ASSHKHME Chapter 38
by VolareXie Yu stared at the tightly shut dormitory door, standing frozen in place.
Chen Zhuo’s questioning seemed to still vibrate in the air, “What do you want me to say to you! You haven’t even figured things out yourself, why are you asking me for an explanation!”
His boiling blood rapidly cooled, and Xie Yu felt somewhat dazed.
That’s right, he hadn’t even figured out his own sexuality. What exactly did he want Chen Zhuo to say to him?
Xie Yu went to a gay bar to find answers, but none of the men there, tall or short, fat or thin, innocent or flamboyant, caught his eye. The ambiguous gazes that landed on him made him feel disgusted.
Xie Yu only felt something for Chen Zhuo. He couldn’t help but pry into Chen Zhuo’s every move.
He wanted to hug him, wanted to kiss him, wanted to fuck him…
But was this really homosexuality, or was it just hormones acting up? Once the passion faded, what would be left?
In Xie Yu’s mind, love and sex should be projected onto the opposite sex. He had held firm to this principle for nineteen years, but after meeting Chen Zhuo, in less than three months, everything had changed drastically.
Xie Yu found it difficult to accept. He was fearful, he was uneasy, yet he couldn’t help but move closer to Chen Zhuo.
He deeply understood that he was infatuated with Chen Zhuo, but was this love? Had he fallen for a man?
All sorts of emotions tangled and pulled at him repeatedly. Xie Yu paced restlessly in the room, opened Chen Zhuo’s drawer, and rummaged around until he found the cigarettes and lighter hidden in the innermost corner. He flicked one out, put it in his mouth, and lit it.
The bitter taste of nicotine traveled down his throat and into his lungs. Xie Yu half-closed his eyes, looking at the sun hanging high in the sky through the swirling white smoke. It was so dazzling.
Ms. Cheng was right, he couldn’t always do things his own way based solely on his mood without considering other people’s circumstances and feelings.
Had he made things difficult for Chen Zhuo?
Xie Yu deeply inhaled the cigarette between his fingers, slowly exhaled, took out his phone, found the counselor’s number, and dialed it.
—
Chen Zhuo had never been this disheveled in his life.
Without washing his face or brushing his teeth, he hastily left the house wearing a hat and mask. He found his classroom as the bell for class was ringing. Li Ang and Zhao Jiashu almost didn’t recognize him.
Chen Zhuo’s hat brim was pulled low, and the small curls that squeezed out from the edges were sticking up wildly. The black mask completely covered the lower half of his face, leaving only his gloomy eyes visible.
In their memories, Chen Zhuo had always been refined and well-groomed. Zhao Jiashu leaned over to look at him, asking worriedly, “Zhuo’er, are you okay?”
Chen Zhuo sluggishly shook his head, “I’m fine, I just woke up late.”
Zhao Jiashu and Li Ang exchanged a look. There was definitely something wrong. Even if Chen Zhuo had trouble getting out of bed, he would force himself to set aside ten minutes to tidy up.
Chen Zhuo stared blankly at the wooden-grained desk, his mind filled with the image of Xie Yu demanding an explanation from him. Forceful and shameless, awkward and yet adorable.
But why should Xie Yu ask him for an explanation? He was a straight man…
Chen Zhuo covered his head with his hands and rubbed it in frustration. Was being attracted to straight men an inevitable tribulation for every gay man?
So annoying, so annoying, so annoying!
Li Ang tentatively asked, “Zhuo’er, if there’s anything you want to say, tell us. As your brothers, we’ll definitely help if we can!”
Chen Zhuo’s train of thought was instantly interrupted. He looked at his girlfriend, who was two rows away from him, like a gazing stone, and wanted to bite his handkerchief in resentment.
“She’s sitting with her good friend, Turtle. She said that distance creates beauty, and that being together all the time would be annoying. Can you believe that? We just started dating! How can she treat me like this, wuwuwu…”
Zhao Jiashu next to him couldn’t bear to look. He raised his head and glanced at the professor on the podium who was lecturing passionately, and quietly asked Chen Zhuo, “Don’t you feel like something’s not quite right?”
Chen Zhuo thought for a moment, “Maintaining an appropriate distance can create a sense of novelty. It’s pretty good.”
“What?” Zhao Jiashu pointed his chin, “Class has been in session for five minutes, and you haven’t realized you didn’t bring your book?”
Chen Zhuo was stunned and looked at his empty hands: “…………”
Zhao Jiashu sighed and shook his head, moving his textbook to the middle, and casually said, “The way you are now, you’re especially like Li Ang when he had a fight with his goddess a while ago.”
Chen Zhuo’s eyes flickered, and he lowered his head, “I’m not, don’t talk nonsense.”
The professor on the podium adjusted his glasses, “Come on, that terrorist in the back, tell everyone your understanding of this question.”
Chen Zhuo raised his head in confusion, looking for the terrorist, but found that all the students in the class were looking at him, “…………”
After class, Li Ang went to cling to his girlfriend, and Chen Zhuo and Zhao Jiashu went to the cafeteria together.
Zhao Jiashu remembered something and took out his phone, “It seems like Brother Yu didn’t come to class this morning. I’ll ask if he needs us to bring him…”
Before he could finish speaking, he suddenly patted Chen Zhuo on the shoulder, “Hey, Brother Yu said that something happened at his house these past few days, and he won’t be staying in the dorm. That’s so strange.”
Chen Zhuo subconsciously took out his phone to check the group chat, but to his surprise, there was no activity in the group. Instead, Xie Yu had sent him his fifth message.
“Chen Zhuo, I’m sorry about last night. I overstepped. I’m going home to calm down for a few days.”
Finally, Xie Yu had given him a response regarding that kiss.
An apology, a statement of overstepping.
That was good. It seemed that the argument from the morning had worked.
Chen Zhuo replied with: 【Okay】
Chen Zhuo turned off his phone and put it back in his pocket. His face didn’t show any emotional fluctuations, but he just felt that the weather today was annoyingly good.
Zhao Jiashu next to him was still asking him, “Zhuo’er, do you know what happened at Brother Yu’s house? Why is it so sudden?”
Chen Zhuo tugged at his mask, his tone unclear, “His puppy is about to give birth to kittens, and he’s going home to deliver them.”
Zhao Jiashu said “Oh” as if he had suddenly realized something, and then quickly said, “Ah? How can a dog give birth to cats? What breed of dog?”
Chen Zhuo said leisurely, “A stupid dog that’s one meter eighty-nine tall.”
Zhao Jiashu belatedly realized, “You two fought again? You made him run away in anger?”
Chen Zhuo sneered, “I don’t have that ability.”
Zhao Jiashu muttered to himself, “Actually, you’re quite capable.”
After eating, they returned to the dorm. There was no one in the dorm. Xie Yu was indeed gone.
There was a lingering smell of smoke in the air. Chen Zhuo opened his drawer and found that half a pack of his cigarettes only had one left.
Without his permission, that damn dog had actually stolen his cigarettes!