TSIBAMS Chapter 106
by VolareA bed in Fang Rong’s hospital room had become vacant, and since she was scheduled to be discharged the next day, Ye Xing decided to spend the night at the hospital.
After Fang Rong fell asleep, he finally had some freedom. Suppressing a subtle excitement, he took out his phone and tiptoed out.
He pressed the power button twice, but the phone didn’t respond.
Out of battery?
He pressed it several more times to confirm it was truly dead, then went back to plug it into the charger and casually picked up Fang Rong’s phone from the table.
He had used Fang Rong’s phone to handle some things for her recently, so the phone password was not a secret. Besides, he was just making a call, and he considered this behavior to be within the bounds of respecting her privacy.
If only the screen hadn’t stopped on a browser page titled, “Can homosexuality be treated?” after unlocking it.
He froze, the smile on his face gradually fading away.
He couldn’t quite pinpoint his exact feeling at that moment. Was it the embarrassment of having a secret discovered? Or the anger that his own mother considered his sexual orientation a disease?
He closed his eyes and then opened them again, moving closer and then pulling back slightly. In the darkness, those words were like a bright flashlight, and he was like a naked wanderer. The beam of light shone on him, unwavering and provocative, instantly exposing all his emotions—surprise, shame, embarrassment, confusion, anger, and even some pain.
Many scenes flashed through Ye Xing’s mind like a revolving lantern. His heart rate slowly accelerated, and he didn’t know how much time had passed before he felt like he couldn’t breathe.
Only then did he realize he had been holding his breath.
He frowned and glanced at Fang Rong, who was still lying on the bed. Her breathing was regular, everything was normal.
Then he started breathing rapidly, taking three steps in two and rushing out of the ward.
Each step was difficult. He no longer quickly reviewed everything that had happened recently, because the few fragments that existed quickly revealed a possible connection.
Fang Rong had known for a long time.
Then, was there a cause and effect that he wasn’t aware of behind Qi Guang’s sudden coldness and even his resolute breakup?
He had to call Qi Guang immediately and ask!
Ye Xing walked to the end of the corridor and opened the window, frantically breathing in the air. His mind was a mess, and he even felt some physiological dizziness, repeatedly telling himself—
This isn’t real, it’s just a baseless coincidence! As long as someone can prove it, things aren’t at their worst yet!
His hand holding the phone trembled, and he shakily opened his call history.
As long as the call history didn’t have Qi Guang’s phone number!
As long as his number wasn’t there!
It would prove that at least they hadn’t been in contact, that Fang Rong’s suspicion was still just a guess, and that Qi Guang broke up with him simply out of anger.
Then there was still a chance to salvage things.
As long as his number wasn’t there!
Countless messy prayers like incantations echoed in his mind. His hand kept scrolling through the page, and suddenly, everything in his mind exploded at one moment. All the guesses and prayers vanished, vast and silent, without even an echo.
January 1st.
The familiar numbers lay carelessly under that date. Although there was no note, just a glance at them made it seem like Qi Guang’s name was written on that string of numbers.
The call wasn’t long. It happened before Qi Guang went to Brother Xu’s house.
Then it all made sense—Qi Guang, who had kissed him so tenderly that morning before leaving, had turned into a completely different person, cold as ice, upon his return.
Ye Xing could even imagine how Fang Rong had lectured or begged him as a mother, and how Qi Guang had gone from arguing reasonably to succumbing helplessly.
He knew Qi Guang too well. As long as Fang Rong invoked the role of a mother, the former would swallow his words even if he broke his teeth, not daring to shout in pain or fight back.
The night wind was cool. He tried to raise his hand to close the window but found that his hand wouldn’t obey. He was tightly grasping the phone, trembling. The words on the screen gradually blurred, and then, a drop of an unknown liquid fell on it.
Ye Xing leaned against the wall and slowly slid to the ground. He didn’t know if it was from the cold or what, but his whole body trembled uncontrollably. This feeling of not being able to control his own body made him feel a long-lost fear. Finally, he buried his head in his knees, wrapping his arms around his shins and curling into a ball.
“Isn’t Ye Xing coming today?”
After Bai Shu asked this question, he realized the air had suddenly become heavy—no one had replied for a long time.
Qi Guang pursed his lips and lowered his head. Finally, he turned his face away and took a big gulp of beer. Brother Xu patted his shoulder, signaling to Bai Shu to talk about this topic later.
Bai Shu frowned, wondering how Ye Xing, who used to be inseparable from Qi Guang, had now become “he who must not be named.”
Fortunately, Qi Guang’s phone on the table started to vibrate, breaking the strange silence.
He looked at the unfamiliar number on the caller ID, hesitated for a moment, and then picked up the phone and left.
“Hello,” a somewhat hoarse voice came from the other end.
“Ye Xing?” Qi Guang was a bit surprised but certain he hadn’t misheard, “What’s wrong with your voice?”
If Ye Xing’s voice on the previous call was hoarse because he hadn’t spoken in a long time, then now it sounded more like he had a cold, or perhaps, he had been crying.
Indeed, all that could be heard on the other end of the line was the sound of someone trying to control their breathing, and no one replied.
Qi Guang felt a vague sense of unease, “Are you… sick?”
Still no response.
“What’s wrong? Talk to me!”
“Ye Xing? Is that you? Whose phone are you using?”
The breathing on the other end gradually stabilized, and a cold and deep voice replied, “My mother’s.”
These three words immediately put Qi Guang on guard. He seemed to understand something but didn’t dare to delve deeper.
Since he chose not to guess, then maybe he should just talk about something happy.
“Why are you calling so late? I thought you were asleep.” As he spoke, he sighed. Perhaps it was because he had been drinking, but the sigh was incredibly heavy and drawn out. Then he started to laugh, “You know what? Bai Shu came back today. I didn’t even know during the day. Brother Xu got all excited and didn’t even have time to tell me to go pick him up together. He just told me to come to the bar after school!”
“Really?” Ye Xing said, genuinely happy, and mumbled, “That’s great.”
“What’s wrong with your voice?” Qi Guang returned to this question again, and as expected, a moment of silence followed. He didn’t press the issue and continued to talk about the previous topic, “I was really surprised, didn’t expect it to go so smoothly. That senior Wang Lulu is really someone who does things quietly. She did it and then hid her merits and name. I even asked her to come for a drink but she didn’t come.”
“Mm,” Ye Xing struggled to push out a word as a reply and forced a couple of laughs.
Qi Guang was having a feeling like it was all happening yesterday.
Memories were being pulled out like drawers—half a year ago, they had not yet confessed their feelings to each other. Ye Xing had decided to go to training camp and left alone, disappearing silently for a week, and he had spent that whole week being anxious.
This strange feeling was like something that had sown seeds in their hearts long ago. It was supposed to be a long process, but it had progressed as fast as if some kind of catalyst had been added. The sudden force expanded from the roots, and finally, with a bang, it sprouted.
Even an ordinary phone call had become incredibly torturous and ambiguous.
He still remembered that hard-won phone call on that rainy night. They had both cautiously searched for topics, talking aimlessly, but not talking about “I miss you”—that feeling would probably never happen again in this lifetime.
But he didn’t know why, as if afraid of verifying some bad premonition, he had to pretend to be relaxed and search for a topic: “Before, Brother Xu was almost going to sell the bar to get Chen Hui to drop the charges. I don’t know what benefits or dirt Li Zhendong had on Chen Hui. Why is he so loyal? No—maybe Li Zhendong really has a lot of money, considering all his dirty dealings.”
“Qi Guang.” Ye Xing interrupted him.
“Hm?”
“Besides all that, don’t you have anything else to say to me?”
Qi Guang paused, then took a deep breath.
Sure enough, even if he didn’t dare to guess, the situation had indeed developed to this point—he could basically confirm that Ye Xing had found their previous call history on Fang Rong’s phone.
And his tolerance today hadn’t been a hallucination either.
“Why didn’t you tell me all this time?” Ye Xing asked, “If I hadn’t seen the call history today, would I have never known why you broke up with me?”
“What’s the point of knowing? Wouldn’t the ending be the same?” Qi Guang’s tone suddenly turned cold.
“What did she say to you? Was there something that absolutely required a breakup? Why were you able to end our relationship so easily?” Ye Xing yelled, suppressing his voice.
But in his heart, he knew he was just being unreasonable.
What Fang Rong would say and what Qi Guang had gone through were not hard to guess at all. But he needed to shout it out, he needed a way to vent, even though he knew he couldn’t change anything.
Qi Guang closed his eyes, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down, “I’m sorry.”
Indeed, he couldn’t change it.
Now all the emotions were like a trapped beast struggling. Ye Xing covered his eyes and waited for himself to calm down before speaking, “It’s me who should be apologizing to you. You know what I was thinking? Before making this call, I was still holding onto a glimmer of hope—was it possible that if I hadn’t decided to come back, you wouldn’t have broken up with me? I really wish it was all because of me.”
Even though it was in a commercial area, this kind of dark alley was considered secluded. Qi Guang leaned against the wall, looking at the bustling scene on the brightly lit main road. His gaze gradually dimmed.
“I won’t blame you for going back. If you abandoned your family because of me, then you wouldn’t be the person I fell in love with.”
“I know that I had no choice in this matter, that I had to come back at that time no matter what. But it’s like a dead end, is there not even room for me to change anything?” Ye Xing’s voice was choked up, “But I never thought about breaking up with you. Not being in contact with you for this period of time has made me realize what it means to have each day feel like a year. Qi Guang, don’t try to act so carefree with me here. I know you’ve been having a hard time this entire time apart too. Were you especially anticipating my call today? Were you especially conflicted— wanting to break up with me, but unwilling to completely lose contact!”
“Don’t,” Qi Guang bit his lip, “Ye Xing, stop talking.”
It was a mix of helplessness and grief. He kept banging the back of his head against the wall, finding relief in the pain.
Ye Xing didn’t give up and continued, “Why couldn’t you have discussed it with me back then? I know that you are always decisive and have your own opinions, but this was something between the two of us, so why didn’t you think about us facing it together, resisting together? Or did you really think that giving me up wasn’t a difficult thing?”
“Resist what? Resist your mother? You know I wouldn’t do that. And I know that you would definitely regret it.”
“Are you so sure that the only solution was to break up?”
“In that situation, wasn’t it the only option?” Qi Guang retorted, “You were going to leave too without telling me, weren’t you? Even Li Ke knew, but I, the one who was with you every day, didn’t deserve to know!”
At this point, he suddenly became furious and kicked the trash can next to him.
“Qi Guang!” Ye Xing became anxious because of his words. “You are clearly not angry because of this. Why are you bringing it up now? Do you think things aren’t messy enough?”
“You don’t understand how awful my mood was that day, how awful I am as a person.” As he spoke, he kicked the innocent trash can again, finally unable to hold back all the grievances and anger he had been suppressing, “I don’t blame your mother for calling me, and I understand her feelings. I was just suddenly thinking, if my mother was still here, would she have made that same call to you? I don’t know what you would choose to do in that case. But I don’t want to hurt anyone, so this is the only way to resolve things now! Don’t say I didn’t try to face it together with you. Back then, all I knew was that you were going to leave. Did you mention leaving to me?”
Ye Xing was completely stunned.
He couldn’t pinpoint his current feeling; was it heartache, grievance, or helplessness?
Qi Guang didn’t continue rambling on.
The sound of their breathing rose and fell on both ends of the phone, just like countless heart-fluttering memories of past nights. They didn’t have to speak, just communicated through their bodies and breathing, gentle and tender, and once they touched, they couldn’t be separated.
And now, in this desolate corner of the street, the night was attacking, and even the wind was mercilessly mocking.
“So, is this really a dead end?” Ye Xing asked.
“Yeah.”
“Okay, if I ever call you again, I’m a dog.”
“Ye Xing,” Qi Guang wasn’t surprised. He knew Ye Xing would impulsively say anything. He called his name only to stop him from saying anything more childish, but he hadn’t expected himself to ask this even more brainless question, “Do you regret it?”
But as soon as he asked it, he regretted it first.
If Ye Xing answered, “Yes, I really regret ever being with you,” he didn’t know how he would be able to bear that answer, which was clearly spoken in anger but would bring him excruciating pain.
Fortunately, the question was not clear-cut. The person being asked could choose to answer from the perspective they felt.
“I might regret not coming back, after all, I can’t leave my mother alone,” Ye Xing paused, “but now… now, it’s just a bit of a pity.”
Qi Guang breathed a small sigh of relief, then asked, “What do you mean?”
“The sacrifice was too great.”
“What did you sacrifice?”
There was only two seconds of silence on the other end of the line before a reply came, cold and calm.
“You.”