MCDWTBS Chapter 59

Outside the window, the morning light pierced through the veil-like clouds, and the wind gently lifted the gauze curtains of the suite. The first ray of sunlight of the morning happened to graze the shoulder of the black-haired female insectoid, falling on the male insectoid’s worried face.

Edwin’s gaze was involuntarily drawn to that ray of morning light, watching it slide from the male insectoid’s smooth forehead, down his straight nose, leaving a heavy shadow beneath his dry, thick eyelashes. It shrouded the male insectoid’s face in a hazy glow, dancing in his caramel-colored eyes, reflecting Edwin’s own face.

He then realized that he had never carefully looked at the young insectoid’s current appearance. Perhaps it was because he was trapped in his reshaping body and mental sea, or perhaps it was because his subconscious was unwilling to let the insectoid in his memory grow up, he had turned a blind eye to the young, tall and handsome male insectoid. But when the first ray of morning light shone down, he found that he had nowhere to hide; the male insectoid’s gentle and handsome face, and the worry and care he held in his eyes for Edwin, could not escape him.

“Male parent, what’s wrong?” Serra knelt down beside the medical bay, not caring at all whether his actions would wrinkle his crisp dress uniform, only looking intently into Edwin’s eyes. He felt Edwin’s face was slightly flushed and worried that another round of body reshaping was tormenting Edwin’s mind with a high fever. He was so concerned that he reached out eagerly, wanting to test the patient’s temperature in the way Earthlings do, completely forgetting to observe the data from the medical bay.

Edwin did not dodge. His body was almost entwined with Serra’s mental tendrils, and his gaze still could not leave Serra’s face. When Serra’s fingers touched his forehead, he shuddered uncontrollably. His dark eyelashes drooped like raven feathers. His smooth forehead pressed against the back of the male insectoid’s hand. The male insectoid pheromones, permeated with the spicy aroma of bourbon and burning oak, slowly seeped from his skin into his flesh, causing him to feel dizzy involuntarily.

His limbs began to heat up, the blush on his cheeks deepened, and his fingers curled up, hugging the tendrils in front of his chest, with his fingertips hidden in the gaps between the tendrils. He didn’t know what was wrong with him, and his mind was particularly unclear in the morning sunlight. His lower abdomen felt slightly numb, inexplicably transmitting the tide-like heat and tremor to every inch of his body.

Edwin couldn’t understand the reason for the abnormality in his body, and his eyes involuntarily became clouded with a layer of water. His gaze broke free from its constraints and instinctively turned to the male insectoid in front of him who marked him, making him feel trusted and safe.

–No, that’s his insectoid child.

Like a bucket of cold water being poured over his head, Edwin’s lower abdomen felt a contraction of sour pain, causing his limbs to tremble slightly in the warmth, and the chilling tremor washed over his limbs, bringing a needle-like pain.

Edwin’s lower abdomen spasmed in this unfamiliar sensation, and he almost began to hyperventilate. His gaze also became scattered, and he unintentionally opened his lips, emitting a groan in front of the male insectoid:

“Ugh…”

His voice almost made Serra jump up from the ground in shock. Two tendrils popped up from the male insectoid’s hair, which had been barely styled with hairspray, probing towards the female insectoid. The clamorous desire to protect within his flesh and blood caused the male insectoid’s earlobes to flush. Before he even realized it, he had leaned closer to the female insectoid, encircling Edwin protectively with his arms.

“Male parent! What’s wrong, what exactly…”

His voice trembled, and tears welled up in his caramel-colored eyes reflexively—he had experienced too many heartbreaking and worrying moments. When Edwin tossed and turned in bed, and he couldn’t reduce the suffering Edwin was enduring or transfer it to himself, he was almost tortured into a conditioned reflex by his own powerlessness, worry and pain. The moment Edwin showed even a little discomfort, his heart began to ache, and his hands began to tremble uncontrollably, like a prisoner abused by whistles, who begins to feel pain and shed tears whenever he hears a whistle.

The male insectoid began to mutter something, kneeling on the edge of the medical bay, his body looming over Edwin, who was half-lying in the medical bay. He stretched out his slender arms, protectively encircling Edwin’s body, but not actually touching Edwin.

He was like a puppy accustomed to being rejected by its owner, knowing his place too well, knowing that his touch was not allowed. Even if he was so worried about his master that he was howling and biting his own tail, he would not dare to lick his master’s hand to confirm that he was safe and sound without permission.

“…Male parent, Male parent, talk to me, what exactly is wrong? I… don’t ignore me, I… I will definitely find a way to treat you, is it something I did wrong… what exactly is wrong, why… it was fine before…”

The male insectoid spoke almost neurotically, asking himself “why” over and over again. A nearly painful expression appeared on his handsome face, and the tears in his eyes had already overflowed his eyelids, threatening to fall. His hands trembled for a long while before he raised his hand to summon the medical bay’s system page, transmitting all the female insectoid’s test data to Colean, hoping to get even a tiny bit of help.

He behaved as if all of this was his fault. And Edwin gritted his teeth, taking the initiative to reach out and clasp the male insectoid’s bare hand for the first time.

In the touch of intertwined fingers, Edwin endured the trembling and the strange heat in his abdomen, gritting his teeth to comfort the male insectoid who seemed to be experiencing the collapse of the world:

“Young Male Master, calm down, I’m fine.”

“But you…”

Serra’s other hand moved helplessly across the body data floating in mid-air, which showed that the female insectoid’s body temperature was high and the hormones in his body were abnormally active. Serra didn’t have time to look closely before he was interrupted by Edwin’s sudden action.

The female insectoid sat up from the medical bay, stretched out his arms and hugged the leaning male insectoid, using the strange posture of a male parent hugging an insectoid child. He opened his arms and hugged the male insectoid into his arms, letting the male insectoid’s face be buried in his chest, the place where the male insectoid’s mental tendrils had always occupied.

He knew that the insectoid child liked his chest, although he didn’t know why. But the insectoid child’s preferences were really not hard to guess. He liked to stick his furry head to his chest, even if his nose was pressed flat, and his soft little face had to be buried tightly inside. The little brush-like eyelashes blinked, making Edwin’s skin feel itchy even through the fabric.

And even when the cub couldn’t sleep peacefully in Edwin’s arms, he liked to use his mental tendrils to occupy the position on his chest. The mental tendrils that won the competition always acted as if they had gained a great advantage, twisting around triumphantly.

Even after this strange marking occurred, Edwin knew that his insectoid child still longed to be close to him, just like before. Edwin was not stingy, nor did he not want to give the insectoid child everything he wanted, but all of this was too strange for him. He knew that the intimacy between him and the insectoid child would have completely different meanings because of the marking, and he could not bear more mistakes.

He could endure and bear the desire for pheromones and male insectoid comfort himself; he would never use his insectoid child like that.

However, until today, he realized that in the face of his insectoid child’s anxious and painful emotions, everything seemed so thin and unimportant. He realized that while avoiding mistakes, he had made a bigger mistake, and his insectoid child had borne it all.

He made his insectoid child feel that the derailment that occurred between them was all the insectoid child’s fault. He made his insectoid child become anxious, fearful, and seeing shadows everywhere, all because of his own weakness and timidity.

He barely calmed his breathing, his voice soft and hoarse, but very firm:

“I’m fine, listen to me, Young Male Master, everything that has happened between us, the accidental marking, and the pain of my body reshaping, the changes we have endured, are not your fault.”

“I have been immersed in my fear of change, neglecting the feelings of the Young Male Master, it’s the male parent who hasn’t done well. I know that at that time, in order to save me, you had no other way but to mark me, and it was not you who caused me to choose to fight to the death with the church and be injured. It was not because you did something wrong that I chose to be a male parent who avenges his cub… It’s because you are too good, Young Male Master, it is you who made me want to be a male parent, you made me become who I am today.”

“All the pain, hallucinations, and mental weakness that occurred when my body was repairing after being… marked, are not your fault. It is you who have been accompanying me and guiding me. All my encounters have never been caused by you. In fact, meeting you has always been the best accident that has ever happened in my life. No matter what happens between us, I will not regret it.”

“I will never regret being your male parent.”

Edwin hugged Serra’s stiff body, his breathing trembling, saying each word in Serra’s ear. His breath landed on the top of Serra’s head, which was fixed with hairspray. A rebellious curl of hair finally broke free from the constraints of the hairspray, stubbornly sticking up from Serra’s forehead, forming a flame-shaped little tuft.

And Serra’s eyes stared blankly at Edwin’s pectoral muscles, which were close at hand, like a big dog whose head had been suddenly picked up by its owner and whose limbs were hanging in the air, his mind was muddled, unable to move.

“Male parent…” After a few breaths, Serra said in a trembling voice:

“You don’t blame me… I’m sorry, I know you didn’t want to be marked, I made you so weak, you have a fever, Male parent, I should have protected you, I just—I have never kept my promise, I always let you get hurt…”

The male insectoid’s voice trembled badly. He held back a sob. His slender fingers, which already looked like those of an adult insectoid, still wanted to clench into fists like they did when he was a cub, tightly clutching the fabric in front of Edwin’s body. He leaned against Edwin’s chest almost blankly and stiffly, uncertain whether he was having a strange dream, a dream in which Edwin was still willing to touch him, a dream in which Edwin had no distance from him, a dream in which—all the accidents had never happened.

“I don’t blame you, Young Male Master, how could I blame you?” The female insectoid tilted his head in confusion, enduring a bout of dizziness, stubbornly repeating:

“Don’t apologize to me, Young Male Master, you never, ever need to apologize to me. My mental sea was too fragmented before, I couldn’t hear what you were saying. You have been apologizing, thinking it was your fault?”

The female insectoid hesitated a little, but still used one hand to gently stroke the top of the male insectoid’s head:

“That’s not your fault, don’t apologize, I’m fine now, I have opened my wings, my injuries have completely recovered, the things I have experienced will only make me stronger, you, will only make me stronger.”

Serra’s heart regained its rhythm in the chaos, and a warm current gathered in his chest and eye sockets. A tear fell silently on the fabric on Edwin’s chest, and the warmth made the male insectoid’s cheeks warm:

“Really okay? You scared me just now, Male parent, I thought… I thought you were going to have a fever again.”

Edwin’s gaze softened infinitely. How could he not know? In every minute and second that he was languishing in bed, muddleheaded, his insectoid child spent it almost completely awake, consciously experiencing Edwin’s weakness and pain, and being condemned by his own powerlessness. His insectoid child attributed all the misfortune to himself, when he had clearly done nothing wrong.

Edwin only regretted that he didn’t tell his insectoid child this sooner, that he didn’t tell his insectoid child sooner that he—loved him. In the words of the insectoid child, Edwin’s love for him was not some rare divine power, not the soil of miracles, but the simple reason that allowed Edwin to persevere in living.

“Really, I promise.”

Edwin said softly. In fact, his body still felt very strange, and a tingling sensation was churning in his abdomen. He felt extremely unfamiliar with this. Until Serra’s emotions of guilt and fear interrupted Edwin’s discomfort, he could still feel the strange heat flowing in his body, but he regained his reason and self-control.

Serra, who was in his arms, gently squeezed his fingers, not completely believing Edwin’s words. He knew that Edwin must have felt extremely uncomfortable just now, which was why he gasped for breath. According to Edwin’s original personality, even if a laser sword pierced his chest, he might not have grunted.

Serra’s attention was pulled away with difficulty from Edwin’s undulating, warm chest, wanting to figure out what was going on with Edwin’s body. At that moment, his wristband made a crisp sound, and a voice message prompt from Colean was transmitted:

“Standard female insectoid heat cycle body data, no symptoms shown. Next time, please keep the Duke’s bedroom antics outside of our work, thank you.”