out the answer already.

He approached the counter and lifted up the items as if handling them deftly. In a flash, he stood beside the part-timer and faced me.

“How many millimeters do you smoke?”

“… Three mm.”

Turning briefly to check the display, Ji Ji-hoon soon grabbed a pack of cigarettes and held it out, shaking it at me. “This one?” I thought it was impressive that he managed to find it in one go without me even mentioning the type, and nodded dumbly.

When he returned to the counter and handed a card to the part-timer, he turned back to me. At the moment our eyes met, he casually muttered, “For real, you’re such a freeloader.”

Just before leaving, the part-timer caught Ji Ji-hoon’s attention. She seemed to have something to say. Glancing toward me, it seemed she would feel uncomfortable with me around, so I left first, holding the bag, and mentioned to Ji Ji-hoon that I’d be outside smoking.

Once the ongoing development begins, there may be more establishments coming in, but for now, it was just the convenience store. I looked around at the deserted surroundings, finally settling on a spot somewhat removed from the beach to pull out a cigarette.

I lit it and took a drag when Ji Ji-hoon showed up. Striding up to me, he stood right in front and held out his hand as if it were a natural request. Watching his gaze on the pack of cigarettes I held made me chuckle in disbelief.

“You said you don’t smoke.”

“Yeah, but since you’re smoking…”

With an incomprehensible assertion, he pointed at the cigarette I was holding. His nonchalant attitude was thick with audacity. It seemed silly to go back and forth arguing, so I simply handed him the entire pack. Grabbing the back of the pack, Ji Ji-hoon casually pulled one out and placed it in his mouth. As he looked at me with an unlit cigarette dangling from his lips, it was obvious what he wanted, so I tossed over my lighter. As I pulled the lighter from my pants pocket, he sneered, turned away into the wind-blown direction, and stared at the ground without a trace of laughter. The usual *click* sound of a lighter didn’t echo as I struck the flame. I watched as the tip of the cigarette Ji Ji-hoon held lit up a bright red. Taking a short breath, I turned my gaze away. As I marked the fluorescent light from the convenience store sign, the face of the part-timer I had just seen came into my mind.

“Why did you come out so quickly?”

Ji Ji-hoon raised his eyes slightly, pulling the cigarette from his lips. For someone who had claimed not to have smoked, he was exhaling the smoke with uncanny ease.

And yet, who is he calling a freeloader here?

“We’re not particularly close, right?”

His nonchalant and rebellious remark suddenly halted, and he laughed, looking as if he had just thought of something.

“I mentioned earlier that Young-eun is a friend, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Now she might not consider you a friend anymore.”

“…Did she say something like that to you?”

“No, not like that. She asked for your number, though.”

I fell silent. Ji Ji-hoon, who was smiling as if he had anticipated my stunned expression, brushed his bangs back and turned his gaze slightly away. A gust of wind blowing into the alley made his hair flutter briefly.

“If you’re still friends with Young-eun, she must know that she liked you, so she wouldn’t have asked for your number. Right?”

It sounded like a question, but it was clear Ji Ji-hoon was convinced of his own assumption.

It wasn’t the first time anyone had inquired about my contact information or expressed interest through acquaintances. However, it felt particularly awkward that the person asking was Ji Ji-hoon. I turned my head, absentmindedly rubbing the back of my neck.

“…Do you mean it seriously?”

Ji Ji-hoon looked back at me with a look of disbelief.

“Why? Does it seem like a joke?”

“…….”

“If you want to know, just go and ask her.”

With both hands stuffed in his pockets, he came to stand beside me. I could feel his presence at just the right distance where, unless I turned, I didn’t have to face him closely. I thought it was a relief, and I quickly replied.

“Forget it.”

Ji Ji-hoon didn’t say anything further. I figured he was sharing such news to encourage me, which frightened me for a moment, but he didn’t seem to have any intention of doing so. For a while, we both stood silently with our gazes fixed ahead, just smoking.

“Hey.”

It was after my cigarette had burned down quite a bit that Ji Ji-hoon spoke again.

“Are you seeing anyone these days?”

It was a question that forced my head to turn. Our eyes met directly, and Ji Ji-hoon’s expression was calm. He was waiting for my answer, still holding his cigarette down. I quickly realized that among the many implications of “seeing someone,” he was asking whether I was dating someone since we hadn’t seen each other.

I slowly shook my head.

“…No.”

Ji Ji-hoon kept his gaze fixed on me while he took another drag of his cigarette. He continued with a vaguer articulation.

“Have you ever been in a relationship?”

I wondered if I would often have these conversations with Ji Ji-hoon from now on. In that case, I would have to manage my expression like I was doing now every single time. I felt incredibly lacking in confidence. It was nighttime, I was drinking, and smoking, so there were many things I could dodge with a glance, but the prospect of discussing such matters with him in broad daylight, where our expressions would be clearly exposed, didn’t seem easy to imagine. After thinking for a moment, I flicked the ash into the air and opened my mouth.

“What’s the point of talking about things from the past?”

“……”

“From the moment we parted ways, they were no longer my friends, so it wouldn’t feel right even for them.”

It was my form of defense mechanism. I had to subtly hint that I had no intention of discussing such topics with him in the future. Ji Ji-hoon surprisingly accepted my assertion more easily than I expected.

“…Right. You’re right. It is meaningless.”

Cowardice compelled me to finally turn my head to the side after hearing that. Ji Ji-hoon was nodding with his eyes downcast, as if he were lost in thought. As I watched his pensive face, our eyes met just as he raised his head.

“I deliberately chose the university I applied to because it has a pilot training program.”

It was an unexpectedly abrupt topic change, but I listened in silence because I was rather curious. The school Ji Ji-hoon applied to was quite renowned in aviation, but it seemed like an unusual choice to attract comments from several teachers, including his homeroom teacher at the school he applied to. I wouldn’t criticize his choice, but I was curious about why he picked that. Noticing I was paying attention, I nodded for him to continue.

“The program selects students at the end of the first year and sends them to an affiliated flight school in America starting the second year while covering the tuition until they graduate.”

“……”

“If selected, I’ll be in America for at least three years. It might be more. I heard there are cases where you can get hired right into a local airline, although it’s not common.”

After finishing, Ji Ji-hoon rubbed his forehead with his thumb. For the first time, he looked troubled to me. It seemed that he was struggling to talk about this. As I pondered over the reason behind this, I cautiously asked, keeping my gaze on Ji Ji-hoon.

“Are you worried you wouldn’t come back if you go?”

When I asked, my voice was surprisingly calm. I cleared my throat. I did not want to give away the fact that I was overly worried about the possibility that Ji Ji-hoon might leave.

Ji Ji-hoon silently stood there until I re-established my expression, and when our eyes met, he admitted as if letting it slip.

“I don’t know. I initially thought so, but there are things weighing on my mind.”

It was the first time I had seen him show such uncertainty about what he wanted to do. I mulled over what I had just heard. Attending university in a place he’d never been, training, and mingling with new people. It could be daunting for some people, but it didn’t seem like such a thing would faze Ji Ji-hoon from what I knew of him. It was quite likely that something else was causing this hesitation.

“Are you worried about your dad being alone?”

Ji Ji-hoon blinked, silently. It was a vague reaction, but it indicated that I hadn’t completely missed the mark. As I pondered what words might ease his mind, I blurted out one of them.

“Don’t worry about it; I’ll take good care of him while you’re gone. Just focus on preparing—”

“You.”

“…What?”

“What’s weighing on my mind is you.”

Ji Ji-hoon startled me with the sudden statement, and I noticed him sigh as he looked at my expression. Throwing the cigarette he held down lightly, he turned completely toward me. The streetlight directly above me cast shadows on Ji Ji-hoon’s face. We were close enough to look at each other, and Ji Ji-hoon sighed and ran a hand across his face. His voice came out muffled, sneaking through the gaps in his fingers that covered his face.

“I have two people in this world I consider friends. One was easy to befriend from the start while the other….”

Lowering his hands, Ji Ji-hoon looked at me. His expression was complicated, filled with a jumble of emotions that were hard to pin down to one.

“It’s incredibly difficult.”

He forced a wry smile. His gaze, cast away from me, was focused on the distant sea.

“There are times when we’re close by that I don’t know what’s going on with you.”

“……”

“Imagine how it would be when we’re far apart. Besides, you’re not the type to share every little thing like Kang Youngsoo does.”

Although Ji Ji-hoon didn’t explicitly say it, the fact that we hadn’t contacted each other for the past six months must have deeply influenced his perspective. The sound of waves crashing from the distant sea reached my ears. As I thought about the continuous tide that had been coming in and going out even before we stood here in the alley, I felt my heart settle down.

Every time I faced Ji Ji-hoon, I thought about the tide rising in one corner of my heart. It would come crashing in with resounding force as if it would sweep everything away, only to sometimes leave behind a truly futile foam and vanish without a trace.