The Pianist And The Lady[Republic Of China Gl] Chapter 95
byGet out of regret
Would you stop loving someone just because they were hurt mercilessly?
In the years since he was separated from Lan Yuan, Chen Xian has asked himself this question countless times, and every time he gave the same answer: no.
Loving someone unilaterally is very easy for Shen Xian.
Breathing is the human body’s instinct for survival, and Shen Xian has long regarded loving Lan Yuan as an instinct.
Therefore, when he agreed to Li Fangqing’s return to China to raise funds for a benefit performance, it was partly out of benevolence and partly out of selfishness.
She didn’t believe that Lan Yuan would be unfazed when he saw her. She didn’t believe that Lan Yuan had completely forgotten about her over the years!
She made a bet – that Lan Yuan would waver, that Lan Yuan would choose herself this time.
It was accidental that Lan Yuan mistakenly drank the cup of coffee for Hunter, and tonight’s benefit performance of “Paper Kite” at the Jinling Hotel was intentional.
Lan Yuan was indeed attracted and even came backstage.
Across the door, Shen Xian could feel Lan Yuan’s prying eyes without looking back.
After enduring it for a long time, she opened the door to meet him. Fortunately, the light was dim and she didn’t need to be noticed with her red eyes.
Missing her so much, Shen Xian looked at Lan Yuan’s mature and demure appearance, and developed the mental illness of jealousy and hatred.
Why does Lan Yuan have such a beautiful face, why does Lan Yuan have no guilt in her eyes?Why is it that you are the only one suffering in the end?
After enduring his longing, Shen Xian uncontrollably said unpleasant words and drove the person away ruthlessly.
However, she never expected that Lan Yuan would be willing to give him a bowl of wontons after being disgraced by her!
But looking at the thin-skinned and meaty wontons, she felt sick in her stomach.
The scene of his father’s exploding flesh and brain and the scene of eating wontons at a stall seven years ago when he and Lan Yuan were together kept mingling in his mind, making Shen Xian’s head hurt.
After calming down the turmoil in her stomach, she immediately took the bowl and went out to look for someone.
Standing at the door of the hotel, Lan Yuan and her husband looked like lovers from a distance. Then thinking about Lan Yuan having given birth to a child for this man, Shen Xian realized how untimely his appearance was.
But having come this far, she had no intention of going back. She wanted to be willful for once.
He poured out the bowl of wontons in front of Lan Yuan with his own hands, splashed the soup all over her, and then scolded her.
Shen Xian regarded this as punishment for Lan Yuan’s betrayal over the years.
The cruelest thing she could think of was to make Lan Yuan lose face in front of everyone, nothing else.
–
Therefore, after meeting openly again, Shen Xian agreed to Lan Yuan’s offer to drink coffee.
But seeing Lan Yuan holding a child, she still couldn’t help feeling jealous and resentful, and said hurtful words.
But it seemed that Lan Yuan’s expression did not show the sadness of being scolded, and his eyes were full of guilt and apology.
She hates Lan Yuan’s pitiful and forbearing appearance, because it makes her soft-hearted.
Obviously he shouldn’t be forgiven easily, but watching that man cry, there was no trace of resentment left in his heart.
The coffee with milk slipped into his mouth. The sour and bitter taste mixed with the mellow taste made Shen Xian feel like he was this hot drink.
It has been seven years, with no joy or pleasure, and with the sadness of his father’s death and the heartache of Lan Yuan’s abandonment, he has been surviving to this day.
And as she got older, she actually learned to adapt to pain and enjoy pain.
It was obviously not like this before, but it can only be like this now.
In the past, she could curl up in the arms of her parents, hide in the arms of Blue Kite, and hide behind her uncle. There were always people who pampered her, indulged her, sheltered her from wind and rain, and held up the world for her.
Now she has to take care of her widowed mother, worry about her elderly uncle, learn to adapt to occasionally talking to Lan Yuan as a friend, and learn to face everything alone.
While drinking coffee, chatting with Lan Yuan seemingly casually but in reality, the topic inexplicably turned to Zhao Wencheng.
Shen Xian thought she could continue chatting calmly, bless Lan Yuan, and say nice words, but she overestimated herself.
He threw away his coffee money and ran away. Fortunately, Xu Ziyu came to pick him up and helped him contain his broken emotions, so that he would not become a complete loser.
–
On the train to Yangzhou, Shen Xian would be lying if he said he didn’t recognize Lan Yuan at first sight.
The gaze was so direct and intense that even from ten meters away, across a distance that seemed like thousands of miles of water and mountains, she could still recognize the blue kite wearing a hat and covering herself with a newspaper.
But since this person didn’t want to be discovered, Shen Xian didn’t bother him, and secretly, she also wanted to change their identities.
This time Lan Yuan is the one watching the scenery, and he is the scenery himself.
A few years ago, when she returned to Jinling, she watched Lan Yuan and his family take a boat trip on the shore, and she felt envious.
When performing at Yangzhou Hotel, Shen Xian also guessed that Lan Yuan would definitely come, so he kept scanning the audience with his peripheral vision, looking for that familiar figure.
Sure enough, in the corner of the back row, she saw Lan Yuan wearing a black coat and beret.
But this time, she will no longer play “Paper Kite”, and this love between Lan Yin and Xu Guo should come to an end.
Even if Lan Yuan comes alone, she no longer belongs to him, Shen Xian warned himself soberly.
But she fainted backstage and was carried home by Lan Yuan. She even bent down to change her slippers. Seeing her humbly trying to please him and defending herself in front of Su Wan, Shen Xian’s heart was shaken again.
Especially when Lan Yuan said, “If you don’t criticize in the past, you can pursue those who come.” After returning to the station to accompany him to Shanghai, Shen Xian suddenly saw hope.
She felt that Lan Yuan was also shaken. Lan Yuan put down his shackles and chose himself.
So after arriving in Shanghai, she took Lan Yuan to eat and go shopping, exposing her delicate tenderness and unforgettable heart countless times.
She hopes to impress Lan Yuan with this, hopes that Lan Yuan will divorce, and hopes that Lan Yuan will stay with her.
But Lan Yuan didn’t seem to dare to get close to her. She deliberately kept a distance when walking on the road. She didn’t dare to look up when she saw the dance hall. When she arrived at the hotel, she didn’t dare to stay on the same floor.
The person who kept saying “I’m coming after you, Shen Chen” avoided me countless times.
So at night, Shen Xian couldn’t sleep well because she knew that she was two floors away from Lan Yuan. She tossed and turned, constantly thinking about that person’s appearance in her mind.
In a trance, she saw Lan Yuan’s face close at hand, thinking it was a dream, so she kissed him without hesitation, just like she had done in countless dreams before.
But this time it was different. Lan Yuan actually responded to her and hooked her neck. Out of instinct, Shen Xian pressed the person under her.
When the tide covered the gaps between his fingertips, Shen Xian let out a long sigh, thinking that he was satisfied in his dream, so he fell asleep happily.
In the morning, when she woke up, she found that her body was slightly wet, and she thought it was just a self-satisfaction.
After washing up and changing her clothes, she wanted to invite Lan Yuan to have breakfast, but was told by the cleaner who was cleaning up the room: “This lady has already checked out and left.”
Disappointment intertwined at the end of his eyes and in the bottom of his heart. When Shen Xian touched his face, he realized that his tears were uncontrollable and wet his facial features.
When the disappointment that has been ignited time and time again is extinguished time and time again, this is a punishment more cruel than killing one’s heart.
Even at this moment, she felt that Lan Yuan was playing a trick on her, turning her into a complete joke.
Without saying goodbye or saying hello, just leaving without saying a word, does she still have the heart, even if she doesn’t like her, doesn’t she even have the heart to feel indebted?
Shen Xian even wanted to chase Lan Yuan to the station and scold her from beginning to end, but after getting on the rickshaw, she realized that she had no position.
She is just an outsider who is called a piano teacher by Lan Yuan. Lan Yuan will never admit it in public for the rest of his life.
“Master, turn around and go back.”
Chen Xian gave up the idea of chasing after him and let himself go, as well as Lan Yuan.
This time, she finally realized that Lan Yuan was not worth her troubles, not worth her whole life to miss and love.
Would you stop loving someone because they were hurt mercilessly?Chen Xian’s answer is still: no.
But this love no longer belongs to Lan Yuan.
It may belong to the thousands of passers-by who are flirting on the street, and it will not belong to the Blue Kite.
Because cowardly and weak people should not be favored.
–
The performance went from Shanghai to Yunnan, and then all the way north from Yunnan back to Jinling.
After seeing people displaced by the war and countless strangers who remained optimistic and strong despite life and death, Shen Xian suddenly felt that his pain was nothing compared to theirs.
The pretentiousness in her heart was also let go, and she also learned to forgive her father’s sins and let go of her self-blame for not being able to save her father.
Those who are still alive should live well. This is the only truth she learned during the war and the wandering journey.
There were wars all over the world, and Britain was no exception. She thought of going back to be with her lonely mother.
But before going back, she still went to see Lan Yuan, but this time it was just a silent farewell.
When she arrived at Lan Yuan’s current residence, she pressed the doorbell and was greeted by the servant to the living room.
When I met Lan Yuan, she was wearing a white cheongsam, earrings, exquisite makeup, and her long hair tied up. Sitting on the sofa, she really felt like a young lady.
Back then, Shen Xian still remembered that she gave Lan Yuan a white satin cheongsam with red rhombus patterns. At that time, Lan Yuan was still a bit lively and lively in it, like a child.
“Teacher Shen, I have learned to make coffee over the years. Let me make you a cup to try.”
Seeing the man skillfully making coffee in the kitchen, Shen Xian felt a little sore for some reason. It turned out that her Yuan Yuan had long since grown into an adult, independent, mature and steady.
That’s fine, Shen Xian sighed in his heart, at least he won’t see her again, and he doesn’t have to worry about whether she is living well or not. This kind of person will be content with whatever comes, and everything will be smooth sailing.
Next, Shen Xian also met Lan Yuan’s child, Zhao Jing, who came back from school.
This child is quite cute and actually calls her sister when she comes up.
“Beautiful sister, are you my mother’s friend?” Zhao Jing’s voice was innocent.
“You have to call her aunt, she is mom’s best friend.” Lan Yuan corrected.
Chen Xian lowered his eyes when he heard the words “friend”, his smile froze, and then he relaxed, “Yes, you should call me aunt.”
Zhao Wencheng was busy with work and went on a business trip and did not come back. Shen Xian breathed a sigh of relief. Although she put down Lan Yuan, she still felt it was an eyesore when she saw the harmonious appearance of the family of three.
After dinner, Zhao Jing wanted Shen Xian to play with him for a while longer, but Shen Xian did not refuse and even coaxed the child to sleep.
“Do you have a guest room at your house? I’d like to stay for one night.” Shen Xian asked Lan Yuan gently.
Lan Yuan immediately went to clean up the room.
In the dead of night, Chen Xian knocked on Lan Yuan’s door, deliberately with scarlet eyes, inviting him to chat at night.
She knew that Lan Yuan would definitely fall for this trick, and Lan Yuan would be slightly shaken when she shed tears.
Lying on the same bed, she saw Lan Yuan still wearing the silver bracelet she had given him on his hand, and was quite touched.
It is obvious that Lan Yuan has never forgotten her love, but her cowardice and weakness can also be seen through at a glance.
“Yuan Yuan, you will never choose me.”
“Kite, kite, kite…”
For the last time, Shen Xian allowed himself to explode emotionally, lying on Lan Yuan’s shoulder, and finally expressed the resentment he had hidden in his heart.
After a while, he returned to calmness and was reborn in silence.
“Yuan Yuan, I want to start a new life completely!”
“You must also be happy and live in a world surrounded by love forever!”
After saying these words, Shen Xian asked Lan Yuan to leave and left here quietly early in the morning.
Just like saying goodbye to Blue Kite in Shanghai without saying goodbye.
–
Back in the UK, Shen Xian continued to live with his mother, but his smile was obviously more than before.
Later, Xu Ziyu and Du Wenshu also returned to the UK, and they became neighbors again and supported each other.
She never asked about Lan Yuan’s news again, and she didn’t allow Lisa, Hunter or anyone else to reveal anything to Lan Yuan.
Later, Shen Xian was single all the time. She never considered that she would have to find another partner, but she was not afraid of meeting love again, but she never met the one she loved.
However, she also lives a simple and happy life, surrounded by three or two friends, like-minded partners, a satisfying job, and a wide range of interests and hobbies.
After the war, she also began to travel around, going to various places to see the vast world, measuring the width of the world with her footsteps and camera.
On a trip to Budapest, she met a French girl who liked ink painting, and the two became good friends.
It was also during this encounter that she accidentally remembered that Lan Yuan seemed to be good at landscape painting, but this was just a faint shadow of the past, passing by in a flash, like a bird flying across the sky, leaving almost no trace.
It wasn’t until 1970 that she read the newspaper and heard that something bad had happened there and that the class struggle was fierce. But then she thought of Lan Yuan’s happy-go-lucky character and didn’t worry too much.
Moreover, as he got older, Shen Xian felt more and more that the relationship back then was not worth mentioning, and he didn’t even see himself who was in love with her back then.
Human life is very short, and you shouldn’t be held back by feelings, and you shouldn’t believe in the deceptive words that love will never be forgotten and there will be repercussions.
Therefore, Shen Xian has always reminded his goddaughter Du Wenshu not to place too much emphasis on dopamine-driven things like love.
In 1975, Shen Xian fell ill after returning from a trip to Finland.
In fact, she has been suffering from recurring liver disease and spinal problems, so it is difficult for her to live a long life.
And because I am too old, doctors also have concerns about taking medicine.
Shen Xian simply gave up treatment and faced death with a relaxed attitude.
Maybe he died without regrets and died with dignity.
On a warm afternoon in London, Shen Xian was helped out for a walk by Du Wenshu. He sat on a park bench, leaned on Wen Shu’s shoulder, and passed away with a smile.
She was 67 years old, but her deceased face looked like she was only forty years old at most, with only one or two wrinkles. She truly lived her years quietly.
She did not ask to sleep under the cemetery, but chose to be buried at sea, and her remains returned to nature and freedom.
–
Later, Wen Shu sorted out the relics and based on Shen Xian’s diary, she learned about her past with Lan Yuan and the “Paper Kite” that was engraved into a record.
She followed the diary’s guidance and asked many people to finally find out about Lan Yuan’s current situation in China, but she did not interrupt him rashly.
She just wanted to see what kind of person could be liked by her godmother so much, but looking at that wrinkled face, she really couldn’t imagine how young Lan Yuan looked.
Shen Xian let go so completely at the beginning that he didn’t even keep a photo of Lan Yuan. He also returned the white jade bracelet that Lan Yuan gave him intact and kept the record “Paper Kite” just out of the musician’s appreciation of the work.
Later, Du Wenshu also entered her twilight years and learned that Lan Yuan was buried in England. She thought that this person should still be in love with her godmother, but she also thought that this person had hurt her godmother mercilessly, and she felt complicated.
But she still went to see Lan Yuan, walked to Lan Yuan’s grave with hunched waist, put down a bouquet of lilies of the valley, and recorded the song “Paper Kite” with a tape recorder for Lan Yuan to listen to.
She guessed based on her diary that Lan Yuan’s favorite was probably Lily of the Valley.
It was also here that she finally saw Lan Yuan’s young appearance on the tombstone, so cool, elegant and untainted by dust.
“I hope you will be brave and determined in the next life!”
With these words, Du Wenshu left the cemetery.