FBF chapter 1 part 2
by VolareLee Jihoon was now holding the line that I had never thought of showing in front of him. Not knowing what decayed emotions lay at the end of that line, he was extending to me the part that wasn’t yet stained. It was a suggestion to grab hold of it. However, to grasp it, I first needed to untangle the mess. It was a task that required me to reveal the reason why I had to hide that line behind my back.
I regretted much later than I should have. It was an amalgamation of my starting condition being at its worst, my grandfather’s unusually poor health today, and the chaotic day I had at work that formed this disastrous outcome. I had aggravated something that could have passed easily and even delved into it.
Why did I do such a reckless thing? I couldn’t even address him as I would a suspect.
Managing to keep my expression from breaking was the only thing I could do at that moment.
Lee Jihoon’s expression, as he looked at my solid demeanor, gradually softened.
“…It’s not that you’re strange or anything.”
“…….”
“If you brought it up suddenly even though I had no intention of talking about it, I’m sorry.”
He apologized readily, dulling the sharp edge from the end of his question, as if to emphasize that it wasn’t meant to hurt me.
“You brought up this topic first, so I thought you were ready now. Since we’re two guys, I wondered if it was because you were being cautious about my feelings, so I wanted to just go ahead and talk about it. If it’s not, that’s fine. Talk about it in your own way when you feel comfortable.”
Hearing those words, which seemed to spill out as if he had rehearsed the situation countless times, only made me feel more miserable. He was someone with a strong sense of pride who would never back down from an argument, yet he kept taking a step back, probably realizing I had no confidence to lay my cards on the table.
At that moment, I still felt trapped in the narrow confines of Lee Jihoon’s world. It was an extremely unpleasant feeling. So unpleasant that it made me think I had to do something I had never imagined doing. I opened my mouth as if I had nothing left to lose.
“The mere fact that I never brought up dating makes you think I’m inclined to meet a guy.”
Lee Jihoon paused at that. His surprised expression showed no inclination to speak hastily; rather, he seemed to be calmly waiting to hear what I had to say. Even though he was openly conceding, I felt ridiculous, and he seemed like the winner. It was a truth I knew well, but in this moment, it was strikingly unbearable.
Among the numerous things that had tormented me today, this one seemed to stand out as the worst. The mere notion that it stemmed from a single word from Lee Jihoon clawed at me. I countered with no composure left, as if I was someone who could yield nothing more. I even laughed openly at Lee Jihoon so he could hear.
“Maybe it’s just that I’ve never thought that you’re someone who would bring up dating topics?”
Lee Jihoon raised an eyebrow. With an expression of interest, he crossed his arms and slowly traced his gaze over my face. I didn’t blink as I met his stare.
“Am I not someone who would talk about dating?”
“Not exactly fitting. Sometimes, when I hear what Kang Youngsoo says, it doesn’t seem like you’re particularly good at dating.”
“You’re a funny guy. What are you good at?”
‘Are you going to live your life like this forever?’
I made effort to erase the overlapping voice that came after Lee Jihoon’s.
“I’d say I’m better than you.”
Lee Jihoon uncrossed his arms and leaned back, laughing heartily. For a moment, he looked as if he was thinking of something while gazing off into space, and then he shook his head briefly. It was absurdly funny to see him chuckle even within that context. Our eyes met as I observed the unpredictable expressions on his face. As if he had been waiting, Lee Jihoon asked,
“So, Ji Seon-uk, who’s apparently better at dating than me, are you currently in a relationship?”
“…….”
“No way. Really?”
Don’t do anything irresponsible, Ji Seon-uk, you crazy bastard. Perhaps this was the last chance. Though I managed to halt the inner voice that clung to me like a safety bar, Lee Jihoon seemed to misinterpret even that hesitant silence as a sign of affirmation.
“It’s not Kang Youngsoo, right?”
How could Kang Youngsoo know about a fake girlfriend I didn’t even know about? Realizing that there was no time left to explain that having a girlfriend was a misunderstanding, I merely shook my head with a stiff expression. Lee Jihoon, having turned his gaze away towards the television, seemed unaware of it. Or else, he wouldn’t have asked like that.
“Then how about we three meet tomorrow?”
“…….”
“Bring your girlfriend. It’s about time we introduce each other.”
When I didn’t answer, his head turned back. Sensing that I might refuse, Lee Jihoon added one more remark.
“You’ve never done anything like that before.”
Even though it was not a coercive statement, I found it hard to outright deny it. To do so, I would have to gather back all the bold claims I had carelessly muttered. As I absentmindedly looked down at the scattered mess, Lee Jihoon took sips from his beer, wrapping up the conversation.
“I had things to say too. This worked out well.”
Things to say? Before I could even ponder that, the recent phone conversation I had with Kang Youngsoo flashed through my mind.
‘This time, it seems like they might really get married? They asked when our company’s new home appliance product would be coming out.’
The moment that tired topic was nearing its end came with a strange sense of normalcy. Just like the sounds of various vehicles streaming in through the window right now, like the subtle weight of a single souvenir placed in a display case, like the meaningless act of sticking a magnet from a chicken restaurant next to the refrigerator. It approached me without any sign, breaking the familiarity of daily life. I accepted the premonition that pierced through the silence of this room like a loser.
“…Okay.”
I felt nauseous. As soon as that thought crossed my mind, I suddenly got up.
“Then let’s do it that way.”
I subtly pushed the table in front of me with my foot, avoiding Lee Jihoon’s gaze. I had a foreboding feeling that if I went further from here, I would do something even worse than the lie I just told. I needed to retreat.
Although it was late, at least if I withdrew now, I could buy some time to escape.
“Say what you have to say and leave.”
“Where to?”
“To your house.”
“I’m going to sleep over.”
“No. Just leave.”
Although I had anticipated such a response, I shook my head as if there weren’t any options like that. With an unexpected urge, I grabbed his arm, wide-eyed, and pushed him toward the front door.
“Hey. Hey, hey. Shit. I can’t drive. I’ve been drinking, come on!”
“Call a taxi.”
Even as he showed signs of panic, Lee Jihoon was pushed out without a word. I ignored even that, as if it weren’t visible. I kept pushing him toward the front door, even tapping his thigh to hurry him along.
It wasn’t difficult since I had done this before when trying to chase out Kang Youngsoo or Lee Jihoon when they barged in without reason. The one who had to be thrown out without a valid reason would feel ridiculous, but I was not in a position to worry about that right now.
“How are you going to leave like this, jerk? You’re not even dressed!”
I didn’t respond, going into the room to grab Lee Jihoon’s clothes that were carelessly hanging in plain sight. In a matter of seconds, I had pushed him into the shoe cabinet, while ignoring his frantic pleas, raising both hands as if wanting to negotiate.
“I need my shoes! At least let me put them on properly, okay?”
“I’m giving you three seconds.”
“How can I put on dress shoes within three seconds? That’s too much, seriously.”
However, seeing that he no longer wanted to fight against it, he seemed to have realized that no matter how much he endured, he wouldn’t be able to get a sound sleep. Lee Jihoon, while complaining, was hastily putting his foot into his shoes. I stood by, crossing my arms as I watched him.
“First.”
“Hey, but this is way overboard, chasing me out like this so suddenly?”
“Second.”
“Is your girlfriend going to come? That’s not something to hide anymore, is it?”
Lee Jihoon stepped closer unexpectedly. With a hand grabbing the back of his neck, he pulled himself closer to me. With that firm hand resting on my neck, he wore a mischievous smile, and on his right cheek, that Indian dimple was still sunken in.
It was the only trace of the past in his face, which could no longer be called a boy’s face, one that could only be seen when he smiled brightly.
“Wow, if that’s the case, Seon-uk.”
“…….”
“Then you really have lost all sense of loyalty, huh?”
Maybe these things would truly only remain as memories to me now. I tore my gaze away from that trace and opened my mouth.
“…It must have been ten seconds by now. Stop babbling and leave, quickly.”
I opened the door, pushing Lee Jihoon through. Amidst that, he had already put on his shoes and even turned his shoulder with some time to spare, slipping smoothly out through the door. Before the door completely shut, he peeked his face through the gap, not forgetting to flip my insides upside down.
“Is it that nice?”
I forcefully shoved Lee Jihoon’s face away and closed the door. Only when I heard the sound of the door lock clicking did I feel my whole body relax. I exhaled the breath I had been holding and pressed my forehead.
The old apartment I lived in was not very soundproof. Just for pausing to take a breath at the door, I could hear Lee Jihoon being cornered in the hallway, talking to the kid from next door.
“Hey, it’s the police officer!”
“I’m the pilot, okay?”
“Oh, right! It’s been a while, sir.”
“Yeah. Where are you going at this hour?”
“Friends are playing together.”
“At this hour?”
“Yeah! But, sir, why are you only wearing pants?”
“I was going to go swimming.”
“But why are you wearing a shirt again?”
“Hmm. It occurred to me that I might get caught by a police officer on the street if I go out like this.”
“Like your friend?”
“Exactly. By the way, you’re quite curious, aren’t you?”
“Yep. Kids are always like that.”
“Who told you that?”
“My mom.”
“Yeah, right. Are you going to stand here and watch until I’m dressed, then? Your friends are probably waiting.”
“Jong-min texted saying he would be three minutes late, so it’s okay. So, where’s your friend, sir?”
“Police officer? He’s home.”
“But why is he leaving?”
“Hmm. The police officer told me to get lost because his girlfriend is coming.”
“Get lost? Hey, isn’t that a bad word?”
“Right. Why? Does it seem a bit trashy even to you?”
That’s really…
“Anyway, no matter how trashy your friend is, he should at least give me the car keys, and he should lend me his phone so I can call a taxi. Trashy friend, are you listening?”
I turned my head. It didn’t take long to find Lee Jihoon’s phone and car keys lined up on a small table next to the front door. Gritting my teeth, I snatched them up tightly. As soon as I opened the door, the view I saw was familiar. As I heard their voices, I couldn’t help but sigh upon spotting Lee Jihoon standing with the neighbor kid.
“Hey! It’s the police officer!”
“Hey, hello.”
I waved absentmindedly at the neighbor kid pointing at me and then hit Lee Jihoon’s back with my fist that was clutching the items. Lee Jihoon, who turned around with an expected look on his face, smiled brightly.
As if he had expected that I would come rushing out into this conversation.
“Did our trash come?”
Even though he knew full well that our house didn’t have soundproofing, I could tell he was deliberately raising his voice down the hallway. Knowing that cursing in front of the kids was off the table, I gave a warning look before closing the door. This should do it. He looked like he had managed to throw on most of his clothes.
“Hey, that’s the police officer’s car. Kid, how about we take a picture with a police officer and a thief at Banpo Bridge?”
As soon as I turned my head, the logo embedded in the car key case on the table caught my eye. It couldn’t be mine; it must be his. I squeezed my eyes shut.
He truly was an awful person.