FBF chapter 25 part 2

“Are you very tired?”

“…Not that much.”

“Is there that much work? I thought you weren’t working late there, so I was relieved. But seeing you now, it doesn’t seem like that at all.”

The guy who slightly frowned as if he was worried about me was indeed worried. He had even suggested I take a little more time off when I decided to return to work, so seeing me like this must have been hard for him to accept. I struggled to suppress the guilt that suddenly arose. It was a special case this time anyway, and I wouldn’t be assigned again in the foreseeable future.

“Just. I’m still in the adaptation stage, that’s all.”

I threw out an answer that strangely avoided the core of the matter and stared at the elevator’s display panel. The elevator in the basement parking lot was slowly coming up. Although it was a multi-purpose building with a movie theater, restaurants, and shopping facilities, considering that it was midnight, it wouldn’t take long to arrive. Perhaps thinking similarly, Lee Jihoon, who was rubbing his shoulder, stopped.

“Um….”

I lowered my head in the direction of the sudden voice. I belatedly discovered that someone was standing behind us. It was someone I hadn’t seen when I was walking across the movie theater earlier. The woman who had hurriedly followed us looked so hesitant that I could see her visibly holding her breath as if trying to muster up some courage. The moment I realized she was looking at Lee Jihoon with a familiar gaze, my mouth dried up.

“I’m the employee who recommended the popcorn earlier….”

The woman lifted the uniform she was holding to show it off, as if to prove her identity. Ah, it seemed that Lee Jihoon had groaned softly as if he recognized her. Perhaps encouraged by the fact that Lee Jihoon remembered her, she quickly continued speaking.

“Could I possibly have your number, if it’s okay with you….”

I had experienced this situation before. However, it was the first time that it had been just the two of us in this situation.

Lee Jihoon, who momentarily appeared flustered, soon turned to look at me. The moment our eyes met, I unintentionally averted my eyes and took a step back. Not wanting to be part of their conversation, I turned to focus on the elevator display again, thinking it would make things less awkward for her, and also because it felt rude to listen to what was happening next to me.

Still, it felt strange. My boyfriend was getting hit on right next to me, and I was in a position where I couldn’t really intervene.

I wondered if Lee Jihoon felt strange too. Despite my efforts not to, I kept being aware of the presence behind me.

The awkward silence was finally broken by Lee Jihoon’s light sigh.

“I’m sorry.”

“Ah… Do you have a girlfriend?”

“Yes. I have a partner.”

“Ah…”

“I really enjoyed the popcorn you recommended. Thank you.”

“Ah… That’s a relief… Um, I’m sorry. I didn’t see a ring on your hand, so I thought I’d ask just in case.”

Even though she was trying to be polite, it was clearly a rejection. As soon as the awkward conversation wrapped up, we could hear her footsteps leaving. The elevator’s arrival coincided with her exit. I stepped into the elevator first, feeling someone follow behind me. The elevator doors closed. Even though Lee Jihoon was standing right next to me, I couldn’t turn my head. The moment our eyes met, it felt like I had to talk about what just happened. No matter how I looked at it, it wasn’t a pleasant topic.

It would be nice if the elevator could move for us, but Lee Jihoon just stood quietly without pressing a button. I didn’t even know what floor his car was parked on, so I couldn’t press any button myself. I waited a little longer for him before finally opening my mouth heavily.

“…What floor is it?”

There was no response, so I ended up having to turn back to look at him. Lee Jihoon was looking at me with an unreadable expression. Instead of answering, he took action. The B3 button lit up. I watched in silence as Lee Jihoon returned to where he had been standing before, staring at our reflections in the elevator. Since there were no stops for passengers, the elevator continued downward without pause. It wasn’t until the elevator exited the ground floor that Lee Jihoon finally spoke up.

“I understand why you acted like you didn’t know anyone when we were alone just now.”

There was no way I wouldn’t know he was referring to what just happened. I hesitated but turned my head towards him.

“Isn’t it a bit weird that you acted like you didn’t know anything when it was just the two of us?”

Lee Jihoon’s gaze was fixed steadily ahead.

“Do you really not care at all?”

Just like I had earlier. Looking away from me.

“I can’t do it like you.”

“……”

“Honestly, I would have either made a statement like, ‘That person has a girlfriend,’ or at the very least, shown that I was uncomfortable.”

Only then did his gaze finally meet mine. Lee Jihoon’s expression was devoid of any smile.

“Am I the one who’s strange?”

The announcement tone chimed that we had arrived at the basement level three. I watched him walk ahead, unable to suppress a fleeting regret for not having brought my car. Just the one minute down in the elevator drained me so much that the thought of enduring another awkward silence all the way home made me sigh. It truly was a day when nothing seemed to go my way.

It had been a long time since anyone had kept such a prolonged silence without anyone speaking up. The absence of even the common radio made the car feel eerily quiet. I tried to comfort my uncomfortable insides by looking out the window. Even that didn’t help much since the reflection of Lee Jihoon’s face was visible in the glass.

The stillness was broken by the sound of my phone vibrating. After it vibrated three times without stopping, Lee Jihoon glanced over at me, noticing that it was a call. I pulled my phone out from my jacket pocket. The screen showed the name Park Seobin. Without realizing it, I hid the screen with my hand. I felt like he shouldn’t see it. Also, it wasn’t a call I could answer in the car anyway. Even if I picked up, it was likely to be just more talk about what went on before I came to the theater. Since I had no intention of opening up about being called to the Narcotics Unit, the risk was too high.

I assumed it would hang up quickly if I didn’t answer, but less than three seconds later, the phone buzzed again. Lee Jihoon, who had been looking ahead, suddenly spoke.

“Answer it.”

“It’s fine. I can call back later.”

“What kind of call is it that you can’t answer in front of me?”

Seeing his stern expression made my heart chill a little. Even though he could see my stiff face, Lee Jihoon didn’t back down, forcefully insisting.

“Answer it.”

It had been a while since I had seen him talk like this, with a raised voice. I wondered what would happen if I resisted here. I would probably invite more suspicion and might even get into a fight.

Whichever way, I didn’t want to fight with him after only seeing him for the first time in a week. I followed my anxiety and, despite my hesitation, finally brought my phone up, maintaining eye contact with Lee Jihoon.

– Senior!

The fact that the call’s interlocutor’s voice rang loudly in the quiet car made things even worse. Realizing it was Park Seobin, Lee Jihoon stopped asking questions and turned his head forward. I sighed and adjusted my grip on the phone.

“…Yes. What’s the matter?”

– Are you at home, by any chance?

I turned the volume down as low as I could, wishing Park Seobin wouldn’t bring up work.

“No, but I’ll be there soon.”

– Ah, thank goodness. I came by to bring you something, so if you have time, could you come down for a moment? I’ll hand it over and leave quickly.

Fortuitously, what Park Seobin brought up didn’t involve work. Even if it weren’t through her parents, who run a tangerine farm in Jeju, Park Seobin, who often got plenty of agricultural products from her parents who farm significantly in the countryside, still wanted to show her gratitude in this way. Since becoming closer to Lee Jihoon, it had become even more pronounced. Park Seobin told him that the pine nuts she gave were of particularly good quality, so Lee Jihoon even went on to order several boxes from her parents’ farm. Her parents were so touched that they ended up giving him one more box than he had originally ordered, and in turn, Lee Jihoon would order again. It became a virtuous cycle.

It was a familiar occurrence, yet I hesitated to say as I usually would. The mood was like this, and even for a brief visit, I felt that I might end up causing some trouble. Moreover, even if the phone situation was somehow managed, I couldn’t predict what Park Seobin would say when she saw me after coming over. Lee Jihoon cut in to finish my dilemma for me.

“Tell her to come over.”

I turned my gaze away from his resolute side profile. Against my will, I told Park Seobin that I’d be there. I asked her to call me when she arrived since it seemed I would arrive shortly.

“You two are together, huh?”

“We’re on our way back from watching a movie.”

“Ah, you were watching *Spy Woman*? Was it fun? I recommended it to Senior Seon-uk.”

“Ah… So it was you who recommended it?”

Lee Jihoon laughed but didn’t say anything more and bent down to pick up two boxes he had set on the floor.

“It must have been tiring to come all this way…”

“No, it’s fine. I thought this might be the last chance to see you, so I came.”

“…….”

“I honestly thought I would get to see you now and then even though our teams have changed, but it hasn’t quite been like that. So I came to express my gratitude for this work.”

I could see Lee Jihoon halt while picking up the boxes. I sensed the word “thank you” from Park Seobin was what caused it. I rushed over to Park Seobin and patted her shoulder, wanting to send her off before any further details could be revealed.

“Anyway, thank you. Didn’t you say your girlfriend was waiting? Hurry up. You shouldn’t keep her waiting.”

“It’s alright. She knows I’m here, and I’m just waiting at home.”

“Still, it’s getting late…”

“She wants to say thank you too. You’ve helped me out so much since I joined the Narcotics Unit, Senior. I really would have struggled without you this week. Even though I thought I was learning a lot under you, it’s different when the work is flooding in from all sides. Other seniors also seem noticeably relieved. Thank you. But since I’ve learned so much from this opportunity, I won’t have the same situation again. The team leader even said the same thing as soon as he arrived, that this will be the last time to have someone from a different team come help out.”

Without a chance to intervene, I had no choice but to grit my teeth. Ah, damn…

“…It seems Seon-uk helped you out?”

“Excuse me? Ah, yes. There was a major case in our team this week. We even had to call in people from other teams, but honestly, no one knows our team’s projects like Senior Seon-uk does. So he was the first one I ran to, haha. Thankfully, he willingly agreed.”

“Ah…”

“Anyway, thank you, Senior. But I feel relieved to express my gratitude to you like this. It’s a small gesture, but I hope to see you again.”

I could barely nod, unable to maintain my expression. It wasn’t until I heard Park Seobin’s car leaving that I finally mustered the courage to glance over at Lee Jihoon.

“Lee Jihoon. That…”

“Seon-uk, did you set me up?”

The question that seemed unbelievable made him go suddenly quiet. Lee Jihoon, who wasn’t smiling anymore, had transformed into someone utterly expressionless. The moment I faced his cold, dark eyes, I felt that what had to happen was finally here.

“Let’s talk upstairs.”

Lee Jihoon turned first, carrying the boxes. I watched him stride away in disappointment and pushed my hair back. No matter how much trouble I had, this felt a bit excessive. It was as if the heavens were cursing me to fight with Lee Jihoon.

After setting the boxes down in the kitchen, Lee Jihoon headed straight for the living room. I stood in place, not knowing what to do. I met his eyes as he closed the distance between us powerfully. While I had my own grievances, it also felt as if I had nothing to say, considering how I had been hiding all the things he would particularly dislike.

Lee Jihoon remained silent. That meant it was up to me to speak. It was also a way for him to give me a chance to explain myself. Not being able to maintain eye contact with him, I fixed my gaze on his feet and opened my mouth wearily.

“I didn’t do it on purpose.”

“What did you mean?”

“I didn’t intentionally try to hide that I helped the Narcotics Unit.”

“But why don’t I remember hearing anything about it?”

The sharp silence between his words sliced through the atmosphere like scissors. It meant my usual excuses wouldn’t suffice to get us through this situation. I chose my words carefully.

“…I thought you’d worry if you knew.”

“You thought I wouldn’t worry if I found out through someone else?”

I exhaled a frustrated breath and raised my head. The moment I saw Lee Jihoon’s icy expression, even colder than I had imagined, my tongue rolled back into my mouth. I hesitated for a moment but then shook my head.

“No. You’d probably worry even more.”

Without taking his eyes off me, Lee Jihoon repeatedly wiped his face with his hand.

“To be honest, I wasn’t happy before either, but I could understand you, you know? But this, I really can’t wrap my head around it. I just can’t get over it.”

“…I know.”

“What good does knowing do? You’ll still keep doing the same thing, won’t you?”

I should say it’s not true, but in reality, I couldn’t be certain. I felt like if the same situation came around, I would still try to hide it first. Lee Jihoon sighed as he looked at me, and I could see him turn away. He walked a few steps before stopping abruptly, then repeated the action, circling the living room as if trying to calm his rising anger. It didn’t seem easy for him to let go of his frustration, and I grew concerned that he might just walk out the door. Before I even thought about it, I followed him, wanting to catch him. It was surprising to see him trying to leave like this after all the times we had fought over various things in the past year. I felt I had to stop him, be it through forceful measures or any means possible.

However, my strong resolve didn’t last long. The action of following him turned to helplessness. Lee Jihoon suddenly stopped in front of the entrance, taking a long breath. He turned back toward me, his expression troubled. With his hands on his waist, he silently stared at me for a while before breaking the silence.

“Are you going to do this again?”

“……”

“Just say it’s not true, even if it’s a lie. I’ll pretend I didn’t hear.”

I hesitated for a moment, then opened my mouth.

“…I won’t do it again.”

After watching me for a moment, Lee Jihoon didn’t say anything further and resumed walking. He stepped back into the house and collapsed onto the sofa, repeatedly wiping his face. I didn’t need to ask to know that he was trying to suppress his anger. Throughout it all, he kept his gaze averted from me, as if he understood well that looking at me would cause him to lose control of his emotions. But even then, it didn’t seem to be working, as when he spoke again, his voice was exceedingly low.

“I endured all week just thinking about seeing you today.”

“……”

“Even though I’m angry, it would be my loss to not see you. I don’t want to regret wishing I had calmed down a little before getting on the next flight with no time left.”

“……”

“Let’s just stay still until I can calm down. It won’t take long. Just for a moment.”

As he spoke, Lee Jihoon seemed to be sorting through his emotions. Fortunately, this time it seemed to work. He became noticeably calmer, lowering the hand that had been rubbing his face. He picked up the remote, as if in need of something else to focus on, and I gently turned my body away.

“I meant to ask if you wanted to stay with me.”

I couldn’t even take a step before I had to turn my head back. Lee Jihoon was still sitting on the sofa, his expression still apathetic, but he was pressing the remote furiously, as if venting his frustration. Swallowing hard, I dragged my feet slightly.

“…Ah, I’ll be back. Just a moment.”

“I wish you’d sit next to me instead of going off somewhere, even if it’s just for a short while.”

Even when it felt like he was deliberately lowering his tone, Lee Jihoon didn’t look at me. I briefly hesitated, wondering if these actions to soothe his anger might instead provoke him further. Still, I guided my heart back to the actions I had originally planned. I cast a glance at him, even as I turned around again.

“It won’t take long. I’ll be right back.”

“Could you at least let me know where you’re going when you leave?”

“…I’m going to my room.”

For the first time since sitting on the sofa, Lee Jihoon’s gaze turned back to me. I raised my hand to point toward my bedroom.

“I just need to grab something…”

Not waiting for a chance to clarify, I left, believing that he would find out soon enough.

Lee Jihoon remained seated until I came back from my room, and when I emerged, it seemed he had been watching for me, as our eyes met immediately. The moment our gazes collided, he turned away swiftly once more. I pushed the box onto the table, feeling the weight of his presence pressuring me.

“…Lee Jihoon.”

I reached toward him hesitantly. Lee Jihoon could easily sidestep my hand if he wanted to.

Fortunately, he didn’t pull away. He frowned slightly when I brushed my fingers against his cheek, yet he remained where he was. Of course, he still didn’t turn his head back toward the television.

Feeling a strange sense of courage because of the certainty that he wouldn’t evade my gaze again, I thought about how I shouldn’t dismiss the odds. Fighting didn’t mean the end of everything; yet I had acted like merely engaging in a fight would lead to disaster, trying to avoid and conceal things I knew he would dislike. I was aware of how much that had caused us to drift apart.

I recalled Lee Jihoon’s words: that I would act the same way if something like this happened again. His expression when he said that stuck with me, making my heart ache with guilt. He was right; unless I changed this habit, such things would indeed keep repeating.

With all these thoughts weighing heavily on me, I opened my mouth slowly.

“I won’t do it again.”

I had just said the same thing earlier, but this time my words felt much more significant. There was a sincerity to it.

“I’m not trying to gloss over this, though… I mean it.”

I channeled all my remorse into that touch. As I gently caressed his cheek, I realized I had endured this week by constantly thinking the same thoughts as he did about wanting to see him. There had been many moments of struggling through those days, driven by the knowledge that Friday would finally arrive when he would be with me.

“I understand. I shouldn’t hide things from you.”

“……”

“So, I’m trying not to… but honestly, it’s hard.”

“……”

“Maybe it’s become a habit… if something is dangerous or might upset you, I think it’s better to hide it instead. That’s how I thought I was protecting you.”

The sound of the television buzzing in my ears faded as if he had hit the mute button. It signaled to me that he was listening, so instead of lowering my gaze, I took short, deep breaths.

“I’m sorry. I’ll keep trying to get better… so hopefully things will change.”

And…

In that moment, I briefly wondered if I had to share all of this, but merely having that thought filled me with the need to speak up quickly.

“Of course, part of it was because it was my old team that I helped….”

“……”

“The team leader was away on vacation, which really turned the tides. The baby of that family is ten years old, and they were taking him on his first overseas trip.”

“……”

“They were finally going on a big family trip to celebrate a successful ending to Choi Hyuk-jun’s case, and they departed right when all of this happened. It seems they flew to the airport as soon as they heard the news. It’s inevitable, but it just feels…”

Being honest was hard. Especially when I had always internally processed things, thinking that if I bore the responsibility alone, it would just end there. Sharing all these burdens with someone else required an extra layer of strength.

Yet I recognized it was necessary. Even if he wouldn’t understand it at first, sharing it with him would lift his mood and create a bit of ease.

Feeling his hand wrap around mine, I finally managed to look up. Lee Jihoon was watching me quietly. Thankfully, the expression he wore wasn’t the same as before.

“…Is it the team leader who helped you move departments?”

“Yeah.”

For a moment, Lee Jihoon seemed to fall into thought, and then he reached his hand out towards me. Realizing what he was trying to do, I allowed him to lift my shirt. I extended my palm first, as if to show that it was clean. Letting him know there were no injuries.