BLHO Chapter 61

Chapter 61: Selfish Desires

He Yuncheng speaking such words was enough to show that he had been suppressed to the extreme.

Li Yuliang daring to act against them in the palace, the Empress Dowager dying unclearly, the Ministry of War holding back military provisions tightly, completely disregarding the war situation…

Yet to all these events, the Emperor hadn’t uttered a single word, hiding in the shadows, unseen.

Although He Yuncheng held military power, in reality, he was now isolated and without support in the court.

Leading troops out of the pass this time, without the court’s support, was no different from taking a desperate gamble.

He had to make the worst possible plans.

He couldn’t speak of these vexations to others, much less show them in front of his subordinates.

Only when alone with Lin Shuangxu could his emotions be somewhat alleviated.

After their intimacy, he held Lin Shuangxu’s waist as they fell asleep, the warmth between the sheets still lingering, yet it only added to the sense of sadness.

Lin Shuangxu faced away from him, feeling the even breaths falling on his back.

He wasn’t sleepy, and gently turned his head, wanting to see He Yuncheng’s face.

But the arm around his waist suddenly tightened, and He Yuncheng pressed himself even closer, not giving him any room to turn over.

“I’ll go to the Ministry of War tomorrow,” he said, his eyes closed, speaking softly to Lin Shuangxu, “If they still refuse to approve the military provisions, I won’t wait any longer.”

The war situation on the border couldn’t wait for anyone. He couldn’t wait for the enemy’s iron cavalry to enter the pass before explaining to the soldiers and the people that it was those high in the court who were at fault, not his responsibility.

No one needed to hear such an explanation from a general.

“Have you thought it through?” Lin Shuangxu’s voice was also soft, “Not to mention how long you can last without the approved military provisions, without the Ministry of War’s military order, you’re openly defying the court by sending troops without permission. Even if you return victorious in the future, they can still pursue you for your crimes.”

Of course, He Yuncheng understood these issues, but he couldn’t consider so much right now.

He buried his face in Lin Shuangxu’s neck, breathing softly, pretending to be relaxed as he asked him, “Why does your tone sound like you want to dissuade me?”

Lin Shuangxu was silent, not answering.

He Yuncheng propped himself up, gently turning his face to carefully observe his expression.

“What do you want to say? Say it.” He asked, looking at Lin Shuangxu.

Lin Shuangxu was serious but not frank enough, meeting that pair of affectionate eyes. After a moment, he pushed his body back.

“It’s nothing, rest.”

After he finished speaking, he turned over, facing away from He Yuncheng again.

This time, He Yuncheng didn’t lean over again, lying flat on his side, keeping a few inches of distance between them.

The bedroom was silent, the candle on the desk had burned out, the light flickered a few times, and the surroundings fell into darkness.

He Yuncheng spoke in the darkness, “Do you hope that I’ll give up military power?”

He understood Lin Shuangxu too well, understanding what he was thinking in his heart. Without him saying it, he also knew what he had been holding back these days.

He wanted him to give up confronting the court, this battle. If someone else wanted to fight it, then let them fight it.

Lin Shuangxu’s thin back appeared lonely. Hearing He Yuncheng ask this, he gently moved his body, still not responding.

He didn’t hide his thoughts deeply enough; a single look had revealed his secrets.

Yes, that was what he was thinking, betraying his identity as the young master of the He family, entirely out of his own selfish desires.

He wanted He Yuncheng to no longer care about the border affairs, wanted him to give up military power, to live peacefully.

To live idly in the future, at least his life would be safe.

He Yuncheng looked sideways at his figure, his throat bobbing, feeling somewhat guilty as he said, “I have no choice.”

He reached out his hand towards Lin Shuangxu, but before he could touch him, he retracted it again.

Continuing to speak to him, he said, “I was born into the He family, destined to shoulder this responsibility. If I escape, I don’t know how I’ll face the soldiers, face the people on the border, face my father’s spirit in heaven… I also don’t know, after taking off this armor and preserving my life, how I’ll face myself in the future.”

Of course, Lin Shuangxu understood what kind of person He Yuncheng was.

So he didn’t say a single word of those selfish thoughts.

“Mm.” He buried his face in the pillow, responding with a faint voice, “Since you’ve thought it through, then do it.”

–

The next day, He Yuncheng left the General’s Manor early, heading to the Ministry of War, for a final negotiation with Chen Chang.

If the Ministry of War still refused to approve the military provisions, then he didn’t want them. The current reserves were enough to march to the border. After arriving, if the battle lines were extended, he would find ways to raise provisions locally.

He didn’t come to say goodbye to Lin Shuangxu when he left, mainly because the topic they discussed last night was unclear. He was afraid that saying anything more would worsen his mood.

He didn’t know how to make Lin Shuangxu worry less. After all, even he himself couldn’t guarantee whether he could return safely from this willful trip.

Lin Shuangxu’s mind was muddled all day long, having hardly slept last night.

He heard He Yuncheng getting up in the early morning, and he also knew when he left the General’s Manor.

Today, his negotiation at the Ministry of War, the result was very important.

He should have entrusted He Yuncheng with a few words.

But he deliberately restrained himself, not interfering too much, letting He Yuncheng decide everything himself.

He was afraid that he couldn’t help but stop him.

Last night, several times, he impulsively wanted to turn around and hug He Yuncheng, whether to make demands of him or discuss it with him, in short, to make him promise to not care about anything else. The world’s strife arose from those fighting for power, so naturally those fighting for power would quell it.

Without He Yuncheng in Bei Sheng, there would still be others to protect the people in dire straits.

But if he didn’t have He Yuncheng… then he would have nothing.

He couldn’t utter such narrow-minded selfish desires.

The teacher entrusted the He family to him to manage, not to instigate He Yuncheng to be a deserter in times of crisis.

After a muddled morning, Lin Shuangxu finally felt a trace of sleepiness in the afternoon.

He lay on the couch, once again being pulled into those desperate scenes.

The lingering nightmares repeatedly appeared, and the scenes of He Yuncheng falling into the abyss became increasingly real.

He weakly called out He Yuncheng’s name, and then struggled, waking up in a sweat.

He sat up with a start, it was already dark.

He had slept for a long time, there was no movement in the courtyard, He Yuncheng hadn’t returned yet.

He calmed down for a while before confirming that it was just a dream, got out of bed, poured himself a cup of cold tea, and drank two large mouthfuls, his emotions calming down a little.

He opened the door and called the butler, asking why the General hadn’t returned so late.

The butler didn’t dare to lie, much less tell the truth, stammering and telling him that the General had gone to the military camp tonight to discuss military affairs with Guo Yao and the others, and wouldn’t be returning to the General’s Manor to rest.

This wasn’t right.

If He Yuncheng was comfortable leaving him alone at home, he wouldn’t have had Guo Yao and the others come to the General’s Manor to discuss matters in recent days.

“What happened?” He asked sternly.

Having watched the two children grow up since they were young, the butler felt sorry for whichever one of them got hurt.

After hesitating for a moment, he decided that this time he wouldn’t listen to He Yuncheng and would tell Lin Shuangxu the truth.

He said, “Young Master, it’s just that the General, when he went to see Minister Chen at the Ministry of War today, had a conflict with the people from the government office for some reason, and was injured during the fighting. He was afraid that the Young Master would worry, so he went to the camp and didn’t return to the General’s Manor…”

“Injured?” Lin Shuangxu’s expression changed, “Where was he injured!”

“I don’t know the specifics either. The person who came said that it wasn’t a big deal, so Young Master doesn’t need to worry too much…”

Before he could finish speaking, Lin Shuangxu had already hurried towards the courtyard.

The butler asked anxiously, “Young Master, what are you…”

“Prepare the carriage, to the camp.”