Unmatched Chapter 50

Chapter 50 Destiny

Xie Qi refilled the water and gave Zhao Shuyi the cold medicine.

“Why are you still crying? Let me tell you a joke.”

Xie Qi opened the food container, unwrapped the utensils, and handed them to him. “After I bought your meal, I rushed out to find a pharmacy to buy medicine. Only after I came back did I realize we are in a hospital, where they have medicine right here. I’m so stupid.”

“…”

Zhao Shuyi didn’t give him face; he didn’t laugh.

They were currently in the lounge. This private hospital was positioned as high-end, with excellent facilities. The lounge resembled a miniature hotel suite, fully equipped with various functions.

Zhao Shuyi ate a few spoonfuls of the rice soaked in rich broth. His stomach warmed up, and he finally felt settled. He asked in a low voice, “Where is the maid?”

“I told her to go back and rest, and to come back if needed,” Xie Qi said. “And your Second Uncle, he came by earlier, chatted with the doctor for a bit, and then left. It seemed like he had urgent business.”

“Urgent business?” Zhao Shuyi sneered. “My mother could be dying, and it wouldn’t be as urgent as his own affairs.”

“…” Xie Qi used a tissue to wipe the remaining tear stains from his face. “Don’t worry about them. Can you just take care of yourself? And me.”

Zhao Shuyi remained silent and continued eating.

Xie Qi grabbed his hand, forcing him to feed him a bite. “You said you loved me just now, Zhao Shuyi. Say it again.”

“Later, when we get back.” Remembering what just happened, Zhao Shuyi felt a little embarrassed, but too many heavy, complicated emotions were weighing on his heart right now; embarrassment was the least of it.

Xie Qi accepted his delay and couldn’t resist turning his face to kiss him.

“I thought we would never have this day,” Xie Qi said distractedly. “I have so much I want to tell you, so many questions I want to ask, but suddenly I don’t know what to say…”

“Later, when we get back.”

It was the same phrase. Zhao Shuyi proactively scooped a spoonful of rice and fed Xie Qi. “You need to eat too.”

Someone who often struggles to eat understood how important it was to be full. Zhao Shuyi rarely ate a full meal. Perhaps feeling a bit carb-dizzy, he felt drowsy and leaned against Xie Qi, unwilling to move.

When the surgery ended, someone came to the lounge to notify them.

It was the middle of the night, and Zhao Shuyi instantly sobered up, going with Xie Qi to see Qin Zhi.

Qin Zhi was settled in the ward, still asleep, with an IV needle in the back of her hand.

The doctor said it was for pain relief, along with some therapeutic medications whose names Zhao Shuyi couldn’t recall after hearing them.

He asked if the surgery was successful and what precautions were needed afterward, such as diet. The doctor explained everything carefully, assuring him not to worry—she would make a full recovery—but the patient needed psychological treatment and family companionship to prevent the tragedy from recurring.

In the latter half of the night, Zhao Shuyi sat by Qin Zhi’s bedside, watching her.

Qin Zhi had aged. Having walked through the gates of hell, she looked even more haggard, her wrinkles deeper, appearing frail and lacking vitality.

Yet, the image of her in Zhao Shuyi’s mind remained the same: his gentle, smiling mother.

“Will you only stop hating me if I die…

“…And then, when you burn paper money in front of my tombstone, you’ll remember that Mother once had a few good qualities, and you’ll mourn me…”

Perhaps everyone has a fixed amount of tears in their lifetime. If they didn’t cry much before, they saved them up for a moment of future loss of control, like now—Zhao Shuyi was calmer than before, but still couldn’t control himself.

“Xie Qi,” he suddenly said. “I’m thinking, maybe it has always been my fault.”

He leaned against Xie Qi, his tone slow. “Have you ever heard the saying? Character determines destiny.”

When did the tragedy begin?

When his father died, or the first time he discovered his mother and Second Uncle were intimately involved?

“If, when I first found out, I had confronted my mother directly, cried, and told her I disagreed, ‘I need you very much, don’t abandon me for Second Uncle,’ would she have possibly changed her mind and stood by me? Would our relationship have been different?”

He gripped Xie Qi’s warm hand, drawing continuous heat, murmuring as if in a trance.

“Even if I couldn’t say it to my mother, during those difficult days, if I had asked Grandfather for help just once, told him I was having nightmares every day, couldn’t sleep well, and wanted to sleep with him, would he have understood that I was just a useless child, and perhaps wouldn’t have put so much pressure on me later, loving me a little more?”

“Including my Second Uncle.” He gave a self-mocking smile. “Actually, I remember Second Uncle used to be good to me. He tested the waters many times, wanting to be my father, but I fiercely rejected him every time. I hated him, hated my mother. I said whatever hurtful things I could to provoke them. But if I hadn’t done that, if I had been a little more generous and given him a chance, would the outcome have been better?”

“Zhao Shuyi…”

“What do you think?” He unconsciously played with Xie Qi’s fingers, gathering them in his palm. “We are the same, aren’t we?”

“…”

It wasn’t that he didn’t have opportunities to communicate with Xie Qi, but Zhao Shuyi always resisted. He didn’t allow anyone into his heart, not even himself, refusing to open his eyes and see what was truly inside.

It was as if a flood or a beast was hidden there, and once the door to his heart was opened, he would be doomed forever.

“We’ve known each other for twenty years. If my personality had been friendlier, if I hadn’t always mocked you the moment we met, maybe we could have been good friends, or we would have been together much earlier…”

“There are no ‘what ifs’,” Xie Qi disagreed. “If we have to talk about it, I made more mistakes. Why are you thinking about this? The past is in the past.”

Zhao Shuyi shook his head without speaking. Xie Qi kissed his forehead. “You are very tired today, Shuyi. Please, don’t think about anything, okay? You can think about it tomorrow. Get some sleep.”

Xie Qi pressed his face into his chest, forcing him to close his eyes.

If Xie Qi possessed a magic that could make people have beautiful dreams, he would cast it on Zhao Shuyi every day, or sneak into his dreams and kiss him until his face flushed and his heart pounded, leaving him no energy to dream of anything else.

But Zhao Shuyi fell asleep, and Xie Qi was wide awake.

That unexpected confession just now felt more like a beautiful dream—Zhao Shuyi, who seemed incapable of falling for anyone, crying and saying he loved him, that he couldn’t live without him—was it really not his imagination?

When did Zhao Shuyi fall in love with him?

Was it recently, or much earlier?

Xie Qi couldn’t bear to wake him up and ask for clarification right now, so he had to wait until tomorrow. Fortunately, they had a long future ahead of them; they could talk slowly.

In truth, he hadn’t been completely oblivious. Recently, Xie Qi had clearly felt Zhao Shuyi’s dependence on him growing daily, reaching a point where it couldn’t be hidden.

And he was very attentive to him. On some nights, or on weekends when he was working overtime, if Xie Qi was unpacking a delivery in the living room, cooking in the kitchen, or chatting with someone in the bedroom, if there was a period of silence, Zhao Shuyi would use the excuse of getting water or going to the bathroom to walk out of the study and check on him, making sure he was still there.

At those moments, Zhao Shuyi’s expression was blank, but his gaze always drifted toward him.

Xie Qi wanted to confirm in those moments that he was loved, yet he suspected he was just imagining things again.

Zhao Shuyi didn’t need to worry about him leaving. If he could have left, why would he have waited until today?

He had a hundred reasons to leave, but they couldn’t stand against the ten thousand excuses in his heart to stay. He simply couldn’t imagine how to live a life without loving Zhao Shuyi.

Fortunately, his fate wasn’t too bad.

Zhao Shuyi couldn’t leave him either.

The more Xie Qi thought about it, the more dizzy he felt, repeatedly savoring the look in Zhao Shuyi’s eyes, the tone of his voice. Every detail he had once dismissed as wishful thinking now became evidence of being loved. His heart tingled, his body felt hot, and he secretly kissed Zhao Shuyi’s hair, completely lost in the moment.

Minute by minute, so brief yet so long. As dawn broke, Zhao Shuyi, who had only managed a short nap, woke up and nudged Xie Qi, who was dozing while holding him.

“Hmm?” Xie Qi’s upper body jerked, and he opened his eyes. “You’re awake?”

Zhao Shuyi didn’t answer, but a sound came from the hospital bed. Qin Zhi, who had been sleeping all night, had also woken up.

Xie Qi stood up to call the doctor. He could have pressed the call button, but he keenly sensed that Zhao Shuyi was stiff, and perhaps the mother and son needed some space to talk privately.

However, Xie Qi’s concern was unnecessary; Qin Zhi didn’t say a single word.

At first, she seemed disoriented, perhaps not understanding why she was still alive, or maybe forgetting the wrist-cutting incident. Seeing the unfamiliar environment when she opened her eyes, she might have thought she was dreaming.

After a while, consciousness returned. A look of sorrow surfaced on her pale face. She glanced at Zhao Shuyi, then turned her head away, closing her eyes as if avoiding him.

She didn’t want to talk. Zhao Shuyi didn’t force her, understanding that since she didn’t want to communicate, his presence was an unwelcome pressure for her. There was no need for him to sit there.

“I’ll have the maid come stay with you,” Zhao Shuyi said, picking up his phone, whose battery was nearly dead. “The hospital has also arranged someone to look after you. You can tell them if you want to eat anything or have any requests.”

He didn’t wait for Qin Zhi to respond, finishing his instructions on his own. After the doctor completed the rounds and the maid arrived, he left with Xie Qi.

From beginning to end, Qin Zhi only looked at him once, as if Zhao Shuyi were the one who had made the mistake.

But at this point, there was no need to dwell on right and wrong. As Xie Qi said, the past is in the past. What else could he do? Argue with her, demanding to know why she tried to kill herself?

Zhao Shuyi was exhausted. If Xie Qi hadn’t been with him from yesterday until now, he couldn’t imagine what state he would be in. Perhaps he would have cut his own wrists too, lying in the ward next to his mother, or having gone one step further, finding release.

“Let’s go home.” Zhao Shuyi habitually gripped Xie Qi’s hand and asked him, “Are you tired? Can you still drive?”

“I’m not tired,” Xie Qi said. “Do you want to find a place for breakfast first? I think you’re hungry.”

“How did you start controlling my stomach?” Zhao Shuyi said helplessly. “Fine, I’ll listen to you. Let’s go eat.”