FBF chapter 11 part 8

I wonder if I crossed a line by pretending everything was fine with the casual greetings friends typically share. If Kang Youngsoo had asked me… then what would I have…

Lee Jihoon, unable to answer, squinted as if he was about to burst into tears. It seemed like he was coming to terms with what he was going through afresh, and no matter how hard he tried, he visibly struggled to accept it.

“But this is nothing for you, right? You say you’ll take care of yourself?”

“…”

“What in the world…”

Lee Jihoon, who had been pouring out words without a moment’s pause, shut his eyes tightly. I could see despair staining his face. His gaze sank lower, deeper.

“What do you want me to do?”

His voice rang out, muffled, as if he realized there was nowhere left to drop.

“Do you want me to take pride in the fact that your body has become like this while you’re out there chasing strangers whose faces you don’t even know?”

“…”

“Do you hope that with this body, when you return to the police station, I’d nod politely and wave you goodbye?”

If that’s really what he wanted…

“I can’t do that.”

Lee Jihoon’s gaze fell sharply downward. He repeated what he had just said. I can’t do it. I can’t. The voice, shrinking more and more, seemed like a conjuration he was casting on himself.

“If I had known it would be like this…”

Lee Jihoon, unable to finish his sentence, paused for a long time before standing up. As he moved, the wind stirred in the direction he was leaving. In my dazed state, I sensed he was leaving me behind. I also realized that his destination was not home. Just before he slipped out of my sight, I managed to move my body with great effort.

“Don’t go. If you leave like this…”

I stopped speaking. Instead of being held by the shoulder like before, Lee Jihoon had stepped back so that I could no longer do that. His face, completely ignoring me, looked pale.

“I can’t face you right now.”

“…”

“I won’t be coming home for a while, so don’t look for me.”

Only after seeing Lee Jihoon’s rough face in a place where sunlight didn’t reach did I think that perhaps Lee Jihoon had this expression all along. His footsteps grew fainter, and eventually, I could hear nothing at all.

“Hey.”

From the spot where Lee Jihoon had departed, I stood for a long while, unsure of what to do, as if I had forgotten how to act. I felt a hand on my arm and turned my head. A lady holding a large bucket and mop stood next to me.

“Did you happen to see the young man who was sitting here?”

Seeing that she was searching for someone, she glanced at the spot where Lee Jihoon had just sat. I shifted my gaze from her uniform to check where she had just come out of. It was the men’s restroom not far from where I was standing. Judging by the tools in her hands, she had just finished cleaning.

Noticing that I was the only witness in the empty hallway, she continued speaking, as if explaining why she was looking for the person.

“No, there was a young man who was holding onto the toilet bowl and throwing up. He looked really pale and I pushed him to go to the emergency room, but he stubbornly refused and said he just wanted to sit for a bit. He claimed he had company. I thought it was quite stubborn of him, so I let him be, but he kept bothering me while I was cleaning. I was wondering if you’d seen him.”

I managed to squeeze out my voice while keeping my eyes fixed on her face.

“…He was wearing a black padded jacket…?”

“Was he? Oh… right. It had a small logo on the chest.”

Leaving the woman who tilted her head behind me, I started to run. I passed through the hallway, through the lobby, all the way to where the taxi had dropped me off.

The phone pressed to my ear kept playing the same voice without tiring.

The battery is dead, so please hold on while I connect you to the operator…

After hearing that lifeless announcement for what felt like the tenth time, I stopped. Looking around in the scene where the bright morning sun was melting the snow, I felt lost. I looked down at my wet shoes, where the traces of trampled snow glistened like water on the soles.

I lowered the phone and covered my eyes. I exhaled the breath I had been holding. The white breath scattered into the air.

“Ah, damn it…”

There was no sign of Lee Jihoon anywhere.

* * *

[On the 18th, CK Entertainment officially stated, “Jung Han-young is currently under police investigation related to drug use. We are confirming whether there was drug inhalation at a drinking gathering with acquaintances after his advertising schedule concluded on the 15th and he intends to cooperate sincerely in the investigation.” However, they strongly denied any connection to the large-scale drug party that took place at a mountain villa in Hongcheon, Gangwon Province, involving director Kim Myung-rim and actor Lee Geun-jin. Meanwhile, the police revealed on the 16th that the ‘giraffe incident’ that began with a rumor was indeed a party attended by several celebrity associates but hesitated to disclose the entire attendee list upon request. According to a solo report obtained by the entertainment news, police officials stated, “I understand that rapid drug tests were conducted on those apprehended at the scene to secure evidence.”]

In the hospital lobby, people stopped in front of the wall-mounted television and whispered. A pixelated photo of director Kim Myung-rim was displayed next to the unyielding, stiff-faced news anchor whose lips were incessantly moving. I stood up from my position, having stared at the unmoving picture while it switched between the latest news and the next, and spoke to the person I was on the phone with.

“Is Kim Myung-rim taking the fall?”

-For the time being, yes. We initially approached it as the Kim Myung-rim gate. There have been ongoing discussions within the industry regarding this, and his closeness to Choi Hyung-bok makes it easier for us to tie it together.

Even though he wasn’t watching the news with me, Ha sunbae was already well aware of how it was being reported. Having worked longer in the narcotics unit than me, he was familiar with the dynamics of the industry. He knew how individuals were spotlighted and hidden whenever a case of celebrity drug use emerged. As expected, he clicked his tongue while continuing.

-Did you know that Seok Hyun-min’s dad is an executive at H Electronics? I’ve heard their PR team has been hounding us since Saturday morning, almost every thirty minutes. From what I gathered, it seems like they shamelessly demanded something. They said if we can get through this time, they’d make sure to take care of us.

“Captain, you hate that kind of behavior.”

-What can I say? It seems they’ve already recorded everything. But it’s true that it feels awkward to blow it open immediately. I was wondering why they were being so brazen, and it turns out they have connections at headquarters.

“…What about Cha Hyuk-jun?”

-The agency is still in a dilemma. They probably haven’t issued an official statement either? I’m hearing his contract renewal is coming up soon. They’re likely weighing their options—whether to drop him or stick with him. For now, the drug test results have come out, so I think they’ll report to the higher-ups and sort out the situation. The initial reports have been circulating since Saturday. Some will be confirmed as facts, while others will be brushed over. Despite that, since the rumors are quite accurate, slipping through will be tricky.

It seemed quite probable that Choi Jeong-ho was monitoring from behind rather than the agency itself. He must be assessing what’s unfolding beneath the surface. Whether he would cut ties by discarding Cha Hyuk-jun remained to be seen. But that felt like it was just a matter of time. As they investigated the suppliers who consistently provided drugs at the party, they would eventually dig into Cha Hyuk-jun’s involvement and come to know who was behind it. Just looking at how Kim Myung-rim called Cha Hyuk-jun ‘director’ was enough to show that Kim Myung-rim was merely an intermediary, not the supplier. Yet, how likely was it that the agency was unaware that Cha Hyuk-jun was nothing more than a puppet for Choi Jeong-ho? As I pondered briefly, I shook my head.

Zero. Therefore, this should be regarded as a fight with Choi Jeong-ho, not Cha Hyuk-jun.

-By the way, you’re at the hospital, right?

I halted in my steps. Stopping in my place, I glanced around before awkwardly rubbing the back of my neck and replied.

“Yes. I’m still waiting.”

The hallway was crowded with people like me dressed in health check-up gowns. Even though there was still over a month left until the end of the year, many were coming in for check-ups starting Monday. It was surprising to me, who had always delayed from fulfilling my workplace’s check-up every two years, only to rush to the local clinic on the last day as if finishing overdue homework when it was close to the police station.

Is everyone living like this? Checking their health without anyone pressuring them and having consultations and managing their bodies?

I didn’t quite grasp that way of living. It wasn’t as if I had chronic illnesses, and even when I did have to go to the hospital occasionally, it was often due to sudden injuries rather than a sense of discomfort in my health. Especially since my grandfather’s hospitalization, I had distanced myself further. Visiting the hospital just to see my sick grandfather was enough. The room saturated with disinfectant smells instilled more anxiety than comfort. My gut feeling that I would only receive bad news had proven right more often than not.

‘Is this Ji Seon-uk? This is the health center at Seo-eon University.’

Normally, I would have delayed a phone call like the one I received from the hospital until I couldn’t anymore. But this time, I couldn’t do so because of Lee Jihoon, who hadn’t returned home all weekend. When they mentioned there was a cancellation for an afternoon appointment, I said I’d come in today. It was my first time leaving work for personal matters. Thanks to having mentioned that I had injured my arm as a reason for not working over the weekend, my captain approved my sudden half-day leave without question. When I said I would just go for the health examination and come back, he looked at me with pity. He probably would have even urged me to take the day off if it weren’t for the situation.

Considering the circumstances, I didn’t feel at ease. I sat in a chair below the sign that said ‘Internal Medicine’, crumpling the number ticket I was handed as soon as I arrived at the center, and checked the monitor attached to the wall. The numbers showing the next patients to consult with the doctor displayed ‘010’ in large. My ticket had ‘011’ written on it. It didn’t seem like my turn was too far away.

“I’m sorry for troubling you during a busy time. I’ll finish as quickly as I can and come back.”

-Yeah, no problem. Since it’s us, my wife gets a full day off when it’s check-up day. If I could, I’d want to tell you to take a day off too, but I feel bad I can’t ask you to do that with the current situation.

“No, that’s alright.”

-How long has it been since your last check-up? Is it two years now?

“Yes. I’m getting it done for the first time since last winter.”

-Last time, you didn’t have any particular issues, right?

“Yes.”

-Okay. Since you’re here, make sure to take your time after the check-up and grab some food. Hey, the captain just arrived. I have to hang up.

With that, the call suddenly ended, and as I hadn’t had a chance to check my messages, several popped up right away.

Kang Youngsoo

Seon-uk, are you calling???ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ 3:05 PM

I couldn’t answer because I was in a meetingㅠㅠ Yong-joo is filibustering again. 3:06 PM

I’ve been sitting for too long, my butt hurts, please help me.

(emoji) 3:07 PM

What, where are you??? 3:28 PM

Did you screw up? 3:40 PM

Messages from Kang Youngsoo piled up. There were also two missed calls spaced out in time. He must have contacted me later after realizing I hadn’t answered when I called on my way to the center. Knowing that if he found out about the fight between Lee Jihoon and me, he would surely start making a fuss, I kept that as my last resort. But since I hadn’t gained anything useful apart from confirming that construction workers were working on Lee Jihoon’s house, I had no choice. I could track him down by checking credit card statements and such, but thinking that would make him dislike me since he had firmly told me not to look for him was discouraging. Just as I was about to swallow a sigh and press the call button, the number on the monitor changed.

“Patient number 11, please come in.”

Just then, my eyes met with the staff member holding the chart below the monitor. I raised the number ticket so she could see it and stood up.

Isn’t he the father of a guy Ji Jihoon knows? The middle-aged doctor, who had dyed his hair dark gray without even a hint of gray strands, was appropriately professional yet sincerely friendly. It must have been dozens of patients like myself he encountered in a single day. Aside from the check-up form being slightly longer and more detailed due to it being a large hospital, I had gone through similar experiences every time I had my health examined.

“Yes, Ji Seon-uk. You’re twenty-nine years old. You selected to receive your test results by mail.”

That doctor, who likely deals with countless patients like me every day, seamlessly began the medical history inquiry without any particular guidance. We both knew that, ultimately, the actual focus was on the testing and not this verbal confirmation of whether there were any irregularities beforehand. The pen he was holding touched the check-up form lightly.

“You smoke. But if it’s less than four cigarettes a day, that’s below average. I don’t think you particularly enjoy drinking. As for physical activity… do you exercise often?”

“Yes. Due to my profession, I often have to be active.”

“May I ask what your profession is?”

“I’m a police officer.”

The surprising light in his eyes faded quickly. Every time he answered his own questions, the pen he held floated across the check-up form as if painting stars. After apparently finishing his review, he lifted his gaze and asked for confirmation.

“I’ve heard you stepped in on a cancelled appointment. You can do the endoscopy today or schedule it later.”

“Oh… since I haven’t eaten anything since 8 PM yesterday, I’m okay with today.”

“You haven’t eaten anything today either?”

Looking at me with disbelief, I let out a shy smile. Saying I hadn’t eaten would be better phrased as I had forgotten to eat due to my preoccupation with finding out where Lee Jihoon had gone.

“Yes. It just happened that way…”

“Skipping meals regularly isn’t good for you. While it may be okay now that you’re young…”

The doctor gave me a gentle piece of advice. I nodded slightly as I looked at him. Whether it was only occasionally or concerning my serious illness, I didn’t mention that I wasn’t sure about what illness my father might be suffering from since we hadn’t been in touch for a long time, although my mom kept in contact every now and then. The wall clock showed it was 5 PM. I quickly left the examination room.

-Woo!

Kang Youngsoo picked up the phone cheerfully. I had half-expected it, but upon hearing his excessively bright voice, it seemed he didn’t know about the events between Lee Jihoon and me. I intended to ask him about Lee Jihoon’s situation, but as I sensed that he didn’t catch any hint at all, I struggled to speak.

Standing absentmindedly staring at the road, I rubbed my forehead with the hand that had rested on the steering wheel.

“Are you busy?”

-Yeah, I’m here for overtime. But I came out to the rooftop just to talk to you. Why? Are you working nearby today? If you’re coming, I can go out for dinner.

“It’s not that…”

-Not that?

There was a sound, as if he had just sucked through a straw in his coffee. It only sank in then that my mouth was dry. The only thing I had managed to drink after finishing the examination was a cup of water from the cooler in the hallway. I felt that I needed to eat something. More than food, I seemed to be craving other information, like where Lee Jihoon was now. I let out a sigh as I said:

“…Have you heard from Lee Jihoon?”

Ji Ji-dok? Kang Youngsoo questioned with a tone of surprise. My call at this time, which I wouldn’t normally make, had likely caught him off-guard. Since he knew we lived together, it must have seemed unexpected. His voice became clearer as if he’d taken the straw out.

-You don’t know? I haven’t heard from him since Friday.

“…Is he not at your place?”

-They wouldn’t let him in. When that bastard came to my place last time, he kept coughing every three minutes, saying it was dirty and left.

“…”

-But why? Can’t you get in touch with Ji Ji-dok? Did you have a fight, and he ran away because it was too dirty? Are you heading over there with cleaning supplies to calm him down?

Imagining that made Kang Youngsoo chuckle. Even though I knew he was joking, it didn’t quite elicit a laugh from me, for it wasn’t entirely off base. I wasn’t sure if the word ‘runaway’ applied to him, who had left my house in the first place. Still, it wasn’t incorrect, especially since all of his belongings were still inside mine after he had said he’d be staying for two months. Lee Jihoon was simply missing. With the car that hadn’t been repaired yet, I had no idea where he might be wandering. Even hearing his voice would provide me some comfort, but Lee Jihoon’s phone had been off for three days now. Even trying to call his father had yielded no results. He clearly hadn’t gone to Taean.

As the silence stretched on, Kang Youngsoo abruptly stopped laughing and asked seriously.

-Wait, what? Are you serious? Did you guys fight? When? Why? How? How bad was it?

This was exactly why I hadn’t wanted to talk. As I heard the pitch of his voice rise by several levels within an instant, the car in front of me began to move. All I had to do was turn left and I’d reach the police station. Unlike the bustling road bustling with evening traffic, I scanned the tightly packed parking lot and turned the steering wheel. It seemed that there were no available spots, and it would be better to utilize the nearby public parking lot. Kang Youngsoo didn’t stop talking until I parked my car.

-You didn’t go to the fondue party because of that? Wow, that just sent chills down my spine. I guess they say friends shouldn’t live together for a reason. Why would people who have never fought suddenly have a fight! No, that can’t be; it’s not like they’ve never had a fight at all. There was that mess in Gangneung too. Is this one that serious? No way! I’ve got to check in on you this week…

“I have to go in. I’m hanging up.”

Before I could even hear his reply, I ended the call. The car felt silent, with only Kang Youngsoo’s voice abruptly cutting off. I picked up the phone I had tossed aside and glanced at the screen. Quite a few messages had come in while I was at the check-up, but there were still none from Lee Jihoon. I called him with a glimmer of hope, but his phone was still off. The automated message I had heard at least fifty times by now reiterated the same thing.

The power is off, so please hold on while I connect you to the operator…

Just like before, I thought about ending the call but changed my mind. The beeping noise rang out. Everything I said afterwards would be recorded in the voicemail named ‘sound well.’ In this day and age with so many means of communication available, how many would even bother leaving a message when the other person didn’t pick up?