MNL Chapter 114

Chapter 114: Tide “Don’t be afraid, I’m here.”

A nightmare jolted Xu Jing awake. It was just beginning to dawn, and he found himself taking up most of the bed, with no one beside him. He checked the time and saw it was only six o’clock.

Did Shen Yan get up so early?

Just as he was wondering, a series of footsteps suddenly sounded outside the door. Xu Jing, afraid of embarrassment, instinctively wanted to lie back into the covers and pretend to be asleep, but the movement was too exaggerated, and he directly strained his back.

Shen Yan opened the door and saw the person on the bed lying on his side, slender fingers resting on the exposed part of his narrow, firm, and toned waist, looking somewhat pained.

“What’s wrong?” Shen Yan sat down on the edge of the bed.

Admitting the truth was too embarrassing. After a moment, Xu Jing squeezed out a sentence through gritted teeth, “Nothing, I’m just stretching.”

Shen Yan didn’t expose the clumsy excuse, but instead smirked and said, “I thought I did something to you last night.”

Xu Jing’s body stiffened, and he looked over.

Shen Yan must have just taken a shower; his hair wasn’t completely dry, and residual water droplets dripped down his smooth, beautiful contours. His skin was pale and translucent, and his dark eyelashes curved upward slightly in the morning light, giving him an indescribably alluring appearance up close.

A certain inappropriate reaction gradually arose.

“…”

Even though it wouldn’t be discovered, Xu Jing still felt guilty and unconsciously tugged at the blanket.

Unaware of the situation, Shen Yan thought Xu Jing was instinctively resisting him, and his voice lowered slightly, “I drank a bit too much last night. If I did anything excessive, I’m really sorry.”

He actually knew that everyone there wanted to get him drunk and that Zhou Jinchen and Jiang Pei had deliberately said those things to provoke him. He thought he could control himself, but he didn’t expect to lose his mind. However, he had never drunk to the point of blacking out, so when he woke up this morning and saw Xu Jing lying in his arms, his first reaction was to suspect that his mental problems were so severe that he was hallucinating.

“Then you can sleep a little longer. When you wake up, I’ll take you to lunch.”

Xu Jing still didn’t seem to want to pay attention to him. Shen Yan’s heart sank, and he got up to walk out. Just as he reached the door, a voice suddenly came from behind, calm and clear, without any emotion.

“You said before that you wanted to pursue me?”

Shen Yan stopped abruptly. He turned back to look at the person on the bed. Although he didn’t know why Xu Jing would bring this up now, he still replied seriously, “Yes.”

“You don’t need to pursue me anymore.”

Like a bucket of cold water being poured from head to toe, Shen Yan’s face turned pale, and he stood there stunned.

What did “you don’t need to pursue me anymore” mean? Did he already have a decision in his heart, or was it because he didn’t take his medicine yesterday and drank too much alcohol, causing his condition to flare up?

Shen Yan’s body stiffened, and he looked at the bedside table again, only to find that the medicine on it was gone.

His heart completely sank to the bottom. Shen Yan’s back was ramrod straight, and he spoke with difficulty, “I—”

“Let’s make up.”

In astonishment, Shen Yan froze. After a long time, he uttered an incredulous sentence from his throat, “What?”

“Is that sentence difficult to understand, boyfriend?” Xu Jing raised his head, revealing a gentle smile in his eyes.

Shen Yan still thought Xu Jing was joking. He took a few steps forward uncontrollably, his voice trembling slightly, “Aren’t you afraid?”

Xu Jing blinked, “Afraid of what?”

“You’ve already seen the medicine I take. Nervous breakdowns can cause me to do things that are out of my control sometimes. I’m not a normal person right now.” Shen Yan’s hands clenched slightly at his sides, and he said hoarsely, “Don’t be with me out of pity. That would—”

Before he could finish speaking, his words were completely cut off.

Xu Jing threw back the covers and knelt on the bed, using one hand to clasp the back of Shen Yan’s neck and pull him toward himself, kissing him without explanation.

Shen Yan’s pupils dilated sharply.

The kiss was lingering and intense, constantly deepening, as if to vent some long-suppressed emotion. The entire room was filled with the sounds of saliva exchanging and breaths colliding.

Even though Shen Yan still hadn’t reacted, he could at least deeply feel Xu Jing’s temperature and heartbeat.

All of this was real—not a fantasy, not an illusion, not a side effect of the medication.

The power dynamic shifted. Shen Yan reached out to separate Xu Jing’s legs and lifted him up in a hug, turning around to sit back on the bed. The person straddling him tilted his head back slightly, his breath ragged, and whispered in his ear, word by word, “I’m not afraid of you, and I don’t pity you, Shen Yan, I love you.”

Shen Yan’s rationality was finally shattered, and he gripped Xu Jing’s waist and kissed him again.

They made their way to the bed, and their clothes were stripped off completely, exposing them to each other’s gaze without reservation. In the dim light from outside the window, Shen Yan noticed that Xu Jing’s eyes were red and his entire body was trembling.

With a bang in his brain, Shen Yan uncontrollably flipped the person beneath him over so that he was facing away from him. He used one hand to hold Xu Jing’s neck, forcing him to turn his head, and their lips and tongues intertwined. His other hand groped downwards, eventually stopping at the entrance. Xu Jing’s whole body tensed, and his voice trembled like a sieve, “Shen Yan.”

“I’m here.” Tender, dense kisses trailed slowly down his neck, and hot, moist breaths brushed against his spine. Shen Yan repeated obsessively, “Don’t be afraid, I’m here.”

Xu Jing suddenly arched his back. He buried his head deeply in the pillow, his tightly clenched fingers turning white at the knuckles, with veins popping out. His ears seemed to be covered in a layer of mist; he couldn’t hear Shen Yan’s voice clearly at all, only feeling something hotter and more violent pressing against his rear.

The moment his territory was invaded, Xu Jing let out a sob-like gasp, and his fingers left four pale scratches on Shen Yan’s arm muscles.

He instinctively struggled to dodge forward, but Shen Yan pulled him back, increasing the force and depth. Xu Jing tilted his head back in collapse.

“My little Jing…” Shen Yan kissed Xu Jing’s earlobe adoringly, biting his slender, beautiful neck, and whispered, “Love me? Hmm? Do you love me?”

Xu Jing was caught in a storm of invasion and was completely routed.

A continuous white light flashed before his eyes. Before completely losing consciousness, Xu Jing sobbed and choked out, “Love… I love you.”

…

When he woke up again, it was already dark outside.

Xu Jing didn’t know how long he had slept; he only felt like he had been run over by a car, and every part of his body ached. He managed to move to the edge of the bed with great difficulty, but as soon as he stood up, his legs felt like cotton, with no support at all, and he almost fell to the ground.

“…”

Three times in the bedroom, twice in the bathroom—a full six hours. If he hadn’t been on the verge of passing out at the end, Shen Yan would still have been insatiable. What poor physical condition? Zhou Jinchen’s words were indeed unbelievable. Xu Jing even suspected that the medicine in the drawer had some kind of enhancing function.

He limped out of the bedroom and saw that the kitchen was steaming with heat. The soup simmering on the stove made a bubbling sound, and Shen Yan was bent over, chopping vegetables. Even without seeing his face, Xu Jing seemed to feel that he was in a good mood right now.

As if sensing a gaze behind him, Shen Yan turned his head and saw Xu Jing leaning against the door. He stopped what he was doing and walked over with a smile.

“Awake?”

Xu Jing’s voice was completely hoarse and he simply hummed in response.

“Dinner will be ready soon. Go wash your face.” Shen Yan lowered his head and kissed Xu Jing’s forehead, saying, “Do you want me to carry you?”

Xu Jing snorted softly and waved his hand with great integrity, then dragged his uncooperative legs into the bathroom.

Shen Yan’s soft laughter came from behind.

Angelica chicken soup, stir-fried kidney, scallion and ginger oysters, steamed eggs with morel mushrooms… After Xu Jing washed up and came out, he looked at the several dishes on the table that couldn’t be any more “hardcore” and fell into deep thought.

He hadn’t eaten all day and had expended a lot of physical energy, so Xu Jing was already dizzy with hunger. He sat down and started eating, while Shen Yan, except for picking food for him, barely touched his chopsticks, his eyes fixed on him, as if admiring some rare treasure, not wanting to look away for even a second.

Xu Jing didn’t pay attention at first, but after eating half a bowl of rice, he finally regained some strength and looked up to ask, “Why are you staring at me?”

Shen Yan said, “You’re really good-looking.”

Xu Jing: “Huh?”

Shen Yan: “Even better-looking when you cry.”

“…”

Xu Jing felt a slight ache, “You should just shut up.”

Shen Yan chuckled and said to himself, “I’ve been wondering if this is just a dream I’m having, and when I wake up, everything will go back to the way it was before, so I wanted to look at you more.”

Xu Jing’s hand, which was picking up food, paused, and he looked up at Shen Yan, “Did you often dream about this before?”

Shen Yan shook his head and said, “I would when I missed you a lot.”

Xu Jing took Shen Yan’s hand, which was resting on the table, and said seriously, “This isn’t a dream this time.”

Shen Yan stared at him for two seconds, then said softly, “Do you want to think about it again?”

Xu Jing frowned and said, “Think about what? Pretend that nothing happened today?” His voice then turned cold, “Boyfriend, who allowed you to put on your pants and turn your back on me?”

Shen Yan paused, looking a little uneasy, “No, that’s not what I meant.”

Although Xu Jing didn’t look too happy, he didn’t let go of his hand.

He just couldn’t understand how the Shen Yan of the past was so high-spirited, doing things frankly and freely, never being so cautious and careful. What had eroded his heart over the years, causing him to become like this, like a piece of driftwood floating on the sea, so fragile and sensitive that it was pitiful.

“Shen Yan, I never regret my decisions, not before, and not now. No matter what you become, I will love you as always. Please believe me.” Xu Jing’s patient tone, combined with a slow and steady voice, had a charm that could reassure people.

After a long while, Shen Yan raised his eyes and nodded. He said, “I believe you.”

Because Shen Yan’s place was too far from both their homes and workplaces, the two ultimately decided to move into Xu Jing’s apartment.

Jiang Pei and Zhou Jinchen also considered it a wish fulfilled that the two could reconcile, but in addition to the many blessings, there was one more thing Xu Jing had to resolve.

That day, Xia Zhixing heard that Xu Jing was going to treat him to dinner and spent the afternoon carefully getting ready, not neglecting even the details of each strand of hair. However, when he arrived, he didn’t expect that Xu Jing’s first words would be, “Shen Yan and I are together.”

A series of complex emotions, such as confusion, incomprehension, and disbelief, flashed across Xia Zhixing’s face at the time, eventually turning into a forced smile, “Xu Jing, that’s not a funny joke.”

“Sorry.”

Xia Zhixing stood up with a whoosh. The red wine on the table was knocked over and spilled on the ground. He breathed heavily, his hands clenched into fists, his whole body trembling uncontrollably.

“Didn’t you say that you two were impossible?”

Xia Zhixing’s voice was questioning. Xu Jing raised his head and met his gaze calmly.

In the end, he was still intimidated by Xu Jing’s calm eyes. It was clearly a face without any aggression, but it could make him give in unconditionally every time.

Xia Zhixing sat down, feeling more and more aggrieved, and finally grabbed his hair and cursed, “Fuck.”

“Xia Zhixing, is there anything you want to do?”

“What kind of question is that?” Xia Zhixing was like a gas can about to explode, and his tone was very unhappy. Did he look like he was in the mood to talk about dreams right now?

Xu Jing moved closer and said slowly, “Xia Zhixing, as you can see, I’m actually a very slow person when it comes to feelings. At the same time, I’m also numb, indifferent, and boring. I’ve long been used to shutting others out. Over the years, I’ve chosen to turn a blind eye to your feelings, thinking that you would give up when faced with difficulties. But in reality, I’ve never taken any truly effective measures. I didn’t expect that dragging it out would take so long. It’s also my fault for delaying you for so many years. I’m sorry.”

Although unwilling to admit it, Xia Zhixing’s nose tingled when he heard these words, so he covered his face with his hand and turned his head away.

“It’s not easy for a person to meet someone they like in their life, and your sincerity is just as precious to me. But still, feelings can’t be forced. We can be close friends, but we can’t become lovers after all.”

Since they had known each other, Xu Jing had always been cold and taciturn. The number of times he had talked to him like this could be counted on one’s fingers. Xia Zhixing suddenly remembered many things. Because his mother had died early, Xia Wenbo doted on him, and he had never been subjected to any discipline or restraint since he was a child. Therefore, there was only one thing in his life, and that was to play wildly. He liked to challenge various extremes, pursue the stimulation of being close to death, and enjoy a fast-paced life, which was completely different from Xu Jing.

But he never played with emotions. Before meeting Xu Jing, he had never had any emotional entanglements with anyone, because in his eyes, liking was liking, and it had to be wholehearted and unreserved, not even a little bit less.

His thoughts returned, and Xia Zhixing, wearing those slightly red eyes, pretended to be unrestrained and said, “Alright, this young master knows. But this young master never regrets liking you, because you are really good. As for that Shen Yan, his conditions are not bad. Although he’s slightly inferior to me in appearance and not as considerate as me, he’s barely passable.”

“But if he ever does anything to hurt you again, you can come find me, and I will definitely fuck him to death,” Xia Zhixing said fiercely.

Xu Jing laughed, “Okay.”

Over the past few years, Xia Zhixing felt that Xu Jing was like a trapped beast locked in a cage, and he had never seen him truly happy. But now… looking at the person in front of him with a gentle expression, a warm and heartfelt smile, his whole person seemed to be inlaid with a faint layer of soft light, vivid and bright.

It was as if he had suddenly come to life.

Perhaps, he was really happy.

The meal lasted for more than two hours. This was the first time they had spent time together so easily since they had known each other. Xia Zhixing thought that maybe they were really more suited to be friends.

The two walked out of the restaurant, and Xia Zhixing said, “You didn’t drive, did you? I’ll take you back.”

Xu Jing looked around and indeed saw the man waiting by the car door not far away.

“No need.”

Xia Zhixing followed his line of sight and scolded with a smile, “Damn, he’s watching so closely. Is he that afraid that I’ll kidnap you? If I had known, I would have stayed a few more days. It’s a pity that I have to go back to New York tomorrow. My dad said he’ll come and catch me himself if I don’t go back.”

Xu Jing nodded and said, “Have a safe trip.”

Xia Zhixing lowered his eyes and stared at Xu Jing silently for a long time. In the end, he couldn’t help but hug Xu Jing and asked in a low voice, “If we had met sooner, would the ending be different?”

After a long time, Xia Zhixing, who didn’t get a reply, gave a self-deprecating smile. He tightened the strength in his hands and said deeply, “Goodbye, Little Jing. I wish you happiness.”

Xu Jing paused and gently patted Xia Zhixing’s back, “You too.”

The man who had witnessed this scene from not far away crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes slightly.

The roar of the engine resounded through the sky, and the Lamborghini sped away on the highway. In the blink of an eye, it was gone without a trace.

Xu Jing withdrew his gaze and walked toward the Cayenne. As he got into the car, he asked, “Didn’t you say you had a project to discuss?”

Shen Yan said lightly, “It’s finished.”

“Then why didn’t you send me a message earlier? You’ve been waiting for a long time, haven’t you?” Xu Jing touched Shen Yan’s hand on the steering wheel and clicked his tongue, “It’s really cold.”

“It’s okay.” Shen Yan said, “As long as you guys had a good chat.”

“…” Xu Jing touched his nose, feeling inexplicably guilty, “Xia Zhixing is a good person.”

Shen Yan said expressionlessly, “Yeah, no wonder his sincerity is precious.”

Xu Jing: “…”

How did he secretly eavesdrop on the scene?

“That’s enough,” Xu Jing couldn’t help but smile, “Should I dip you in dumplings tonight?”

Shen Yan steered the steering wheel with one hand and said, “I don’t eat dumplings.”

Xu Jing asked seriously, “Then what do you want to eat?”

Shen Yan turned his head, and his meaningful eyes seemed to want to devour him alive through his clothes. Xu Jing was so chilled by the look that he shivered.

“I’m really not going to do it tonight!”

He could understand that a man who had just started eating meat had strong desires, including himself.

But someone like Shen Yan who wanted it every day, with each session starting at four hours, was too much for anyone to handle.

Xu Jing said definitively, “If you touch me again tonight, you’re going to sleep on the couch.”

Shen Yan suddenly laughed, and he said, “Okay.”

Three o’clock in the morning.

The sound of the couch creaking filled the entire living room. Xu Jing was forced to tilt his head back to look at the French windows, his hair being grabbed.

“Can have close relationships, hmm?”

“He’s a good person, hmm?”

“…”

Every word was like a devil’s whisper, followed by a violent impact.

By the end, Xu Jing’s fingertips were numb and he collapsed on the couch, unmoving. Hearing footsteps coming from beside him, he was delirious, and he frowned and said hoarsely, “Shen Yan, you’re really an asshole…”

Shen Yan chuckled softly, bent over and picked up the person on the couch, and gentle kisses landed on his earlobe.

“I love you,” he said, “I don’t mean anything else, I just want you to know that I love you.”

Those were the last words Xu Jing heard before falling asleep.