SM Chapter 73

Chapter 73: I Still Want to Live a Steady Life with You

Perhaps because he was too tired, Ye Lai didn’t sleep soundly all night.

He dreamt of the past again. The pain he hadn’t felt in a long time recurred without warning, though not as intense as before, just a slight, dull ache.

Ye Lai’s consciousness went from scattered to clearly defined. He knew it was a dream, and he knew it was pain. He hugged his arms and burrowed into Sheng Mingqian’s embrace.

“It hurts…” Ye Lai murmured, only a weak whisper of air, brushing against Sheng Mingqian’s neck.

Sheng Mingqian heard Ye Lai say “it hurts” and woke up instantly, patting Ye Lai’s back with his palm.

Ye Lai’s erratic breathing tugged at Sheng Mingqian’s own pain receptors.

“Nightmare?”

Ye Lai opened his eyes, then shook his head without saying anything.

Sheng Mingqian gently patted Ye Lai’s back, humming a lullaby. Soon, the sudden pain dissipated, and Ye Lai fell into a deep sleep again.

The next day, Ye Lai went to his opera class as usual, but his attention kept wandering.

“Ye Lai, try this step again. Stand tall, draw in your abdomen, lift your hips, relax your shoulders, relax a little more,” Wang Laoshi, the opera teacher, patted Ye Lai’s stiff shoulder. “Like this, follow me. Walk forward, step, hook your toes…”

Ye Lai followed the teacher’s steps, but it was still not quite right.

Wang Laoshi could tell that Ye Lai wasn’t in the right state of mind today. After asking him to try twice more, he called a stop. “Ye Lai, why are you so distracted today? Didn’t you rest well?”

Ye Lai thought for two seconds before fully regaining his senses. He withdrew his foot, gathered the water sleeves on his wrist, and said, “Wang Laoshi, I’m sorry. I’ll try again. I’ll try again.”

“Why don’t you rest today? You’re already very familiar with these movements. You can practice more at home.”

Ye Lai didn’t insist. He really wasn’t very energetic today. When he woke up in the morning, his head felt heavy, as if it had been filled with water. Forcing himself to continue the class would only waste his and the teacher’s time.

Ye Lai first drove Wang Laoshi home, then turned around and went to a nearby shopping mall.

He had been busy with opera classes lately, and hadn’t been back to the Angel’s Home Orphanage for several weeks. Today was a weekend, and the children were on holiday.

As soon as Ye Lai’s car drove into the yard, Xiao Yu, who was playing “The Eagle Catches the Chicks,” recognized it. His eyes widened, and he shouted “Brother Lai,” changed direction, and led a string of children behind him to swarm forward.

Ye Lai got out of the car with large and small bags in his hands, and almost fell on his butt when the kids bumped into him.

Xiao Yu jumped on him, and Sun Ayi heard the commotion outside and came out to see. She slapped the little rascals’ butts and took the things from Ye Lai’s hands. “Have you been too tired lately? You’ve lost so much weight.”

Ye Lai touched his face. “Really?”

“Yes, you’ve lost weight all over.”

Ye Lai smiled. “Then I’ll eat more today.”

Xiao Yu was very excited, grabbing Ye Lai’s hand and skipping forward. “Brother Lai, you’re finally back.”

Ye Lai held their hands. “I’m off today, so I had time to come back.”

“Brother Lai, is your class over?”

“Huh?” Ye Lai turned to ask Xiao Yu, “Who told you I was taking classes?”

“Uncle Shèng, he told us.”

Ye Lai’s gaze drifted away. “Has he… has he been here lately?”

“Yes, Uncle Shèng comes every weekend. Every time he comes, he brings us so many things, toys, cars, airplanes, and moving robots. He also takes us to the amusement park and the aquarium. He said Brother Lai has been taking classes recently, and is very tired, so he said he’s coming in your place.”

Ye Lai didn’t know any of this. Sheng Mingqian hadn’t mentioned it.

Just as Ye Lai had finished distributing what he had bought to the children, Sheng Mingqian arrived.

Sheng Mingqian saw Ye Lai’s car parked in the yard before he even entered the gate, knowing he was here too. He got out of the car carrying things, and looked around the yard.

Behind the house were several old locust trees. Ye Lai and a dozen children were sitting in the shade of the trees, telling them stories. The sunlight filtered through the locust leaves, creating dappled shadows on Ye Lai’s face. Strings of newly opened locust blossoms hung overhead. When the wind blew, the fragrance of the flowers took shape, floating in the air.

“Lai Lai,” Sheng Mingqian walked toward them, placing the boxes in his hands on the ground. “You didn’t go to class today?”

Usually, Sheng Mingqian would drive Ye Lai to class in the morning, but today Ye Lai insisted on driving himself.

A group of children jumped up and shouted “Uncle Shèng” in unison. Sheng Mingqian smiled as he walked over, patting each of them on the head. His palm finally stopped on top of Ye Lai’s head, still sitting under the shade of the tree. His palm felt the strands of his hair, and he hesitated before moving it away.

“I took a day off,” Ye Lai felt his scalp tingle. Seeing that Sheng Mingqian’s box was heavy, he glanced at it to change the subject. “It’s so heavy. What did you buy?”

“Some movies. I promised Xiao Yu last week that I’d come and show them an open-air movie tonight. I brought the stuff over first. I was going to pick you up tonight and come together. The projection equipment hasn’t arrived yet. I asked someone else to drive it over later.”

A group of children heard that they were really going to watch a movie and surrounded Sheng Mingqian, clamoring that they wanted to see it now.

“It’s daytime now, we can’t see it clearly. We’ll watch it tonight.”

Sheng Mingqian patiently explained to them. After he finished speaking, he looked at Ye Lai again. “There’s more stuff in the car. I’ll go get it.”

Ye Lai stood up, patting the dust off his butt. “I’ll help you carry it.”

“The weather is nice today, and there’ll be a breeze tonight. It’ll be cooler to watch the movie.”

“There might be mosquitoes. I also brought several bottles of children’s mosquito repellent. There’s also some for adults.”

“This box is popcorn and snacks, this box is juice and milk. This one’s heavy, I’ll carry it.”

“Someone will be bringing watermelons over later.”

Sheng Mingqian had prepared everything. Holding popcorn and cola, sitting under the night sky to watch a movie, this was something Ye Lai had dreamed of as a child.

When he was little, he didn’t have money to go to the movie theater. Occasionally, on his way home from school, he would pass the movie theater entrance. Just past the intersection, he would only glance at it from afar with the corner of his eye, clenching the strap of his schoolbag, involuntarily taking a detour from that side.

But when he really reached the entrance of the theater, he would quickly run past with his head lowered, not stopping for a moment, until he turned around and couldn’t see it anymore, even when standing on his tiptoes.

Sometimes it was that contradictory. Things that you couldn’t get, even if you had the opportunity to get close to them, you didn’t dare to look at them too much, as if they were some kind of monster that would swallow you up.

But in reality, it was just because that light was too dazzling, and he didn’t dare to look directly at it.

–

–

At eight o’clock in the evening, after dinner, it was completely dark.

Sheng Mingqian and Ye Lai set up the projection equipment, hanging the screen on the wall and setting up the projector in the yard.

A dozen children carried small benches and sat in front of the still-gray screen, each holding a large bucket of popcorn and juice, chatting and chattering. Although it was a familiar environment, it became lively and new because of the addition of the screen.

Sheng Mingqian turned on the projector, and the machine buzzed as it began to work. The screen on the wall lit up, and a slightly bluish light spread out, connecting to the deep blue of the night sky.

The yard instantly rang with the children’s cheers. Ye Lai sat at the back, also infected by them, as if he was watching a movie for the first time, and shouted “Wow” along with them.

After shouting “Wow,” he laughed at himself. Sheng Mingqian, who was beside Ye Lai, laughed with him.

Ye Lai also had what the children had. He held a bucket of popcorn, picked up a kernel from inside, and put it in his mouth. The sweet taste melted in his mouth, making his eyes narrow.

They were watching a children’s cartoon. Ye Lai watched with great interest, laughing and clapping along with the children.

When one movie ended, the children were still not satisfied, so Sheng Mingqian showed them another one.

When the two movies ended, it was almost 12 o’clock. Several of the older children wanted to continue watching, but Sun Ayi chased them back to sleep, even scaring them by saying that staying up late would stunt their growth.

The older children were in their growth spurt, so they stopped dawdling and waved goodbye to Sheng Mingqian and Ye Lai before obediently going back to sleep.

The noise and laughter from just now disappeared, and the yard suddenly became quiet. Under the tranquil night sky, Ye Lai and Sheng Mingqian stood leaning against the banyan tree.

The screen was still lit, but nothing was playing on it. Several sparkling stars hung overhead, the night sky pressing down extremely low. A night breeze blew, and the locust leaves behind them rustled against each other.

“Sleepy?” Sheng Mingqian asked.

“Not really,” Ye Lai bent his leg and kicked the tree trunk with his heel.

“Then wait for me for a while. There’s one more small program.” After Sheng Mingqian said that, he turned and ran toward the car.

Ye Lai lowered his voice. “They’ve all gone back to sleep. What other program is there?”

Sheng Mingqian turned his head and said, “The program below can only be watched by one child.”

Ye Lai stood there for two seconds before he understood. The child Sheng Mingqian was talking about was him.

Sheng Mingqian was gone for more than half an hour. Ye Lai sat on the stool, getting anxious waiting. He wanted to go out and look for him, but as soon as he took a step, he heard the familiar sound of footsteps approaching from afar.

However, Sheng Mingqian didn’t come back. Instead, a “Clown” came back.

The Clown wore a pointed hat on his head and had colorful paint on his face. It looked like his makeup skills weren’t very good. Maybe it was because he was in too much of a hurry, but the two sides of his face weren’t symmetrical. The light from the screen shone on his face, making him look ridiculous and funny.

Ye Lai looked at the “Clown” and burst out laughing.

The Clown stood in front of the screen and raised his hand in a bow. “The following program is a clown performance. I hope Little Lai Lai will be happy tonight.”

The Clown performed with all his might. His exaggerated body movements made Ye Lai laugh so hard that he had to hold it in, afraid of disturbing the children’s rest. All he could do was desperately hold it back, his shoulders shaking and tears streaming down his face.

The Clown pulled a long string of balloons from the pocket behind him, but he wasn’t skilled at twisting them into animals. He wanted to twist a puppy, but ended up twisting a monstrosity.

Ye Lai stood in front of the tree, bending over with laughter.

The secret Ye Lai had revealed when he was in pain, Sheng Mingqian thought about it for a long, long time, and finally understood who that clown friend was.

That was Ye Lai’s “friend in his heart.”

“Are you happier?” the Clown asked.

Ye Lai blinked and nodded.

The night sky overhead was even lower, and the stars were even brighter, suspending them between heaven and earth.

Another gentle breeze passed by. Ye Lai took a breath and asked, “Are you my clown?”

The Clown gave the monstrosity to Ye Lai, his fingertip brushing against Ye Lai’s chest. “I am your clown.”

Ye Lai held the monstrosity and sniffed. “When did you get this stuff?”

“I learned it in my university performance class. It’s been a long time since I did it, so I’m rusty. I wanted to practice before showing you, but I felt that the night sky tonight was too low, so I needed something to hold it up.”

The Clown smeared the paint on his fingers on Ye Lai’s face, forehead, tip of his nose, cheeks, corners of his lips…

“Lai Lai, our ‘relationship in bed’ during this time, all of it has been happy. It’s like a hallucinogenic drug to me, I’m addicted.”

Sheng Mingqian cupped Ye Lai’s cheeks with his palms. “But there are also times when I wake up. When I wake up, half of me is empty. I still want to live a steady life with you. You don’t have to force yourself to smile every day. If you’re sad, tell me. If you’re tired, you can say you’re tired. If you have a nightmare, if it hurts, kick me awake and let me accompany you to be in a daze, talk nonsense, do anything…”

Ye Lai had been tilting his head to look at him. After listening, he raised his hand to wipe away the tears of laughter from the corners of his eyes. After wiping, he laughed again.

During this time, Ye Lai had always shown people his smiling side. How could Sheng Mingqian not feel it? In fact, Ye Lai was still curled up in that outer shell.

But that protective shell was too fragile. Sheng Mingqian could lift it up with a single reach, seeing the “naked” Ye Lai inside.

Looking at Sheng Mingqian, the corners of Ye Lai’s mouth curved up. He watched with his own eyes as the protective shell that had been wrapped around him withered, decayed, and became weightless.

Finally, it was blown away by the night breeze.