FBF chapter 13 part 1

“That guy is pissed off again.”

Kang Youngsoo said as he sipped his cola, staring out onto the balcony. Ever since Lee Jihoon had stepped out to take a call from work, it seemed like Kang Youngsoo was providing a constant update every minute.

“Who do you think he’s arguing with? Huh? From the looks of his face, it seems like it’s someone above him in rank, right?”

“I don’t know.”

“How do you not know? You live together!”

I ignored him and focused on my phone. It wasn’t that I was trying to dodge the question; I genuinely didn’t know anything. Lee Jihoon and I rarely talked about work. I knew that Kang Youngsoo had gone to the eldest son’s first birthday party, but I didn’t know why Lee Jihoon, who was still on leave, would be getting a call from the office on a Friday night. Such information was usually something one had to reveal themselves.

Considering that I couldn’t blame Lee Jihoon for not sharing, I was just as guilty. The nature of our cases only changed slightly, but the way we handled them remained the same. Above all, I didn’t feel the need to delve into work matters even when we met after a long time. It seemed that I was indeed the peculiar one, as most people didn’t bother discussing mundane day-to-day matters which could easily bore anyone.

The fact that I didn’t mention the arrival of a rookie in the Drug Investigation Unit fell under the same reasoning. Being the first new hire since I joined, it was surprising, yet everyone was too busy dealing with urgent cases to pay attention. Given that I was the most junior member of the team, it was only natural that the responsibility of mentoring the newcomer fell on me.

Park Seobin

“Are you asleep, sunbae? 7:53 PM”

As I recalled how I dragged the new recruit around the field like an internship, a vision of them shyly approaching to ask something overlayed my screen. Occasionally, it seemed like they were attempting unnecessary small talk, perhaps trying to get closer. Nonetheless, it was unexpected that they contacted me after work hours. I had seen them leave early, so why were they reaching out to me now?

Regardless of the situation, I had to respond since Seobin likely considered me the most approachable among the seniors.

“8:03 PM No, what’s up?”

As soon as I sent the message, the unread notification disappeared. I sensed an immediate reply was forthcoming, so I kept my eyes glued to the screen.

“Who is it?”

Kang Youngsoo leaned in between my arm and the phone until he blocked my view.

“Park Seobin? Park Soo-jin? Who?”

“Get lost.”

“Oh, why! I couldn’t see who it was!”

As he tried to maintain his position to see the screen, I hid my phone behind my back. Knowing he couldn’t physically overpower me, Youngsoo finally relented and his eyes widened in realization as if he suddenly made a breakthrough.

“Seon-uk, are you in a relationship?”

Does this guy think of anything other than romance? His surprised expression clearly showed on his face as he awkwardly removed his hand.

“Do you need to look at me like that? If it’s not true, it’s not, no need to look at me like I’m an idiot…”

“Why the sudden question about romance?”

“Because you hid your phone all of a sudden, it seemed suspicious.”

“What’s there to hide? There’s no reason to show work messages!”

“What? It’s a coworker? Are you dating at the office?!”

“…”

“…Alright then. I was just messing around, okay?”

As I left the grumbling Youngsoo behind, I peeked at the balcony. Thankfully, the tightly closed balcony door meant that Lee Jihoon didn’t hear Youngsoo’s nonsense about office romance. With one hand on his waist, he was still on the phone, frowning and clearly brooding. He seemed to be listening to whatever the other person was saying rather than speaking himself. Just as Youngsoo remarked, he didn’t appear to be in a good mood. I briefly pondered what could be troubling him and then turned my attention back down.

“Seon-uk, did you really fight with Lee Jihoon?”

Somehow, Youngsoo had made his way up to the sofa and was now resting his head in my lap. I felt a flicker of guilt upon seeing his concerned eyes looking up at me. Youngsoo had skipped his usual breaks to come over to my place knowing I had been working late recently, and it was partly due to his worry about my apparent distancing from Lee Jihoon. For most of that week, he had been bombarding the group chat with questions, finally deciding to show up with chicken to reassure himself that everything was alright. Even though the question he aimed to ask had been redirected to me when Lee Jihoon went out to take that call, I just shook my head, attempting to mask my complex feelings.

“…No, nothing like that.”

“Then why were you asking if Lee Jihoon was reachable when you called? Isn’t that because you guys had a fight and he isn’t returning your calls?”

“That’s…”

As I hesitated, Youngsoo narrowed his eyes suspiciously. I got my phone out from where I had been hiding it. I saw that the rookie had replied in the meantime. I pretended to concentrate on the message, keeping my gaze glued to the screen while I roughly mumbled a response.

“I just asked because I wasn’t able to contact him for a while, that’s all. Anyway, there’s no problem now…”

“Really? I believe you?”

“Yeah.”

“Once your call with Lee Jihoon ends, do I get to ask the same question again? Like an interrogation?”

Normally, Youngsoo wasn’t one to press so hard, but perhaps he found similarities to the fight I had with Lee Jihoon back when we were twenty, hence his insistence. I reluctantly nodded at him as he tugged my elbow as if to hasten my answer.

“…Sure.”

Lee Jihoon likely wouldn’t disclose that they had fought either. Being the more articulate one, he’d figure something to say. Both Lee Jihoon and I had tacitly kept Youngsoo out of it. If anything, we were postponing the topic until we reached a resolution. The deadline set by Lee Jihoon inching closer was weighing heavily on us.

A lot had happened over time, yet I honestly wasn’t sure what mutual agreement we might be arriving at. It was ambiguous whether to interpret Lee Jihoon’s behavior as proof of our friendship or if I was signifying my love in a way. Each time I entered the house to find Lee Jihoon waiting up for me, checking my injuries from the day, it didn’t feel like it was coming to any conclusion. Instead, I was more inclined to ignore the fact that conclusions were approaching.

I remembered the discussion I had with Lee Jihoon at the soup restaurant. The pieces of his past, hesitantly revealed, still weighed heavily on my heart. Promising that I wouldn’t be hurt despite hearing all this might have been the only truthful and adequate response I could offer given my inability to lie.

A while ago, during a busy time, the team leader had subtly tested the waters about my transfer to Taean. He didn’t seem particularly interested but, true to his nature of never holding back personal ambitions, spoke as if he would respect my decisions. In such circumstances, could the arrival of a rookie after several years really be just a coincidence? Perhaps his casual remark to care for the rookie meant that the newcomer might take on my responsibilities soon, suggesting that I should teach them as much as I could before I left. As a result, I had unconsciously started instructing the rookie on things I knew were unnecessary at the moment.

Maybe the rookie sensed this too. Although a year younger than me, they struggled to adapt, often appearing lost, but they didn’t lack awareness. Despite the lack of a practical manual and the overwhelming number of tasks, they could find it tough to learn too much too quickly. As I tried to sift through my tangled thoughts, I quickly skimmed through the messages from the rookie again.

Park Seobin

“Oh, it’s not anything serious… 8:04 PM”

“I’m sorry for contacting you outside of work hours, but I have a question to ask you. 8:05 PM”

“If you’re free, could we meet for just a moment? I can come to where you are. 8:06 PM”

Seeing them trying to awkwardly ask for a meeting while excessively being polite, it didn’t seem like a casual matter. I sent a brief reply to ask where they were.

“Seon-uk, aren’t you too busy to work out lately? It feels like the firmness in your thighs has decreased by about three levels? Huh? At this rate, I might have to stage a surprise inspection on your abs.”

“If you put your hand on me, you’ll die.”

As I pushed Youngsoo’s head away, like an annoying trainer who pretended to have received personal training months ago, I suddenly heard the balcony door open from behind. Kang Youngsoo perked up, raising his head with enthusiasm and asked Lee Jihoon.

“Did you win?”

“What the hell are you talking about? Why didn’t you leave already? I told you to eat the chicken and go home.”

Youngsoo looked back at me with a bewildered expression after seeing Lee Jihoon’s nasty response. He whispered as if conspiring.

“Looks like he’s seriously annoyed…”

“Take a good look at his face.”

“Oh no, why did the phone have to ring just now!”

Youngsoo, still holding his phone, quickly disappeared onto the balcony. Thankfully, it seemed not to be a lie as I could see Youngsoo animatedly mouthing something outside. Just then, Lee Jihoon, who seemed ready to follow Youngsoo as if he might blow steam, sighed and walked back toward the living room. He dropped his phone hard onto the table and then looked at me as if he sensed my gaze.

“What?”

Although it was a softer tone than how he responded to Youngsoo, his expression still radiated anger that he hadn’t managed to compose himself. Youngsoo had clear reasons for escaping onto the balcony. Stimulating Lee Jihoon in that state wouldn’t result in anything beneficial, so instead of inquiring about what was wrong, I gestured toward the chicken.

“Eat the chicken. You said you were hungry earlier.”

Upon seeing where I pointed, Lee Jihoon’s expression eased slightly. It looked like something uncomfortable had happened, but I knew that if I left him alone, he’d regain his composure in no time, so I simply withdrew my gaze.

I picked up the phone sitting on my thigh only to drop it again. I had a sudden wave of heaviness in my legs. This time, however, the weight that leaned against me did not belong to Kang Youngsoo. Ignoring whether he realized I had almost dropped my phone onto his face or not, Lee Jihoon was staring at me directly as if seeking eye contact.

Both the weights of Kang Youngsoo’s head and Lee Jihoon’s felt similar. Yet, unlike before, I was frozen like a deer caught in headlights, unable to move. As a result, Lee Jihoon seemed quite relaxed. Though, it was baffling to think so.

I had never engaged in such skinship with Lee Jihoon before. It was entirely uncomfortable. I found myself self-conscious about the position of his head resting against my thigh. My eyes darted between Lee Jihoon’s lips and my thigh. By instinct, I shifted slightly backward to create distance.

“They said I have to return to work earlier than planned.”

The phone screen brightened as a new message came through. It was likely from the rookie. I belatedly realized and lifted my left thigh slightly as if I was coming back to my senses. Even though I knew he must have felt my movement, Lee Jihoon acted as if he felt nothing and remained still, not moving an inch.

Realizing that he wouldn’t change positions unless I physically pushed him off, I pretended to check my phone as I turned my head. I calculated how I might naturally push him away at what point.

“…But?”

Park Seobin

“Actually… I’m nearby alreadyㅠㅠ 8:15 PM”

I had read the message, but it didn’t quite register in my brain. What does that even mean? Nearby where? As I reread the message, I felt a sharp pain between my neck and collarbone. Trying to pretend as if everything was fine, I unconsciously looked back down. My gaze met Lee Jihoon’s as he hovered over that same spot he had just poked. His expression was blank, but his fingers twitched slightly as if checking for a response.

“You’ve got a mole here.”

Before his fingers could poke me again, I finally reacted. As I caught his hand mid-air, our eyes locked. I briefly hesitated in my response. I wondered how I might typically react if Youngsoo were pulling such a stunt. Yet, I felt awkward doing something that should be reflexive and natural. At that moment when I attempted to cover it up with a standard reaction, Lee Jihoon opened his mouth first.

“Why didn’t you ask why I’m bothered?”

Only then did the reality of the awkward skinship and Lee Jihoon’s earlier words hit me. He mentioned returning early to work and other such things. While the playful banter was one thing, I wondered why he had brought up work first. Maybe it had something to do with the unexpected way he was acting.

“…What’s going on?”

I hesitated, delaying pushing him away until I stepped back. But instead of replying, Lee Jihoon averted his eyes. Without thinking, I followed his gaze, but then paused abruptly. The way he poked my body again was still causing our hands to interlock. The moment I realized this, I felt Lee Jihoon’s index finger brush lightly against my palm. It wasn’t particularly firm, but it elicited an odd tickling sensation.

“…Ah.”

As I flinched like someone scalded by boiling water, Lee Jihoon remained unfazed. He didn’t seem to care that I was reacting by quickly pulling away.

“My plans have been thrown off.”

Finally, Lee Jihoon shared his thoughts, yet my attention couldn’t capture his words. His fingers were intertwining with mine and slowly tightening their grip. Unlike earlier when he had merely wrapped his finger around mine, this was more substantial, pressing against each other with no gaps. Placing my palm against his skin, I felt the chilly sensation of his warmth. Once I became aware of that warmth, I instinctively wanted to retreat, but Lee Jihoon firmly held onto my hand.

“I was going to spend your birthday together.”

“…”

“They want me back at the office right on that day?”

Even while holding onto me with fingers intertwined, Lee Jihoon couldn’t dislodge my gaze. In one hand, I held onto my phone, while the other remained firmly gripped with his. I had no idea where I might begin to move. The weight of his head resting on my thigh seemed to grip me firmly in place.

At that moment, the balance shifted. I felt as if I had suddenly fallen from a realm of systemic order into chaotic disorder. He was beginning to feel oddly unfamiliar. Even my well-honed rationalizations seemed insufficient. I had never experienced this with Youngsoo.

Wait, where was Kang Youngsoo? My attempt to glance at the balcony failed spectacularly. I couldn’t see past Lee Jihoon, who had effectively blocked my view, triggering my realization. With another sudden tug on my hand, Lee Jihoon’s fingers pressed even deeper between mine. After confirming again that my gaze was caught, he arched one eyebrow and resumed speaking, still intertwined with my fingers.

“Your birthday starts at midnight. I wanted to use that entire time.”

“…”

“So I figured I should leverage every second from that moment.”

Everything felt too close. Lee Jihoon’s gaze, his skin, even his scent. Completely devoid of time, his unwavering gaze spoke of firm intent.

“Will you give me all that time?”

Was he truly going to such lengths just to talk about my birthday? I couldn’t fathom why he’d be so adamant about nailing down a date that even I sometimes forget about due to being busy.

I recalled how many times we had celebrated our birthdays together after meeting Lee Jihoon. Despite numerous occasions, there were equally as many I hadn’t been able to join. Attending college from a distance, working in separate places, living in other locations didn’t make it easy. I only now understood why his insistent desire to be together for this particular birthday felt so strange—the realization that neither of us had ever sought to monopolize each other’s birthdays before.

Lee Jihoon finally closed his mouth as if he had stated everything he wanted to say. He seemed to be waiting for my approval. I swallowed several times before turning my head. Just when I confirmed Youngsoo’s back engrossed in phone calls beyond the balcony, I felt an unexpected lightness. I finally mustered a response to Lee Jihoon after hesitatingly working my throat.

“Can Youngsoo come too…”

“No.”

The abruptness and certainty of his response rattled me. While maintaining our lock of gazes, Lee Jihoon pronounced each word carefully.

“Just you and me.”

My usual escape routes had been completely stripped from me. I realized I had nowhere else to go, staring at Lee Jihoon who was standing in my way. Knowing there were signposts behind him, it was hard to see them as long as he was there. And Lee Jihoon was confidently blocking my view while demanding my attention.

“Ji Seon-uk.”

Is this really alright? Despite wanting to glance around me for reassurance, I came to the remarkable conclusion that there was no one to refer to. A place devoid of reference points. Once I swung my focus back to Lee Jihoon, he immediately spoke as if he was waiting.

“I’ll no longer speculate about you or make assumptions. I’ll take everything at face value, and if I have questions, I’ll ask you directly.”

In Lee Jihoon’s determined gaze, I could see my bewilderment.

“So don’t involve Kang Youngsoo, and don’t run away. Say what you want to say out loud.”

“…”

“If you like it, say you like it. If you dislike it, just say so.”

It took me a long moment to realize that the space I was in was outside of Lee Jihoon’s boundary. Thus, the rules we had abided by had lost their validity here. How long had we been standing in this place?

“Do you not want to spend your birthday with me?”

I gazed at Lee Jihoon, who was unwaveringly awaiting my response in front of that metaphorical signpost. Even in times when we had discussed how we would prove our friendship or love, the comfort zone had been wiped away. Now, he was simply staring at me without any pretense.

Taking a step closer toward Lee Jihoon felt like I was moving closer to that signpost. Yet, in that trance-like state, as I stepped forward, I suddenly realized it.

“…No.”

As the distance shrank, what became more apparent wasn’t just the signpost but also Lee Jihoon’s face. I realized I had forgotten to even close my eyes and blinked several times. The blurriness dissipated, revealing Lee Jihoon grinning at me.

“Perfect timing. There’s something I really wanted to do with you this time.”

The pressure from his grip loosened. It was only when I noticed him floating my lax hand in the air that I began to feel relaxed. I felt as if I had woken up from a moment that had felt encapsulated, as if I had just heard a soft bell. The Lee Jihoon I knew was right there. Noticing the atmosphere had lightened, I instinctively began to search for a way to escape, withdrawing my hand. I awkwardly muttered, trying to justify myself to Lee Jihoon, who was now following my movements.

“What’s all this about…?”

“If I tell you in advance, it won’t be as fun.”

In a cheeky manner, Lee Jihoon suddenly stretched out his hand. At the same moment, I felt my cheeks get pinched. Looking down, I met his playful gaze in surprise. Pinch! This time, it was the other cheek.

Fortunately, I managed to step back just before his fingertips made contact again.

“Ah… what are you doing?”

He kept up with this unexpected behavior, and it annoyed me even more because it was Lee Jihoon in particular. Luckily, this time I was able to voice my disapproval rather than freezing up. It seemed like Kang Youngsoo would notice if I reacted this way, yet here Lee Jihoon was just laughing at my expression, proving it to be futile.

“Just getting to know you.”

“…What?”

“You seem to be very sensitive. Are you ticklish?”

I had never heard such a comment in my life. I stared at him for a moment, momentarily speechless, before I resorted to shoving him away.

“You’re heavy. Move down.”

I intentionally averted my gaze as I spoke stiffly, worried that looking into his eyes would remind me of the recent events. Thankfully, Lee Jihoon seemed to have no intention of prolonging that position either and sat upright. Even if he lost the weight of his head, I felt unexpectedly lighter as if a burden had been lifted. My previously fixated attention on my phone shifted, creating a new sense of awareness.