FBF chapter 10 part 4

The loud command of Lee Jihoon’s homeroom teacher resonated through the rest area parking lot. Fortunately, I just needed to take one more bite of the hot bar. Jihoon and I almost simultaneously threw our hot bars into the trash and began running toward the bus.

Getting a bunch of grown-ups to line up in the auditorium by classes took quite a bit of time. As I returned to my spot after being in front to facilitate the organization, I turned back at the feeling of a hand tugging on my bag strap. It was Choi Hyuk-jun. Even though he must have woken up a while ago, the expression of sheer boredom remained on his face. He whispered to me.

“Hey.”

“What?”

“When are they doing the belongings check?”

“…I don’t know. I didn’t hear anything about that.”

Choi Hyuk-jun looked at me with disbelief, shaking his head when he didn’t get the answer he wanted. I soon realized what he was talking about. The instructors in red hats, who appeared out of nowhere, shouted orders to put our bags in front of them. I thought such things were only seen in media portraying outdated schools, but in an era of students’ rights ordinances, to have such an invasive action during a school trip? I quickly understood that the kids who were probably in the same shock as me had frozen, not due to the same reason. Items that would warrant a belongings check were pouring out not only from the neighboring class but also from our own. When four crumpled cigarette packs tumbled out of the tumbler in front of me, the instructor laughed in disbelief.

“You little brats think you’re here for a vacation, huh? You think your parents sent you all the way to Jeju Island for this?”

That wasn’t the intention, but they surely didn’t send us here for that. I glanced at the kid being hit on the head with the cigarette pack, and our eyes met with the instructor. Walkie-talkie in hand, the instructor stepped over to me with a confident stride. He was quick to rummage through my bag, as if he knew well where things might be hidden. However, there was nothing in my bag that warranted such a belongings check. It was suspicious how thoroughly he turned my bag inside out.

“…This is strange.”

Muttering and glancing at my bag, the instructor finally put it down after rummaging through it a couple more times. We exchanged looks as he slowly got back up. With his hat low over his eyes, I could see from up close that he looked younger than I expected. Maybe a college student. As if he sensed my thoughts, he spoke with a stiff voice.

“Hey, you. Show me your pockets.”

Why is he asking me this? I didn’t remember any of the other kids being asked to do such a thing. In a brief moment of panic, I complied. After showing him my empty pockets, the instructor walked past me with an annoyed expression. I casually turned my body. I saw the instructor lifting the sports bag that Choi Hyuk-jun had placed down. Hyuk-jun, with his arms crossed behind his back, was looking down with a sullen expression. It was an arrogant expression for someone in a submissive posture. While watching the instructor rummage through Hyuk-jun’s bag, I looked up. Hyuk-jun caught my eye and mouthed, “What?”

I shook my head as if to say it was nothing and turned my body forward. I could hear the footsteps of the instructor moving to another area. It seemed they hadn’t found anything of concern on Hyuk-jun either. Feeling relieved by that fact, I had to acknowledge that ever since that day when I heard from Jihoon about Hyuk-jun, I had been consciously or unconsciously suspicious of him. Talk of glue and drugs—no matter how much I thought about it, it didn’t sit right with me. Hyuk-jun was a student like me. More importantly, he despised his father, who was a drug dealer. The image of him being someone who provided something that could surpass the stimulation given by glue to Park Cheol-seung was honestly hard to picture.

Yet, I couldn’t shake my doubts. I remembered the door I had seen when I visited Hyuk-jun’s house that day. If Hyuk-jun was surrounded by indifferent bystanders to the point where he would drop his high school son off alone to a travel destination because they got into a fight, it would have been easy for him to bring someone home. Perhaps he suggested to Park Cheol-seung to go down the stairs by opening that door. Maybe it wasn’t only Park Cheol-seung.

I tried to clear my thoughts by turning my head. I lined up according to attendance number and spotted Jihoon standing not too far away, even though we were from different classes. He seemed to have already finished his belongings check, talking and laughing with the guy in front of him, and just then, Jihoon turned his head. When our eyes met, he raised an eyebrow playfully and then took out his phone from his pocket, giving it a slight wave. It seemed to mean to check something. I took out my phone from my bag’s front pocket and saw a message from Jihoon.

It seemed he had seen me getting my belongings checked from afar. He has good eyesight, I thought, unable to help but smile in disbelief. Still, it seemed to somewhat relieve my tension. With a markedly improved mood, I turned my head forward.

Jihoon appeared draped in a yellow feather shawl. It looked like the shawl that Jihoon’s classmates had eagerly placed around his neck when he was called to the stage by the emcee, only because he was the most handsome among the boys sitting in the front row. One of his sports pants was rolled up on one side. He looked just like he did when the emcee jokingly said they’d give extra points for dancing, as he raised his leg all the way to his chin to stretch it up. “Guys, look, I’m dancing!” Jihoon’s playful remark, as he lowered his sunglasses and prompted reactions, echoed through the mic, prompting cheers of “Oppa!” from all sides, as though it was a rallying cry. I could vividly recall the teachers stuck against the wall laughing hysterically, especially the PE teachers who were doubling over in laughter.

Somehow, Kang Young-soo texted me right after Jihoon’s talent show ended. It was hard to determine who was better—one who danced and thus received fried chicken for the class or one who wasn’t even from the same school but was about to start practicing with the spirit of competition. It only led me to think once again that there was a reason the two had been long-time friends.

“Hey, eat this.”

Even though Jihoon looked at me with a slight frown, he offered me a paper cup. Inside were one fried chicken leg and a wing. It seemed this was the chicken that Jihoon had earned for his great contribution to the talent show.

“Ah, hurry. It was hell for me to swindle this out of them after they saw the chicken; their eyes nearly popped out.”

Even as he shook his head, Jihoon pulled chopsticks from his pocket and handed them to me. It seemed like he was going to watch me eat until I picked up the chicken leg. After confirming that I was successfully chewing the chicken in my mouth, Jihoon dumped the contents of the box he was holding onto the desk.

“They said to cut this paper into strips and put them in the name tags. I’ll go ahead and do it first while you eat slowly. It looks like it’ll finish quickly anyway.”

After the simple explanation, he pulled out two scissors and started working first. The act of cutting the papers with only the class and name written on them into equal-sized portions to fit in the square name tags was swift. It was a simple task, and it seemed it wouldn’t take long. I swallowed the piece of chicken I was chewing before grabbing the scissors.

“Are you not eating anymore?”

“I’m done. It’s tasty.”

After Jihoon checked the paper cup with only the chicken wings left, he automatically shifted his gaze away. Unlike the building where the students stayed, the building where the teachers and instructors were staying was generally quiet. Still, sometimes loud sounds came from the room at the end of the hallway. The moment I noticed that those sounds were laughter from my 2nd-grade homeroom teachers, including the PE instructors, Jihoon opened his mouth.

“The PE teacher seemed excited.”

“Why?”

“He said they wouldn’t need to buy alcohol.”

Jihoon glanced at me before gesturing toward the hallway.

“All the stuff they checked in our belongings is in that room. Your homeroom teacher was selecting cigarettes. He seemed impressed that the little brats were smoking expensive ones.”

Oh… Upon realizing this, Jihoon chuckled softly. Even amidst this, he still moved the scissors deftly across the paper. Each time the paper was cut, the names of kids I didn’t know passed by in my mind. As I was lost in thought for a moment, I opened my mouth.

“Well, it seems the kids who wanted to hide things managed to do so. It’s said that the raccoon also hid some stuff in the bathroom right when he got here.”

The raccoon had told me directly. The room we would share for the two nights was assigned seven to a room. It seemed the teacher had simply grouped students by their names in attendance order, as I ended up in the same room with those in front and behind me in the roll call. That also meant I was sharing a room with Choi Hyuk-jun. The raccoon, who had initially shown an uncomfortable expression when looking at Hyuk-jun, seemed to feel relieved by the fact that I was in the same room. When I said I was going to do something that PE instructed, he pat my back and told me not to worry and just go.

There might be quite a few kids hiding alcohol like that. The raccoon had also mentioned finding several backpacks that were similarly hidden in the bathroom when he was talking.

Jihoon didn’t seem surprised, merely shrugging his shoulders as if he were thinking similarly.

“Probably.”

That bland response marked an end to our conversation, and both of us focused silently for a while on cutting the paper with scissors. After being in tourist spots crowded with hundreds of boys, and having been in an auditorium filled with distracting sounds of music until a moment ago, it felt oddly refreshing to have just achieved this temporary peace. The small room, with only two desks pushed together, was pleasantly cool thanks to the wind flowing through the window. Occasionally, behind me, there was only the sound of trees rustling in the wind. As I watched Jihoon’s hair softly swaying, I set aside the name tags I had finished for the 7th class and pulled over the paper for the 8th class.

“The PE teacher is pretending to be really close to me these days. But do you know why?”

Jihoon, who was sliding the name tags with the papers next to him, suddenly dropped an unexpected question. Come to think of it, whether it was the scene I saw at the rest area or the one in the hallway, I felt like I had glimpsed Jihoon laughing robustly while playfully slapping someone on the shoulder.

Holding the scissors differently, Jihoon glanced at me again. Realizing I hadn’t figured out the answer, he opened his mouth once more.

“He said he dreamed of becoming a pilot.”

That wasn’t an answer that fit into the realm of imagination. I couldn’t quite picture the PE teacher dreaming of becoming a pilot. He had been a former athlete, he claimed, and everything about him made it feel as if he was born to have that profession.

I understood why Jihoon had used the phrase “pretending to be close.” I doubted the PE teacher would share such intimate stories with any student.

“He said his grades weren’t good enough to get into the Air Force Academy, and the private schools weren’t reasonable at the time due to his family’s circumstances. He chose the best option available and said he has no regrets. He is satisfied with his current job, but sometimes he feels a little disappointed when he thinks back on those days.”

“…….”

“He said that when I was in middle school, I played baseball, and somehow every time I saw him, he kept reminding him of his former self because of my not having a mother. He said to tell him if I needed anything for my studies. He would help.”

As Jihoon continued his story, he put down the scissors he had been moving around continually. As he put the evenly cut paper into the name tags, he tilted his head slightly.

“Is that what a dream is? Something you can’t forget as you grow older, something that keeps coming back.”

I too stopped cutting with the scissors. Only then did I realize what was strange. Jihoon was speaking about the PE teacher’s dreams as if it was something completely unrelated to him. He was reciting the information he had heard as if he were just passing it along. That was odd.

Jihoon said he was going to become a pilot before entering high school. I had naturally thought that this was a new dream he acquired after quitting baseball and starting to study.

“You, too.”

“Huh?”

“You also dream of becoming a pilot, right?”

Jihoon lifted his head. He looked as if he were mulling over what I said before suddenly bursting into laughter.

“Me? Nope.”

“Then….”

“That’s a goal, rather than a dream.”

Jihoon, who cut the words off firmly, seemed to have already arrived at his own conclusion regarding the matter. Only then did it dawn on me that I had never had a serious conversation about this with him before. Dreams and goals—I realized I had never truly thought about them. I had only done what I had to do. Thus, the distinction he made in his words was more shocking than I anticipated. I had unconsciously assumed that Jihoon must have had a dream, and realizing that I had admired that was enough to give me a jolt.

“Then what is your dream?”

In my attempt to understand, I let the question slip out, and for the first time, Jihoon hesitated. He looked down thoughtfully for a moment, then shrugged without taking long.

“Before, it was for my mom not to be sick, and now… I dunno. I don’t think I have one? Since then, I haven’t really thought about it seriously.”

I couldn’t say anything else and sealed my lips. Jihoon glanced at me and pretended to laugh mischievously—as he always did whenever his mother’s story came up, and the mood turned down.

“I’m just not the kind of romantic guy who puts my life on the line for my dreams. I’m just glad life goes well enough with goals.”

Ending the conversation, Jihoon stood up from his seat.

“Are you done?”

While glancing at the name tags on the desk, he was already stacking up the finished items into the box he brought. As he swept away the ones I had just finished organizing into the box, his hands moved with precision. Fortunately, all I had to do was put that paper into the name tag. After Jihoon put the last name tag I handed him into the box, he hugged it against his side and took the lead.

As he pushed the slightly opened door all the way open, the sound of the teachers’ conversations in the room at the end of the hallway reached my ears even louder than before. At that moment, I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket.

It was from the raccoon.

As I looked down at the text, I lifted my head. I caught Jihoon’s eyes, who was holding the door, as if to tell me to go ahead.

“…I heard they did the belongings check again?”

Upon hearing my words, there wasn’t any noticeable change in Jihoon’s expression. It was as if he hadn’t heard me say there were some kids who didn’t get caught in the belongings check just a moment ago.

“Did you happen to know?”

Feeling something odd, I asked. It was just a thought, but somehow I felt like Jihoon might already know that fact. Thinking that way made it easier to understand why he had specifically chosen me from another class to do a simple task he could do with anyone from our class.

Jihoon neither denied nor affirmed it. Leaning slightly against the door, he threw out an unexpected question.

“Have I told you what my goal is? Aside from becoming a pilot.”

I hesitated but shook my head. With a short “Hmm,” Jihoon shrugged his shoulders. As if to say, “Well, I’ll just tell you,” he had an expression as if it were no big deal.

“To be first in the whole school. And….”

Jihoon stood up straight. We stood facing each other as he leaned against the door slightly. Jihoon lowered his chin slightly. Standing like this, I realized there was a height difference between us. Just last year, I didn’t have to look up, but in just one year, our gazes had diverged. With a strange feeling, I focused on Jihoon’s chin and raised my eyes. When our eyes met, Jihoon smiled.

“To stand together with you at the graduation ceremony and receive an award. Just like this.”

As he changed his posture slightly, he came over to my side and leaned against me. It was almost as if he was mimicking the position we would be standing in on the stage together during the ceremony one day. For a brief moment, this tiny room we stood in transformed in my mind into the school auditorium.

“So let’s manage our records and live well. Don’t waste energy on useless stuff.”

Jihoon, wedging the box against his side one more time, lightly pushed my back with his other hand. The gentle nudge made it easy for me to walk down the hallway. I heard the sound of the door closing behind me.

“Hey, I’m going to give this to the PE teacher, so don’t wait and go ahead.”

After saying this, Jihoon turned without a hint of sentimentality. As he walked away, I watched for a moment before starting to move.

Perhaps because I had heard that they did belongings checks, the building felt quieter compared to just after the talent show when we arrived back at the dorm. It felt like there was no one out and about, perhaps because there wasn’t even a store. As I was walking up the side stairs to the building, I stopped when I saw someone’s figure in the black darkness.

Choi Hyuk-jun slowly walked out from the dark space between the recycling bins and the staircase.

“Where have you been?”

As he asked slowly, I looked at what was in his mouth, and I thought back to whether Hyuk-jun had been in the room during the belongings check. It was natural that he wouldn’t get caught carrying something like that since he was clearly not there at the time. I realized this was the first time I had seen Hyuk-jun smoking. Considering I had just seen the instructors marching into the building with boxes under their arms as I exited earlier, it seemed less likely that Hyuk-jun would get caught now, but just to be sure, I glanced around again. Fortunately, the area was quiet. I spoke to the boy who had been waiting quietly while I was doing this.

“I just went to the teachers’ dorm for a moment. They had some work for me.”

Hyuk-jun, who had been looking at me for a moment, spat out what was in his mouth. The glowing ember of the cigarette fell to the ground and extinguished in an instant.

“You must be really tired too.”

After finishing his sentence, the lead guy emanated a strong odor. It was a scent I had never encountered before. As someone who had never smoked, I always lumped cigarette scents into one bundle. I didn’t even know what types of cigarettes existed, let alone how to distinguish the different scents they emitted. However, the scent that came from Hyuk-jun just then felt off. Without realizing it, I stopped walking. My heart raced with a familiar sense of unease.

Noticing my footsteps had halted, he turned to look at me, and my question slipped out like smoke.

“I heard they did belongings checks again. You managed not to get caught with the cigarettes, huh?”

Hyuk-jun was looking down at me from two steps above. I recalled standing in the same position on the stairs at his house. Hyuk-jun was staring down persistently with an unknown expression. The only difference from then to now was that he was smiling. A half-smirk appeared on his face as he turned his head away.

“Only the losers get caught, right?”

Clop, clop, clop. I heard the sound of Hyuk-jun’s sneakers hitting the steps as he ascended. I quickly followed suit.

It seemed like the kids in the room were so out of energy from the effort that they had lost the will to challenge anything further. It was no surprise considering there was no television in the room. Some were sprawled out, wasting time playing phone games, while many were already laying down with pillows and blankets. By the time I got out of the shower, all the lights in the room were already off. Hyuk-jun lay at the very back of the room. It wasn’t a very large room, but he was quite far from the other boys who were already asleep, reflecting the psychological distance that the other kids had towards Hyuk-jun.

Usually, I would go lay down next to him. But instead, I lay down in the narrow side spot next to the raccoon in the opposite direction from Hyuk-jun.

“Hey? Why are you sleeping here?”

“Yeah. It’s cramped. Sorry.”

The raccoon, looking half asleep, mumbled that it was fine and made room for me. Instead of saying thanks, I pulled the blanket up from below and closed my eyes. On the paper that indicated the schedule for tomorrow, it said we would wake up at 6 a.m. I set my alarm for 4 a.m. to vibrate and put my phone in my pocket.

I opened my eyes in pitch darkness. Maybe it was because I hadn’t been able to sleep properly, but as soon as I noticed my phone vibrating in my pocket, I reached out to grab it. Perhaps due to that, nobody seemed to wake up. Quietly, I got up without making a sound. Given that winter was approaching, 4 a.m. felt just like the middle of the night before dawn. It seemed like none of the people in the building were awake. Silently reducing the brightness of my phone’s light, I walked down the stairs. I tread carefully in the darkness, guessing where Hyuk-jun had been standing the previous day. Remembering it had been close to the plastic recycling bin, I shone the phone light into the space below.