ASSHKHME Chapter 4

Chapter 4: Ding Dong

Before formal classes begin, freshmen have to undergo two weeks of military training.

Jiangbei University takes this very seriously. Excuses are absolutely not allowed unless absolutely necessary, and the grades will be directly recorded into the academic affairs system. The credits earned will also affect scholarships.

The school requires all freshmen to arrive at the designated assembly point by 7:30 am. Coincidentally, the School of Business and the School of Architecture are assigned to the same sports ground.

After receiving the military training supplies, Zhao Jiashu took out paper and pen and began to seriously calculate the best time for them to wake up.

“Cafeteria 3 is on the way to our military training ground. It takes ten minutes to walk from the dormitory to Cafeteria 3. We can buy pancakes and porridge and hold them to eat on the way. Even at the slowest pace, we can reach the sports ground in ten minutes.”

Zhao Jiashu adjusted his black-rimmed glasses, his upturned mouth concealing his merit and fame, “That is to say, we only spend twenty minutes on the road, and the four of us can stagger the time for washing up and pooping, and twenty minutes is definitely enough! Therefore, we can wake up at 6:50 am!”

Li Ang repeatedly praised him and gave him a thumbs up: “Awesome, Xiaoshu! As expected of the top scorer in our School of Architecture!”

Chen Zhuo, who was sitting on the bed leaning against the wall playing Snake, said quietly, “I have a Yadi little electric motorcycle.”

Li Ang immediately stopped praising Zhao Jiashu, stepped on the ladder, and pleaded with Chen Zhuo, “Godfather! Your son has a request!”

Chen Zhuo raised an eyebrow and said, “Granted, you ride the bike and take me.”

“Thank you, Godfather!”

Li Ang happily patted Zhao Jiashu on the shoulder, “Xiaoshu, you and Brother Yu can stagger your pooping time, I and my Godfather will get up at seven o’clock.”

Zhao Jiashu only regretted that he didn’t react as quickly as Li Ang, and looked at Xie Yu expectantly, “Brother Yu, you are also a local from Jiangbei, do you have a small Yadi? Aima would also work!”

Xie Yu had just finished taking a shower, wearing only a pair of boxer shorts, and was roughly wiping his hair with a towel, “No, but I wake up early. I can bring you breakfast after my morning run.”

Zhao Jiashu and Li Ang shouted in unison: “Godfather—”

“Like you’re sick,” Xie Yu smiled and threw the wet towel at Zhao Jiashu, “Go, hang it up for Dad.”

Zhao Jiashu: “Okay!”

Xie Yu crossed his arms and looked at Chen Zhuo on the upper bunk, provoking, “How about it? Do you need your Yu-Dad to bring you breakfast?”

Chen Zhuo didn’t even lift his eyelids, completely ignoring him.

Xie Yu couldn’t stand being given the cold shoulder the most. The more others ignored him, the more energetic he became. In a few steps, he got onto the bed.

His and Chen Zhuo’s beds were foot-to-foot, with only a section of the bed rail in the middle.

Xie Yu glanced at the moron game Chen Zhuo was playing and twitched the corner of his mouth, “Chen Zhuo, how about this? If you call me ‘brother,’ I’ll bring you breakfast in the future, how…”

Before he could finish speaking, Chen Zhuo turned to look at him and said sincerely, “Brother, thank you, Brother.”

Xie Yu: “…”

Although he achieved his goal, why didn’t he feel happy at all? Instead, he felt like he had suffered a loss.

Chen Zhuo put down his phone, spread out the thin summer quilt, and before lying down, he happily smiled at Xie Yu, adding insult to injury: “Tomorrow morning, I want to eat jianbing guozi, no scallions or cilantro, and add a cup of preserved egg and lean pork porridge, thank you, Brother, good night.”

Xie Yu felt a mouthful of air stuck in his chest, neither going up nor down, so he jumped off the bed and chugged a bottle of cold water.

At eleven o’clock in the evening, the dormitory automatically turned off the lights.

It was late at night, but the air was still sweltering. Those two broken fans were useless except for generating noise.

Chen Zhuo was so hot that he couldn’t sleep, and he restlessly turned over and sat up.

The fluorescent light in the corridor shone through the frosted glass on the dormitory door, so the dormitory wasn’t too dark.

He could vaguely see that Xie Yu was sleeping soundly, lying flat on his back, very peacefully, as if he were dead.

It is said that black makes you look thinner, but that pair of boxer shorts didn’t seem to have the effect of making you look thinner on Xie Yu.

If he didn’t look, he wouldn’t be looking for no reason. Chen Zhuo stared at him.

Zhao Jiashu on the right bunk wasn’t asleep either. In between playing games, he suddenly saw Chen Zhuo sitting up in the middle of the night, staring straight at Xie Yu. He craned his neck and whispered, “Zhuo’er, murder is against the law.”

“…” Chen Zhuo lay down again, and didn’t fall asleep until the dark night was dyed indigo blue.

Xie Yu woke up early, his mind still a little muddled. He sat up and blankly waited for Little Xie Yu to relax.

The teeth marks on the back of his hand were still very obvious, turning purple in a circle, and would take a week to disappear.

This guy is definitely a dog! Xie Yu glared fiercely at Chen Zhuo, who was sleeping against the wall on the opposite side.

Wearing pajamas on such a hot day, the loose shorts were loosely stuck at his hip bones, revealing a small section of his lean, fair, and narrow waist.

Xie Yu rubbed his face, becoming much more awake, and looked sideways at the bed next to him.

One was sleeping sprawled out on his back, wearing only his underwear and snoring, and the other was sleeping on his stomach, exposing his butt cheeks, without a single piece of fabric.

“…”

When Xie Yu looked at Chen Zhuo again, he felt that his eyes had undergone a purification, but he quickly withdrew his gaze, not interested in staring at a sleeping man.

Xie Yu got out of bed, picked up his toothbrush cup, and the balcony door made a “creak” sound.

Immediately afterward, the bed near the balcony moved. Xie Yu looked up and met the eyes of Chen Zhuo, who had a bird’s nest head and a fierce look on his face.

Chen Zhuo’s eyes were bloodshot, with dark circles under his eyes, glaring at him.

Xie Yu felt that this kid definitely had morning grumps. Thinking carefully about how they had fought yesterday because he had disturbed his afternoon nap, he mourned for three seconds for himself for encountering such a spoiled and delicate roommate.

At six o’clock in the morning, the dormitory building was very quiet. If they were to fight now, it would definitely attract the dormitory supervisor.

Xie Yu was thinking in his heart about the feasibility of having an early morning fight.

He saw Chen Zhuo seemingly enduring with great difficulty, and finally grinding his teeth fiercely, “No scallions or cilantro!”

After speaking, Chen Zhuo flopped back onto the bed, kicked his feet, and forcefully pulled the summer quilt over his head.

After watching his performance, Xie Yu was stunned for a moment, and then realized that Chen Zhuo was mumbling about his breakfast, and cursed in a low voice: “Delicate brat.”

At seven o’clock, only Chen Zhuo, who owned the Yadi little electric motorcycle, and Li Ang were left in the dormitory.

Chen Zhuo swayed out of bed. Jianbing guozi and preserved egg and lean pork porridge were placed on his desk.

Li Ang happily ate his breakfast, saying indistinctly, “Brother Yu is really reliable! Zhuo’er, you two should get along well, being in the same dormitory is fate.”

Chen Zhuo’s heart twitched slightly, but he didn’t say anything.

After he finished washing up, he took a bite of the bulging jianbing guozi.

Without a trace of defense, one bite down and it was full of scallions and cilantro.

Chen Zhuo frowned and spat it out, slapping the jianbing guozi on the table, and then took a sip of the preserved egg and lean pork porridge.

It was sweet!

“Xie Yu, that little rascal! Today, either he dies or I live!”

Chen Zhuo kicked Xie Yu’s chair next to him hard.

The innocent chair fell heavily to the ground, making a “thump” sound, like the first shot of the world’s anti-cilantro and scallion war.

Chen Zhuo went to the balcony to brush his teeth again with a gloomy face.

Li Ang left him two soup dumplings, shaking his head and sighing: “I’m afraid the days ahead won’t be peaceful.”