TLDMDTBS Chapter 35

Chapter 35 Publication

The next day, Ji Ruan took a leave from class and rested for a whole day.

He was completely exhausted from yesterday. Although Aunt Zhao prepared a delicious dinner, he still couldn’t eat much, just casually filled his stomach before going upstairs to wash up and sleep.

The consequence of low blood sugar and not being able to eat is waking up in agony.

When he opened his eyes, the ceiling was spinning, and when he closed his eyes, his brain felt like it was spinning. He tried to get out of bed by rolling over, but he could only lay there feeling nauseous, unable to manage getting off the bed by himself.

In the end, it was Gu Xiuyi, as if he were caring for an elderly or sick person, who fed him a glucose drink, helped him wash up, and then carried him downstairs.

Sitting by the dining table, Ji Ruan was still half-conscious. Gu Xiuyi scooped a spoonful of porridge and brought it to his lips: “Take a bite.”

Ji Ruan’s gaze was vacant, and he slowly opened his mouth: “Ah—.”

The soft mushy porridge was sent into his mouth, it was sweet, but Ji Ruan felt as if his consciousness was detached from everything around him, he felt very dazed.

There was something strange.

After a while, he heard Gu Xiuyi seeming to laugh, gently pinching his cheek: “Chew a bit, have you forgotten how to swallow?”

Ah… So that was it…

What felt strange was that he hadn’t swallowed the porridge…

Ji Ruan mechanically chewed a couple of times, the soft sweet porridge finally went down his throat.

So strange, his body didn’t feel like his own.

He was fed by Gu Xiuyi he didn’t know how many times before his consciousness gradually returned, the icy numbness in his fingertips slowly warming up, and he could feel Gu Xiuyi’s breath close by.

Finally, he felt as if he was living in the real world again.

Gu Xiuyi noticed that his eyes had started to move, his gaze gradually brightening and focusing, realizing that he was starting to recover.

While feeling relieved, there was also a hint of helplessness as he put down the spoon and wiped the sweat off Ji Ruan’s forehead: “You, with this body…”

Ji Ruan knew he was in terrible shape, but wanting to be healthy isn’t something that can be accomplished overnight. He might always be like this, with no serious illness that could kill him, but with so many minor ailments, it was hard to be comfortable anywhere.

But even so, it was much better than dying from a terminal illness, right? The pain of chemotherapy was hundreds of times worse than what he felt now.

Thinking of this, Ji Ruan felt a bit grateful yet somewhat bitter as he mimicked Gu Xiuyi’s actions and wiped the sweat from his forehead: “I’m dying…”

As soon as he finished speaking, he felt a flick on his forehead, which stung a bit. Ji Ruan looked up to see Gu Xiuyi with a slight frown: “Don’t say such nonsense.”

His eyebrows were not particularly thick, but their sharp tips made him look less approachable when he was expressionless. Now, with a serious look, he looked particularly severe.

While being fed, for convenience, Ji Ruan was loosely held in Gu Xiuyi’s arms. They remained in this position, very close, and Ji Ruan could clearly trace the lines on his skin.

Thus, the seriousness Ji Ruan felt seemed to be amplified many times more than what Gu Xiuyi was expressing.

His heart skipped a beat, feeling inexplicably fierce in this close proximity.

God knows how puzzled Gu Xiuyi was—he had only slightly furrowed his brow while looking at Ji Ruan and had simply spoken three words, three words!

Ji Ruan even started to pout, the corners of his mouth turned down in grievance.

Gu Xiuyi could see his reflection in Ji Ruan’s sparkling eyes, but those pretty eyes seemed to be mixed with grievance and disbelief.

It was Gu Xiuyi who should be doubtful.

“…”

He wanted to pinch Ji Ruan’s cheek, but halfway through, he stopped. He said somewhat dryly: “You… are you truly feeling wronged?”

Ji Ruan didn’t respond, just looked at him with his big eyes.

Gu Xiuyi pursed his lips, his throat feeling dry: “Did I scold you? Are you feeling wronged?”

Although Ji Ruan’s strength hadn’t fully recovered, his mind was clear now. He moved back a little, distancing himself from Gu Xiuyi, and said seriously:

“When you were feeding me, you pinched and poked me, and then you flicked my forehead and glared at me. Isn’t that scolding me?”

Gu Xiuyi: “…”

He was merely using some body language to assist in taking care of Ji Ruan as an old or weak patient, reminding him to eat by opening his mouth and to swallow after that, that was all.

“When did I… I didn’t glare at you,” Gu Xiuyi said helplessly: “Wasn’t it you who kept glaring at me? Your eyes are so big.”

“?” Ji Ruan’s beautiful big eyes widened even more: “Is it my fault my eyes are big? If I squint and kill someone with my glare, do I not have to go to jail?”

“…”

Glaring doesn’t kill people, so of course squinting doesn’t need legal consequences, not to mention Ji Ruan’s big eyes were surely harmless.

“Ah…” Gu Xiuyi rubbed his forehead.

What was he doing?

Why was he even following Ji Ruan’s thought process about squinting and whether to go to jail?

“Ji Ruan,” Gu Xiuyi said, laughing and crying: “Did you secretly drink alcohol without telling me, or did you just get tipsy from eating porridge?”

Ji Ruan wasn’t tipsy, he was clear-headed now.

“You flicked my forehead and it hurt,” he rubbed his forehead, “Can’t you just talk instead? Why do you have to use your hands…”

Gu Xiuyi froze.

He pulled Ji Ruan’s hand back, noticing that the spot on Ji Ruan’s forehead he had flicked was indeed slightly red, small and delicate, with fair skin, looking like a doll from a New Year painting, just a slimmer and prettier version.

“…”

Gu Xiuyi was speechless several times.

This kid had such delicate skin.

“Alright,” Gu Xiuyi finally relented: “It’s my fault.”

He murmured: “You really can’t be touched…”

“What?” Ji Ruan didn’t catch it.

“Ahem, it’s nothing.” Gu Xiuyi cleared his throat and became more serious: “How is it, is your stomach uncomfortable?”

Ji Ruan hadn’t eaten much yesterday, and suddenly eating might be uncomfortable. Although he had only fed Ji Ruan a few gentle spoons of porridge, Gu Xiuyi was still worried that this fragile person’s body wouldn’t handle it.

“It’s alright…” Ji Ruan touched his upper abdomen, feeling that actually the most uncomfortable moment was when he woke up in the morning feeling nauseous. Now that he had eaten something, he felt warm all over.

Seeing Ji Ruan’s complexion was indeed not as pale as when he first got up, Gu Xiuyi felt reassured.

He handed the chopsticks to Ji Ruan: “If you’re not uncomfortable, sit up and eat a bit more. There are soup dumplings too.”

Ji Ruan slumped against the chair, motionless: “What filling do the soup dumplings have?”

“Crab roe.”

Ji Ruan’s throat moved instantly, and he sat up straight, grabbing a dumpling, blowing on it gently before taking a bite.

Gu Xiuyi knew he still lacked strength, so he discreetly supported him, helping him lean against something for support.

Then, he quietly watched Ji Ruan as he held his forehead.

Watching him squint with happiness at the bite of crab roe soup dumpling, his dimples peeked out on his cheeks.

·

Gu Xiuyi didn’t go to work that day either, spending the entire day at home with Ji Ruan, immersing himself in the decadent life of a modern university student during vacation.

In a boring game of cards, they played from breakfast until lunch, then took a nice nap, and in the afternoon on the sunny balcony, Gu Xiuyi became Ji Ruan’s drawing model.

Gu Xiuyi received his first portrait in life.

Alongside him in the painting were the tree branches just budding outside and the green, well-kept potted plant Ji Ruan brought home.

Such a life would have been a way to kill time for the previous Gu Xiuyi, a form of slow suicide.

But today, sitting on the balcony during that little stretch when the sunlight was just right, watching Ji Ruan carefully depict his likeness with the brush, he felt incredibly fulfilled.

It was a type of joy and fulfillment that he had never experienced before in his thirty years of life.

By evening, Ji Ruan’s physical strength and energy finally returned to normal levels.

Gu Xiuyi accompanied him out for a walk, buying some flowers and fruits to visit Cheng Zizhang.

The single-patient room was very quiet, with only a nurse accompanying Cheng Zizhang. The senior lay in bed with her eyes tightly closed, seemingly either still asleep or had just fallen asleep again.

Her complexion was pale, brows tightly furrowed due to pain, with her hand that had the IV line draped over the surgical site on her abdomen. Ji Ruan took a glance and couldn’t bring himself to look at her again.

He let out a small breath, scanning around but not seeing Lin Qing and Cheng Yunxiu, he asked the nurse instead: “Has nobody come to see her?”

The nurse was a kind-looking middle-aged woman, and she replied softly:

“The young person who asked me to come yesterday paid and then left. They haven’t come today. This morning, a very elegant teacher came to keep her company for a while; it should be her mother, but she seemed very busy and just left.”

Ji Ruan nodded and asked again: “How is she? Has she woken up?”

“She has woken up,” the nurse smiled and said: “She was a bit muddled when she woke up this morning but complained her wound hurt, so they gave her some more pain relief, now she is back asleep.”

“Oh… ” Ji Ruan understood and, seeing that Cheng Zizhang showed no sign of waking up for now, wasn’t planning to stay longer and disturb her.

He left the flowers and fruits on the shelf, smiled faintly at the nurse: “Please take good care of her.”

“Of course, this is my job.” The nurse smiled broadly and nodded repeatedly.

Ji Ruan nodded at her, took another look at Cheng Zizhang, and then left with Gu Xiuyi.

In the hallway, people were coming and going, the air gradually becoming lively. Ji Ruan held his sleeves, letting out a long breath.

Gu Xiuyi noticed he didn’t seem very high-spirited and quietly asked: “What’s wrong?”

Ji Ruan’s lips were tightly pressed together as he gently shook his head.

He hadn’t seen anyone who had undergone surgery for a long time, and the sight of Cheng Zizhang’s pallid face earlier suddenly reminded him of his own past suffering from illness.

Back then, he had undergone many surgeries, but his condition kept relapsing. His body was opened up and sewn together again and again on the operating table, and every post-surgery period was exceptionally painful, with intense pain at the surgical site.

At first, he still harbored a bit of hope, but with each operation, hope diminished further until finally the doctors gave up, and he became a living corpse lying on a hospital bed waiting to die.

Later, he finally found relief, opened his eyes, and ended up in this world, free from his chronic ailments, and met this man beside him.

The pain of the past gradually faded with time, drifting farther away in his memories, almost feeling like a different lifetime. But once he looked back, it would suddenly become clear, like a sharp knife stabbing straight back, making his heart and blood feel the intense pain.

Ji Ruan seemed to have a physiological aversion to such memories; once activated, he instinctively felt the urge to vomit.

Gu Xiuyi watched helplessly as Ji Ruan’s complexion turned pale, cold sweat beading on his forehead, his chest slightly rising and falling, but he didn’t understand what was happening.

“Ji Ruan?” He gently cupped Ji Ruan’s face, his voice tightening: “Ji Ruan, what’s wrong? Open your eyes and look at me.”

But Ji Ruan showed no response, as if completely immersed in his own world.

Just as Gu Xiuyi’s patience was at its limit, Ji Ruan’s eyelashes fluttered, slowly opening his eyes.

In Ji Ruan’s eyes, Gu Xiuyi saw a lot of fear and helplessness that didn’t belong to his age.

His heart gradually sank.

At that moment, the setting sun was sinking, the warm sunlight that had hung in the sky all day gradually reached its most dazzling moment before sunset, with vast golden rays shining on the white tiles of the hallway, even splashing a few dots onto Gu Xiuyi’s pant leg.

He took Ji Ruan to the bench by the window, where they could feel the warmth of the setting sun up close.

The horizon was an endless purple red, Ji Ruan sat there for a while, his complexion warmed by the glow.

Gu Xiuyi squatted in front of him, brushing back his hair, allowing them to make eye contact, and softly asked:

“Why are you so afraid?”