PMWAIAAPM Chapter 50

Chapter 50: Admit That I Like You

Tan Zhiyu sat in the car, increasingly irritated as he pulled out fireworks from his pocket several times, but the lighter had no fuel, producing only pale clicks.

He held the cigarette, his brow twitching, and finally threw it directly out the window, his chest heaving violently: “Damn—!”

The honking in the underground parking garage echoed emptily, the lights flickering. Tan Zhiyu had no idea what emotion he was feeling. He messaged Li Yue, booking a plane ticket to catch the earliest flight back home.

He felt like coming here was nothing but a joke.

For a full ten hours, he had been worrying. He was afraid Xing Yang would misunderstand him, afraid of losing this relationship. He wanted to face it together with him.

He knew Boss Xing loved making money. He would have willingly given all his wealth to him long ago; the idea of marital joint property was nonsense. This has always made him anxious since childhood.

Tan Zhiyu had never been afraid of loss because he had too much.

Since he was very young, he understood that even if his parents didn’t love each other, many people around him told him, “Zhiyu, your mom and dad love you very much! Even if they’re divorced, they’ll always come together to see you and play with you; they really love you!”

“Yes, they even bought you a lot of toys. If I had a lot of toys, even if my mom and dad didn’t come to see me, I would still be happy!”

Tan Zhiyu thought that the feeling of being envied by others for his mother flying back home every month to have meals with him and his father taking him to amusement parks was called love; he just wasn’t happy.

His mother had endless paperwork, and his father had an unending stream of phone calls. They both hoped the other would make concessions for their careers; nobody was willing to sacrifice for their child or family. Eventually, they went their separate ways, and Tan Zhiyu never felt it was unfair to himself, because everyone was selfish. He could understand; he just felt like he was superfluous.

If he didn’t exist in this world, his mother wouldn’t have to rush around, and his father wouldn’t have to make excuses.

When they divorced, his mother was getting promoted as a diplomat and had just entered the United Nations, while his father had just secured the Women’s Federation medical project based on the label of a happy family with his ex-wife, taking a massive leap in assets.

They both needed to present their son in public to express their love for Tan Zhiyu, to establish the persona of perfect parents and enhance their public appeal.

When the cameras disappeared, Tan Zhiyu would see his parents arguing loudly in the hotel room over who would take him back to boarding school the next day, while he could only sit in the corner playing with his toys.

Finally, he would sensibly say, “Let the driver take me back; it’s okay.”

As far as he could remember, it had always been like this with his parents.

Thus, when Tan Zhiyu entered the entertainment industry and started filming, he subconsciously believed that where there were cameras, there would be love, and those who loved him would linger for the sake of his popularity.

Unfortunately, he grew up, and his parents no longer needed to pretend to be caring mother and father; they converted that insincere love into money.

He had money beyond count from others, but he was always alone.

Tan Zhiyu had wrapped himself tightly in a fraudulent shell, and finally, someone could patiently wait by his side, gently stroking him when he emerged from the camera to take a breath.

He thought this was the person he had been waiting for, but Xing Yang didn’t want him, Xing Yang didn’t love him.

Tan Zhiyu was not the type to chase after others; there were simply too many people pursuing him.

He had more fans, plenty of people who loved him! He never lacked for Xing Yang…

Never…

Tan Zhiyu stepped on the accelerator; he would not look back, absolutely not.

He had acted in many films, and none of the first loves in those movies ended well; they were merely stumbling blocks promoting growth in life.

Suddenly, Tan Zhiyu’s mind flashed back to the moment he first met Xing Yang.

The man nervously sat in the booth of the registration office’s coffee shop, having long ordered a sweet milk for him. He had organized all his details and information into a document: “Hello, nice to meet you. My name is Xing Yang.”

That milk was very sweet; he wrinkled his brow after just one sip. He rarely consumed sugar due to his long habit of maintaining his condition for filming, and Xing Yang caught that subtle expression, gently saying, “It’s sugar-free.”

Sugar-free…

But…

He had never told Xing Yang that he liked sweet things.

On set, his fans would carefully prepare black coffee for him; he had never shown his desire for sweetness to maintain his persona…

How did Xing Yang know?

Why?

Why…

Xing Yang himself didn’t eat sweets; he was a man who would hesitate for a long time even to eat cream.

Also, Qiu Jing once told him, “It’s strange; your compatibility is absurdly high. If I studied glandular theory, I would definitely use you two as research subjects, and I wouldn’t have to worry about graduating…”

Yes, he knew that even Chi Yanchuan, who treated Jiang Ye as his life, had a compatibility rate of only 85…

The higher the compatibility, the harder it was to separate.

This world is so vast, and Beijing is so big; why is it them…

He was deceiving himself.

‘Screech—’ The sports car suddenly stopped, making a sharp turn and speeding toward the hotel. If Xing Yang dared to deceive him, he would make him pay dearly.

–

In the hotel room, Xing Yang sat on the sofa, his fingers gradually growing cold as he repeatedly pressed his fingertips against his collarbone to warm them.

After a slight sensation returned, he messaged Secretary Wang to prepare to find a lawyer to draft a divorce agreement.

He was such a selfish person.

He simply liked Tan Zhiyu and wanted to sleep with him. He just thought this person was interesting and wanted to tease him; he just wanted to find someone to love him.

He didn’t want to wait until he was lying in a hospital bed, weak and unable to care for himself, to see that.

Rather than let this relationship wear down, it seemed there was nothing wrong with terminating it.

Xing Yang caressed his lower abdomen, a strange sourness gradually spreading.

Since the gland was implanted later, his reproductive cavity had never developed well enough; every time he was marked by Tan Zhiyu, it caused him extra pain afterwards.

The doctor said that his body could no longer bear the nutritional extraction of a new life, and with his ALS relapse, removing the fetus and reproductive cavity might allow him to live another ten or eight years. Holding on to give birth would leave him with almost no chance of survival.

“Your dad is a great man; it’s just that I’m not so good,” Xing Yang pulled out a pheromone stimulant syringe from the drawer and injected it into the back of his neck. “He’ll take good care of you…”

“He’ll definitely be a good dad….”

“Definitely, but right now, I’m just pushing him away. When you are born, you will see him.”

After all, he had no relatives left in this world; after he died, his body could only be entrusted to Tan Zhiyu for collection.

That was a crybaby; he thought, treating Tan Zhiyu like this today—maybe right now, the crybaby was in the garage downstairs, crying. After he finished crying, would Tan Zhiyu scold him and regret why he had jumped into Xing Yang’s trap in the first place?

Thinking of this, Xing Yang couldn’t help but smile.

Unfortunately, Zhiyu was allergic to cat fur; otherwise, Little Bao could accompany him.

Xing Yang’s glands almost never autonomously released pheromones; except during heat, his pheromones were pitifully scarce, while the first three months of pregnancy required a large amount of pheromones to ensure fetal development.

Since he couldn’t accompany Tan Zhiyu for a lifetime, he should leave something behind. If he didn’t want this child, Song Tian had already promised to take good care of it. If Zhiyu was willing…

“Then he will definitely be very flustered, but he usually learns well, so he will probably pick it up in a few days…”

Xing Yang thought about how flustered Tan Zhiyu would be alone.

He didn’t know if people had souls after death; he hoped there wouldn’t be one, so he wouldn’t feel anxious watching him flustered from above.

The room was so dark that Xing Yang suddenly broke down in tears, large drops falling.

He had pretended to be strong for so many years, been alone for so many years, why at the moment when he was the happiest, why at this moment?

He wanted to live—

No one wanted to live more than he did.

Why did it have to be like this?

He wasn’t afraid of dying; he feared dying and no one would wipe Tan Zhiyu’s tears. He was afraid that when Tan Zhiyu had a birthday, he wouldn’t buy himself a cake. He wanted to live; he wanted to live…

His phone vibrated. Xing Yang wiped his face, his eyes stinging; he answered Secretary Wang’s call, urging him to check Weibo back home.

The new trending search was just one minute ago.

Tan Zhiyu’s account, which should have been managed by the company, suddenly tweeted from an IP in Switzerland.

Tan Zhiyu: [I just got married, and yes, I like you. So what?]

Xing Yang thought his eyes were crying so hard he couldn’t see the words; he had just driven the person away minutes ago, and Tan Zhiyu didn’t like him; he wouldn’t do this…

They should have parted ways, should have divorced; Tan Zhiyu should become the youngest Golden Horse Best Actor, waiting for Tan Yushen to successfully merge his company, inheriting all his assets after his death. By posting this tweet, he was merely trying to shift the media’s scrutiny, right?

Most of the online insults toward Xing Yang were thoughts that he used power to coerce and forcibly possess; once it became Tan Zhiyu taking the initiative, the scales would tip.

“Is he crazy…?”

Xing Yang got up, anxious to go out and have Song Tian buy a plane ticket back for public relations, but as soon as he stood up, his legs felt weak. He nearly gritted his teeth to stand, quickly dialing Song Tian’s number.

He had just injected the pheromone stimulant; his lower abdomen felt heavy, and he was breaking out in a cold sweat, Xing Yang’s face turning pale.

What a mess.

This was absolute nonsense…

Is Tan Zhiyu crazy? This act would only infuriate Tan Yushen, and in the end, he’d gain nothing!

That fool!

Xing Yang braced his lower abdomen, enduring the pain to steady himself, not caring that the glands on the back of his neck were heating up. He hurriedly twisted the door handle and opened it.

Outside the dark room was a long corridor, and the man standing outside was panting. It wasn’t from running too fast, but due to the overwhelming emotions his gamble had stirred.

Tan Zhiyu stood outside the door, his eyes red, with a teasing smile on his lips, filled with a hint of triumph.

Wasn’t Xing Yang supposed to not love him?

He just sent a Weibo post; if he truly didn’t care, this post could even help mitigate his image; he should have been pleased.

But Boss Xing opened the door right away. The man who had always appeared gentle and calm in front of him now had swollen red eyes.

He cried.

He cried…

For what?

Tan Zhiyu stepped a tiny step forward, nearly touching the tip of his nose to the flustered Xing Yang’s, something within his chest was shouting.

“Aren’t you the one who doesn’t care about me? Aren’t you just playing with me? Aren’t you just fooling me?!” Tan Zhiyu’s voice grew louder, trembling helplessly towards the end.

Xing Yang never imagined this person would stand outside his door, coming back again: “I… I just wanted to go out…”

Xing Yang’s breathing was somewhat erratic; he tightly pressed his lips together.

After he finished speaking, Tan Zhiyu remained silent for a long time.

On the way back to the hotel, Tan Zhiyu didn’t know how many red lights he went through. He posted on Weibo only to confirm whether that ethereal love had really existed or had always been there.

He waited outside the door, hoping for a beam of sunlight to shine into this long dark corridor.

He only gambled once, only giving love three minutes of time.

One minute, the phone rang inside the room.

Two minutes, Xing Yang got up; he walked slowly, even knocking over something in the room. He stood outside the door, listening intently; Xing Yang was in pain.

Three minutes, the door opened.

Xing Yang, pale and weak, explained; he took a step back to close the door, but Tan Zhiyu tightly followed, pulling him into an embrace: “Xing Yang, you cried.”

“Don’t torment me; don’t push me away, no matter what happens.”

Xing Yang was taken aback, his gaze becoming somewhat unfocused.

His heart started to race.

Tan Zhiyu held his face in his hands and kissed him in that moment of shock, like a princess and a tin soldier in the blazes of a fire, salty tears extinguishing all suspicion. Xing Yang felt himself pressed against the wall; he couldn’t breathe, as Tan Zhiyu gradually increased the pressure, even as Xing Yang started to struggle.

He had just had an injection, and his strength was far less than usual.

This kiss turned sweet and salty; in the end, Xing Yang helplessly touched the damp corner of Tan Zhiyu’s eye with his fingertip.

In the middle of the night, the wind blew into the room, and the moon emerged from the clouds, shining brightly like a clear day, illuminating everything.

Tan Zhiyu, eyes red, held him tightly, burying his face into his neck and choking on his tears: “Xing Yang, you liar…”

“Why can’t you just say you like me? Why do you have to lie? A person like you…”

Xing Yang caressed his back; in this moment, he thought, if he left, Tan Zhiyu would really be sad because they were truly in love…

Xing Yang finally understood that when he watched Tan Zhiyu from the sidelines, always wanting to break through the screen to meet him, it wasn’t merely infatuation; it was a boy’s innocent affection, making him believe that everything he did was merely to experience love.

But once he truly loved, he panicked.

In fact, he was the one who was the least brave.

He was afraid Tan Zhiyu would be sad, and he wouldn’t have the ability to wipe his tears.

Tan Zhiyu’s hands had been cut while filming, the flesh torn, soaking the gauze.

“Zhiyu…”

Xing Yang croaked out.

Tan Zhiyu lifted his face from Xing Yang’s neck, looking at him, their gazes locking, like two butterflies in a rainforest that had never stopped, finally pausing their wings, observing each other’s hearts.

Tan Zhiyu knew; he could feel it, Xing Yang liked him.

All that he often said, “Don’t like me.”

That was the ignorance of being loved without restraint.

But unfortunately, Xing Yang didn’t simply like him; Boss Xing had indeed fallen for him.

But now, Tan Zhiyu didn’t dare to say that. His eyes were red, shimmering with tears under the moonlight.

In the room, the sounds of their breathing and sobs became extremely amplified. The man’s voice trembled with sadness; he no longer needed to act. He was saddened by every moment he thought about leaving Boss Xing. He still hadn’t celebrated a birthday for Boss Xing; he hadn’t proposed. He didn’t want to break up.

“If it’s love, don’t lie.”

Xing Yang, experienced in the business world, still couldn’t lie while looking into Tan Zhiyu’s sincere eyes. He couldn’t bring himself to say it, only letting out a helpless scoff, tears welling up: “Why did you come back… why…”

“Because I discovered that admitting I like you is much easier than losing you.”

Tan Zhiyu lowered his head, nudging his nose against him: “I don’t care why you want to give up on me, but it’s not a volcanic eruption, it’s not the end of the world. Even if there are thirty seconds to the end of the world, we could at least kiss and hold each other…”

“If you don’t want to say it, it’s okay, it’s okay, Xing Yang, but can you not let go of me…”