PMWAIAAPM Chapter 52

Chapter 52: Do You Dare to Not Want Me? Bold!

Half an hour passed quickly, yet it felt visibly long.

Xing Yang’s gland condition stabilized, and he woke from a long dream, his numb fingertips barely moving.

Opening his eyes, he saw Tan Zhiyu sitting by the hospital bed. It had only been a while since he rushed over by plane without sleep, his body not yet adjusted to the time difference, eyes filled with bloodshot veins, perhaps from crying too much and dehydrated, even his lips slightly chapped.

Seeing him awake, Tan Zhiyu seemed like he wanted to say something, but he stopped himself, instead biting down hard on Xing Yang’s hand.

“You know how to open your eyes,” Tan Zhiyu’s tone was filled with grievance, but his voice concealed an undeniable fear: “I thought you didn’t want me anymore…”

“Liars, bastards.”

Tan Zhiyu held his hand tightly, the delayed sensation causing a bit of pain, yet he didn’t dare to let go, afraid that if he did, Xing Yang would leave.

Xing Yang felt somewhat awkward and wanted to turn his face away.

He must look so disheveled now.

From the beginning, Xing Yang knew his looks weren’t remarkable, his personality not appealing, so his selfish desire was simply to intersect two parallel lines that could never truly meet, even if they drifted further apart afterward.

“That’s not right…” Xing Yang forced a smile: “Aren’t you supposed to go back to your country and film, like in the drama…”

Two people in love, filled with misunderstandings, until one dies and the other suffers in regret through the night, he thought he had already predetermined Tan Zhiyu’s remembrance of him for the rest of his life.

Even facing death, Xing Yang wanted to create a romantic tragic color for Tan Zhiyu, perhaps even becoming his deceased shining moonlight.

Could he do that?

When such naïve thoughts escaped his mouth, Tan Zhiyu burst into laughter: “You’re sick—”

Xing Yang weakly nodded: “I really am.”

It seemed inappropriate to joke at this time, but other than pretending to lighten the mood, Xing Yang didn’t know what else to say.

His mouth wanted to let Tan Zhiyu go, but deep down he was grateful he stayed.

Life is truly a twisted and awkward existence.

Xing Yang’s illness… while he was unconscious, Tan Zhiyu read through all the medical records, a thick, heavy pile.

Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis would gradually turn a person into a vegetable, ultimately having a clear mind but relying on machines to live, worse than death.

But fortunately, Xing Yang had the appearance of suspected Alzheimer’s complications, maybe one day in the future he would forget the pain, forget everything, including Tan Zhiyu.

The gland implanted at the nape felt more like a pacemaker implanted in his brain, using pheromones to stimulate the neural pathways and block the symptoms of ALS.

Originally, this gland might allow Xing Yang to live for several more decades, but such things were never certain.

Had he not had this gland, he would have died five years ago, so he was grateful to have shared a time with Tan Zhiyu.

As for the child in his belly, too small…

For the first three months, it needed to absorb a large amount of the host’s pheromones to stabilize, but Xing Yang’s gland could not produce that volume.

The doctor had clearly told him on his first day in Switzerland that it was either the child or himself, his own pheromones only sufficient for one to survive.

Just performing a surgery to remove the child, the doctor could not guarantee his own state, it could be five years, three years, two months, or maybe he wouldn’t even come off the operating table. After all, Xing Yang’s gland was an experimental subject; surgery could only increase his chances of living a little longer.

Xing Yang thought, rather than uncertainly removing this child, why not ask for a healthy, lively little life instead?

He just wanted to leave something for Tan Zhiyu even after he died.

The doctor prescribed him two types of medication, one to expel, one to preserve the pregnancy.

In the minute before the surgery, he resolutely injected the hormone-stimulating shot to preserve the pregnancy; in his self-awareness, his life was not valuable.

“If I must live, I might lie on a hospital bed in the future, with incontinence, perhaps even with unclear thoughts. Zhiyu, I may very well forget you, forget everything, become a living corpse lying on this bed waiting to die.”

Xing Yang’s throat moved, but saying it felt remarkably relaxing: “I don’t want you to see all this, turning our beautiful memories into something disgusting, ultimately wearing them down.”

If that’s the case, he’d rather divorce now.

At least in death, Tan Zhiyu could remember him romantically and sweetly.

“How long is the future?” Tan Zhiyu asked with reddened eyes, pressing Xing Yang’s numb palm against his cheek: “Ten years? Five years? Or tomorrow?”

“Xing Yang, I don’t care.” Tan Zhiyu genuinely didn’t care; tears shimmered in his eyes yet he wouldn’t blink them away: “Even if it’s just three months, three days, if you don’t push me away, we can still love for three months, three days, even just thirty seconds, right? Why end your final days with such a twisted deception?”

Tan Zhiyu: “Xing Yang, death is not scary.”

A world without you is the real hell.

They would die together; even if it were to the underworld or the depths of ghost fire, he wouldn’t be alone.

Tears truly seeped through his fingers, the warm, sticky liquid moistening Xing Yang’s fingertips.

Tan Zhiyu leaned closer, glaring at him with resentment, and when he leaned in, tears fell onto Xing Yang’s face: “You’re not allowed to not want me…”

“I don’t agree!”

Xing Yang really felt thirsty, the solid, warm chest of the man almost plunging him into the desert, softening his heart entirely.

Life is full of such helplessness and lengthiness, full of variables.

At least at this moment, Xing Yang really didn’t care; he had provoked Tan Zhiyu, he had to take responsibility. While he could still move, he shouldn’t let Tan Zhiyu cry like this, making him look utterly useless as a husband.

“Alright, I disagree, I disagree—” he reached out to wrap his arms around Tan Zhiyu’s broad back: “If you see my miserable state in the future and regret…”

“As long as I dislike you, I’ll leave immediately, and I won’t stay by your side.” Tan Zhiyu cried tears of joy as he gripped the back of his head tightly, finding his lips to kiss fiercely: “In this lifetime, only I can choose to not want you; you can’t not want me, you can’t!”

“What do you count for? How dare you not want me, boo hoo hoo—”

It’s over.

The next second, true to expectations, Tan Zhiyu broke down and hugged him, cursing everything that came to mind; his anger was evident.

How to console him for feeling pushed to break up?

“Are you even a man? Avoiding problems, just wanting to push me away, how can someone like you, who lacks responsibility or care, hold up a company? It’s your fault if you go bankrupt because of Tan Yushen!”

How much time had passed? Back home, it might already be in chaos.

Tan Zhiyu wanted to curse selfish Xing Yang into oblivion, but when he saw the man’s pale face, he couldn’t bring himself to say it.

The almost forced break-up feeling was truly awful, making him feel wronged and sad, ultimately burying his face in the bed and crying hard, giving Xing Yang a buzzing head.

He reached out wanting to soothe him, but Tan Zhiyu pressed his hand down and said pitifully: “No need to soothe me, I’ll be fine in a bit; you already don’t have enough brain cells, don’t waste them because of me—”

Pfft—

Xing Yang couldn’t help but laugh: “Then I don’t need to speak?”

“You tricked me, played me, toyed with me.”

Deserving of punishment.

Xing Yang thought he might say something constructive, but Tan Zhiyu looked like a little deflated cat, still proud after being wronged, waiting patiently for its owner to pet him.

“Apologize to me.”

Xing Yang: “Just like that?”

“Yeah, apologize, then I’ll forgive you forever.”

Xing Yang’s gaze brightened: “I’m sorry.”

Tan Zhiyu: “That’s fine.”

Strangely, the iceberg between them quietly melted; he wouldn’t interfere in Xing Yang’s decision about keeping the child because he had already prepared himself.

He forgave Xing Yang and was ready to accompany him through life and death.

The sky was about to brighten.

Xing Yang shifted to one side, allowing Tan Zhiyu to squeeze onto the small bed with him.

Tan Zhiyu felt cool against him, the blood flowing backward due to nervousness.

Xing Yang felt a bit guilty; he had made his Zhiyu suffer.

Tan Zhiyu gently wrapped his arms around him from behind, his lips grazing the small gland.

He had once joked that Xing Yang’s gland was so small, it hardly resembled an omega’s. But now he understood, Xing Yang had undergone surgery for this small gland, even without anesthesia for the sake of it.

There was a small scar there, now nearly invisible, feeling slightly raised when his lips brushed against it.

The world finally quieted down.

Xing Yang turned away from him, breathing softly. He couldn’t turn around; otherwise, seeing Tan Zhiyu’s face or any casual comment would make him unable to resist comforting and kissing him.

Perhaps he should try to harden his heart a little.

But Tan Zhiyu clung to him like a koala, his head resting on his back: “When I was little, I loved playing hide and seek. Hide away.”

Children like playing hide and seek because they wish to be found.

But later he discovered, parents enjoyed playing hide and seek because as long as the child hid, they could do their own thing, until hours later when Tan Zhiyu would walk out from the closet proudly, they’d exclaim in surprise that he hid too well, they couldn’t find him.

Such a perfunctory game.

Fortunately, he wasn’t a fool; even if Xing Yang wanted to hide, he would seriously search for him.

“Xing Yang?”

“Hmm?”

“Are you tired?”

“A little.”

“Don’t dream of me.”

Xing Yang chuckled softly: “Are you speaking ironically?”

Tan Zhiyu always liked to speak in contradictions; he couldn’t see the man’s expression, unable to figure it out.

“No,” Tan Zhiyu said softly: “If you miss me, just open your eyes when you wake up; I’ll be right behind you, you can see me at any time.”

So don’t just see me in dreams.

Xing Yang found his childishness immature, but he couldn’t quite control his dreams, so he just tried to do it as best as he could.

After so long, the two finally fell asleep on the hospital bed.

Before sleeping, Tan Zhiyu specially updated his social media from back home and posted a new Weibo, with a photo of their hands intertwined.

Tan Zhiyu: 【Angry that he will apologize, so the words on the internet don’t matter to us; barring any accidents, he’s the one for this lifetime.】

Originally, the round real estate CEO’s scandal was suspected of using power for personal gain, causing the stock market to plummet. Even though the CEO hadn’t responded for so long after the incident, unexpectedly, Tan Zhiyu, who had never had scandals, tweeted twice in a row.

Chi Yanchuan commented: 【Aren’t we bros?】

If he remembered correctly, this person seemed to have mocked him for being love-brained just a few days prior?

Qiu Jing commented: 【Aren’t we bros? Can’t get a hundred calls answered; you post two Weibo’s, you’re so cool.】

Jiang Cheng commented: 【I think your brain isn’t working well either.】