FBF chapter 11 part 5

“Just say it. We’re outside anyway. I was waiting for your call.”

After reassuring him a few more times, the hesitation in his voice disappeared.

– I patrolled for now, and I didn’t find anything particularly different from before.

“Really? No one came or went?”

– Yeah. Just to be safe, I checked the CCTV at the market down the hill, and aside from the regular gardener, no one visited. Speaking of which, I’m starting to doubt if anyone actually lives there. It’s nicely decorated, but strangely there are no signs of people. It feels like they could disappear overnight and no one would bat an eye. Maybe it’s because it’s deep in the forest too.

I used to ask the guy working as a police officer in Taean to patrol near Choi Hyuk-jun’s house occasionally. Since there were no other houses around, I had to specifically request it. At that time, my suggestion was a precautionary measure because I thought anything could happen, but this time felt different.

The mottled light that crept into the room, the shouts, and screams of someone getting closer. Even with people coming closer to take him, Choi Hyuk-jun remained calm.

‘Go to Taean. To the place we were standing.’

After taking a breath, he spoke briefly and then fell silent. It seemed like that was all the hint he could give.

The first place that came to mind was Choi Hyuk-jun’s house. There weren’t many places for Hyuk-jun and me to reminisce together. It couldn’t possibly be school, so it was likely his house. However, if it was at home, the investigation would be exceedingly complicated. It was uncertain how long it would take for a search warrant to come in. I hadn’t even informed the team leader about this piece of information yet. Since it was not a place I could visit right now, I asked him to keep patrolling like always.

Even though I didn’t have high hopes when I asked, the brief pause seemed disappointing enough that the raccoon apologized.

– What should I do? I keep letting you down every time.

“What are you talking about all of a sudden?”

– Just. I also want to help you, but if I keep saying there’s nothing, it’s a bit embarrassing.

Following the raccoon’s awkward laugh, I chuckled as well. Maybe that was the best way to ease our minds.

“You haven’t changed, raccoon.”

I called out a nickname from our memories that had gradually faded away as we grew older, only to finally fall off. Surprised at first and falling silent, the raccoon broke into a giggle.

– I feel like I haven’t heard that nickname in ages, Manager.

After a few more meaningless jokes, I took a breath. Suddenly, I remembered something important to say to the raccoon.

“Today… Choi Hyuk-jun got caught at the scene.”

After a moment of silence, the raccoon asked. His voice didn’t carry any sense of shock.

– How so?

Even though he wasn’t working in the narcotics division, I often shared situations involving Choi Hyuk-jun with the guy who worked as a cop. I couldn’t help but mention Hyuk-jun while asking to patrol his house. I could imagine the raccoon making an unreadable expression each time. After a brief thought, it felt like I could see the grown-up face nodding.

Across from the meat restaurant, a hair salon that seemed to have closed down a long time ago had leftover pieces of mirrors it abandoned. In the unevenly shaped reflection, I caught my own gaze, which mirrored the raccoon’s expression. I answered calmly.

“It’s a mess.”

– …I see.

Hearing about the former source of his distress becoming a mess didn’t reveal any excitement in my friend who had turned into someone devoid of joy. I thought about what Choi Hyuk-jun had permanently lost. Not crying on time, not making friends on time, and not growing up to be an adult on time would make it hard for someone to reclaim what they had ruined.

“I’ll have to see how things go, but I might head down to Taean.”

– Really?

“Yeah. I’ll call you when I get there, let’s eat together with the hippo.”

– Just the three of us? Wow, the hippo will be jumping with joy. He talks about you every time we meet.

“Right. I’ll pay.”

As the raccoon rambled on about how he was looking forward to it before hanging up, he added, “Hey, bring Jihoon along.” I delayed for a moment before replying that I would consider it.

As soon as the call ended, I lowered the phone I had been clutching. I paused, unsure, as I had the cigarette that had drooped over my bent knee. The cigarette was too damp to ignite. I quickly learned why as soon as I lifted my gaze. My hand flinched just by touching the edge of the overhang.

“…”

Snow was falling like scattered dots. The weather forecast had been right. I thought about notifying my team members, who were busy enjoying a long-awaited drinking session, but instead of stepping into the store, I picked up my phone.

As if trying to excuse myself, I searched for a number like my eyes were the ones doing it. After not long, a snowflake elegantly landed on the number I found. I pressed down on the screen before the snowflake could turn to water.

It was 2 a.m., and this was crazy. Even while thinking that, I brought the phone to my ear. Hearing the ringing tones, I extended my hand out to the overhang. Before the snow could pile on it, Lee Jihoon’s locked voice came through.

– …Hello.

I hesitated, but finally released my lips.

“Are you sleeping?”

Once I spoke, it felt like a foolish question. If he was asleep, he wouldn’t answer, and the fact that he answered meant he was awake. Perhaps Lee Jihoon found it just as ridiculous, for a faint chuckle came through the phone followed by a stir on the other end. It sounded like he pushed off the blanket to sit up a little. In a slightly clearer voice, Lee Jihoon grumpily responded.

– You just woke me up.

“Ah… did I? Sorry.”

He must have been drinking. Or maybe he felt embarrassed about doing something he had never done throughout his life. Rubbing his warm face seemed to help, so I took a breath.

But you know, Lee Jihoon.

“It’s snowing.”

Sunbae Ha said it was the first snow of the year. So… if it’s like this, can’t I be greedy just a bit?

“I wanted to let you know that.”

I just want to experience the first snow with you once, too.

– Hello?

Lee Jihoon answered with confusion. His voice sounded playful as if starting the conversation again with a greeting.

– Who is this?

“…What?”

– Who are you to be imitating Ji Seon-uk? If you’re going to kidnap me and threaten me, let’s skip the pleasantries. But I can give you the address of the guy you’ll be taking away. Just so you know, he also has a fondue machine. You probably won’t be at a loss.

I was taken aback. At a loss for words as I froze, Lee Jihoon burst into laughter. It had been a while since I heard him laugh so comfortably.

“I can’t believe this…”

Even as I wiped my cheek with my hand, I chuckled slightly. I appreciated his playful remarks, knowing he only did so because he understood that I rarely said such things. I was worried he might find it strange, but he seemed to brush it off in an even more playful manner.

The laughter gradually subsided. I pondered on Lee Jihoon’s words. Although two hours had passed, yesterday was Friday. It was supposed to be a day when we would have dinner together with Kang Youngsoo, who was visiting.

“Did you have fondue?”

– Don’t even get me started. I still feel nauseous even now.

“Did Youngsoo really bring the machine?”

– Yeah. He brought one with peculiar functions, and as soon as I let my guard down, cheese flew everywhere… I thought it might create an epic scene where I’d get slapped by cheese! While I was checking to see if this was a prank, Youngsoo was beside me saying, ‘I could jump rope with this cheese.’

His expression was sharp, considering he said it with a flat tone. I could easily picture the dinner scene with Kang Youngsoo fussing around and Lee Jihoon suppressing the bubbling frustration next to him.

– Do you have something good to share? You seem unusually cheerful today.

I didn’t think I laughed that loudly, but perhaps Lee Jihoon had heard me. His curious reaction made me involuntarily close my lips.

Maybe. After thinking for a moment, it did feel that way. I had met Choi Hyuk-jun, who felt like a burden on me, and I had obtained a lead that could potentially help catch Choi Jeong-ho too. The operation had wrapped up better than I had anticipated.

And above all, I completed the task without having any impact on you. Given that I didn’t have to reveal who I met tonight, it was likely one of those rare nights where I could feel okay simply listening to your questions.

Since I couldn’t say it, I diverted the topic.

“Uh… just.”

– ……

“Well, anyway, I’m in a work gathering, not overtime. It looks like it’ll finish soon. Can you grab some digestive aids on your way back?”

– Digestive aids?

“You said your stomach hurts.”

Since the pharmacy would definitely be closed by now, I wondered if I should check a convenience store nearby. I thought for a moment about whether there was a convenience store around as I stood up.

“I think we have some digestive aids at home. Check under the TV cabinet. If there’s any, take it and go to sleep. If there isn’t, shoot me a message. I can grab some Gastro-Namic or something.”

– ……

“Hello?”

– Hey.

“What?”

– Why are you being so nice to me today?

The unexpected question left me speechless. Unable to rise completely, I awkwardly swallowed. Lee Jihoon’s voice, now free of sleep, sounded genuinely curious, making me realize I couldn’t just mumble or divert the conversation like before.

– Is it because it’s snowing, or do you usually treat people this nicely when it’s 2 a.m.?

With me not answering, Lee Jihoon let out a resigned sigh as if pondering. Unlike me, he arrived at a conclusion quickly.

– Whether it’s luck or opportunity, it seems like it’s not something common, so I’m not going to sleep until I see you.

“…….”

– You can skip the digestive aids. Just bring some beer. Let’s just have a can each and go to bed. If you’ve worked overtime and had a gathering by this hour, you’re not going to work tomorrow anyway.

Perhaps I would have to work tomorrow, and I knew that hearing it as luck and opportunity for merely acting on a whim felt grandiose, but still, I couldn’t deny it. As I looked at the accumulating snow, a moment came when I realized I could no longer lean on silence.

“…Okay.”

The door behind me creaked open. “Wow… will I even be able to get a taxi?” “Hey, you guys should come out and see the snow too! It’s snowing!” “I was wondering where that officer went; turns out he’s over there, watching the snow alone?” Various voices echoed in the alley, making it seem lively.

“Who are you talking to? Is that someone from the hospital again?”

Without turning to look at the senior detective, who was patting my back repeatedly while I held onto my phone tightly, I knew that what I could easily drop at that moment wasn’t just the view of the snow-covered alley.

Usually, I would have taken a long time to wait until the words I spoke often crumbled and dissolved into clearer ones.

Maybe it was because I was staring for so long at the snow that vanished the moment it touched the ground. Or perhaps it was my first time calling someone in snow, like you said.

I opened my mouth as if I had forgotten how to hold back.

“I won’t take long.”

In the mirror, I spotted a country boy standing in front of me. Somehow unable to erase the flush left by this chaotic night, it felt like I was freezing like someone meeting snow for the first time in my life.

It wasn’t easy to catch a taxi, just as my colleagues worried. After losing sensation in my hand carrying the plastic bag, I finally managed to catch a fancy taxi that was leaving a group of university students at the intersection. Even as the snow gradually eased, the roads were still quite slippery due to the cold temperatures. The driver seemed to take it slow, avoiding any unnecessary risks. Even though I thought it was only natural, there was a lingering impatience in my heart. Staring at the meter with the number 20000 on it, I glanced down at my phone, which had long since run out of battery because I kept staring at it. I regretted not saying “I won’t take long.”

It took twice as long in the taxi as it would normally take for the evening commute to enter the neighborhood. When I recognized the convenience store logo outside, I asked to get out in front of it instead of my intended destination. The part-time worker, half-asleep, dreamily scanned the beer’s barcode. The clock on the convenience store wall read 3:30 a.m. In that moment, I felt relieved rather than frustrated. It had been over an hour and a half since I spoke with Lee Jihoon. Even though he said he would wait for me, he would likely have fallen asleep by now. Considering he was someone who always kept his sleep schedule tightly, it was highly likely.

As I got out of the taxi, my previously hurried pace began to slow down. It was about a five-minute walk from the convenience store to the officetel. I only had to cross one more crosswalk to get to the officetel. What should I do with the tteokbokki? The thought of the tteokbokki handed to me generously by the woman about to close her stall, along with the sundae and fried food that I received as a service, made my hands feel heavier for no reason.

“…Ah.”

I lifted my head at the feel of a cold touch on my forehead. The moment I realized I was underneath the blue tarp of the hardware store, I thought melted snow was falling. The traffic lights at a time when there were no cars on the road were intermittently emitting a yellow light. The ambiguous color, neither red nor green, seemed to express a pause, leaving it to the pedestrians to decide. I slowly began to move forward.

Instead of looking left and right, I kept my eyes forward, but unexpectedly stopped. Even when I hadn’t finished crossing the crosswalk, I froze in place like someone who had forgotten how to walk.

“…Lee Jihoon?”

A man sitting alone at the dark taxi stand looked up. The darkness made it hard to confirm if our eyes met, but he stood up nonetheless. As he approached, I could see he was wearing a gray hood and a black padded jacket. With every breath, white puffs of breath scattered in the air. His long fingers gripping a black umbrella were red with cold. The man standing before me, laden with the traces of waiting, casually spoke.

“Why did you walk over there? The taxi couldn’t come this far?”

I glanced at the reddened cheeks of the guy who seemed to lean back to assess the path I had taken. Standing there, he looked like the reflection I had seen in the mirror an hour ago.

It was okay not to know. It wasn’t necessarily love, but Lee Jihoon had been waiting outside in the cold for a while now.

“What’s this? I told you to just bring two cans of beer, but you brought all this.”

Before I realized it, his hand felt lighter. He snatched the bag from me and looked inside while clicking his tongue. Following his movement, the hood gradually slipped down, revealing hair that wasn’t neatly styled. The faint scent of shampoo wafted from a boy whose hair was probably washed long ago. I couldn’t tear my gaze from him.

Thanks to that, I figured it out. It wasn’t the melted snow falling beneath the blue tarp; it was that it had started to snow again…

I must have only just realized it now, but maybe it had been falling since before crossing the crosswalk, unbeknownst to me until I saw the snowflakes settling on top of Lee Jihoon’s head.

“Really? I thought it had stopped!”

Lee Jihoon, just like how I had earlier, looked up at the sky. The ambiguity in his expression shattered at the moment our eyes met. Slowly, he lifted his hand up. At first hesitant, it moved naturally as if knowing where it was meant to go.

The tips of Lee Jihoon’s fingers lightly brushed against my cheeks, as if to wipe away the snow that had just landed before disappearing.

“It’s snowing.”

“……”

“It’s snowing.”

With Lee Jihoon right in front of me, I blinked. Snowflakes landing on my lashes couldn’t transform to water quickly enough. Lee Jihoon, who had frozen as our eyes met, hesitated. It wasn’t lost on us that this brief skinship marked the first time we had touched in a week. The moment he wore a slightly awkward expression, he broke into a smile, realizing that it was better to lighten the mood with a playful comment rather than confront the situation.

“Did you catch a lot of bad guys today too?”

I continued to breathe, unable to take my eyes off Lee Jihoon’s scar that was barely visible in the dark between his eyebrows and forehead. I realized that among the many scars I bore, the one that tormented me the most was the scar of love towards you.

“…Yeah.”

The scars left by fleeting pain usually faded away over time. Was it then that this scar would never vanish?

It seemed that only love remained, without the temporary pain.

Before the scar that easily summoned my tenacious heart, I spoke hoarsely as if reviewing my most desperate lesson after getting to know you.

“I’m back.”

Once again, towards you. Without any shame.

* * *

The house I stepped into was brighter than expected. I wondered why, only to realize a faint light spilled from the kitchen and stretched all the way to the front door. It seemed that Lee Jihoon had turned the lights on before heading out. I turned my head when I saw the raccoon, holding onto the plastic bag he had swiped, heading naturally toward the kitchen. Expecting the house to be a complete mess after Kang Youngsoo’s visit, it was surprisingly tidy. In fact, it seemed cleaner than in the morning.

As I confirmed the pristine condition of the dining table with no trace of water stains, it was clear who had tidied up.

“Did you make Youngsoo clean up before he left?”

“Of course. The one who made the mess has to clean it. Who else would?”

His response came back almost immediately.

Of course, Youngsoo would have the courtesy to tidy up after himself, but he wouldn’t have the cleaning skill to completely cover up his traces like this. Cleaning to this extent would have been impossible without Lee Jihoon’s supervision, or dare I say interference.

As soon as I entered the kitchen, Lee Jihoon, having taken off his padded jacket and hung it on a chair, was opening the cabinet door above the sink as if searching for something. In the meantime, he added an explanation, knowing I was exploring the living room behind him.

“I tried to coax him into cleaning the bathroom too, but he got mad and left. He didn’t even prepare pajamas and keeps insisting on making me do all the chores.”

Imagining the disgruntled expression on Kang Youngsoo’s face as he left with the fondue machine made me chuckle. Leaning for a moment against the wall that separated the kitchen from the living room, my gaze naturally fixated on Lee Jihoon’s back.

“Oh, I definitely saw it…”

With his hands on his waist, Lee Jihoon was rapidly moving his head back and forth, indicating that he was looking for something. Just watching him rummage through the cabinets that I couldn’t even remember where I had put things showed that he was clearly searching. While he stood in front of the sliding door looking into the bottom compartment, bending down to see it, I stared blankly at him. Suddenly, this entire night felt like a dream. Just a few hours earlier, I had wished that I could at least see Lee Jihoon’s eyes, and yet here he was, with me, even in a place without snow.

Thinking back, it had been like this for the past few weeks; however, the fact that this was now reality felt unprecedented. No matter if I opened or closed my eyes, Lee Jihoon was there. In my home, too.

Perhaps I was lost in my thoughts for too long, as I wasn’t able to gather my gaze until Lee Jihoon turned around and caught my eye. He looked puzzled as if to ask.

“What are you doing standing there? Aren’t you going to sit down?”

Lee Jihoon was holding a large plate that looked like it belonged at a party. Seeing something I couldn’t even remember when he bought, it seemed likely someone had gifted it to him. Since I hardly ever invited anyone over and didn’t usually dish out food in such large amounts, I must have stuffed it away somewhere in the cabinets, not having taken it out since. I shook my head and rose from against the wall.

“No, it’s just…”

“……”

“I feel like you’re the homeowner now, not me, seeing you like this.”

Though it was a space that nobody had easily entered, I couldn’t understand why it felt so easy for you. Whether it was your house or your heart, you always kept everything neat, yet here I was, feeling so conflicted.

With a self-deprecating smile, I shifted my steps. Lee Jihoon watched as I pulled out a chair to sit. He added casually while looking at the contents of the bag that had ended up on the plate.