SM Chapter 31

Chapter 31 I am… a boy…

Ye Lai drank alcohol in the evening and was carried horizontally by Sheng Mingqian, feeling dizzy. After getting into bed, they didn’t do anything, and he quickly fell asleep in Sheng Mingqian’s arms.

The bedside lamp was turned on low. Sheng Mingqian stayed awake, his palm resting on Ye Lai’s head, looking down at the circular hair whorl right in the middle of his head. It reminded him of Coffee in the yard, curled up in a ball under the sunlight, its round, furry belly rising and falling.

Thinking of this, Sheng Mingqian smiled silently.

Ye Lai’s hair was neither hard nor soft, and not completely dry yet. The bedside lamp emitted a slightly bluish light. From this angle, Ye Lai’s eyes were closed, his breathing even, and his long, dense eyelashes covered his lower eyelids. One could even see the faint blood vessels on his eyelids.

Sheng Mingqian felt like he was looking at a sleeping oil painting, intoxicating and serene, with warm tones.

But the tranquility in his eyes didn’t drown out the sound in his ears; the words Ye Lai had read earlier still lingered.

Sheng Mingqian couldn’t help but imagine what Ye Lai would look like with long hair. A strange and inexplicable feeling arose, like looking down into a deep well at night, seeing a circle of shimmering light, but unable to discern what was hidden in the dark water.

The moon in the sky fell into the water, swaying gently.

He reached out and turned off the light. Lying in bed, Sheng Mingqian suddenly remembered over a decade ago, when he was hospitalized for more than two months after injuring his eyes and losing his sight. He remembered the boy he had mistaken for a girl because of his long hair.

That year, Sheng Mingqian suffered a traumatic brain injury in an accident, and the blood clot in his brain pressed on his optic nerve, causing temporary blindness.

It was almost Chinese New Year in winter, and although he couldn’t see, he could feel that it was a rare cold winter. For the first half-month in the hospital, Lin Han told him that it was always snowing outside, one storm after another. When it wasn’t snowing, it was overcast, and they couldn’t see the sun.

Because he couldn’t see, Lin Han kept the TV in his hospital room on. He heard news reports of snow disasters in many places.

His friend and attending physician, Piao Zhengyang, also said that his lover had a minor car accident in the heavy snow, but luckily, they were unharmed. The nurses in the ward couldn’t get a taxi after getting off work at night, and complained to him that they had to walk several kilometers home every night. Their middle school son was also suspended from school, and their grandmother had a sudden cerebral hemorrhage and was also hospitalized.

Everyone was complaining about the heavy snow that winter, and everyone’s emotions were being suppressed desperately.

Everyone was looking forward to the spring of the following year.

Suddenly, starting one morning, people stopped complaining about the snow, and the topic turned to a newly admitted child.

They spoke of that child in hushed tones, not mentioning their name, but referring to them as “the child on the sixth floor.”

“The child on the sixth floor looks crazy, probably has brain damage.”

“Yeah, last night they ran into our hospital barefoot, staggering through the back door. The head nurse was the first to find them.”

“I don’t know where that child came from. The police have been notified, and the director is examining them. I heard they’re covered in injuries. In this cold weather, they were only wearing a single layer of clothing, which was torn and tattered. Their body is covered in frostbite, and their face and body are covered in black dirt and snow. They look so pitiful…”

“Hey, that child on the sixth floor is so pitiful. I heard they were also…”

That person didn’t finish speaking, and another nurse gestured to her to “shush,” indicating that she shouldn’t continue. The others quickly closed their mouths and stopped talking about “the child on the sixth floor.”

Sheng Mingqian couldn’t see, but his hearing became more sensitive day by day. Rather than listen to them complain about the heavy snow every day, “the child on the sixth floor” attracted his attention.

They always said how pitiful the child on the sixth floor was, and they always interrupted the topic in the middle of the conversation. For the next week, Sheng Mingqian heard about the child on the sixth floor besides the heavy snow.

Every time they talked about the child on the sixth floor, Sheng Mingqian’s attention would be refocused.

His ward was on the seventh floor, and the child should live below him, probably right under the floor at his feet.

The seventh floor was the ophthalmology ward. He heard Lin Han mention occasionally that the sixth floor seemed to be a surgical ward.

–

–

What was it like when “the child on the sixth floor” first appeared near him?

Sheng Mingqian tilted his head and thought for a long time, suddenly feeling that not being able to see was really a hindrance. He only heard the faint footsteps outside the ward door. It was after his midday nap.

When you can’t see, you can’t tell the difference between day and night. Every time the nurse changed his medicine, she would thoughtfully tell him the time. After finishing the morning medicine drip, he ate lunch and took another nap. He woke up before it was time to change the medicine in the afternoon.

So he could only guess that the child on the sixth floor appeared outside his ward door between one and three in the afternoon.

As soon as he woke up, he heard a rustling sound at the door. He guessed that someone was standing outside his ward door, wanting to come in but unable to. It wasn’t a doctor or nurse, nor someone he knew.

“Is someone at the door?” Sheng Mingqian asked.

The nursing assistant was washing things in the bathroom. Hearing Sheng Mingqian’s voice, she came out, glanced at the door, and whispered to Sheng Mingqian, “Mr. Sheng, there’s someone at the door. It’s the child on the sixth floor.”

Hearing “the child on the sixth floor,” Sheng Mingqian suddenly became interested. The person he had been hearing about was now standing at his door, although he didn’t know why the child on the sixth floor had come.

The nursing assistant walked to the door, looked at the child, who was wearing a large blue and white striped patient gown, and whose hair covered most of their face, revealing only a pair of dark eyes and a red nose. She also looked at their purple, swollen fingers clutching the doorframe, and told the child to leave.

“You look like you’re not so young. This isn’t your ward. Did you come to the wrong place? Your ward is on the sixth floor. Don’t stand here. You’ll disturb Mr. Sheng’s rest.”

“It’s okay…” Sheng Mingqian frowned and interrupted the nursing assistant. “Don’t send them away. Let the child in.”

The nursing assistant thought she was doing what was best for Sheng Mingqian, but since he had spoken, she closed her mouth and stopped interfering, and turned around and went back into the bathroom.

Sheng Mingqian stood by the bed, waiting for a while facing the door, but didn’t hear any footsteps of someone entering or leaving. He waved towards the door, “Don’t be afraid. This is a hospital.”

He also pointed to his eyes wrapped in gauze, “I can’t see. I’ve been staying here for almost a month. I’m very bored. Can you come in and chat with me?”

Sheng Mingqian couldn’t understand why he wanted to communicate with a stranger, perhaps it was because he always heard about “the child on the sixth floor,” so it was pure curiosity.

Soon, he heard a pattering sound of footsteps. He knew that the child on the sixth floor had come in.

Sheng Mingqian didn’t know how to address the child who came in, nor did he want to call them “the child on the sixth floor” like others. He didn’t even know if the person who came in was a boy or a girl.

The nursing assistant just said that the child wasn’t young, so perhaps it was an older child.

“How old are you?” Sheng Mingqian asked.

There was no response, only the increasingly close sound of breathing. The breathing was both fast and slow, sounding like…

Nervousness.

The child was nervous, Sheng Mingqian thought.

Sheng Mingqian suddenly asked a strange question, “Do you… know me?”

Sure enough, after he asked this question, he could clearly hear that “the child’s” breathing became heavier, even with a bit of sobbing, like a desperate cry for help after drowning.

Sheng Mingqian softened his voice, “Don’t be afraid, there’s nothing to be afraid of.”

As soon as he finished speaking, he suddenly felt a coolness on his face. The child seemed to have reached out and touched his face. Their fingers brushed against his face, and the rough sensation was like dry firewood scratching his skin.

Sheng Mingqian didn’t like being touched by others, but he still resisted the urge to turn his head away and dodge the child’s hand. He also reached out and felt forward. The child was about a head shorter than him, probably only reaching his shoulder. He reached out and touched the child’s long hair on the side of their face.

Sheng Mingqian quickly withdrew his hand, “Sorry, I thought you were a girl…”

After he said this, he heard a whimper.

“Woo…”

The whimpering sound was like being forcibly pulled out from the throat, like pulling out silk threads, urgently trying to refute something, but in the end, nothing was said.

Sheng Mingqian guessed in his heart that perhaps the child was mute.

“Woo…” The child whimpered again, and their hand touched his face again, this time very lightly and quickly, touching him once and then retracting.

Sheng Mingqian still wanted to ask something, but the child ran out of the ward with pattering footsteps. In the end, there was only the sound of the door slamming shut, whether because of fear or some other emotion.

For the next week, Sheng Mingqian could reliably wait for the child at the ward door every afternoon. The child would come into the ward and stay with him for a while, but would leave after only an hour.

Sometimes the nurses from the sixth floor would come upstairs to look for them, sometimes they would leave on their own. The first day, they touched his face and ran away suddenly. After that, before leaving, the child would always pat his arm, indicating that they were about to leave.

Sheng Mingqian would wave to them and say “goodbye,” and then add, “If you’re bored tomorrow, you can come again. I’m also very bored.”

After three days, Sheng Mingqian simply stopped taking naps at noon. After eating lunch, he would sit in his room waiting for the pattering sound of footsteps in the hallway outside the door. When he heard it, he would wave towards the door and let the child in.

It was strange, he didn’t like listening to the nurses complain about the cold winter and heavy snow, but he always told the child that it was too cold, and he heard Lin Han say that it was snowing again, and the roadside billboards were blown down by the wind, injuring innocent passersby.

Finally, all the nurses and doctors in the hospital ward knew that the child on the sixth floor and the blind director on the seventh floor had become friends. They often saw the child on the sixth floor running upstairs every noon.

Actually, Sheng Mingqian didn’t know that the child on the sixth floor would come to his door not only at noon, but also in the morning and evening. However, except at noon, they didn’t make any pattering sounds. They carefully clung to the door, looking inside at the person sleeping in the bed, and would run away after looking enough.

Sheng Mingqian heard the child speak for the first time half a month after they started coming.

That day, the sun came out for the first time in a long time. At noon, the nursing assistant even asked Sheng Mingqian if he wanted to take a walk in the yard and bask in the sun.

Sheng Mingqian said he didn’t want to go out. However, after waiting for the child again at noon, he talked to them for a while and asked if they wanted to bask in the sun together.

Thinking that it was a girl, and afraid of being misunderstood, Sheng Mingqian also asked the nursing assistant to accompany them.

The child was wearing Sheng Mingqian’s clothes, a long, thick down jacket wrapped around the blue patient gown. They supported Sheng Mingqian’s arm out of the ward, and the nursing assistant followed behind them.

The two walked around the small garden behind the ward building. Sheng Mingqian only remembered the crunching sound of his feet stepping in the snow, and the sound of the wind whirling around in his ears.

Finally, the two got tired and sat side by side on a bench by the side of the small garden road. The nursing assistant specifically found them a place where they could bask in the sun.

Sheng Mingqian could feel the heat of the winter sun on his face. He looked up at the sky. At that moment, the child, who he had always thought was mute, suddenly spoke.

“I’m not…”

That was the first time the child had spoken. Like the “whimpering” sounds he had made before, the words that came out were like thin threads barely held together, pieced together with effort.

Like a rusty bicycle chain, it was as if someone who was really mute had suddenly learned to speak.

“Not what?” Sheng Mingqian asked, not surprised for long.

“I’m not, a girl, I am… a boy…”